AN: This was inspired by anywhere_but_nj's review comment about "Noms, zombie brain eater". I realized that I just had to write more about the life, or un-life, as the case may be, of this Noms. Here is the result. It has almost no relation to HP, but I suppose I can loosely call it "HP fanfiction".
The Not Quite Tragic Tale of Noms, The Zombie Brain-Eater
Noms had once been amazing Death Eater.
You could not find a man who was neater.
But he displeased Voldemort,
Who didn't send him to court,
But turned him into zombie brain-eater.
Now Noms is a zombie brain-eater.
For the task no one could be fitter.
On your brains he will munch,
Between breakfast and lunch,
And declare that they tasted bitter.
One day Noms was lurking in an alley,
Thinking that he'd prefer a green valley,
When he saw a small dog,
Whose brains taste like eggnog,
And chased it onto an ancient galley.
Galley's captain saw him and declared:
Our fate this man seems to have shared.
We'll add him to slave crew,
which our oars always drew:
One more zombie for whom no one cared.
Poor Noms on high seas now sailing,
Against currents and winds is prevailing,
Hoping he can munch
On some tourist for lunch,
A tourist who on his yacht is flailing.
But yachts are always sailing too fast,
And the yammiest brains do not last,
Because officers must
Get their portions fast,
And Noms' place in the food line is last.
So one night, looking at the full moon,
Noms decided that some time quite soon
From the ship He must run
To have time for some fun
And enjoy a fresh brain before June.
One night when they caught a cruise ship,
Brains fat-covered from tourists to rip,
While the crew was at feast,
Noms walked off into mist,
And sailed lifeboat to oceans deep.
Now Noms is sailing oceans deep,
In lifeboat that looks like a sheep.
But he can never find
Any creature with mind,
Whose brain would be a good fruit to reap.
Thus, unable to find brains to reap,
Noms spends most of his time in deep sleep,
While the current him carries
Past the routes of ferries,
Towards shore covered in cliffs quite steep.
On the cliff is a beautiful vision:
Girl whose shape moonlight draws with precision.
Hungry Noms, now fully awake,
Hopes girl jumps in ocean, not lake.
Jumping from cliffs he views with derision.
But the girl isn't eager to jump.
Next to her Noms can see a strange lump.
The lump flies in the air:
Batlike creature is there,
Which flies off beyond distant cliff's hump.
Very soon the strange creature returns.
Over Noms' boat in circles it turns,
Then catches air drift,
To clifftop gets a lift,
And to its female master returns.
On the creature the girl gets a seat.
Moonlit rider is looking quite neat
Until it makes a plunge,
Towards Noms' boat lunge
So fast, he can't make a retreat.
On Noms' boat creature, rider, alight.
Rider's hair shines white in moonlight.
She gets off, stretches hand.
Doesn't she understand?
She is looking like snack for the night.
But whatever of her Noms think may,
She's not scared of his zombie way.
"Hi," she says to her host.
"You look lonely and lost.
And my name Luna is, by the way."
"I am working on a zombie cure.
And you'll want to try it, I am sure."
So with friendly smile,
She gives him potion vile,
That smells strongly of fresh horse manure.
By his guest Noms is very confused,
And is not in the least bit amused.
Sure, she looks quite good,
But he isn't in the mood
To eat brain that's for craziness used.
This strange "Luna" is very persistent.
Tired of her convincing insistent,
Noms at her tries to lunge,
Claws into her to plunge,
But instead hits barrier resistant.
"I see now that you are quite mean,
But I still can some useful things glean."
Luna flashes her wand,
Utters a quick command,
And binds Noms using forces unseen.
After that, Luna her potion takes,
In moonlight contemplatively shakes,
And then pours the lot
Down poor Noms' throat,
After which pain his back quickly rakes.
Noms expected to lose zombiehood,
And to stop craving taste of brain food.
But that's not what he saw:
Potion new had a flaw,
And made him grow wings for flight good.
"I am sorry, I truly don't know,
Why result so strange you should show."
Luna flashes her wand,
Utter a quick command,
And the forces restraining Noms slow.
Thinking "this craziness is contagious",
Noms decides to make escape courageous.
His wing he quickly flaps,
Air currents he slaps,
And flies off from this place outrageous.
The End.
(Or is it?)