Chapter One

It's been three weeks and Christian Grey still hasn't been in contact with me since I told him that I couldn't consent to what he was asking of me. Three weeks of pure emotional hell. I feel empty without his touch, his warmth. I play that excruciating last night in my head over and over.

"Ana, what's wrong? You haven't said a word to me the whole ride home. You're not reconsidering are you?"

He asks me,

Panic and worry etched across Christians face.

How can he ask me this? I told him I'd try, I'm just… not sure yet.

"Christian, I just… I don't know what I'm letting myself in for. I've been hypnotized by you which has made me willingly submit to your… erm… needs and I'm just not sure that's for me."

My voice is barely a whisper.

"You said you'd try. You lied to me."

I can't believe he's just said that.

"I never lied to you Christian. I did try. I tried to accept the fucked-up-ness of all of this and I just can't, all right? It's not me, not my lifestyle"

I spit back.

I notice the veins in his neck bulge and his eyes widen, probably at my vulgar language.

"Ana. I'm sorry, I just don't… can't lose you."

He looks so lost.

"Why Christian? Give me a real honest-to-god reason why I should stay and accept this lifestyle?"

"Because… You'd be making me hap…"

I interrupt before he can finish.

"And don't give me some bullshit about how it would 'make you happy, which in turn would make me happy' because quite frankly Christian, getting punished does NOT make me happy and shouldn't please you either."

He glares at me as we both sit in his Audi R8. The hood is up and it's raining hard outside. We are outside my and Kate's apartment.

"It's not all punishment Ana, Christ. It's for both of our pleasure not just mine. Stop over-thinking everything."

He shouts. He's really stressing himself out now. He can see he's losing me.

Tears spring to my eyes. I need to go. I can't stay and continue this torture. He'll get bored of me. I need more. It's the best decision to make. I can't be what he wants me to.

"Christian. Thank you for everything, but, I can't do this."

My voice is barely audible.

"Ana, please."

Christian goes to place a hand on my knee in comfort but I flinch as I see it coming. I know if I let him touch me I will succumb and never leave.

He immediately backs off and runs both hands through his hair in frustration. He knows what's coming.

"Sorry Christian, goodbye."

I whimper.

I reach for the door handle and notice my hand is shaking. Kate's home and I don't want to deal with the typical Katherine Kavanagh inquisition. I consider walking to Jose's place… probably not the best idea. Christian would find out and the outcome wouldn't be pretty. I just have to get through Kate and then I can at least curl up into my bed to mourn my past few magical weeks with Christian Grey.

I open the door and step out, walking briskly towards the outside of the apartment block. I hear a car door open and know it's him.

"Ana! Wait!"

He shouts!

I close my eyes briefly and then turn to face him.

"Christian. It's over. Please don't make this more difficult than it already is. I'll send the books, laptop and mobile to your office. Please don't contact me anymore."

I choke out trapping my sobs.

"Ana. Don't do this. Please. Stay."

He pleas.

Tears are streaming down my face. The word 'stay', the way he said it. I can't, he'll just hurt me- physically and emotionally.

"Goodbye Christian."

I carry on walking and my body instinctively quivers as I hear a banging sound.

"FUCK."

Christian roars.

I turn in panic and see his fist bunched up. He's punched his car. I focus on his hand and think I see blood.

"Christian!"

I gasp.

"Are you okay? Is it bleeding?"

I shriek fearfully.

"It's fine. It doesn't hurt nearly as much as you leaving."

He says this whilst glaring at me with deathly dark eyes.

I put my hand over my mouth, turn towards the door and head in.

We had only been seeing each other a few weeks, maybe a little over a month. Yet living with out him in my life now is like being trapped in the desert without water. I need to see him, just to know he's okay, but how? How can I go back to something so dark and dangerous?