When I became bent

On criminal intent

The death knell on my schemes -

It was Goren and Eames

Not some dumb precinct cop that was sent.

The word in the 'hood

Was things didn't look good

That only a moron

Would lock horns with Goren

And I should cop to a plea if I could.

Though that sleeze Carver tried

I held fast to my pride

My counselor warned me 'bout messin'

With a conviction rate that depressin'

But I thought he was just being snide.

So I brazened it out

What could THEY know about?

But that Goren and Eames

Were quite clever it seems

As they proved beyond any doubt.

What man's gonna sing

For such a bit of a thing?

I thought Eames quite harmless

Rather dull - though not charmless

Who knew that she packed such a sting?

She has too deft a touch

With computers and such

Who'd have foreseen the risk

In not wiping the disk?

Come on! Is that not a bit much?

And I ask you, pray tell

Who thought Goren would smell

A corpse floating three weeks

And with nefarious techniques

Discredit my alibi to hell?

If I'd just been alerted

To not become disconcerted

But when that damn Goren's face

Invades your personal space

Before you know it - A confession is blurted!

Still my plan could not fail!

So how'd I end up in jail?

I've run out of invective

To explain my perspective

Don't ask me for painful detail!

My lawyer should've determined

Goren speaks fluent German -

That Eames' peculiar passions

Include 60's fashions -

And I'd not be sittin' in here with these vermin!

An incompetent toad

Who never learned legal code!

My fervent denial

Should have ended the trial

It's not money that shyster is owed!

And the jury's a joke!

Not like regular folk

They just sneered with disdain

When I tried to explain

I'd sure like to give them a poke!

They were misled and disarmed

By Carver's copious charm

Prosecutors are pikers

Who should be locked up at Rikers

Where they can't do an honest man harm!

Satisfaction and guile

It was all in Eames' smile

She prolly spends her nights whorin'

With both Carver AND Goren!

That explains how they beat me at trial.

Since those three are assigned

All the crimes just like mine

It's with heartfelt relief

That I'll turn petty thief

Startin' soon as I've finished my time.