Listen To Your Heart ch. 1

I hate you, Quinn Fabray!

That was the last thing that she yelled at me with tears steaming down her beautiful face before slapping me across the face as she walked out of my life for good. My heart broke in that instant but I knew that I was doing the right thing even though it was killing me on the inside because I had promised her that I wouldn't do anything to hurt her. I wish that I had been born a boy instead of a freak and it doesn't help that I had to hear the exact same from my hypocritical father that he wished that I had been born a boy. He had had to be saddled with the abomination of my mere existence and wish that my mother had aborted me if he knew what the end result of the pregnancy would be so I would sully the Fabray name. My parents had tried to keep my secret under wraps so the only one that knew about my secret was my parents and my doctor so I had to be extra careful when I had to shower with the squad.

I had to deal with the surprise erections that would spring up without warning and it didn't help when Brittany and Santana would use the showers for extracurricular activities. Dad would always tell me that my friends were sinners and that I shouldn't associate with them so they wouldn't put any uncouth ideas into my head. He would always tell me that touching myself in the sexual nature was a sin and it was straying from the path that God had lay out for me to follow but I couldn't see the big deal or why God had a problem with homosexuals. I have been friends with Santana and Brittany for years and they have always had my back when I needed them and surprisingly I'm good friends with Kurt although sometimes it feels he's using me as his personal project. When I was fifteen, I had to wear these compression short underneath my clothes so no one would find out about my cock but then one day I ended up waking up later than I normally do causing me to forgo putting them on.

I threw on my clothes as fast as I could before reaching for my backpack and my car keys on my way out the door. I heard Mom yell something to me but I couldn't afford to asked what she needed to tell me as I broke a few laws on the way to make it on time but unfortunately I was late regardless as Mr. Peterson chewed me out in front of the entire class. Embarrassment washed over me as I sat down in the back and the shitty day continued as I forget to put my homework at home for AP Calculus and I failed my AP History. When I thought that the day couldn't get any worse, I'm proven wrong when I forgot my wallet at home so I couldn't paid for lunch and had to go hungry as the day ended with Coach Sylvester running us ragged while the unfortunate duty of having to hold Santana. It gave me a rather clear of her black thongs as it stirred something in my lower regions and I had to go through practice uncomfortably with an erection but thank God that no one was none the wiser about it as I made a beeline for the bathroom.

I hid them there until the last girl left. I was so sure that everyone had headed home as I stripped down to my birthday suit and turned on the shower, gripping the base of my hardened cock as I ran my hand along my length. I was so lost in my own pleasure that I didn't hear someone's voice or the footsteps getting closer and closer until the curtain of my shower being pulled back as I let out the most girlish scream in my life to come face to face the shocked faces of my soon-to-be ex-friends. I knew that they saw my cock and were disgusted by me as they wouldn't want to be my friends anymore, slumped down the wall of the shower stall to hide my erection from me but the last thing that I had expected was a hand in front of me to see the Latina with a softened expression on her face. I was hesitant to take it at first as I looked at Brittany was smiling reassuringly as she offers her hand to me as well.

I took their hands as they helped me onto my feet and I knew that they had questions for me but they didn't bombarded me with them like I had expected them to as I shyly hide my erection with my hands as much as possible.

"Who knew that you were hiding that kind of heat, Q" Santana said smirking. "Don't hide from us, Quinnie. This just mean that we can have all kinds of fun, right Santi" Brittany said bouncing on the balls of her feet, excitedly.

"Looks like Mini Q likes that idea, Britt-Britt" Santana said as my cock twitch at the proposition. "What do you say, Q? Wanna get down and dirty with us"

After that day in the locker-room, it brought the three of us a lot closer and I became more confident in myself but I broke the friends with benefit with them because I could tell that Santana was falling more and more in love with Brittany. The last thing that I wanted was to stand in their way but I think for the most part, Latina has been didn't need much help in that department but luckily she's gotten her shit together over the years since graduating McKinley. I never expected to fall in love with the most overly opinionated, stubborn as a mule, high-maintenance girl that I have ever met but when she opened her mouth to sing, it's like hearing a angel sing. I knew in that moment that I had to have but she was going out with the quarterback of the pathetic football team, Finn Hudson and honestly I couldn't see what she saw in him as the boy was as dense as a brick wall.

Rachel tried several times to befriend me several times and every time I opened my mouth, something mean and insulting or something stupid came out of my mouth and this went on for about a year but for some reason, she just kept offering her hand in friendship. It wasn't until we had to do a project for Chemistry that we got closer and started a friendship together but I knew couldn't have her over at my house since Dad had a serious grudge against the diva's dads. It turned that Dad and the angel's Dad LeRoy were friends from middle school all the way until their first year of college as they both went to Ohio State University and that's where Mr. LeRoy met Mr. Hiram. As time went on, they fell in love and Mr. LeRoy spent less time with Dad which he blamed Mr. Hiram for as his hate for the short Jewish man grew when his best friend quit the football team.

Dad would go and go about how his friend was led astray and how his former friend could've been in the NFL right if he hadn't be turned into a homosexual as I wished that I had say something back then. I met LeRoy and Hiram and see how much of a loving relationship that they have as I wish for that kind of relationship while they welcomed me with open arms and warm smiles. I spent a lot of time in the Berry residence as they treated me like I was part of the family as they often tell me that they think I'm a better fit for their daughter than her then boyfriend as it felt like they knew about my feelings. I tried to be good friends to Rachel when Finn had done or say something oafish to upset her and I knew that I couldn't have her in that way so I made myself believe that I was content with just being her best friend which I did for about six months.

I couldn't stand by and watch the girl that I loved with someone as undeserving as Finn Hudson so I serenaded the diva in front of the entire school with my guitar, confessing my love her. I didn't care about the consequences cause I knew that it would mean that m parents would find out but as along as I had the diva by my side and surprisingly she returned my feelings as she had broken up with the quarterback months ago. It wasn't easy but it was worth it as Dad found out what I had done and he was so disgusted by me making a fool out of myself and how he's never been more disappointed in me followed with telling me to break up with Rachel or else. I walked out the place that was my home for the last sixteen years, taking as much of my stuff as I could stuff into two duffel bags before driving to Santana's place and her parents were gracious enough to allow me to live with them.

It was a weight off of my shoulders to be no longer living under such a stifling environment and I could just be me as it was a complete one-eighty living with the Lopez' as they liked me well enough as I spent a lot time there over the years, treating me like a second daughter. I think that Mr. and Mrs. Lopez like the influence that I have on their daughter but who knows and they were accepting of my relationship with Rachel who they saw a lot of. The tiny diva was more upset about my being kicked out than I was and I had to talk out of going over there to give my parents a stern lecture but it was nice to know that I have people looking out for me. Things at school weren't any different as we got a few people whispering and pointing at us but it wasn't too bad but I did have to deal with Finn trying to convince Rachel that she was just confused and that they were meant to be together.

The angel would thawed his advances for months until the quarterback changed his tactics as he would make comments or corner me when we weren't together, telling me that I wasn't good enough for Rachel as I was only holding her back. As much I hated it, Finn's word got to me and I didn't want to believe him but I couldn't help the doubt that I was feeling and I couldn't tell her this as it would only make her worry about me. In the end, I was too much of a coward to stand by herself while she made a name for herself in New York because I thought that I would lose to one of those perfect performing arts student or someone with normal anatomy. I took the selfish route by breaking up with Rachel before she had the opportunity to break my heart so she could be could be with someone that could give her more than I ever could, someone that's on her level.

The night of high school graduation at Puckerman' Grad Night Party was the night I would end our relationship and I had a bottle of liquid courage or several of them before going into to search her. After about an hour of searching for the tiny diva, I found her on the makeshift dance floor with Brittany as I took in her appeal of a black dress that hugs her curves deliciously and my no-so-little friend agreed with me. We locked eyes, she added a little sway to her hip as she made her way over towards me and it took all of my willpower not to take her right then and there, not caring who saw us. Before I could say anything, Rachel grabbed me by the neck to mesh our

lips together as desire washed over my body as her tongue probed my lips apart and I could taste the alcohol and a bit of strawberries. I heard a few cat-calls and wolf whistles but I ignored them as I looked into those hypnotic chocolate brown eyes as she looked at me with desire and lust but there was love and adoration as well although I knew it wouldn't last long. Before I could get the words that I needed to say out, Puckerman came up behind me as he wrapped his arm around my neck, nearly chocked me to death with a beer in his hand.

"Fabray! You made it!" Puck cheered.

"Can you not yell in my ear, Puck?" I said pushing him off of me.

"Don't be like that, Fabray. We're bros and we need to get shit-faced together" Puck said downing the beer in one gulp.

"Yeah, I rather not. Come on Rachel" I said taking her by the hand.

I led her up the stairs into the guest bedroom, closing the door behind us then resting my forehead against the closed door as I really don't want to have this conversation but it needed to happen. The last thing that I needed right now was to have any kind of interruptions as I turned around to talk to my girlfriend then the next thing that I knew was finding myself on my back on the bed. Rachel reached behind her, unzipped the dress that she was wearing to reveal the sexy ruby red lingerie as it stirred my cock to life before she straddled my thighs, grinding her core against it. She lowered herself on to me as she kissed along my jaw up to my ear before nibbling on it.

"Make love to me, Quinn" Rachel husked out.

That was all that it took for the floodgate to open up as I made love to her like it was the last time and I knew that it would be so we made love until the early hours of the morning. I knew that I only made things that much harder but I couldn't stretch things any longer so when I woke up to find Rachel drawn invisible shapes on my hip with a lazy smile on her lips.

"Rachel?"

"Hmm?"

"We need to talk" I said swallowing thickly.

"What's wrong, sweeetie?" Rachel asked frowning slightly.

"I don't know how to say this but… we need to break up"

Rachel stiffened at what I said then she sits up, facing away from me.

"Did I do something wrong? Wasn't I enough last night?" Rachel whispered softly.

"You were more than enough and what happened last night was perfect. I will treasure it always but I don't think that this is going to work out between us" I said running my hand through my hair.

"Is-Is there someone else? Did I mean anything to you?!" Rachel asked angrily.

"No one else and you mean everything to me" I shot back. "I wouldn't have dated you for the last two years if you meant nothing to me!"

"Oh please, you don't think I see how all the other girls drool over you and you eat up the attention but you're not hot shit, Quinn!"

"I never said that I was and I don't noticed those girls"

"Yeah right and you probably sleeping with them behind me but you know what, screw you. I never want to see you ever again and I hate you Quinn Fabray" Rachel said slapping me across the face.

I woke up a start before sighing quietly, running my hand through my hair as I rolled onto my back when a cry fills the room from the baby monitor as the body next to mine shifts slightly. I looked the naked form of my girlfriend/baby mama Danielle Taylor or Dani for short, and I let out another sigh as much as I love the blue haired singer, it was more of the love that I have for someone like Santana or Brittany. The only reason that we're together now is because our agents thought that it would be good for both of our careers if we pretended to date but my feelings for a certain Broadway never went away no matter buried deep inside they are. Dani is an up and coming singer on the raise and we met at one of the clubs that I spin at as we struck up a conversation, hitting it off instantly and after a few drinks, I brought her back to my place for a little bump and grind.

When we woke, it turns out that the paparazzi took a pictures of us leaving the club together and made it seem like we were dating as it wasn't long that our agents told that we should play along with it as it would be good publicity for us. The singer and I get along well enough and we kept up the ruse for nearly four years now but the last thing that either one of expected was when we found that Dani was pregnant. She was scared of being a mother as her own parents blew a gasket when they found her making out with a girl in their basement and she left with guitar, never looking back but I promised her that I would be there every step of the way. That was nearly a year ago and Ryan Charlie Fabray was born as it was the best day of my life when I got to hold my daughter in my arms for the very first time. She was perfect with ten little fingers and ten toes as I pushed myself out of bed to check up on her to find my daughter, standing in her crib with tears streaming down her face as I pulled into my arms.

I rocked her back and forth in the rocking, singing 'Defying Gravity' softly as in a matter of seconds, Ryan's sleeping sounding against my chest as I don't know why she loves that song so much but it never fails to put a smile on her face. After the breakup with Rachel, I moved out to California because it was the furthest away from New York as possible and there was no way that I would run into her. Santana's parents were supportive of my decision and they were that their daughter had managed to get her act together as she moved with me to become a pediatrician and as the Latina would deny it, she has a soft spot for children. They managed to find an affordable apartment for us to share and I didn't want to go school so I got a waitress job while honing my Deejaying skills as I tried out for several clubs and got shot by every single one of them.

I didn't let that stop me and it was nearly a year and an half of moving out here that I applied for this new club that opened up that the owner decided to try me for a week and if I could do a good job that I could become the resident DJ. To say that kill it would be a hundred percent accurate as the people loved my mash-ups as well as the original music that I created as Rhythm Nation became one of the most popular club on the LA night scene. I keep tabs on my ex-girlfriend to find out that she's doing rather well for herself as she made it to Broadway like she said that she would and now has made a few guest appearance on several television with a possible permanent spot on this fantasy show called Assassin's Strike. I heard about her marriage to Brody Weston from Kurt and it nearly killed me to find that out but I wanted nothing more than her happiness if this Brody could give it to her than I'm happy for her but I can't help wishing it was me that she was marrying.

The tiny Broadway star looks happy and I found out that she was pregnant with twins after a year of being married to Brody or Donkey face as Santana's dubbed him and I couldn't agree with her about the nickname. The twins should be roughly six or seven years old right now and they're just as adorable as their mother is as the last ten years have aged her beautifully and I knew that Rachel would be a great mother. I looked through the mail with Ryan on my hips when I stopped at the letter with a name on it and I opened it to see that it's letter about my class reunion, feeling rather apprehensive about attending it. There's a huge possibility that I'll see Rachel there and I haven't had any contact with her since that night at Puckerman's place as I'm surprised that I kept in contact with the former sex shark/bad boy turned Air Force sergeant.

"What's this?" Dani asked plucking the letter from my hand.

"Just a letter about my stupid ten year class reunion. No big deal" I shrugged.

"Where are we going?" Dani asked curious.

"We aren't going anywhere" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh so you don't want me to go with you?" Dani asked raising an eyebrow.

"When I said we, I meant we as in the both of us. I don't even want to go"

"Why not? It could be fun and it means free booze" Dani said wiggling her eyebrows.

"As much as I enjoy free booze, the last thing that I want to do is going back to Lima, Ohio if I have to" I said plopping down on the couch.

"You go back for Thanksgiving and Christmas though" Dani said sitting on her calves next to me.

"Because I promised Mami and Papi that I would and I would feel bad if I just cut them out of my life after everything that they've done for" I said rubbing my eyes.

"Fair enough point but I think that we should go just to rub your success in a certain someone's face" Dani grins.

"As much as I would enjoy it but I just don't know and we don't have a babysitter for Ryan. I don't feel right leaving her here with someone and I think she's a little young to be away from us"

"Okay, we go the class reunion and stay for a few hours. If you feel like you want to leave early then we will and we could always take her with us to Lima. I'm sure that your adoptive parents won't watching her for us"

"Ughhhhhhhh, you're not gonna let go, are you?" I groaned loudly.

"Nope. I don't know why but I think that this could be good for you" Dani said resting her head against my shoulder.

"I'm not so sure about that but I trust you"

The last ten years were truly something and I couldn't ask for a better life than I have right now but I can't help feeling like something is missing although if I'm truly honest with myself. I thought that I would be living this life with a certain blonde but it's funny how life set your plans on fire as I never expected Quinn to break up with me that morning and every bone in my body for months wanted to hate her for ripping my heart to shreds. That summer before moving New York was brutal as I hardly left room, crying my eyes out, eating tubs of vegan ice cream, and listening to sad love songs that reminded of her before Kurt, Sam and Mike came over to snap me out of it.

They tried to snap me out of my breakup funk and thankful to them for caring enough to do it as they helped me work off of the ice cream that I had inhaled. I found a decent apartment in Bushwick and the boy followed me there as Chang had gotten into Julliard while the fashionista and I attend NYADA since Julliard doesn't have a musical theatre program as Sam tries his hand at modeling. My first year at NYADA was grueling as it seemed like my dance instructor had it in for me especially sine I walked into her class that first day but as it turned out that she truly did believe in my abilities in own twisted kind of way. I found my place at college and I threw myself into my studies as after a year and half, I felt confident enough to try dating again as I have had a few girlfriends and two boyfriends but nothing too serious or lasted more than a few months.

It was then after returning from the holidays and I started my summer classes of my second year in New Year was when I accidentally bumped into a muscular back of one Brody Weston. He was very handsome and incredibly talented as I come to find out in one of my dance classes as well as very kind and sweet but the guys were very suspicious of him but I thought that they were just being over protective of me. Brody and I started dating after a couple of weeks and it's been wonderful as we entered our third year of college and I auctioned for parts for different off- Broadway productions and I knew that I couldn't be picky about the roles that I received as long as I was building a reputation. Luckily the guys kept me fairly grounded for when my head got filled with hot air but I was caught off guard when my boyfriend, asked me to marry him after nearly two years of dating but I accepted nonetheless.

I thought that I was going to be happy with him and I was although the guys and my Dads were against the union but they showed up to the wedding regardless because I don't think that I could've gone through with it if they weren't there. I worked hard as I auctioned for parts and doing several plays until I finally got the call to play the lead role as Franny Brice. I couldn't be anymore happy and it was until halfway through the rehearsals that I found out that I was pregnant as I rushed home to tell my husband, expecting him to be happy about the news along to find out that he didn't want to have children. I wanted to cry in that moment because I was the only one that the growing lives in my belly but I didn't care because I was going to have these babies regardless of Brody as I know that they are going to receive plenty of love from my Dads and their uncles.

Nine months later, Dean and Carter Berry were born and I couldn't be any happier than right now and I knew that my husband would come around when he sees their adorable faces but I was wrong as he was distant towards the boys. He would go out of his way to avoid if he could as the boy hardly knew the man that they called their father but I still love him because we have history together and around the twin's third birthday, Brody started making a conscious effort to be around as their father. I love my boys and I would do anything for them as they get bigger every single day but as it's been ten years since I left the dim lights of Lima, Ohio for the bright lights of New York and anyone would think I would be happy with how my life has turned as I have a great career, a perfect loving husband, amazing children and with great friends.

I don't know why but it feels like Brody has changed, like he's pulling away from me the last three years of our marriage and I have tried everything that I could think of to keep him interest but to no avail as it seems like everything that I do annoys him. It wasn't until I was going through the mail one day that I received two letters, one about RSVP-ing for my ten year reunion while the other was several pictures of my husband getting lap dances from hookers, spending money on said hookers, and doing various drugs. As much as I didn't want to believe that this could be true but I have the proof staring me dead in the face as I slide down to the floor, tears running my face. I hear the door open and close as the footsteps get closer to as Brody walks into the kitchen with an eyebrow raised then his eyes fall on the pictures.

"Are you cheating on me, Brody? Is your family not enough for you?"

"Rachel, it's not what it looks likes" Brody sighs. "I-I… I have a problem and I didn't want to tell you because I didn't want to look like a failure to you"

"Why didn't you just come to me for help? I'm your wife and I would have helped you, I love you so much" I said wrapping my arms.

"I thought that I could this on my own but I just can't. I don't want to lose you, Rachel" Brody said burying his face into my chest.

"You're not going to lose me, babe. I'm going anywhere, okay" I said rubbing his back.

After awhile, we got into bed and just held each other until Brody fell sleep but I had no suck luck as I found myself wondering what my life would have been like if Quinn and I hadn't broken but I shake to rid myself of those thoughts. Our relationship had ran its course and there was no point in dwelling on the 'what ifs' or 'what could have beens' as I'm even sure if it's a good idea to go this reunion if there's a possibilities that I would have to come face to face with the very person that broke my heart all those years ago. By the time that I fallen asleep, the boys were ready to head off to school as I dragged myself out of bed to make sure that they have everything that they needed as well as cook them a nutritious breakfast while my husband continued sleeping. I'm trying to find out what do about him as the boy couldn't find out what's going on with their daddy as I don't want them to think badly of him or know that something's wrong.

"Mommy, are you going to bake cookies for our class' bake sale?" Dean asked biting on his bacon.

"Of course, do you boys want to be my little helpers?" I asked smiling.

"Yeah!" Carter and Dean cheered happily.

"I need you boys to keep it down because Daddy is still sleeping" I said in mock whisper.

Carter and Dean giggle as they shushed each other as Brody walks into the room, coming up behind me as he wraps his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder. I turn in him, taking his face in my hands as I take a good look at him to see exhausted he seems and I know that he has took a bit of hit in the career and have been getting call-backs as it has made me the sole breadwinner but I never notice how much it has been affecting him. If I noticed sooner than maybe I could have put a stop to my husband's downwards spiral but I can't focus on the past as I help him find his way back to previous self. The boys left the room out their shoes on and to get their backpacks, leaving the both of us alone as my husband gives me a tired smile before kissing me tenderly before his eyes falls on the letter on the counter.

"Ten year reunion, huh?" Brody says before turning his attention back to me. "Sounds like fun. You going?"

"I don't think so. I have no reason to go back there and I saw my Dads two week ago" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"It could be fun and it's a good excuse to see old friends" Brody said smiling.

"Maybe but I don't know" I said biting my lip.

"Or just that you're worried that as soon as you leave that I'll go get high"

"Brody I-"

"Rachel, it's okay. I wouldn't trust me after finding out what you did so why not we go together so you have to worry about me and I'm sure that your Dads miss the boys" Brody said caressing my cheek.

"Are you sure that you're up from something like this?" I asked worried.

"Yeah, I'm sure and it could good to have a bit of eye-candy on your arm" Brody said winking.

"You know that you're more than eye-candy but promise me once we come back that you want to get cleaned, not just for me and the children but for yourself, then I will do everything that I can to help you" I said lacing our fingers together.

"I want to this. I want to get clean" Brody said kissing my knuckles. "I'll take the boys to school so why don't you go to the room and get some sleep"

"Thank you" I said kissing him on the cheek.

I kissed the twins on the cheek before Brody took them to school and I walked to into the room, getting under the covers as I allowed the hustle and bustle of New York lulled me to sleep. For some reason I couldn't help but feel like this trip to Lima is about to be life-changing although I can't help if it's for the best or for the worse.

~Nicole The Dragon Rider signing off

End of ch. 1