Disclaimer – I don't own anything. At all.
Flight Risk
"Who would awaken the past?
It shines like a sunrise
And cuts like a fine blade."
― Juliet Marillier, Foxmask
It's early morning when they reach the city, the sun beginning to rise in the horizon, the orange beams reflect off skyscraper windows. The picturesque scenery is a blur as Bruce stares out of the window, choosing to ignore the pilot rather than engage in small talk neither man appreciate. Bruce is content to keep to himself and Fury let him. There's not much to say and for the most part their journey has been in companionable silence but as the city skyline looms in the distance, Bruce can feel the anticipation build slowly. He's not sure what will be waiting for them at the Tower; a swarm of journalists cohabiting the sidewalk alongside hordes of fans and protestors was nothing new but he wondered whether they would be joined by heavily armoured vehicles ready to contain him. He remembers hearing Hill mention it in passing when they were on the jet but no one broached the subject since. He closes his eyes as they fly over the bridge into Manhattan, ignoring the early commuters already on the move to start their day. Beside him, Fury appears oblivious as he navigates the helicopter toward the Tower.
"So, what are you waiting for?" The question comes out of the blue, cutting through Bruce's thoughts. He welcomes the distraction.
"Hmm? What are you talking about?"
"Something like this happens," Fury draws out with shrug. "You usually cut all ties and bolt. What are you waiting for?"
"I need to see this out," Bruce replies tightly. Nothing like this has happened on this scale before though he knew the Hulk was capable of it. If he didn't feel responsible for Ultron's creation, he would have run as soon as they landed the jet. He should've tried harder to play devil's advocate when Tony's started talking about using the sceptre to develop artificial intelligence but there was little or no way to reason with him when he got so excited about an idea; as a scientist, he was equally intrigued by it and got caught up in the possibilities. This situation is on him as much as Tony no matter how noble their intentions.
"So, you and Romanoff just gonna take off as soon as Ultron is neutralised or are you going to at least say goodbye to rest of the team?"
"Do you think you should be lecturing anyone on goodbyes?" Bruce barely bothers to disguise his exasperation as he addresses the spy.
There's no point trying to deny it; Fury always seems one step ahead of everyone. Bruce and Natasha shared a nonchalant "See you soon" in front of the team, trying to keep their faces neutral but she let him see her concern for him in her eyes when she left him with Fury and he knew it was mirrored in his own expression. They hadn't told any of the team about their plans, nor did he intend to. They would either try to talk them out of it or they would try to help and he wasn't sure which was worse.
For his part, Fury doesn't appear fazed by the comeback but he never does. "I'm not lecturing anyone, just want to know if you'll resurface when the world needs you."
"I'm last person the world needs, I destroy more of it than I can fix," Bruce sighs. He watches at the other man curiously for a long moment. In turn Fury pretends to ignore him as he prepares to land on the helipad. "Guess you didn't count on the Other Guy levelling a city," he relents thoughtfully.
"It was a risk," Fury admits with regret seeping into his tone. He doesn't try to pass the blame onto the young woman who knocked the Avengers on their ass and Bruce is grateful. No one admitted what she made them see but they were shattered after encountering her. He can't remember what she did to make him angry just a red fog settling over him causing him to transform. He remembers the rage though. And for the first time since transforming, he thinks it may not have been his but her rage he felt. A lot of rage she can barely control. Not even Natasha could've helped him.
"Was this your plan? With the lullaby?"
"You think I planned your feelings for Romanoff?" His words might be indignant but the man sounds strangely amused, slightly perplexed by Bruce's question.
"You seem to be able to control everything else."
Yes, he's testy and weary and he hasn't been able to close his eyes without seeing flashes of the terrified expressions of the people whose city he destroyed less than twenty-four hours before. He can't do anything about hearing their screams on constant loop in his ears. He doesn't usually project but Fury dragged him into this when they were searching for the Tesseract so Bruce figures he's a fair game for snide comments. If anything, the spy will give as good as he gets.
As for the lullaby, Bruce doesn't feel manipulated but he considered it briefly when they started working on it. It was one of the many stumbling blocks he had to overcome when they first tried. If they suggested it when they first met, he would have been certain that was their intent all along. But they hadn't. Natasha proposed it as an alternative to Tony's hulk sized suit long after SHIELD fell. After they became friends. He knows Natasha. He trusts her. He cares about her. And believes she feels the same for him. The lullaby wouldn't have worked if he didn't. It was essential and though Bruce rarely expressed his trust, leading to Natasha to question it herself a few days ago, it was one of the few emotions he could keep in check.
"She makes me feel safe," Bruce admits reluctantly. That description has a vaguely pathetic, dependent ring to it. He doesn't want to justify his feelings for her. Even he had to admit he kept her between himself and the rest of the team like a buffer when they were in the open living areas of Barton's home.
"Is that the only reason you agreed to let her run away with you?"
No, it isn't.
He still isn't convinced it's a good idea or if it'll work. But he wants it to. He wants this. He wants Natasha with him. But it is insane and goes against everything he's experienced since his accident. She dragged him into this thunderstorm of an adventure, made him a part of the team, made him believe there was a chance he could win for once in his life. Last few years have been strangely affirming, bonding with others who knew what it was like to live this kind of life, and God help him, he doesn't want to do it alone anymore.
Bruce expected whatever had been brewing between them at the party was obliterated after Johannesburg but she surprised him by being more forward, more open with her feelings than he'd ever experienced with her in the past. He considered her declarations a reaction to her experience with Wanda Maximoff but she was so earnest when she reached out to touch him. He barely had the resolve to stop her hand as it touched his neck, he doesn't know what he would have done if she joined him in the bathroom. He has the ability to hurt her, physically was a given if he ever lost control like he had in Johannesburg, but in the last few days the emotional cost was becoming all too apparent.
Natasha understands him and the Other Guy. She accepts he is part of the deal, more than Bruce does. Aside from their first encounter, Natasha tends to run toward him instead of away. He even finds the adrenaline junky side of her endearing. The bond they've formed terrifies him. He's never met anyone like her. She doesn't pity or fear him. She approaches him with a knowing empathy he only appreciated after getting to know her. She knows what it's like to be feared by everyone she meets.
He'll struggle to express the depth of his feelings for her, she seems to accept that too. Stemming from experience than being intentional. He is so scared of screwing up her life like he did Betty's. They would never stop running if a warrant was issued for his arrest. How long would they have before it all went to hell? Weeks, days, hours? All they would have is stolen time before they would need to go their separate ways. Wouldn't it be better to save her that heart break? He wanted to say no, let her have a better life than he can ever offer her, but he couldn't stand to see the tears glistening in her eyes and her broken voice as she divulged her well-guarded secrets, painfully exposing herself and her past; he felt her pain deep in his chest, deeply buried fantasies resurfacing briefly only to be ripped apart once again.
He could be happy with her. But that's not his life. It would be easy to be caught up with the romance but their life isn't a fairy tale and there won't be a happy ending for them. He should leave her behind, she has other options besides him. She'll hate him for it. But he wants the best for her and it isn't him. In time, she'll realise it too.
"Would set something up like what Barton has for Natasha if she asked?"
"She doesn't want that life Doctor," Fury answers with a knowing tone. She'd told him as much.
He doesn't elaborate and Bruce won't ask him to; he doesn't feel like debating want versus can't. Like how he wants to say no for her sake but can't because he's too selfish and wants this for them, for himself.
The helicopter circles the top of the Tower, the wind whipping around them, blowing the dust from the roof as it approaches. Neither speak as Fury concentrates on landing safely, touching the helicopter down with a soft thud. Fury stops the blades spinning as Bruce unbuckles. Through the window, Bruce sees Hill open the roof hatch in full SHIELD uniform ready to trade places with him.
"Bag at your feet," Fury directs as he starts to open the door.
"Huh?"
"Check the bag," Fury repeats nonplussed.
Bruce follows his instruction this time; pulling the bag into his lap and sliding the zip across to open it to reveal a stack of booklets held together by an elastic band. He takes note of the cell phones, burners presumably, beneath them. Putting the bag back by his feet, Bruce takes the booklets out, turning them so he can read the front. Passports. Several of them. He slides off the band and opens them without prompting from the other man. He goes through half of them, finding his picture or Natasha's in each. His jaw tightens as the rest of his body goes on alert.
"Is this an apology or a way to track us?"
"Both," Fury admits as if it were obvious. "She's never known anything else, not like the rest of us, she won't leave till the job's finished. And her definition of 'finished' is different from yours."
"She's changed," Bruce replies.
Fury nods along with his supposition. "She has, but there are some things you can't walk away from. You carry them with you wherever you go."
He carries the Hulk; Natasha, her ledger. "What are you trying to say?"
"That if the time comes and you feel the need to run off to the opposite end of the world, at least send her a postcard. Don't disappear and leave her guessing."
"Like you did?" He can't help the jab.
"I stand by my decision," Fury brusquely replies. "But you're the flight risk here Banner, and I'm willing to bet there's going to come a time when you get spooked and you'll leave her behind."
"You know she'd be pissed if she knew you were talking to me about this."
"Yeah, she would," Fury agrees with a chuckle.
"Are you telling me to leave her behind?"
"No," he says simply. "I think she needs you just as much as you need her. All I'm saying is if your plans change, walk away from the fight, not her."
Bruce slips from the helicopter leaving the passports and bag behind him. Fury's words, full of caution and home truths Bruce isn't in the right frame of mind to hear, push him forward, determined to prove him wrong.
Author Note – I was in two minds over whether Fury drove or flew them from Barton's farm to the Tower. In the end, flying won out because of the time frame, but I would've enjoyed a road trip scene between these two.
By the way, if you have a minute to spare, reviews are always welcome. Thank you for reading.