A letter to Tarja with Tuomas last words.
Enjoy and forgive my lousy English.
Old Nightwish always in our hearts.
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Two years have passed. Two years without your green eyes, without your long hair, without your angel voce. Sometimes I think you deserved it, but mostly I think that I made a terrible mistake taking you away from me. For two years I haven't slept well. You always appear in my darkest nightmares. In the night I see your face, with your eyes closed and your body covered by blood. Or I see you falling through a deep black hole, screaming my name with desperation and hate. Or someone stabs you or burns you to death, but I can't do anything to stop it. I never can. And my soul cries desperately while watches you die again and again.
Forgive me. I know I don't deserve it and I'll never do, but please, forgive me. I was confused; I don't know why I did it. I watched you every day by my side, but unable to kiss you, to hold you, to touch your porcelain skin. I just couldn't stand it anymore. But you don't know how much I've regretted my decision. I miss you more than that I ever thought that would be possible. My heart lived only because of you, and now it can't find a reason to keep doing it. My face has forgotten what a smile is, or how to show happiness (a feeling I haven't felt since you left, since I made you leave).
Inside the band, in all the rehearsals silence is present. If we look into each others eyes, we see guilt shinning in our pupils. Emppu has stopped smiling. Sometimes Marco can't find enough strength to sing. And Jukka looks at his drums as they were snakes. It's really creepy.
About the whore that has replaced you…she has been receiving all the fans' hate. That's not fair either. They should hate me. All manhood should look at me with loathing. It was my fault and only my fault. I convinced the others with lies and nasty tricks. I was selfish and stupid, and I wasted our friendship because of that.
You were the only truly Ocean Soul. Why did you change so much?!
I love you, Tarja. I love you more than anyone in the world. I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I'll pay for it right now in hell. And when tomorrow they find my dead body and this letter, they'll also find your name written in my heart.
With love
Tuomas
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I'm in desperate need of a beta reader. It would be really useful if anyone could correct my mistakes, I'm not an English native speaker, and my level isn't too high (as you can see). And I wrote this a year ago.