Title: "HORIZONS"
By: Moonie and Snark
Disclaimer: The authors do not own HOMESTUCK or its characters. But they do RP them far more than they should. Be warned. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If Hussie has a thing for fat trolls and juggalos with codpieces...leave a comment.
Summary: Alternate Timeline- Being a leader means making the tough decisions. Too bad his choice left Karkat alone with...HIM. Karkat/Tavros
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=== They're gone.
The short horned troll sighed to himself as he brushed the seasonal ash from his brow. Grismas may have been meant as a time of joy, ash covered soil meant for grubs to roll and frolic in; Peregre was the time for matesprites to show just how flushed they were for each other...
But what did Karkat have to be happy for? A useless planet empty of sound? A green glistening moon that taunted him by showing the young troll just how void Alternia was? Really, what the FUCK did he have to be thankful for?
=== Well, not everyone.
The red blooded knight looked down to the four wheeled device he was pushing with his hooves. Karkat Vantas had been lugging that damn thing all over the place for days. He had half a think pan to just roll it into the closest patch of hasselhoff thorns, and just move on. Leave. Be gone. Just be alone like he always fucking wanted.
=== TAVROS NITRAM stirred in his sleep.
Karat stopped for a moment, hoping the other troll would just stay asleep. When he didn't hear any other sound, or see any other movement, he continued on.
Yeah, once upon a time he did wish to be alone. That all the annoying fuckers of the world would just go away. Leave him and his low bullshit tolerance meter be. But...he didn't REALLY mean it. Or a least, he didn't want it to happen like THIS.
=== Blood was everywhere. So many shades...
Karkat shook the memory from his head. Not now. This was neither the time nor the place.
The troll in the four wheeled device twitched again, and whimpered. Suddenly he gripped the armrests and SCREAMED, the still functioning part of his spine snapping erect and he hit the back of the chair, almost tipping it over."NO!"
== TAVROS was awake now.
But did he want to be? He looked around, dumbfounded. Oh. His ears drooped, and he looked back at the troll he knew would be there. "Oh... uh, sorry Karkat. I fell asleep again, didn't I?"
"Yeah, you did."
Blunt- some things never changed, even in the darkest of times. The short horned troll gave a half smile, as his blood pumper was calming down from the MILD CASE OF A HEART ATTACK he had experienced from the handicapped being's sudden outburst.
=== KARKAT wanted to scream.
Scream, yell... What would it have accomplished? The knight held back his anger as he tried to reassure that everything was a-okay.
"I noticed you fell asleep hours ago. But I figured, why the fuck not? Just keep going. I'm not really all that tired anyway, and it's not like I have to literally carry your lardass everywhere. We lucked outwith you being a cripple- we got a four wheeled device to just push around. That way we can cover more ground. Or some shit like that. "
== Tavros: Be glad you being a cripple came in handy for once.
But he knew Karkat likely just said that to make him, or himself, feel better about a hopeless situation. Tavros returned the half smile, not really thinking about the fact Karkat probably didn't see it, because he was facing forward again.
"Yeah. That was probably, a good idea. But, I'm not sleeping anymore, so, uh," The Taurus troll reached over the sides of his device, and gripped the wheels, stopping Karkat from pushing it, and they came to a stop. Tavros twisted around the best he could to look back at his companion again.
== Karkat looked angry.
But Karkat always looked angry. Most of all he looked tired. Emotionally tired, most likely. Tavros looked up at him with dark brown pleading eyes. "And maybe, you should be. Sleeping, I mean. And, if you refuse to do that, which is pretty much something you always do, then I can at least, wheel myself, from now on."
He looked down at his useless lap. "We'll find someone. I mean, probably."
=== KARKAT: Ignore last comment.
The Cancer troll just walked on, giving his final statement on the matter. He was relieved when he heard the chair start creaking as it followed behind him. Though the knight was glad to give his arms a break, part of him didn't look forward to the awkwardness that would surely occur now that his brown blooded companion was awake.
Karkat shook the ash from his tuff of hair, his horns getting agitated and itchy from the debris. He mumbled to himself. Great, just another FUCKING PROBLEM to add to the troll's LOAD GRAPER THROWN PILE.
=== It was quiet. Too quiet.
Tavros sighed loudly, but it didn't do much to break the heavy, dead silence of the barren landscape. He had never been fond of silence, it had always unnerved him. Back when he was younger, he couldn't sleep unless Tinkerbull was there to lull him to sleep with his rhythmic breathing and soft lowing.
This silence was worse. This silence seemed alive, and yet dead and rotting and foreboding just the same. Tavros shivered.
"Uh... so... I could tell you, about the dream I had..."
Karkat just grunted and kept walking.
"Well, it wasn't really a dream, I guess, it was more like a memory, a bad one..." Tav trailed off, not really feeling like continuing with this one-sided conversation anymore. Breaking the silence wasn't worth reliving that nightmare for a third time. And it wasn't as if Karkat was listening, anyway, as far as he could tell.
"Okay, um... hey, how long have we been looking, anyway? It seems like... it's been awhile..."
"Yeah, it's been a while."
=== It had been five months.
Months of walking, months of searching. Of looking and wanting and desperation. Five long months of nothing.
Karkat found himself repeating himself.
"Yeah, a long fucking while."
=== The silence was back.
The hopelessness in Karkat's voice then had been enough to shut the other troll up for a little while. He'd sounded tired, defeated. Tav found himself wishing there were magical words he could say to make things all better, or at least make his friend feel better.
=== TAVROS NITRAM never felt less magical then he did right then.
Quick, think of something to talk about that Karkat likes. Did Karkat like anything? Tavros doubted it. But the silence was making him fidgety.
"Well, that's okay, as long as we don't give up, we'll probably definitely find someone, really soon, and then, things will just keep getting better. Because, things can't really, get any worse, I think."
And he instantly regretted that last statement.
"Uh, not that, this is too terrible, I mean, it's not good, but, at least we're together, and... uhhh... not together, like, in the quadrant sense, but, I mean, we're not... alone... out... here..."
Suddenly Tav was thankful that Karkat didn't seem to be listening. Maybe the silence wasn't so bad, after all.
=== EXPLOSION in 5...4...3
'OH FOR THE LOVE OF THE ALMIGHTY FUCKING GOG! HE REALLY DOESN'T SHUT UP, DOES HE?'
Karkat had A KILLER HEADACHE. Lack of sleep, too much stress, ITCHY FUCKING HORNS- the troll scratched his head fiercely to get rid of the little ash pile that returned to his hair- it was really no wonder he felt like he was gong CRAZY.
=== 2...
The red blooded knight suddenly stopped, he couldn't TAKE IT ANYMORE. It seemed just as Karkat was about to complain about the other trolls NOISE TUBE FLAPPING, the handicapped young male caught on and silenced himself.
However, neither were paying attention as Tarvos suddenly slammed into the standing troll.
=== KARKAT: You throw a bitch fit.
All hell broke lose as Karkat fell to the ground. His screams filled the air, breaking the silence.
"FUCK FUCK FUUUUUUUUU- OH GOG! OH MAN, ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU FOR REAL? FUUUUUUU- I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, YOU LAME ASS LAME LIMBER FAIRY FUCKER! GAH- JUST...Just...shhhhhhhhh."
The troll found himself hissing from the pain.
== TAVROS: Freak the fuck out.
Tav's jaw dropped and his hand flew up to cover it as he watched Karkat writhing on the ground, screaming threats and obscenities. Whoops. The brownblood felt both terribly guilty and a little frightened.
"Uhhh, uhhh, Oh my god, I am... oh man, I uh... I'm sorry! What can I- can I do anything? Did I break anything, can you, uh, walk? Or get up, or..."
Karkat was still screaming at him. Tav tried reaching down to help him up, but the deathglare it earned him had him jerking his hand back like he'd been bitten.
"Oh..."
"Don't you DARE touch me! No, I got this. I FUCKING got this!"
The Cancer troll inched his way to the four wheeled device, he glared up at the male looking down at him.
"Now you hold this shit still, or I SWEAR..."
Tavros didn't need him to finish. As he held the wheels as firmly as he could, the red blooded knight tried to use his tired hooves and arms to pull himself up. However, the moment he put pressure of his legs, pain surged through them.
Karkat hissed again, trying his best not to just yell at his companion- it would only make it worse. Vantras was almost firmly planted on his feet, despite the agony in his limbs, when his legs suddenly gave out.
=== KARKAT: You faceplant into TAVROS' BULGE.
Tavros gasped a little too loudly as KARKAT'S FACE landed in the only place he still had feeling below the waist. The "Uhhhhhh" that followed was even more high pitched and pathetic than it usually was."Are you sure, you don't need help, there... uh! Getting up, I mean... on your feet! Oh my god..."
The lower blooded troll squirmed as he tried to get a grip to pull himself out of FORBIDDEN TERRITORY. The task was almost impossible, as Tavros wouldn't keep himself- or his chair- still. Karkat's hooves grabbed onto the inner wheels, after some AWKWARD MINUTES, keeping them both as still as possible; he was finally able to breath air not contaminated by bulge.
The moment air entered his lungs, Karkat barked at the troll above him.
"What...the fuck...did I say? CAN YOU NOT HEAR? Did words leave my mouth, AND DID THEY JUST BYPASSED YOUR FUCKING EARS? Shit!"
=== KARKAT: You take a deep breath. Keep calm- TAVROS doesn't understand growls.
Karkat took a moment to collect himself; he decided to try this again.
"Okay...Right. THAT didn't work. Shit. So walking is out of the question. What the fuck do we do now?"
== TAVROS: Have an idea.
But not a very good idea. Tav shifted his gaze out toward the horizon so not to look at Karkat after that awkward moment. He took a deep breath and paused; he wasn't sure this was even a plan he wanted to voice. But he really couldn't see any other option, and maybe it would at least serve to break the silence again.
"Uhhhh... maybe if you could, get up in my chair, while I'm in it also, we could get around that way... but, probably not very far. So, maybe now, would be a good time to look for a place to sleep... for awhile."
Vantas facepalmed. Just..no. No. Fuck off, no they were NOT going to do something as annoying a-
=== KARKAT: Admit defeat.
"Yeah, okay. Fuck it." The troll did another sigh as he gave in. He glared. "Just keep your shit together, alright? HOLD IT STILL. I'm going to try and climb up."
The knight kept up his scowl as he was determined not to fall onto his nook- or worse, back into a face full of bulge. Air pumped out forcefully from his nose, as he breathed in deeply; it was partly from his sore arms having to lift his form, as he desperately tried not to get ash stuck in his wind pipes. Karkat braced himself when he got to his feet, quickly shifting his body before he couldn't take it anymore.
The red blooded troll plopped onto the Taurus sign's lap ungracefully.
Tav watched as his comrade plopped backwards into his lap, clumsily, and briefly wondered if that would have hurt if he could still feel his legs. Without thinking, he raised his hands in an attempt to situate the troll on his lap in a more stable position, but thankfully stopped himself in time, his hands rerouting themselves to the chair wheels, instead.
"Okay, that's uh, good. So, here we go, we're going to start moving now. And, if you see any place, that would be good to rest, just let me know... okay?"
=== 45 MINUTES LATER
Time seemed to tick by slowly as Karkat was forced to sit and relax. He wasn't sure what he felt. The troll was pissed, that was for sure. He didn't like being touched, he didn't like having his personal space taken up by another- especially when that other hadn't bathed in about the same amount of time as he had, the must blown around with the debris. But at the same time...the warmth seemed to seep down into his very bones. And the awkward presence was a reminder that he wasn't alone. That someone else was alive.
However, it was also weakness. And that sure as hell pissed the crabby troll off, too. Karkat growled from frustration and exhaustion.
=== KARKAT: See something over yonder.
Vantas put a hoof over his brow, squinting his eyes to see. He perked up, just a smiggen, as he pointed towards the distance.
"Yo! Bro, slow down. See that? Either I somehow seriously fucked my eyes up... or there is a cave into the side of that lardass of a mountain!"
The brownblood smiled as he followed Karkat's gaze. He was right. It was a cave, which meant they could rest. Pushing around their combined weight was beginning to take its tole on him. His arms ached, but he figured complaining about it wouldn't solve anything.
"Yeah, that's definitely a cave over there. Good job, seeing it." mentioning a cave made him think briefly of Nepeta, but he pushed that thought away, because thinking about friends who were probably dead never brightened the mood any. "Okay, we're going over there, then."
It was getting late by the time they made it to the cave, but it proved to be spacious and uninhabited. Perfect for a short rest. Or until Karkat could walk again, anyway. Gravel crunched lightly under the wheels of Tav's chair, as the two tired trolls rolled into the shelter, out of the wind and falling ash.
"Okay... you can probably, get off now, if you want." Tav said, knowing better by now than to try and help him do that.
=== KARKAT: Face new problem.
The troll sat there for a moment as he tried to figure out just how he was going to get onto the ground, without giving himself more bruises to his growing collection. Vantas first tested one stub on the gravel. His ankles not screaming at him the moment he did so, seemed like a good sign. Feeling encouraged, Karkat quickly got on his feet and walked to the nearest rock pile in the room. He plopped down once more, and hissed from how useless his legs were. His focus wasn't on his body for long, as the red blooded troll's hands placed themselves firmly to the rocks. Hard, barely and shifting. Yes, that would do for a bed that night.
=== KARKAT: Notice TAVROS is watching you.
The Cancer troll glared as he thought: 'UGH, WHAT A CREEPER.'
"What? I hope you're not expecting me to invite you in. NO. We just spent like the last hour close to each other, dammit. Find your own pile."
The brown blooded troll's heart sank at that, and he looked around at the rest of the cave, which was pretty barren. Not that he could assemble any sort of pile in his condition, anyway. He wasn't even sure if he could get down to Karkat's makeshift bed, even if he had been invited. Still, five months of sleeping slumped over in his chair was starting to take its tole on his neck and shoulders. Curling up in a pile of any kind sure would feel nice right about now...
: == TAVROS: Look pathetic.
He lowered his gaze to his lap and sniffed, then shrugged, his sizable ears drooping.
"I guess, I could just sleep in my chair, like I always do." The tone in his voice was somewhere in between a whine and a scoff.
Karkat snuck a peak over to his companion, and he instantly regretted it. That PITIFUL EXPRESSION on Nitram's face actually made its way down into the very workings of his blood pumper; his heart filling up with guilt. And realizing it made his frustration worsen.
Karkat felt weak.
"You're just going to do that the whole time while I sleep,aren't you? Fuck YOU and the manipulating bullshit you got going on. " He paused. " STOP IT. Here, get your ass down before I kick your ass completely out of the cave."
The smile that stole across Tav's face was only there for a second, before it twitched back into a frown, and his eyebrows furrowed. "I'm not manipulating you." he mumbled.
He decided not to press his luck any farther. Locking the brakes into place on his FOUR WHEELED DEVICE, Tavros lifted himself up, and after a good fifteen minutes of twisting and grunting and pushing, he managed to ... end up face down on the ground. He lay there for awhile, catching his breath, before pulling his half-dead body over to the pile. He hoisted his working half up on the pile, and flashed a quick, shy smile to his friend. "Thanks, Karkat."
== KARKAT: Turn away and try to sleep.
"Whatever, " the troll said gruffly. " SLEEP."
Curling up the best he could, Tav closed his eyes and tried to sleep. But the moment his eyes were closed, bright flashes of color danced behind his eyelids, horrible memories played out in the darkness. His eyes snapped back open and he shuddered. He lay there, exhausted, and unable to sleep, unable to forget.
"Hey, Karkat... do you see the visions, too? When you try to sleep, I mean. Not really, a nightmare, but there's those, too. Just memories, maybe."
Karkat was silent at this. Maybe he had fallen asleep, after all. But Tav wasn't going to sleep. And the silence just wouldn't do. So he kept on talking, mostly to himself, he assumed. But that was okay.
: "...I wonder where a troll goes, when they die. Someplace happy, I hope. ..." a long silence followed, before he added, in almost a whisper, "I really miss them, sometimes. The others, I mean."
Still no reply from the other side. No matter. Tavros was used to talking to himself by now. Even Rufio stopped talking to him months ago.
"I'm starting to wonder if they're all dead... and also, I kind of wonder, if maybe they're better off, that way..." At this point, the broken troll really was only talking out loud to himself. He wasn't even aware he was saying things out loud anymore.
"Don't say that."
At first Tavros wasn't sure if the soft whisper was actually in his head or not, his think pan playing tricks on him. But as he focused his hearing outward, away from his own inner ticking and gurgling of thoughts and organs, the long horned troll suddenly noticed the sound of heavy breathing. Before he could ask if the knight had spoken, Karkat stirred again.
""Don't you DARE say that!"
The red blooded troll had been awake, after all. His own conscience refused to give him the pleasure of a single peaceful rest. Of course he still thought of it. Of course visions of blood stained faces refused to leave him be. How he could hear his friends saying his name, giving him blame...Karkat continued to berate, as he face away from the handicapped individual.
"What the hell is wrong with you? 'Better off dead.' And here I'M suppose to be the one who doesn't give fucks and pushes others away. Who in their right fucking mind wishes to murder their friends?"
Murder their friends.
These words dug into the rustblood's blood pumper like a rabid clawbeast. That wasn't what he meant. That wasn't what he meant at all. If they were still alive, that was great, but...
Tears pricked the corners of Tav's eyes and threatened to spill over. Sharp teeth dug into his bottom lip until it bled, trying to keep the sobs in. When he was sure he could speak without bawling, he replied,
"I didn't mean, for what I said, to be taken that way. I just thought, that after everything that happened, and... I'm, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that... I didn't mean that." his voice continued to give out more and more as he spoke. He didn't dare say any more. Trying to act brave was hard, when all you wanted to do is curl up into a ball and cry like the little wriggler you probably were.
== KARKAT: Try to be NICE.
Karkat tried to calm down his anger, as he looked at the pathetic sobbing troll next to him.
"Look...Just..."
The red blooded lad gripped his own horns in frustration. How was he to explain? How was he to TALK about something as traumatic as what they went through a mere few months prior? That wasn't enough TIME to process ANYHING. Karkat wasn't one to just SHARE his hurt.
"Tavros..."
But maybe it was time he at least TRIED. Maybe talking about what happened would help them move forward- to form a game plan of sorts. Anything. SOMETHING.
"Yeah, I do. I do, ALRIGHT? I think about everything, constantly. Anything and every fucking thing that I CAN remember is stored and constantly analyzed in my think pan.
"I remember the shadow of Noir first. I remember how he seemed to suck the very little light we had away. How he watched and loomed over us as we were stuck in our PETTY WRIGGLER BULLSHIT.
"And then I remember when Jack starting picking trolls off one by one."
Karkat looked down at his companion, the troll next to him still whimpering and crying. The red knight didn't understand his compulsion, and before he could convince himself out of it, Vantas began to pet Tavros' hair. The calming nature seeming to help them both.
"We ran, we hid. We were scared. Who wouldn't have been? This...This THING wasn't a part of our world! And so we left our hives and headed towards caves and woods. Cities and monuments exposed like bare skin in the sun. But instead of glaring light came the shadow and his master.
"And our homes became their's.
"We weren't afraid for long...I wasn't afraid for long. Out of it came this...This RAGE, ya know? This burning hate that boiled and twisted in my gut, and stuck with me through the cold and dark times. Until I couldn't take it.
"I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANY FUCKING MORE!
"So I decided to play the noble knight. I was able to convince you dumbasses to revolt. 'Hiding didn't solve anything', I said. 'We had to fight back,' I said. 'Together we can kick their asses out of our hives!'
"And you all ate it up.
"Even I started to fucking believe it."
Karkat stopped his petting, his own eyes beginning to water. He wiped his face on his dirt covered sleeve, before going on.
"I...It's all my fault, Tavros. I lead us into sneaking into the nest of the bad guys. With sword and guns we retrieved from nooks and crannies, I convinced myself that we could take on a monster and his pet.
"We ran right into a spider's web! And he knew it...That green skull guy KNEW IT! And he fucking SMILED as he sicked Jack on us.
"Smiled and watched as he tore them limb from limb...
"And it's all my fault.."
== Karkat Vantas: grow silent as no more words would come forth.
The troll beside him had stopped sobbing by this point, his eyes closed, listening and recounting the tale as it was retold to him, as if it were the grimmest bedtime story of all time. His eyes opened as the petting stopped and Karkat fell silent. The brownblood was shocked to see his comrade crying. Had he ever seen Karkat cry? Had ANYONE ever seen Karkat cry? Pride began to well up inside of him at bearing witness to an even so rare, but was quickly extinguished as Tavros realized this was a bad time for that.
"It isn't, your fault." He began slowly, carefully. He'd never been very good with wording things, and it had already landed him in some metaphorical hot coals once this night.
"I mean, um, the things that happened, were the only things that could have happened, besides dieing while we were hiding," Tavros paused to give Karkat a chance to tell him to shut up. But he ramained silent, so he took that as a sign to continue.
"And I think, it was better the way you had us do it, because you were brave, even when things seemed impossible. And even though it didn't end so well..."
Tavros wanted to reach out and take his friend's hand for reassurance or both of them. But his nerve was lost, his hand stopping half way and resting on the rockpile instead. "You gave us hope, I think. Another chance, instead of us all being, uh, culled, all together, where we were hiding...
I think we surprised him, maybe." Tavros felt himself smirk for the first time in awhile. "You say, that English knew what we were doing, but I think, Jack wasn't planning on us, fighting back. Because he backed off, and he used magic, and he separated us..."
Tav let his eyes drift closed again, suddenly drained. "Hope, yeah. Because we aren't all dead. Because we have... a strong, and smart... and brave... leader." he was beginning to drift off to sleep.
Silence fell between the two once more. However, this time it was calm. A welcomed silence. A true calm developed from an understanding; from a bond. Tension started to work out from the shorter troll's muscles, as Karkat began to relax. Minutes passed into hours, and yet the knight continued to sit and ponder over the other troll's words. Even after Tavros had fallen asleep, Karkat sat awake and stared.
It was only once the sun began to rise, did Vantas break the silence. He smiled sadly as he laid down beside his companion, and looked at Nitram's face one last time before turning away.
"Maybe, Tavros... Maybe there really is hope left..."
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