Chapter 1: Happy Birthday

Tap. Tap. Tap tap. Tap.

Elsa squeezed her quill at each knock. She had become intimately familiar with that rhythm, simultaneously loving and dreading it. The person that she cared for the most in all the world. The person that made her feel so awful that she wanted to curl up and cry.

Anna had arrived.

"Elsa?"

After so many years of barely seeing her sister's face, Elsa still imagined the tiny little five-year-old of her memories. Her sister's voice had changed, but the little redhead with stubby pigtails and tiny feet would forever be what she pictured behind that door. She would also picture Anna's watery, disappointed eyes, the slight pinch of her cheeks, and downward curve of her mouth as she tried not to cry with disappointment. Elsa used to look at her through the keyhole of her room, just to get a glimpse, but that practice had become unbearable years ago.

"It's me, Anna. I just, uh, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday!"

You still remember? Elsa thought. She didn't deserve Anna, not after all these years.

She'd tried everything. At first she would just say that she couldn't. It was the closest thing to the truth. She had homework to do, and Mama and Papa would kill her if she didn't get it done.

But Anna did not give up. She asked if she could help. So Elsa tried being polite. She would rather be alone right now, she had a good book that she couldn't put down. It felt like a little bit of a lie, but she did want to be alone sometimes, unable to muster the will to be strong for company.

But Anna did not give up. She wanted to see what book it was. So Elsa tried being mean. She didn't want to be with Anna, Anna specifically. She would tell her to just go away, to stop annoying her. It was the biggest lie in the world, but maybe if Anna thought she was a terrible person, she wouldn't want to be with her anymore, and she wouldn't feel so rejected.

But Anna did not give up. She would come back the next day, sliding poorly-drawn apology letters under the door. Elsa would read them over and over again, crying into them and freezing them and crying and freezing and crying and freezing. Until they snapped. So she told the only truth she could: she ignored Anna. And that's what she would do today, staring at her letters until she gave up and went away.

"I, uh, I brought you something!" Anna continued. She was nervous.

Oh, Anna… Elsa thought. You don't need to be nervous around me. I love everything you say.

But she couldn't say that, or else she wouldn't be ignoring her anymore. And then Anna would have hope, and she would cling to that hope for months, causing them both more pain than either could handle.

"They're chocolates from the kitchen. I st… I asked the chef for them. Mama said you like chocolate… just like me!" Her self-affirming laugh made the corners of Elsa's mouth rise. She covered it with her glove, struggling to keep inside the insane urge to laugh. It wasn't even that funny, really. But it was.

"But there's one - one condition!" Anna stammered a bit as she shifted to a more authoritative tone. "You have to come out here and eat them with me!"

Elsa winced. She tried to concentrate on something else, dipping her quill back into the inkpot. Seconds passed, however, and she could think of no way to continue her work. All she could focus on was the crushing silence.

"Come on, Elsa! You only turn sixteen once!"

I know. Anna knew that, too; all her birthdays had come and gone, with neither gift nor acknowledgement from her older sister. She'd wanted to, spent hours fantasizing about what she'd get her the next year, when her powers were under control. She'd been doing that for the last eight years.

"Elsa! Elsa, please, at least answer me!"

Pat. Something liquid dropped onto the parchment. Elsa raised a hand to her eyes. She hadn't realized she was crying. When her finger touched her lashes, however, she remembered the gloves. They deadened everything. She felt only fabric against her cheek. She could not sense the texture of paper, the warmth of skin, or the moistness of her eyes. The world was dead to her touch.

She looked down at the parchment to discover the real culprit: a drop of ink had splattered across the page. She thrust the quill back into the pot and left it there, staring at it as if it had stung her.

"You know what?"

Elsa was struck by the tone of her sister's voice. It wasn't frustration; it was anger.

"I have tried, Elsa! I've been patient, I've said I'm sorry! What am I supposed to do?!" There was a padded thudding against the door as what could only be chocolates became projectiles for the incensed redhead. "I say we can do what you want, and you tell me to go away! I make sure I don't offend you, and you ignore me! I ask how your day was, and you tell me you want to be alone!"

Elsa screwed her eyes shut, trying to block out Anna's voice. If she succeeded, it would only make way for the crackling of frost as it crept across her desk

"What did I ever do to you?! Just tell me that, and I will go away forever, just like you want!"

Anna, stop, please… Elsa pressed her face into her palms. Her fingertips dug into her forehead. The crackling of frost would not abate, and neither would Anna's shouts. She didn't want to conceal. She wanted to feel. She wanted to scream.

"If you think I'm annoying, that's fine! You're right! I can't keep books on my head, I slurp my soup sometimes! I'm not as good of a princess as you!"

Elsa lifted her eyes, widened as they were, to the door. To the girl behind it.

No, Anna… she thought, horrified. That's not true! That's not what I mea-

"But if that's what you think…" Anna's voice became tearful as it rose in volume. "Just say it to my FACE!"

Even the frost had frozen. Nothing moved. She had no words, no thoughts. She didn't know what to do.

The door quaked with Anna's kick. Then she sniffled, and followed with something infinitely worse.

"I HATE YOU!"

Their mother and father came seconds later. They asked Anna what on Earth was going on. Anna said all of those horrible things over again, except now she was asking them if they were true, because they could talk to Elsa, because she didn't hate them.

It took them almost an hour to calm her down. All those years of isolation felt like a second in comparison. By the time the hall finally quieted, she was far past the point of writing, or reading, or even staring at the grandfather clock in the corner. Its hands had frozen only five minutes in.

The bed, however, could only freeze so much. So Elsa curled up on it and cried herself to sleep.

Her father's knock woke her. She had no idea how much time had passed, but his knock was just as distinctive as Anna's. Tap. Tap.

Unlike the past few years, however, he did not let himself in.

"Elsa?"

She did not respond. Words felt inadequate. Why reply? Why do anything at all? Nothing helped. She was just as trapped as she was when she was eight. As when she had locked herself in here. No… not herself…

"Are you alright?"

It was him.

"No."

The anger in her voice sounded strange. She'd never sounded that way before, especially toward her father. But… it felt good.

"May I come in?"

Elsa balled her fists and looked up at the door. "No."

The meltwater that had collected on her bed began to freeze again.

"Elsa, listen to me-"

"No! I don't want you to come in!" she repeated. "I want to get out! I want to see my sister! Why can't she know I have powers?!"

"Elsa, please, getting angry won't-"

"Why can't I be angry? Anna can! You can! Why don't I get that right?"

Ice began to crawl up the walls. She didn't care. The cold never bothered her. Why should she care? Why did she have to stay in her room?

"It was an accident, Papa! I hurt Anna once! How many years am I supposed to stay in here because of that?!"

"Elsa, you need to control yourself!"

"No! Listen to me!" She was crying again. The tears stung her swollen cheeks. They rolled off her chin, forming little tufts of icicles where they fell. "I want to go outside! I want to tell my sister why I've had to break her heart all these years! Just to tell her that it's not! My! FAULT!"

She jammed her finger at the ground - and then it happened. Ice lanced outward from her feet, enveloping her in a ring of azure spears. A few struck the side of her room, piercing the wallpaper.

She stared at the macabre creation as its growth slowed, then stopped completely. Her heart was pounding, but not with anger anymore. Horror. Horror at what might have happened if she'd had this tantrum with her father in the room. Horror as she remembered with visceral certainty why she had to remain inside: it was very much her fault.

Details came in fragments. The door snapped open. Ice flaked from its hinges. Her father rushed toward her. He couldn't come close. She knew that. But he was coming close. He took one look at the ice spears. Only one. His gaze set. He started to climb over them. His mouth moved. She didn't register it.

"No!" she gasped finally, as if awakening from a dream. "You can't! I could hurt y-"

"No, you can't," he said. The wording was firm, undebatable, but his tone was soft. She didn't know what to do when he wrapped his arms around her, pulled her close. He never did that. "Nothing can hurt me more than seeing you in pain. Nothing."

She just kept staring past him, at the open door he'd left behind. She let his warmth envelop her while she relearned the sensation of contact.

"It's alright, Elsa. It's alright now."

She closed her eyes and buried her head into his shoulder with dry sobs. She wrapped her arms around him, pulled herself tighter, just to feel that humanness again. To know that this one person understood everything - the pressures of succeeding the throne, her powers. There were no secrets between them.

Except for one.

"It's alright, Elsa."

It wasn't. That was the one thing only she knew.

Hello everyone. Hope you liked this first chapter. Let me set a few ground rules / principles.

1. This is a prelude to my main Frozen story arc, The Ice God. There is a plotline in there that requires more setup than I can comfortably fit inside of the work itself, so I decided that I will create this story to flesh out that topic.

2. I will be posting chapters on this story until it is finished. It's not going to be very long, as the idea is to lay a foundation and move back to The Ice God.

3. I do not own Frozen, or any of the non-original characters featured in this story (Elsa, Anna, their parents, etc).

4. I do not have an update schedule, but I do have a writing schedule. I will update each chapter when I feel it is meaty and polished enough.

5. I like reviews, though I will never try to force them out of my readers. If you find anything confusing or off-putting, however, don't just abandon the story. Tell me why you're abandoning it, then peace out. It will help me improve and it will help me get a sense of where my readership is in relation to myself. Remember, I already know (most of) the answers! I need to make sure everyone else is following.

That should be everything! Enjoy the rest of the story.

-K