The Dennis Moore Story
Hi Kids, This is your old pal Tonerz!, This is a song about a whale NO! This is a Fan Fic about The skit Dennis Moore! Don't remember? You will soon, I did not write this first of all. It was written by my brother Joshua Van Meter and Stepfather Glenn Petzold. But When I asked if I can take credit for it. They both said "Sure, whatever" So here we go!
Disclaimer: This story Gets very very odd. But It helps if you read it aloud. It's funnier. I own nothing but a Computer and lots of time on my hands.
Chapter 1. The Beginning!
It was April 22, 1790, 6:29 A.M. when Dennis Raymond Moore was born in the deep forests of Leeds, England. Dennis was an ugly child with warts on his forehead and nose and pimples on his face that would never go away. His family was poor. Not poor as in "Less Money" More like poor as in "No Money, Nada, Zip, Zilch." Dennis lived in a shoddy little hut and all he could eat was dirt because his family was so poor. Dennis never went to school because his family couldn't afford it, so Dennis was as dumb as a bowl of sludge. Dennis had fourteen brothers and twenty-one sisters and eleven skinny, ugly dogs that loved to kill anything that smelled like someone's feet. When Dennis was 12, he stole two books from the public library because he was too poor to purchase a library card. Those two books were Robin Hood and How to Grow Lupines: The English Way. Dennis read those books over and over and over and over again for 5 long years. He then learned the skill of stealing from the rich to give to the poor and he also learned how to grow lupines and became highly fond of them.
He became more than fond of lupines he became obsessed with lupines, he made a bed out of lupines. He made lupine bath soap, lupine toothpaste, lupine stew, and all his clothes were made out of lupine flowers. But tragedy struck the Moore family, especially hit hard was Dennis Moore. It seems that a strange killer disease attacked Dennis' lupine patch and it destroyed all his Lupine flowers. Dennis Moore was devastated, he cried for days; he became a raving madman. He got a dead lupine stalk and commenced a terrible beating of his old despondent pop. He nearly beat him to death but stopped shy of murder because he had plans for his crusty ma. He ground up some dead lupine leaves and grabbed a large funnel and began to fill up the funnel with crushed lupine leaves. He then rammed the neck of the funnel down his ma's throat. He nearly choked his ma to death on dry lupine leaves. He was going insane now, but without warning he stopped feeding his ma and removed the 2-foot long funnel from his ma's throat. He looked up at the sky and screamed "I have an idea: I have a plan to steal lupines from the rich and give them to the poor!"
So he stole a horse from the village horse ranch. He packed some Spam and a book on how to keep saying "No time to lose!" Then he hired some singers to sing a song whenever he was riding his horse. It went something like this.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night,
Soon every lupine will be in his mighty hand,
He'll steal them from the rich,
And give them to the poor,
Mr. Moore, shut the door, stupid whore!
As he started across the countryside it began to rain cats and dogs. In between Dennis' dodging of the falling cats and dogs, he once again heard his band Les Brown 25 singing the second verse:
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night,
Dennis Moore, is so poor, he's never wrong he's right,
He'll steal people's dots,
Because he draws a lot,
Dennis Moore, sweep the floor, drink some Coors!
He yelled "QUIET!" to Les Brown 25 and continued to gallop through the woods treading the falling cats and dogs.
Then suddenly, Ronald Reagan jumped out of the bushes and started to eat jellybeans. Dennis hated jellybeans so he ran over Ron with his horse whom he called "Mr. Ed". Also Dennis found out ol' Ronnie was hiding some lupines! "That wasn't very smart of you Ronnie!" he said to the old fart. So he force feeded some Spam down Reagan's throat. Reagan choked on the Mystery Meat and died. Dennis then set off for Edenbrick castle for he knew that the castle carried a humongous supply of…Yes, you guessed it! LUPINES! "Come on Mr. Ed, we have 'No Time to Lose'!" shouted Dennis. As he was riding, the singers sung the third verse of The Ballad of Dennis Moore.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night!
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, You'll never find your kite!
He steals from the rich, and gives to the poor,
Dennis Moore, he's a bore, screw that whore!
As Dennis approached Edenbrick castle he broke wind. It stunk so bad it made Mr. Ed vomit and made a large Oak tree collapsed because the fart was so strong the tree wilted and died. Dennis Moore had a real bad fart problem because all he ate were lupines, which caused great rottage of the butt and colon, internal pain and intestinal gravy leakage through his B.V.D. s. The stain was great.
After Mr. Ed had stopped vomiting the continued to Edenbrick castle. When they reached the castle gates, a large Giraffe was thrown over the castle wall at Dennis Moore. Horrified at the sight of near doom, he hid under the belly of Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed looked up but it was too late to move but Mr. Ed did speak. He said "Oh my god…Shit!" Just then the Giraffe crashed onto Mr. Ed's back breaking it in half causing a "V" shape to form on it's carcass. The blunt of the force was absorbed by Mr. Ed's back that shielded Dennis from certain death. So Mr. Ed lay dead with a giraffe on top of him. "Too bad." Said Dennis Moore. Just then the singing started up again. It was the 4th verse of The Ballad of Dennis Moore:
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night,
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Did you drink Bud Light?
He drinks in a bar, 'Cause he has no car,
Dennis Moore, Slam the door, You have sores.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH! What will happen when Dennis Finally Enters the Castle of Edenbrick? Can you Stand the Suspense?? Did you get this far without puking?!
Wait for Chapter 2!....Unless it's already there, then in that case, GO NOW!!!!
Hi Kids, This is your old pal Tonerz!, This is a song about a whale NO! This is a Fan Fic about The skit Dennis Moore! Don't remember? You will soon, I did not write this first of all. It was written by my brother Joshua Van Meter and Stepfather Glenn Petzold. But When I asked if I can take credit for it. They both said "Sure, whatever" So here we go!
Disclaimer: This story Gets very very odd. But It helps if you read it aloud. It's funnier. I own nothing but a Computer and lots of time on my hands.
Chapter 1. The Beginning!
It was April 22, 1790, 6:29 A.M. when Dennis Raymond Moore was born in the deep forests of Leeds, England. Dennis was an ugly child with warts on his forehead and nose and pimples on his face that would never go away. His family was poor. Not poor as in "Less Money" More like poor as in "No Money, Nada, Zip, Zilch." Dennis lived in a shoddy little hut and all he could eat was dirt because his family was so poor. Dennis never went to school because his family couldn't afford it, so Dennis was as dumb as a bowl of sludge. Dennis had fourteen brothers and twenty-one sisters and eleven skinny, ugly dogs that loved to kill anything that smelled like someone's feet. When Dennis was 12, he stole two books from the public library because he was too poor to purchase a library card. Those two books were Robin Hood and How to Grow Lupines: The English Way. Dennis read those books over and over and over and over again for 5 long years. He then learned the skill of stealing from the rich to give to the poor and he also learned how to grow lupines and became highly fond of them.
He became more than fond of lupines he became obsessed with lupines, he made a bed out of lupines. He made lupine bath soap, lupine toothpaste, lupine stew, and all his clothes were made out of lupine flowers. But tragedy struck the Moore family, especially hit hard was Dennis Moore. It seems that a strange killer disease attacked Dennis' lupine patch and it destroyed all his Lupine flowers. Dennis Moore was devastated, he cried for days; he became a raving madman. He got a dead lupine stalk and commenced a terrible beating of his old despondent pop. He nearly beat him to death but stopped shy of murder because he had plans for his crusty ma. He ground up some dead lupine leaves and grabbed a large funnel and began to fill up the funnel with crushed lupine leaves. He then rammed the neck of the funnel down his ma's throat. He nearly choked his ma to death on dry lupine leaves. He was going insane now, but without warning he stopped feeding his ma and removed the 2-foot long funnel from his ma's throat. He looked up at the sky and screamed "I have an idea: I have a plan to steal lupines from the rich and give them to the poor!"
So he stole a horse from the village horse ranch. He packed some Spam and a book on how to keep saying "No time to lose!" Then he hired some singers to sing a song whenever he was riding his horse. It went something like this.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night,
Soon every lupine will be in his mighty hand,
He'll steal them from the rich,
And give them to the poor,
Mr. Moore, shut the door, stupid whore!
As he started across the countryside it began to rain cats and dogs. In between Dennis' dodging of the falling cats and dogs, he once again heard his band Les Brown 25 singing the second verse:
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night,
Dennis Moore, is so poor, he's never wrong he's right,
He'll steal people's dots,
Because he draws a lot,
Dennis Moore, sweep the floor, drink some Coors!
He yelled "QUIET!" to Les Brown 25 and continued to gallop through the woods treading the falling cats and dogs.
Then suddenly, Ronald Reagan jumped out of the bushes and started to eat jellybeans. Dennis hated jellybeans so he ran over Ron with his horse whom he called "Mr. Ed". Also Dennis found out ol' Ronnie was hiding some lupines! "That wasn't very smart of you Ronnie!" he said to the old fart. So he force feeded some Spam down Reagan's throat. Reagan choked on the Mystery Meat and died. Dennis then set off for Edenbrick castle for he knew that the castle carried a humongous supply of…Yes, you guessed it! LUPINES! "Come on Mr. Ed, we have 'No Time to Lose'!" shouted Dennis. As he was riding, the singers sung the third verse of The Ballad of Dennis Moore.
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night!
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, You'll never find your kite!
He steals from the rich, and gives to the poor,
Dennis Moore, he's a bore, screw that whore!
As Dennis approached Edenbrick castle he broke wind. It stunk so bad it made Mr. Ed vomit and made a large Oak tree collapsed because the fart was so strong the tree wilted and died. Dennis Moore had a real bad fart problem because all he ate were lupines, which caused great rottage of the butt and colon, internal pain and intestinal gravy leakage through his B.V.D. s. The stain was great.
After Mr. Ed had stopped vomiting the continued to Edenbrick castle. When they reached the castle gates, a large Giraffe was thrown over the castle wall at Dennis Moore. Horrified at the sight of near doom, he hid under the belly of Mr. Ed. Mr. Ed looked up but it was too late to move but Mr. Ed did speak. He said "Oh my god…Shit!" Just then the Giraffe crashed onto Mr. Ed's back breaking it in half causing a "V" shape to form on it's carcass. The blunt of the force was absorbed by Mr. Ed's back that shielded Dennis from certain death. So Mr. Ed lay dead with a giraffe on top of him. "Too bad." Said Dennis Moore. Just then the singing started up again. It was the 4th verse of The Ballad of Dennis Moore:
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Riding through the night,
Dennis Moore, Dennis Moore, Did you drink Bud Light?
He drinks in a bar, 'Cause he has no car,
Dennis Moore, Slam the door, You have sores.
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH! What will happen when Dennis Finally Enters the Castle of Edenbrick? Can you Stand the Suspense?? Did you get this far without puking?!
Wait for Chapter 2!....Unless it's already there, then in that case, GO NOW!!!!