ANYWAY

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway
You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyways

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
OH Anyway

My mom's dead. She died of ovarian cancer. It was the hardest and most painful thing I ever had to deal with in my life. No one wants to see his or her mom suffer. But I did. I saw my mom just fade away. My mom, once a gym nut, no longer had the strength to walk to the bathroom and bathe herself. My mom, who had the most beautiful brown hair in the world, wore a green scarf to cover her bald head. My mom who spent hours outside in her rose garden, spent hours in a hospital bed in her room. I couldn't believe that this was happening. How? What? Why? were just a few of the questions that ran through my head after my mom told me she was sick. I'll never forget that day as long I live.

FLASHBACK

I was sitting with Gus in the Psych offices…working. Well, not working. We were discussing a case and holding an ice cream eating contest. We were seeing who could eat the most pineapple-flavored ice cream. Well, it wasn't really a contest. Gus was eating nice and slow. I, on the other hand, was wolfing the stuff down.

"Shawn, you better slow it down," he said.

"Slow is not in my vocabulary, dude," I said, ice cream dribbling down my chin.

Then, it happened. "OWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BRAIN FREEZE!!!!" I screamed, holding my head. I had just gotten a nasty, horrible headache.

"Serves you right, Shawn," said Gus, leaning back on a chair.

"Well, it was worth it," I said. I counted the empty plastic bowls on the foosball table. I had eaten 5 bowls of ice cream while Gus was only on his 2nd bowl. "I won!!!! I totally and completely kicked your butt!!"

"Shawn Michael Spencer, I sincerely hope you are not making a mess," I heard a voice. I turned around to see my mom, standing there looking amazing in a navy blue dress with a matching hat.

"Hey, Mom! Ohmigosh!! I screamed, racing over to her, picking her up, and giving her a big hug. "What a awesome surprise!!! "Hey, sweetie!!" she said, returning my hug. "How are you, Shawn?

"I'm great, how are you?" I said, giving her a big kiss.

"I'm wonderful, baby," he said.

Gus came over and said, "Hey, Miss Abigail, good to see you," he said, giving her a kiss.

"Likewise, Burton," she said. "Have you been keeping my son in line?"

"Miss Abigail, no one can keep him in line," Gus scoffed.

"Very funny, dude," I said.

"Yeah, it's funny and if you'll excuse me, I need to go to work," said Gus, picking up his samples case and black sports jacket.

"Bye, guys," he said.

"Bye, Gus," we said.

"So, are full from ice cream or do you have room for lunch?" She asked.

"Ahhh, Mom, you know me, I can eat, anytime, anywhere," I said.

"And anything," Mom added.

"Oh, Mom, are you still talking about the time when Gus & I ate those mud pies?" I asked, washing my face in the bathroom.

"No, actually I was talking about the time, you ate paste, vomited, and had to go to the hospital" she asked.

"Aww, yeah, I may have forgot about that," I said.

"Ahhh, yeah," she said.

We laughed and walked to a little hot dog place that my parents use to take me to when I was little. They have the best hot dogs in the world and I would get them all the time. We settled on a table outside, overlooking the water. Despite have 5 bowls for ice cream; I had ordered 3 foot-long hot dogs, a large order of fries with cheese and gravy, and a large Pepsi. My mom only got one hot dog, a small order of plain fries, and a small water. I found that to be a little odd because my mom, despite being a health nut. usually eats three hot dogs. But I was too busy eating to really notice. Throughout our meal, we spent a lot of time talking. I told her about business at Psych and the problems I was having with my girlfriend, Sarah. Mom told me about her singing in church and the new quilt she was sewing . After the meal, we walked to the beach and sat down on a bench. We looked at the water for a while.

"It never ceases to amaze me, the water, so peaceful and calm and beautiful," she said, staring at the water. "Every time, I am around the beach, I feel a sense of peace."

My mom looked down and put her face in her hands. She seemed so distressed.

"Mom," I said, questionly, moving closer to her. "What's wrong?" I asked, rubbing her shoulder.

"I'm sick, Shawn!" She exclaimed, looking up at me tears, running down her face.

I stood up in shock. "What-what did you say?"

"I'm sick, Shawn," she said, quietly. I stood there, still in shock.

"Please, please sit down," she said.

I sat down next to Mom. Still tears in her eyes, she held my hand and looked me in the eye.

She explained what was going on. "Sweetie, about a month ago, I was at the gym, working out. I was in the locker room, changing, when I felt this terrible pain by my stomach. At first, I though, Oh, I pulled a muscle, exercising. But then, the pain got worst and worst, so, I made an appointment with my doctor. And they ran a lot of test and they found out that I have ovarian cancer."

I didn't let what she said get to me. I found myself quickly asking, "But there are treatments, right? I mean, you could do chemo treatments or have surgery, right?"

My mom looked sad and said, "Well, the doctor said those are all possible. In fact, I'm gonna start treatments and get surgery next week."

"And you will make it?" I asked, hopefully.

Mom said nothing.

I grabbed her shoulders and asked, firmly, "Mom, you're gonna make it, right?"

Mom looked at me and said, "Shawn, when the doctors found the cancer, it had already spread. The doctors say that even with the treatments, I have six months to a year."

At the moment, I felt like an elephant had kicked me in the stomach and knocked the wind completely and totally out of me. I couldn't comprehend what my mom had said. My mom was sick and dying?

"How could this be, Mom?' I asked. "How could you be sick? You're healthy, mom. You work out everyday, you eat healthy expect for hot dogs. You're not sick; you can fight this, ok? I mean you're the strongest woman I've ever met."

I sat down and felt a lump grow in my throat. I felt tears burn in my eyes and I rubbed them away, quickly. I wasn't a crier. But it was then that I felt my mom's warm hand rest on my back.

Her voice was suddenly so soft and gentle. "Baby, I know you're angry and scared. So am I. I'm very scared. I have never been so scared in my life." My mom looked away and I saw a tear coming down her face. It was at that time, I realized I needed to put away my own pain and comfort my mom.

I turned my mom around so she could face me. "Mom. I promise you right now, I will help you get through this," I spoke, firmly. "I will be there for you, like you were there for me."

My mom gave me a sad smile. Tears in her eyes, she hugged me and said, "Thank you, Shawn," she said. "I love you."

Hugging her close and fighting off my own tears, I whispered into my mom's shoulder, "I love you, too."

END OF FLASHBACK

And that is what I did. I helped my mom. I began flying back and forth from Santa Barbara to Georgia every weekend. I talked with Mom's doctors and arranged for a hospice nurse to help my mom. I did that for six months. Then, one day I got a call from my mom's hospice nurse that my mom's cancer was getting worse. So, without question, I gave control of the cases, which were a lot, to Gus and I flew down to Georgia to be with my mom. Nothing could prepare me for what I was about to see.