I straiten my tie; I'm looking in the mirror on the wall. It's a full length and I see my phony self. I hate this goddamn it. I'm wearing a dark blue suit with a white shirt. I pause when the door behind me makes that annoying creaking sound it always does. However the soft footsteps that walk in my room cool my temper, I know who it is so don't bother turning around plus I'll feel guilty when I look at her.
"Is there something you need Phoebe?" I ask. She stays quiet and I sigh. "I remember my promise Phoebe; I'll be back." You see my parents died two years ago. My brother, D.B. too. I wouldn't let them take Phoebe away so I made my decision. I'd rather have half a real life and half a phony life than be without my sister's face everyday. I was twenty-four when I had to take her in, I'd breezed my way through college like my parents had wanted but then I hadn't come home. You see there's this little building, it was built where some other building was knocked down. And it's near central park so I can see the ducks whenever I want. I got a job as a bartender in Ernie's club. He made his own bar awhile back you see. He hired me because my parents wanted me to be kept an eye on. But it got me money, so it was alright with me. When they died though I moved back in the apartment with Phoebe.
Now I'm a lawyer like my father only I work for this big private company named Wolfram & Hart it's a weird name and it has all sorts of people in it. There's this one guy, he just kills me, near everyday he just kills me. The changes I've gone through have helped me fool all those other phonies. It unfortunately hasn't had any affect on my sister's ability however.
My sister's still quiet though. Finally I turn to look at her. I smile fondly as I see what she's holding. In my sister's delicate 18 year old hands is my faded, once red, hunting hat. "I know how much you hate going to these things. If you're too tired you don't have to tonight. I can wait until tomorrow."
"Sit Phoebe, I wanna talk to you." I tell her this with a very serious looking face hoping to make her think it was important, which I suppose it might be to some people but I'm just gonna tell her my same old story. I waited until she was settled on the edge of my big king size bed. "You know ten years ago, I was completely against these things," I say to her. "I still am. They're annoying and boring and are just so amazingly stupid that the do a near circle back to intelligent. Now that I'm done with my inspiring speech," I say, moving away from the mirror, "I must go play nice with the old people." I move toward the door and turn back to her when I reach it. "When I get back, if you're not asleep you're going to tell me what happened that made you upset."
"How…" Phoebe begins but stops. "Right," she says smiling at me faintly, "Brothers always know."
"Damn right we do." I grin at her then am out the door. I leave the house and call Horwitz my chauffer. He is also a reminder of my youth; he is always talking to me like I'm a
friend not a boss; that's what I like about him. "Let's go and get this over with, Horwitz; I don't want to leave her for too long."
"Of course, Holden. You know the little lady is the one that all your employees think about. Just like you told us, 'Phoebe comes first.'"
45 MINUTES LATER
The party was lousy, like I knew it would be, I left about five minutes ago and I am already anxious to get home even if it hasn't been a full hour yet. Phoebe is sensitive about time. That might not be the only reason I think, reflecting on what had triggered my overprotective brother feelings at the party. That damn ex-roommate of mine from Pencey started saying I should commit my sister to a freaking institution. Saying that she's not healthy in the head. That she was -- goddamn it, that sonuvabitch is lucky I have to behave in public for her sake. My sister is scared of losing her last family. Her older brother. There is nothing wrong with it and people should stop saying there is.
These thoughts consume me all the way home. When I finally reach there I'm frantic; I need to see my sister. I don't stop to wait for the elevator; I rush up the stairs. It's late so no one is there for me to mow down, which is good. I reach my door and scramble for my key. I jam it in the door and rush in. I go strait to my room; I know that's where she'll be.
And there she is, sound asleep on my bed. But just when I feel that relief, she whimpers. I can tell she's having a nightmare and rush to her. "Phoebe, wake up," I tell her, shaking her.
"Holden…?"
"Yeah, it's me. How are you feeling?"
"I…had a bad dream. About what Elizabeth said to me today."
"What did she say?" My voice is soft, and I don't have to bother asking who Elizabeth is. She's the girl that harasses my sister at school.
"She said I'm a fool for trusting someone like you."
"You really are a sweetheart you know that, Phoebe. My youth was colorful; I didn't grow up for a very long time. I remember the one time you wanted to run away with me. You just about killed me then. But I want you to remember I will never leave you alone, like you were before I moved back."
"Thank you, Holden. I love you."
"I love you too, Phoebe. And you know speaking of that weekend wasn't there something I promised you."
"You're not too tired!" she said perking right up.
"Nope, so let's go," I smiled and told her.
After that we went to Grand Central Park. I showed her the ducks like I promised her I would; in the dark. They were all fast asleep and just staying near the edge of that pond the moon was full and the stars shone. Not just in the sky either. They were in my sister's eyes too.