Regret.
"Jokers still in the cockpit. He won't abandon ship." Liara said, looking over at me with something significant burning in her eyes.
"I'm not leaving either."
"Liara. Go." I say, pausing to look over at her, and even though she couldn't see my face thanks to my helmet, my voice held a tone that I knew she wouldn't ignore.
"Now."
That's all it took, and she ran off to get the remaining crew into the escape pods. With that worry off of my mind, I broke into as fast a run as I dared, bringing my arm up every so often to protect from the explosions around me, the fire making it feel like my suit was starting to melt into my skin.
"Mayday, maday, maday!! This is the SSV Normandy!" Jokers voice cut through my thoughts, urging me to run faster. My safety now the last thought in my mind.
"We've suffered heavy damage from an unknown enemy."
That was an understatement. Everything was on fire. I could barely keep going, and any touch to the metal around me burned through my suit.
"Come on baby. Hold together. Hold together!"
His words, whispered in what was the closest I'd ever heard his words come to a prayer urged me through the doors.
As I got to the command deck, I took only a moment to look at the part of the ship that had been blown away, exposing the stars to me.
Ignoring the pain twisting in my stomach, I walked slowly through the open area, making my way to the barrier with Joker safely still in his chair. His helmet keeping him from suffocating on already.
"Come on Joker! We have to get out of here!" I said, hurrying over to him to help him up.
"No! I won't abandon the Normandy! I can still save her!"
It gave me pause, and my stomach twisted again. This was his baby, but she was lost. We both knew it.
"The Normandy is lost. Going down with her won't change that." I said, and he nodded after a few moments of heavy thought.
"You're right, help me up." He said, but before I could.
"They're coming around for another attack!" He said, and I turned in time to see a larger wall of flames blocking our best chance of escape. Since I could see the rest of the normandy falling away after the beam cut through it.
I'm not ashamed to admit it, fear cut through me. But not for me, for Joker. Hurrying back, I grabbed his arm, maybe a little too roughly.
" Ow! Watch the arm!" He yelped, but I hauled him to his feet and helped him to the last escape pod quickly, going as fast as possible. He was taller than my feminine form after all.
Once we reached it, I shoved him inside carefully, making sure he was in in just a split second and turned as another explosion went off just a few feet away from me. Followed by another that rocked me off my feet and I half jumped in the direction of that button I needed to hit to eject the pod. I didn't care that I had no escape after that.
"Commander!" Jokers voice hit my ears, but I ignored it. Looking at him for only a brief couple of seconds.
"Shepard!" He yelled, just as another explosion went off and I hit the button. Losing my grip on the wall but could see the pod doors slide shut.
Mere seconds later, another explosion propelled me out of the wreckage of my ship and into space. What an odd feeling it was, floating there and watching the beam cut through the Normandy two more times. Utterly destroying every inch of the ship I had spent so much time on.
And then floating there. My breathing becoming more difficult, but I couldn't understand why for a few seconds.
I soon understood. The air tubes on my suit were severed, and I could see the air escaping. Panicking, I struggled as I suffocated for what felt like hours. But those last moments, as my vision started to fade, only one thought entered my mind.
"I should have told him…Joker.."