"Sunlight is too much for you to bear
It's high time you came up for air
Don't hide a single thing behind your perfect skin
Don't keep your secrets in a prayer"
Love You Any Less – Rag'n'Bone Man
Love You Any Less
Pain made him groan, the noise muffled behind a clenched fist stuffed between his teeth, knuckles beginning to bleed from the pressure. His body was hot, skin slick with sweat but cold to the touch, and his wing pushed against the thin membrane that held it secret against his back; the grotesque appendage warping his shoulder as he tried to keep it in.
The house was quiet in the middle of the night. Their familiar living room thrown into shadow and shapes distorted by the deep hours of the night. Everything looked different without the light.
Cloud circled his arm around his middle and curled in on himself tighter, another spasm taking the breath from his lungs as he tried not to cry out; cracked, choked sobs clawing their way out of his throat despite his efforts. Bare toes curling against the thread of the carpet.
He'd lost the strength in his legs and had collapsed against the couch a while ago, fighting hard to just sit up, his whole body trembling with the pain of keeping his darkness inside.
The rolling torment ebbed slightly and Cloud panted out his relief. Heaving in heavy breaths of warm air, gasping while he could before the agony returned.
"Cloud?" A voice behind him called. Cloud hadn't heard Leon come downstairs.
"'m alright." He mumbled instantly, the automatic reply sounding ridiculous even to Cloud's ears, surging with his own heartbeat.
"No you're not." Leon replied, voice louder now that he was kneeling down in front of him.
Cloud couldn't lift his head. Could only rock his body backward and forward in small helpless motions and wait for the cycle to begin again. He felt the tentative touch of Leon's hand on his arm and he flinched.
"D-don't." He chocked out, shaking his head.
"You know I have to." Leon scolded gently, admonishing his lover in that quiet way he did when he wasn't really mad at him. Just worried.
"I... I can't..." Everything hurt, even the sound of Leon's voice. The pain crested, ripping a strangled moan from his throat as the first jagged corner of his wing tore through the skin of his back, waxy spines covered in leathery membrane shining in the dimness.
"Cloud, look at me!" Leon said sternly, ignoring the way Cloud pulled back as he gripped him around the biceps.
It took a few moments of heavy breathing and strangled groans, but Cloud lifted his head a fraction, his face streaked with sweat, eyes wide and pupils slitted. Their normal bright blue hues were dappled with glowing green and he stared at nothing, his jaw clenched and lips pulled back over teeth in a soundless snarl.
"Hyne, how long have you been down here fighting this?" Leon asked, not expecting a reply. It wasn't he first time he'd caught Cloud trying to fend off his Darkness alone. He pressed a finger under Cloud's chin and lifted his face a little higher. "Come here." He ordered, pulling on Cloud's arms as he tugged him off the couch and into his lap, bracing himself for the weight as he collapse against him. Cloud's arms and legs going limp and weak as he let out an elongated moan of pain.
The wing tore through his shoulder a little more.
"Here, just breathe." Leon murmured, threading his hand into Cloud's hair, pressed his face against the side of his head, closing his eyes. He let himself relax and exhaled slowly.
He never knew exactly how he did it; the bright white light that grew in his mind came unbidden. All he had to do was relax and let it happen, and slowly, gradually, as the sounds of their living room receded – the ticking clock growing fainter – Leon let the light consume him.
It didn't hurt and it didn't shock. It didn't feel of anything really. It barely touched his mind as it eked out, passing through his skin and into Cloud as his lover trembled, the sound of his pain growing fainter the longer the moments ticked by.
Gradually, the shaking stopped. The white light grew faint, and Leon opened his eyes. Blinded by the brightness in his mind, he waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness of the room.
The wing was gone, and Cloud lay weak and boneless in his arms, breathing deeply in relief of the pain now cured. Leon helped him to the floor, sitting him up against the couch as he left to find a cold cloth.
The cool moisture against his skin brought Cloud back and his eyes – now dark and rounded and entirely exhausted – flickered open.
"Y-you shouldn't have done that." He croaked.
"Shut up." Leon relied, frowning deeply. It wasn't like he knew how he was doing it anyway. "You should have woken me." He said a few quiet moments later, still idly patting the damp cloth against Cloud's neck.
"I thought... I could-"
"You thought you could handle it by yourself." Leon finished for him. He had a couple of times before. Leon would have been a hypocrite if he'd said he didn't understand why.
Cloud's eyes were sliding closed, too exhausted to keep them open never mind argue with Leon.
The gunblader sighed. There really was no point in arguing.
"Come on, let's get you upstairs." He murmured softly, knowing from experience the pounding headache that would be growing behind Cloud's temples in the aftermath of his torment; a side effect of containing the Darkness the way they did.
Picking Cloud up off the floor, more carrying his weight slung across his shoulder than helping him to walk, Leon took him back to bed, feeling strung out and depleted himself.
"'m sorry." Cloud mumbled, half asleep as Leon picked his feet up and swung his legs into bed. Climbing in next to him, he smoothed out some of the damp spikes from his forehead and pressed a soft kiss between his brows.
"Idiot." He whispered, knowing Cloud would never ask for the help he so desperately needed, even if it meant suffering in silence. It didn't change the way Leon felt about him. Just made things harder.
He decided not to sleep, and watched Cloud instead, waiting until the dawn came back around to replace the dark shadows with light.