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Disclaimer: sadly, I don't own any of these characters. They are all for the genius mind of Suzanne Collins.

Chapter 1- the loneliness

When I feel truly alone, with a sense of being lost, even empty inside, it is is then I realize I have unknowingly moved away from everything that makes sense in life. The snow has been falling thick and heavy outside, I can tell by the flushed face of sae who stands beside me still trying to get me to eat something and get out of bed.

"honey, you've got to eat something, you look frail"

I feel bad putting her through this, I don't intend to on purpose, but I feel so guilty when I am still breathing, while all the people that I love all dissapeared, and left me here to bear with the pain.

"I'm not hungry"

"Katniss, you've got to at least eat something, you could get ill"

Her eyes are pleading me to comply. Sae is actually one of the people who still care about me, who doesn't look at me as if I was from another dimension. I can't help but give her some credit to be able to put up with me.

So I comply

"ok"

"great, I'll be setting everything up downstairs"

I give her a slight nod, and she scatters out of my room. I finally find everything within me to finally get out of bed. As I pass through my room I quickly glance at myself in the mirror. I don't look like the old me at all, as if that was good, but this time I look repulsive. I look so thin, my bones are stretching my skin, my scars that haven't completely dissapeared can still be easily distinguished, my hair looks glossy from the lack of a proper shower, my breast smaller than ever, my hips look as of a boy. I don't look feminine at all. Whatever I see in front of me terrifies me in the inside. I go to my bathroom, remove my clothing, and step into the shower. The hot water rinses off the dirt off of me. I wash my hair with my citrus shampoo, and wash the rest of me. As I step out of the shower and take a look at myself one more time. It's still me, terrifying me, just cleaner. I find my clothing laid on my bed, Sae probably came in when I was taking a shower. I put some flowery shorts, probably a capitol design, and a pink tanktop. I make my way downstairs, and I am suddenly hit with the delicious aroma coming from the kitchen, my stomach growls, it's now that I finally realise how hungry I was. I make my way on the final steps, sae is placing some rye bread on the table. Bread. I refuse to think of whom that bread reminds me of, blond curls, and piercing blue eyes like the morning sky. Stop it! Katniss, don't do this to yourself.

"oh dear, you look lovely"

I don't know if she's bluffing or she's being serious. Still, I don't say anything as I sit and look around the food scattered on the table. There is a slice of rye bread, squirrel stew, some cheese, and a glass of orange juice.

Sae is looking at me so intently, I feel like a prey being stalked on. So now I know what that feels like. I take my first bite of the stew with the bread. This is exceptional. My hungry stomach can't help but gobble down all the stew. Sae smiles, definetly pleased with herself. She managed to get me out of bed and feed me.

I finish my bowl, and sae looks like she might burst into tears.

"are you still hungry, there is more if you want"

"no, thank you"

I mean it. She is nothing like my mother. She deeply cares about me.

"so...what else do you want to do, you could watch some tv or go out and check out the town"

I shake my head vigorously at that idea. She sees my discomfort and apologizes. I don't want to go to town and see all the destruction and the victims that I helped killed. For a moment I wished I ate those berries and none of it would of happend, but what benefit would it cause. Prim would inconsolable, and Peeta, Peeta, would be like he said nothing without me.

"I'm just going to lie down on the couch" I simply tell her.

"ok"

I lie on the couch, and sae figures what to do. She starts cleaning up every single untidy place. I'm grateful for her actions, the last to happen is for me to end up like haymitch. I contemplate putting the tv on, but that's too risky. You never know what could be featured on tv.

As I lay there, I contemplate my life. I've lost so many good people in my life. My own mother who won't even dare look at my face. Prim, my sweet sweet prim, lost her life because of my ignorant actions. She could of been a doctor, married and had beautiful children. It's what she wanted her future to be like. The list goes on, Finnick, Cinna. Beetee, Mags, Thresh, Rue, and all the victims who lost their lives, because stubborn Katniss decided to turn on the capitol, and decided to add her own mix into the games, by adding nightlock berries and risking her life and the man who opened himself by putting his life in danger because of the love he had for this shattered girl.

Sae finally comes back into view.

"Katniss I'm going to leave now, i've got to pick up Josie from her playdate"

"ok"

"well..I'll see you tomorrow"

I nod

"take care of yourself Katniss"

She smiles and leaves. Josie is sae's grandaughter. Her parents were lost in the war. Just another reason why I should feel guilty. This house is always lonely whenever she leaves. There's a coldness in the air, as if the house was lifeless even with my presence. With the amount of quietness I slowly drift off to sleep.

The halls are cold and the brightness of the hall does not help my vision at all. I start to make my way down the hall trying to find something I can't really put my finger on it. I search through each room and find nothing. Till I reach the tenth room and find a girl on floor, covered in blood, so pale and definetly looks lifeless, then I see her yellow long blond hair, and her little stature. She looks familiar, so I decide to take a look. Then I see her...Prim.

"Prim, Prim!" I start to scream.

No response

"Prim, please wake up, please Im here, everything is gonna be ok, Prim..please" I scream

No response

"Im sorry!" is all I can muster out.

This is all my fault. I think to myself. I don't want to leave her all alone here. So I carry her body, and pursue down the hall. Then I see something move in one of the rooms. I look around to take a look. That's when I see him. Standing at the corner of the room, fist clenched, and seems to be focusing on something. It's Peeta.

Trying to find the words I call out his name.

"Peeta!"

His head turns around to see who called out his name. A look shock appears on his face, then look of determination appears on his face.I settle Prim in one of the beds, and move to talk to Peeta.

"Peeta, it's me Katniss"

Still no responce. I move closer to him to try and get his attention.

"Peeta... don't you remember me"

I turn to face him, and just when I tried to put mu hands on his face. His strong hands fly on my throat squishing the life out of me.

I try to say something to make him stop he refuses to comply.

"stop...stop Peeta stop" I manage to say

"mutt" he mutters.

I scream to try to get his attention, but nothing.

All the sudden I jolt awake sweat all over me, and I can't breath. Searching for air, I sit upright. Just when I thought I could get some sleep. The nightmares still torture me.

I get up to get some water to refresh. The water feels like i've just been revived alive. I make my way back to the couch, fearing that if I go back to bed my nightmares would come back to haunt me. Just when Im about to take my seat. I take a look outside of the window, and then I see him. Carrying a box and making his way to his house.

It's Peeta. His back to district twelve.

I feel like I need a gallon of water, because my eyes can't believe what Im seeing.

"Peeta...his back" I mutter to myself.

Author's note: I hope you liked it, and please review!. It helps a lot to know that people support you and it gives you motivation. Feel free to give me your thoughts on what you thought about the story, what needs to be focused on, and what needs to be changed. If there's anything you don't like about the story please feel free to give me updates on that.

This is my first time writing a fanfiction, so go easy on me. I'll try to update every week!.

Hope you enjoyed, Thnak you. : )