Author's Note: What you're about to read is the result of extreme boredom mixed with the first song I heard on the radio while I was cutting off a patch of hair on my leg with a pair of scissors I had lying around. Don't ask. (Boredom can do the strangest things to a person.)

I claim no ownership to the original song "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)" by The Offspring, though I do claim that the song itself is freakin' awesome. I also claim no ownership to the character of Sly Cooper or any secondary characters in the aforementioned video game series. And without further to do, here go the intro…

Goin' theivin' round the globe…

Jeez, this guy is crafty (Uh huh, uh huh)
Jeez, this guy is crafty (Uh huh, uh huh)
Jeez, this guy is crafty (Uh huh, uh huh)
And all the world says that he's a sly, thief-by-night guy

(Cleaned out my place, and then left without a trace)

You might think that the law treats all criminals the same
Our subject is peculiar, the zenith of his game
When rolling with his crew
He burgles in style
His record end-to-end covers fifty-seven miles!

So lock your place, he won't hesitate
'Cause you know he's only after monetary gains
When he hits the field, sneaks and steals
No jewels are safe, no jewels are safe
So if you can't say, insurance compensates
Even the newspapers can't get a
CLEAR SHOT OF HIS FACE!

The king of robberies, so…
Hey! Hey! Come back with that swag!

God, that raccoon chafes me (Uh huh, Uh huh)
God, that raccoon chafes me (Uh huh, Uh huh)
God, that raccoon chafes me (Uh huh, Uh huh)
And everybody knows that thief's too sly, ain't that right, guys?

Once drinking with his crew, said Carmelita did entice
He said to her 'nice boobs', that's how he got those two black eyes
Now when he sees her come around, he's slamming down the gas
'Cause if he stops a sec, she's gonna kick his ring-tailed ass!

Now it's a race, enjoys the chase
'Cause he knows it's the closest he'll get to a date
She's on his back, not cutting slack
Won't go away, won't go away
Takes an hour to shake, and then he'll make a break
His escapes are great just like a
BOWL OF FROSTED FLAKES!

That line's irrelevant so…
Hey! Hey! Get back to that thing!

Now he lives the crazy life, and he has no more fun
Than when he's face-to-face with a 'lectric-powered gun
Frenzy of fighting, harsh words, and a tack-sharp wit
Then two seconds off there's no trace of him!

Where's he think he's going? (Uh huh, Uh huh)
Where's he think he's going? (Uh huh, Uh huh)
Where's he think he's going? (Uh huh, Uh huh)

(Invasion of your space, wish you had a can of mace)

To all you fakes, who think you're great
You know all security will be in vain
Let a strangled squeal, the guns you wield
Won't shoot today, won't shoot today
So don't play it straight, expropriate
'Cause you know that vase will fetch a
THOUSAND ON EBAY!

We need some more of these
So write some parodies and
Try using more clarity and…
Hey! Hey! Try harder than this!

The Return of the Author's Note: What did I tell you? Crazy. Anyway, if you liked this parody, you're one of the few. I had no idea what I was doing with this one. I was just trying to get myself out of a debilitating writer's slump, and voila. Hope you enjoyed it. See ya around!

The Invincible (for now, anyway)