Change of Heart

by Bridghid

Bella changes her mind at the alter.

Chapter 1: Decisions, Decisions

With every step I took I felt my heart break. And every time my heart broke I could feel a hole burrow its way into my chest. With every hole I felt even more empty than I thought. In that moment, I knew. I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

When I got to the alter, Charlie kissed me on the cheek and I couldn't stand it anymore. It took me a minute to work up the courage, but I finally looked Edward in the eyes. He was looking at me with a puzzled expression on his face, and I heard Alice sign behind me. "Oh Bella!" She said.

"Edward," I said, and he looked at me expectantly, "I can't do this."

I picked up my skirt without a backwards glance, and ran down the aisle. I grabbed Seth's warm hand and dragged him with me out the door. When we got outside, I got into my truck and started the engine. I rolled down the window to talk to Seth quickly. He was looking at me quite lost and puzzled.

"Seth, find Jacob."

He looked at me curiously for a minute and then ran into the woods to change. I drove to La Push as fast as my truck would allow me to. Man, I had missed my truck so much. I could feel it when I passed the border into La Push. I had never felt that before; I had never known where the boundary was. It was such a strange feeling. It was a yearning, almost, for home; a home that I was desperate to never leave again.

Seth joined me after a few minutes on the driftwood log that used to be my meeting spot with Jacob. We didn't talk as we sat there. It was oddly comforting to sit there and listen to the waves. Time passed slowly. I didn't ask where Jacob was, or what he said. I was comfortable waiting for him to find me. I had so much explaining to do and I wasn't sure if he would listen. Would he still want me?

The last thing I remember as the sun set was Seth building a bonfire before I drifted off to sleep.

I felt utterly weightless, like I was floating through the air. I was so warm, with heat radiating over my body. I couldn't help but curl into the source. I heard the deep rumble of a man's voice but could not bring myself to open my eyes. It was comforting and lulled me into a deeper sleep.

Jacob looked up from the girl in his arms after he felt her slip deeper into her dreams, and looked at Seth. "What happened?"

Seth rubbed his hand on the back of his neck. "Just like I told you, she left him at the alter. All she said was that she couldn't do this, dragged me out the door behind her, and asked me to find you."

Jacob sighed. Things were so much easier when their relationship made sense, before all the changes and the drama and the supernatural intruded on their lives. He felt Bella put her hand against his chest and smiled. "What did the bloodsucker say?"

"She didn't give him much of a chance to reply." Seth chuckled. "He looked kind of shocked honestly. Alice just gave her that look, you know?"

"What are you talking about Seth? What look?"

"Well, you know when Bella would try to sneak off to see you and Alice would know because her vision would suddenly disappear?"

"Yeah."

"Just like that."

Jacob paused at the door to his house. "I'll see you later ok? I just…" Jacob looked down at Bella and then off into the forest. "I'm tired of the constant back and forth."

"It's ok man. Don't sweat it." Seth took one last look at Jacob to make sure he was ok, and then turned to head back down the road. "Later Jake."

Jacob closed his eyes and held Bella closer into his chest. "Seth!"

Seth turned around but kept walking backwards. "What?"

"Thank you."

Seth just nodded and turned back around. He knew what Jacob was thanking him for. Watching out for Bella while he was gone. Nothing was more precious and coveted than Bella Swan in Jacob's life. Nothing else mattered but her.

Jacob moved into his house and noticed how different it seemed. He hadn't been gone for that long and yet everything seemed different. When he carried Bella into his room, he noticed that his bed had been made since he left.

Jacob just shook his head, balanced Bella in his arms, and pulled the blanket down quickly. He placed Bella in the bed and covered her up. Watching her sleep seemed like a pretty good idea, so he lay down beside her on the bed. Her face looked so peaceful and before he knew it, Jacob was lulled to sleep by the sound of her heartbeat.

I was so warm and safe. Slowly, the memories of the day before started to creep in as I started to wake up. I couldn't bring myself to worry about them though. Something told me that I was protected, even during my dreams.

I could feel a hand resting lightly on my hip, and warm breath fanning over my face at the same rate as my own. Slowly opening my eyes, I was comforted by the fact that Jacob came back. His face always looked so peaceful while he slept – void of worries and cares that were beyond his years.

I looked away from his face and out the window. Outside, in the middle of the night, the moon was full and bright.

"Bella…" I looked back down at Jake and smiled to see that he was still dreaming. I carefully rolled over and pressed my back closer into his chest. I moved his hand from my hip and brought it across my chest and up under my chin and held it there as I drifted back to sleep.

Jacob woke that morning to the best feeling in the world. Bella's back was pressed against his chest and his arm was tucked snugly across her chest. He could think of worse things to do with that arm.

He felt her breathing change and knew that she was starting to wake up too. He almost didn't want her to wake up. He felt like he couldn't take any more heartbreak. Liar, a voice in his mind hissed at him. You would follow her to the ends of the earth no matter if her heart was beating or not.

I clutched his hand closer to me and sighed. "Jake?"

Here is comes, he thought. "Yeah."

I squeezed my eyes shut and a single tear streaked down my face. "I missed you."

"Oh Bells." Jacob nuzzled his face closer into her hair. "I only ran because…"

"I know." I turned over and looked him in the eyes for the first time in forever. "I'm sorry. I am truly so sorry. I never… You are… Jake…"

"What Bells?" Jacob watched as she struggled for words.

I could feel every emotion battling inside of me. I knew what we needed. It wouldn't do anything about the talk we were going to have later, or help me pick up my life after leaving Edward at the alter, but my heart yearned for it. "Kiss me."

"What?" Jacob's eyes widened.

"I'm asking you to kiss me." I felt his breathing pick up slightly as his mouth inched closer to mine. He moved so slowly, almost like he was waiting for me to back out on him like I always did. I wasn't having any of that.

I met his lips halfway, and saw his shocked look before he closed his eyes in pleasure. His mouth was moving on mine so gently, cherishing every touch of our lips. I moved my hand to press against his chest and felt his heart skip a beat at the contact.

Jacob pulled his mouth away. "Bella?" He looked at me questioningly.

He wanted to know whether I was going to go back to Edward. "No Jake."

A smile played across his lips as he closed his eyes. He opened them again to look at my face. "Stay with me?"

He had the sweetest smile. I barely had time to say yes when he crushing me to his chest and buried his face in my neck.

"Oh Bella," he sighed.

We stayed in bed holding each other close for a while, not wanting to face the outside world. Eventually though, we had to get up. When I told him that I had to go, he only held me closer.

"I just got you back Bells. Don't ask me to let you go yet."

I smiled. "Come with me then."

"I can do that."

He laughed at me when I sat up and realized that I was still in my wedding dress. My very wrinkled wedding dress, I might add. He got up when he saw my glare and threw a t-shirt and an old pair of sweats on the bed. Jacob kissed me on the forehead and left the room, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Our relationship was easy as breathing.

Jacob parked the rabbit beside the police cruiser. He looked over at me squeezed my hand. "It's ok Bells." When I still made no move to get out, he nudged me towards the door. "Come on, I'll be right there with you."

I couldn't believe how calm he was about this. Yesterday I was getting ready to marry Edward when I suddenly decide halfway down the aisle that it's not what I want and disappear for the rest of the day. Oh yes, the wedding of my father's dreams. Not.

I knew I couldn't put this off any more, so I climbed out of the rabbit. Jacob just stood behind me as I cautiously opened the door. Charlie was sitting on the couch. Jacob nudged me over towards him and sat himself on chair.

"Bells." He said sternly. "What the hell were you thinking?"

I looked down at my shoes. "Well, uh…"

"Was it cold feet?"

I sat down beside him. "No." I looked back and forth from Jacob to Charlie and back again as I tried to put it into words. "I felt like I was a different person. Like I had to change in order to be with him." Jacob looked at me more closely than before. "Every time I looked at him standing there, I wished it wasn't him." Jacob's dark eyes softened and closed as he listened to me.

I didn't know whether I should tell them the last part. This was the part that both of them would be the most interested in hearing. Something that they had waited for forever since I had chosen him.

"My heart broke that someone else wasn't there, waiting for me," I whispered.

"Bella," Jacob breathed.

Charlie nodded. "Well, I have to run." At my puzzled look, he just shrugged. "Going fishing."

Without another word, he walked out of the house and left Jacob and I alone. I didn't know what to say to him. He just kept staring at me from across the room. "Jake I thought we were just friends. Best friends, yeah, but I didn't think it went farther than that. I was so wrong."

I moved slowly across the room to stand right in front of him. As I looked into his fathomless dark eyes, I said the words that had been true for a long time now; only I hadn't realized it yet.

"Jake, I love you."

He stood slowly and wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me flush with his body. His lips feathered across mine and trailed across my cheek to my ear. "I love you too Bells. I always have."

Our kiss was timeless. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my hips into his. His hair was starting to grow out and it felt to good to grab fistfuls of it in my hands as his tongue glided across mine.

"Jake," I panted. "Please."

He rested his forehead on mine. "I can't."

"Why?" I looked into his eyes, searching.

"It's too soon." Jacob was frustrated. He wanted so badly to give Bella everything she wanted, but she had decided to not marry the bloodsucker barely twenty-four hours ago. He was all for anything she had in mind, but wanted to be sure that she knew what she was doing. He knew he wouldn't be able to stop once he finally gave in. It was the whole letting the cat out of the bag thing: easy to let out, hard to get back in.

"Ok. But Jake?" I smiled as he groaned. "It's nothing painful, I promise!"

He chuckled under his breath. "Sure Bells."

"No really. Let's just stay here today."

"And do what?"

"I don't know. Watch movies?"

"Sure, why not."

Jacob and I sat on the couch for the rest of the afternoon and into the evening. It was so comforting to relax with him and act like normal human beings. It felt like the last few months hadn't happened. I had never met the Cullen's, Jake and I were just Jake and I – just like when him and Billy came over that first time to welcome me to Forks, and I forgot all about the supernatural and scary things that had occurred since I got here.

Well, forgot about them until I heard his stomach growl. He supervised and sampled as I made dinner and I gave him the leftover pasta to take home for Billy. Balancing the food in his hand as he walked out the door, he pulled me towards him once more. "I missed you."

"I missed you too Jake."

"Come see me tomorrow?"

"In the afternoon. There's something I have to do first."

"You don't have to go alone."

"Yes, I do. I'll come over as soon as I'm done. Ok?"

Instead of answering, he kissed me and walked off into the night. He hadn't even gotten into his car and I already missed him.

I got ready for bed slowly that night. I wasn't tired yet. When the hot shower didn't lull me to sleep, I read a book for a while and then gave up after I realized that I hadn't turned the page in the last 45 minutes. Shaking my head at my idiocy, I tucked the book into a drawer and turned off my light. Charlie still hadn't come back yet and the house seemed too large and lonely since Jacob left.

As I stared up at the ceiling, I replayed every moment since I had met Edward. As embarrassing as it was to think, I knew that the whole time I was only fascinated with him. After everything that we had gone through, Edward had never treated me like an equal. Yes I was something special, but I was too fragile for him.

I couldn't pinpoint exactly where all of my realizations occurred. They were slow, and took their time coming to the surface. I could think of one thought though that was the most important one of them all as I finally fell asleep.

Jacob never lied to me.

Chapter 2: Changing

I was so nervous as I drove up the lane towards their house. I still loved them like my own family. Edward would always be my first love and hold a special place, but I didn't love him that way anymore. I knew that as soon as I made the choice as I walked down the aisle, I had to let him go. He was immortal, I told myself, and would find someone else who would love him.

So it wasn't Edward that I was worried about talking to. Nope, not worried about Edward at all. I was worried about Alice.

I hadn't even gotten to the door and Edward was already standing there. You know the whole pep talk I had done in the truck on my way here? Yeah, vanished as soon as I saw him. He didn't look too good. I knew vampires couldn't get sick, but he looked like he had one hell of a hangover.

"Can we talk?"

He nodded and shut the door behind him. We walked back over to the truck and I sat on the tailgate. "I'm…"

To shut me up, he placed his finger across my lips. "Don't. I don't want to hear that you are sorry." He looked away. "Why?"

"When I met you, things were happening so fast. I thought I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. But Edward, I love him too. I want to live and I can't do that with you. I don't want to leave my family and everyone I know behind. I don't want to watch them from afar. I don't want to get old, but I'll deal with that later."

"Jacob isn't aging either."

"Stop it. He will."

Edward scrutinized my face for a moment. "What aren't you telling me?"

"He never lied to me."

He glared at me. "I did what I had to do to protect you!"

This is what irked me about him. "No, you lied because you thought I couldn't handle it. Jake told me what was happening so I could have a say in the solution."

"Bella, I just wanted to protect you. Maybe I should have…"

"No maybe, you should have told me."

"I still don't understand."

I looked him straight in the eyes. "You treat me like a porcelain doll that should be kept in a glass cabinet. Jake treats me like a human being that can make my own decisions. They may not be the best in the world – I haven't lived as long as you have – but I need to make mistakes."

Edward sighed. "Ok."

"Just ok?"

"Yes Bella. I told Jacob that I would let you go if you chose him. I never thought it would happen though." He looked back towards the house. "Goodbye Bella." With that he headed back towards the house. "Alice wants to see you."

"Ok." I said. I was trying not to cry by now. I had never though that he would be so calm about this.

"Bella!"

I opened my eyes to see Alice standing right in front of me. She didn't look too mad, but I wasn't sure.

"Do you not love me anymore?"

"Of course I do. I'll always love you. I just need to live my life."

"Sisters?"

"Always!"

"Yay!" Alice wrapped her arms around Bella for a quick hug. "We have to stay in touch."

"Does that mean that you will be checking up on me?"

"Not exactly." Alice smiled. "I won't be looking for you, but if I happen to see something, then I will let you know. Besides, we have to watch the Volturi."

I paled slightly.

"Don't worry. I will see if they decide something long before they actually do."

"Oh Alice, I'm really going to miss you."

"Bye Bella."

I sat there for another minute and then climbed into the truck. I knew I had made the right decision yesterday, as that wasn't nearly as hard as I had thought it would be.

Jacob was waiting for me when I got to his house. He opened my door before I even had a chance to shut off the engine. "How long have you been sitting there?" I asked as I threw myself into his embrace.

He laughed softly into my ear. "Forever."

Jacob and I walked towards the garage. After we sat down and opened our warm sodas, I got up the courage to ask him a question that had been plaguing me for hours. "Jacob, did you really mean forever?"

He looked at me like I was crazy. "Bella…"

"I mean, what if I had turned?"

Jacob closed his eyes and looked away for a few minutes and then looked straight at me. "I would have waited even then."

"Even if I was cold and we were enemies?"

"Even then. I would have stayed a wolf forever so that I would be there when you changed your mind."

I put my head on his shoulder and wrapped my arm around his.

"It felt like an eternity watching you with Cullen. Even longer watching you get ready to marry him. I couldn't stand it."

"How come you got here so quickly? I thought you were in Canada or something."

He smiled into my hair. "That's the funny part. I think some part of me knew what was going to happen. I started heading back last week. I don't even think I noticed it consciously until I hit the border."

Jacob paused and stared into space. I couldn't help but notice how old he looked in that moment. "Is that when Seth go a hold of you?"

"Yeah." Jacob looked into my eyes. "That's when I ran. As soon as I saw what had happened, I knew, and I ran. I don't think I've even run so hard in my life."

I smiled. "I'm glad you did."

Jacob and I sat there in the garage looking out into the forest that surrounded his house. It was so natural to curl up with Jacob and rest my head on his shoulder. I fell asleep with his hand making slow circles on my back.

"Bella." Jacob whispered.

I answered by snuggling closer into his chest. He chuckled. "Wrong way Bella."

"What?"

"Now I wouldn't mind if you wanted to spend the night, but I'm not sure Charlie would appreciate it."

I opened my eyes and stared outside at the dark forest. "Oh my god!" I sat up and turned towards Jacob. His eyes were so dark and stared straight into mine as if he could see my soul. It made me feel naked and for some strange reason exceptionally comfortable.

My breath hitched in my throat as his mouth moved closer to mine. He hovered with his mouth barely an inch from mine and that drove me wild. I could feel the heat from his lips radiating onto mine. His breath fanned hot against my face. I couldn't take it anymore. If I didn't feel his mouth on mine soon I would go mad.

As soon as I touched my hand to his chest and my lips to his, I felt like the world shifted beneath me. One of his hands went to the small of my back while the other wrapped around the side of my neck with his thumb caressing my cheek. His mouth was hot, and demanding, and insistent against mine.

"Bells," Jacob whispered as he trailed kisses down my neck, "tell me what you want."

I couldn't think with his mouth moving on my skin. It didn't help that his hands were running up and down my sides, barely skimming my breasts.

"Jacob." I moved to straddle him, wrapping my legs around his hips. I could feel how hard he was through his shorts. He was hard and hot and the stiff length of him felt so good pressed against me. "Please."

I felt him smile against my throat and that made me need him even more. "I need to feel you."

Jacob pulled away. "You sure Bells?"

"Yeah." I rubbed my hands over his chest and pulled up his shirt. I loved looking at him. Jacob pulled his shirt off and then started to undo the buttons of my shirt.

Jacob's breathing picked up as my shirt slid off my shoulders. I kept kissing him as his hands moved over my body. I was starting to get impatient with the pace he was setting, so I ground myself against him.

His hands undid my jeans and he picked me up like I was made of air. I wiggled out of my jeans before he set me down on the hood of the rabbit. I thought I would be uncomfortable sitting in front of a man the first time in nothing but my bra and underwear, but with Jacob it seemed different. Almost like we had been together before.

He slid his hand over my underwear and there was no way that he wouldn't know how much I wanted him. I heard his jeans being undone and the sound was so erotic. I knew he was hard and ready and the only thing between us was my underwear.

"Bells, are you sure?" Jacob asked.

All I could do was nod and then my underwear was gone. I felt him pause and then slowly slide into me.

"God Bella, you are so wet." Jacob moaned. I felt him pause. "Ready?"

I shook my head and the sharp pain was over before I even had time to register it. I could feel his muscles quiver as he kept himself still inside me.

"He never…"

"No Jake, he never touched me."

Jacob sighed. "Small favors."

He grabbed each of my legs at the knee and lifted them up to his hips and started to slide himself in and out of me. It felt amazing. I could feel myself building up to something that I had never experienced with another person before. I had touched myself before, but I had never felt the intensity that I was feeling now.

Looking into Jacob's dark eyes, I could see he was enjoying this just as much as I was. His skin was shimmering and taking on an almost reddish hue as he got closer.

I slid my fingers down to touch myself and Jacob picked up the pace. I was dangling on the edge and couldn't wait to take the fall. I felt myself clenching around Jacob and that drove him wild. He began to thrust into me harder and faster. When he threw his head back and all of his muscles tensed, I knew he had taken the same fall I had.

I pulled Jacob down onto me and held him close while our breathing quieted.

"I love you."

"I love you too Bells. Forever"