Glee AU S2 Rachel and Jesse are casting people for a play. Nothing goes wrong and everything is perfect. At least in Rachel's mind. [St. Berry, Blam, friendship!Klaine, Kinn.] Omniscient Narrator! Not only Rachel's POV.

With A Little Help From My Friends

Jesse and Rachel had agreed that they needed a power couple as their antagonists in the play 'Four are two too much' (written by the upcoming star Rachel Berry, with a little help of Jesse St James) so they decided to let the New Directions audition.

The first audition was Blaine Anderson. Rachel knew he was the best singer after her in Glee club so she secretly knew already they would pick him. But she pretended to be critical.

After the song she waggled her head and leaned forward to the micro.

"Thank you, Blaine. We'll think about it."

Next were Kurt Hummel, Mike Chang and Sam Evans. Rachel didn't really listen to any of them since she had her decision cast for the male part and now only had to choose a female one.

"Thank you…" Jesse took up a paper and read the name. "Sam. We'll think about it. Send in the next."

The Blonde with the Bieber haircut and violet hoodie leaned to the micro.

"Uhm, actually I'm the last one?"

Jesse exchanged a look with Rachel, cleared his throat and said: "Was that a question?"

Rachel took the micro from him.

"What do you mean? Where are the girls, Sam?"

"Uh, well, none of them really support your play. Quinn said it would be over between us if I auditioned."

"While I very much appreciate your eagerness for fame and glory that made you sacrifice your superficial relationship and almost makes me regret not having listened to your singing I'm sorry to tell you that –"

"Wait!" Jesse took the micro from Rachel and glared at her. "Don't make any decisions without consulting me first! What are we doing now, we need a girl."

Rachel thought about it and shook her head. "We could cast two boys."

"As in a gay couple?"

"Yes, Jesse, a gay couple!" Rachel took the micro again and spoke into it. "Would you be willing to repeat your performance so I can actually listen and decide if you're worthy for the second part we're casting?"

Sam cleared his throat. "Isn't that what you need a girl for?"

"We are casting two male parts because we are open-minded and also very spontaneous, able to rewrite our script and everything. Would you be willing to play a gay role?"

Sam arranged his hair and hoodie and said: "Dude, I sang Bieber."

"I take that as a yes. Please address me with Miss Berry from now on, though."

"Yes, Miss Berry."

Rachel leaned back and smiled at Jesse. "Sam is good material. He listens."

"You mean he obeys?" Jesse lifted one eyebrow. Rachel waved him off.

"Same difference."

"I like him, too. We can rule out Mike Chang, because that boy can't sing at all. Kurt Hummel sounded good, though."

Rachel nodded and erased Mike from her notes. With her pen she pointed at Blaine's name.

"So it's either Blaine and Sam or Blaine and Kurt."

"Why can't it be Sam and Kurt?"

"Because Blaine is already casted! I didn't tell you but it's the irrevocably truth."

"Oh. Well…" Jesse went through his notes and nodded. "Moving on to the chemistry test then!"

"Blaine Anderson and Kurt Hummel!" Rachel said with the voice of a nurse. "You can enter the stage again. We won't need you anymore Mike Chang, thank you very much for showing your support and don't forget to buy tickets to the premiere!"

Blaine and Kurt entered the stage as told. They were both so very excited. Kurt knew he'd get the part because he was good. Blaine on the other hand hoped to get it so he could make more friends at McKinley. He came here so that his parents could use the money they saved from not paying a private school to buy him a car but except Kurt he hadn't been able to bond very much with people. And unless being gay he didn't have very much in common with Kurt so maybe he should talk to other people anytime soon.

They were given the task to perform together and act naturally with each other. While they did exactly that Rachel asked herself who she'd rather see making out with each other. The question was answered easily since she clearly felt no attraction whatsoever towards Kurt. She could go without watching him kiss anybody.

"Blaine and Sam, though. Look at them. Born to be gay with each other", Rachel said. She wrote it down on her paper because that sounded like a perfect song line. They had to customize some lyrics after all.

"Why do I get the feeling I don't have a say in this?" Jesse asked.

"Oh, of course you have! Who do you find most attractive, then? Sam or Kurt?"

"I thought we were going after their voices…?"

"And chemistry. What good are the best voices if the people managing them can't make you feel the passion and love between them?"

"Chemistry is still not about who I like. Let's see." Jesse grabbed the micro and interrupted the song.

"Good, very good. Blaine, can I see you slapping Sam?"

"Uhm… Do I have to?" Blaine really didn't want to slap anybody. But even less hot blond Bieber doubles that he aimed to be friends with sometime in the future.

"Yes. And Kurt, too. Both. Maybe one with your left hand, one with your right."

"NO!" Rachel said. "You choose your own hand! We can't let it happen that the natural chemistry alters because he is forced to act unfreely!"

"Okay, but can you maybe stand on one foot then…?" Jesse asked.

"NO!" Rachel said.

Blaine shrugged and looked at his Glee friends. None of them looked very eager to get beaten up.

Eventually Sam gulped and nodded. He had sacrificed his relationship with Quinn for this part so he could also sacrifice his pain-free cheek.

"Do it, Blaine."

"No, me first, Blaine. I'm not afraid to get slapped", Kurt said.

"Who hurts first won't have consequences on our decision", Jesse said.

"By the way, why do you think a slap can show you who could impersonate a couple the best?" Rachel asked without micro.

"Because it shows the passion! Their eyes, their eyes!"

"If it helps I could slap Blaine", Sam offered.

Jesse leaned to the micro. "Yeah, that might help."

When Sam stepped towards Blaine with his hand raised way too high Blaine saw no other option than to duck.

"Are you insane!? This isn't slapping, Sam, it's punching!"

"What's the difference!?"

"Oh, just pretty much the amount of pain going through your face. Do you want me to show you the difference?"

"No, I believe you." Sam nodded and took up his hood. Blaine snorted and turned around to the jury again. Jesse and Rachel were staring at him so he friendly asked: "What?"

Jesse eventually said: "Can we see a discussion or any interaction with Kurt as a comparison now?"

"Why is Blaine the centre of rotation?" Kurt wanted to know.

"No reason", Rachel said. She gestured them to go on so Blaine faced Kurt, who pulled a face to him.

"Okay, go on, do it. Whatever needs doing."

"I'm not sure what it is they ask of us right now."

Kurt shrugged. "We could kiss because we are both gay."

"Yeaaaah, no."

"Okay, then slap me."

Blaine thought it was better than nothing so he did. As lightly as he could, of course. It was more of a tap, really. Kurt didn't even blink.

"That was really lame", Jesse said.

"How about you judge us by our voices, then?" Blaine suggested.

Rachel and Jesse talked quietly.

"I would've slapped better", Sam said. "Bieber style."

"My gaydar is still on high alert", Kurt mumbled. Blaine chuckled and looked at Sam, who now did a pirouette.

"I once tried to date him", Kurt sighed. "But then he went out with Quinn."

"Oh, pity. But hey, they are over now. Ask him again."

Kurt frowned and shook his head. "He said he isn't interested in guys at all."

"Huh. What a loss for the gay world."

"Yeah." Kurt sighed and they both watched the Blonde finish his dance inlay. Eventually he stood next to them, panting but happy. Blaine couldn't resist patting his shoulder and Sam smiled at him.

Meanwhile Rachel tried to talk Jesse out of asking for more slap demonstrations.

"You can sense chemistry from normal interaction as well", she said. "Violence isn't an irreplaceable factor. Now. I personally think Kurt's voice is stronger than Sam's but it was more fun to watch Blaine interact with Sam. Plus Sam is cuter. We can't always decide only for voices, we also have to consider other factors."

"What? That the first time I hear this from you."

"There is a first time for everything! Except smoking because I will never do that."

"Okay, I agree with you on your decision. Look, Kurt and Blaine are totally into Sam. Hell, even I am a little bit into him. Let's cast him."

"Oooooh, wait, wait, wait." Rachel held up a hand and narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean 'you are a little bit into him'? Do you have a former hidden gay side what can't be because I happen to have two gay Dad's and I would have detected it, or did you just turn gay for him?"

"None of that! He's just the type everybody loves, come on, Rachel, don't be like that."

"Like what?"

"Like a jealous bitch who is afraid that someone could steal their boyfriend."

"I am not like that!" Rachel grabbed the micro and screamed into it: "Our decision is cast! Congratulations Blaine and Sam, you are the new power couple of 'Four are two too much' in that you of course are the bad guys because Jesse and I are the good guys, and we are both totally straight and won't have affairs with one or the both of you!"

"Yes!" Sam jumped up and down and high-fived Blaine, who also was glad about the victory. But Kurt was sad now and sad people were always so… sad.

"Bieber made me win, Bieber made me win!"

"Okay… I'm going then. I'm leaving. Now", Kurt said. He pouted at Rachel who had gone back to talking to Jesse.

"Okay, bye Kurt!" Sam waved. "Huh, who would've guessed it! First you hit on me and then on Blaine and now you got no one because Blaine and me are eloping into the sun set!"

"I never hit on Blaine", Kurt hissed. "I'm not that desperate!"

"OMG what?" Blaine asked for specifications.

"Yes, just now when you asked him to kiss you", Sam explained.

"Tsss!" Kurt turned around and left the stage.

"It's Blaine and I, by the way", Blaine said.

"Huh? Dude, you are Blaine. I am Sam. Sam I am."

Blaine rolled his eyes. He turned to the jury but they didn't seem to need them anymore seeing that they were making out now.

Sam nudged Blaine. "We soon have to do that, too."

Blaine grinned and nodded. This part would certainly be an entertaining one. Plus Kurt would be jealous that Blaine got to snog the hot Blondie. Not that Blaine wanted his friend to feel bad, again, but sometimes a little competition was fun, right?

"I have never kissed a boy before", Sam said.

"Don't be afraid, you'll be doing alright."

"Although, since Quinn didn't let me touch any of her girl parts maybe it counts as kissing a boy?"

Blaine chuckled and walked to the exit.

"No, I don't think so. She's still a girl after all."

"Have you ever kissed a boy?"

"Yes, I had a boyfriend last year. But since then I was single."

"Oh! You are gay?"

"Uhm… yes? I thought everybody know that."

"No, you didn't announce it in front of Glee club."

"Pretty sure still everybody knows it", Blaine mumbled.

"Are you and Kurt boyfriends?"

"No."

"What if you fall in love with me because I'm an awesome kisser?"

"I don't think so."

"But I am!"

"Good for you, Sam. I still won't fall for straight boys, no matter how blond their hair is. I have a crush outside of school. He is older than me and works at the Gap."

"Oh, cool."

They arrived behind the stage where Mike silently sobbed. Sam offered him a lollipop as a comfort but Blaine thought it would be better to bring the boy outside. Maybe call Tina. Even when she didn't support Rachel's plays she still would comfort her boyfriend, right?

"Do you have Tina's cell phone number?" Blaine asked Sam.

"No. I'm only in Glee club for a few weeks and the only number I have is Quinn, Finn and Mr Schue. Sad, isn't it?" Sam stated, eating said lollipop himself now.

"Yeah. Mike? Mike, where is your phone?"

They eventually managed to get Mike outside of school. Well, Blaine managed it and Sam contributed some unhelpful comments.

After Tina had dashed on the parking lot, put Mike in her car and driven away Blaine wiped the sweat from his forehead. Job well done!

Sam's phone went and he answered it without stopping to suck on the lollipop.

"Yeah? Oh hey where did you get my number…? Oh really? Huh. We didn't know! Yeah, we're still at school. Okay."

He hung up and shrugged. "Apparently Rachel and Jesse wanted to read the script with us just now."

"Wanted?"

"Still do."

"Oh, boy! And I thought I could go home and take a bath. Okay, let's go." Blaine turned around again but Sam typed into his phone.

"Wait, let me safe Rachel's number first. Success, new number!"

"Oh, can you give it to me, too?"

He could, as well as he gave Blaine the other numbers he had. Blaine paid back by giving Sam Kurt's number and so went back to the auditorium fifteen minutes later (hey tipping took some time, okay?).

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!?" Jesse asked. He stood on the stage, hands on the waist.

"Having sex in the bathroom", Sam said. Blaine rolled his eyes but Jesse calmed down.

"Oh. That's okay then. Getting really deep into your role, I appreciate that!"

"Yeah. Really deep." Sam smirked, pulled his hood on his head and threw his lollipop over his shoulder. Bad luck that Rachel just entered the stage and the candy ensnared in her hair. She screamed and struggled. Jesse ran to her and Sam looked oddly proud.

"We better not attack the producers with candy from now on", Blaine suggested.

Sam shrugged. "If you say so."

"Yes. Maybe apologise, too?"

Sam sighed. He went to Jesse and Rachel and tried to what looked like helping but since he didn't warn Rachel before grasping her hair she jerked around and screamed, leading to Sam getting hit in the face. Now they were all screaming and Blaine looked around for a fire extinguisher to make them stop. But he didn't have to go into action because Jesse fell down and Rachel punched Sam again (on purpose this time) so he stumbled backstage.

Rachel adjusted her clothes.

"If this violence goes on I have to recast your role, Sam", she said loudly. Just a groan came from behind the stage. Rachel shrugged and strutted to Blaine while Jesse got up.

"Ready for some reading?" Rachel asked. Jesse picked up scripts and handed Blaine one. They waited until Sam (with very messy hair) came back and then read the first scene.

"Oh, the sun is shining, oh, it is so nice", Rachel said, a hand on her heart.

"Yes, so nice!" Jesse said.

"Let's go to the park and watch birds fly, high spirited and light hearted as we are!"

Rachel and Jesse pretended to walk, arms moving back and forth. Blaine exchanged a glance with Sam and suppressed his laughter.

"Here we are, my dear!" Jesse laid an arm around Rachel and gestured to the sky. He talked about some birds and Sam looked up as if he actually saw some. Blaine rather paid attention to the script that admittedly seemed somewhat stupid. But too late, he was cast now. And he wanted to make friends, anyway.

"But – oh! Our enemies, our most hateful enemies!" Rachel exclaimed and pointed at Blaine.

"Oh, dear, look, who do we have here", he read his line. Both Jesse and Rachel sighed deeply.

"Once again with feeling" Jesse demanded.

"Oh, dear! Look, who do we have here!?"

"It's our enemies!" Sam said. And laughed. That brought him another snarl. He repeated it with uttermost sincerity and Blaine said: "Let's hate on them!"

He pretended to take up a stone and throw it at Rachel. She dodged it, hands in front of her face.

"Oh! Oh, what mean creatures they are!"

"Hahaha, we are so mean", Sam said. He held up a hand to high-five Blaine and Rachel cried.

"That's not even remotely in the script!"

"Yeah, okay, but the script reads 'making out wildly like only bad people who will go to hell could' and I guess for a rehearsal we can skip that", Sam said.

Rachel opened her mouth in shock while Jesse pointed at Sam.

"Are you homophobic after all? Oh God! I told you we should have chosen Kurt!"

"I – Sam – what?" Rachel looked like she was about to pass out. But she caught herself and put her hands on her waist.

"I'm not insisting on every detail in every rehearsal but you've got to prove you are okay kissing a boy. Now."

"Why do you want to avoid kissing when you just had sex?" Jesse tore his hair. "I don't get it!"

Sam sighed and turned to Blaine, taking a deep breath. So Blaine's job was to kiss cute guys, man, maybe it wasn't that bad a script after all. A moment later Sam clang to his neck and kissed him. Even if it was for the role Blaine had to say it was nice. Like a warm lollipop. Could be that it was the fact that Sam had sucked candy just a few minutes before, who knew.

"Well. There's room for improvement but okay", Rachel said as they separated, Sam with the reddest cheeks ever. Jesse nodded wildly and turned to Rachel, quietly saying: "We should write more kiss scenes in so they can practise very often."

"I agree." Her eyes went from Sam to Blaine. "Practise is good. Only when we are present, of course."

"Of course." Jesse patted her back and smiled as he caught Blaine's look.

"Oh please. Room for improvement, my ass. It was hot as hell and you know it", Sam said.

Rachel raised a hand. "Not in this tone! And you don't get to judge if your acting is good enough or not. That's up to Jesse and me, do you understand?"

Sam sighed. "Yes, Miss Berry."

He rolled his eyes to Blaine but if it was meant to be secretly he should have waited until the producers didn't look at him anymore.

"If you keep being that disrespectful I will recast your role", Rachel said. She wouldn't, but threatening people with that was always a good idea.

Meanwhile Jesse let his hand slip into his pocket and grasped his phone. As soon as Blaine and Sam would kiss again he'd secretly take a picture. For researches and chemistry tests and all that, of course. Not because he got off on that because he was a masculine heterosexual man who only liked to please and get pleased by female girls.

Eventually they were dismissed. Sam put his hood on his head and wondered why on earth he had thought this play was worth leaving the most popular head cheerleader ever for. Of course there also was the fact that she had cheated on him with Finn but who cared about the details, right?

"Blaine, I feel like I need to drive you home. A gentleman always takes his date home", Sam said as they went to the school exit.

"That's really nice of you, Sam. But I have my own car. And this wasn't a date but a play. Remember, you're not even gay."

"I kissed you so per definition I'm gay now, right?"

Blaine laughed. "Uhm, no, that's not how it works."

"Oh." Sam frowned. He had always thought kissing another dude was what being gay was all about. Maybe at home he should do his research and find out what it really meant. After all he had to be gay for a while longer now!

Blaine on the other hand was looking forward to a steam bath with nice classic music in the background. Yay!

Rachel and Jesse were leaving, too.

"Damn, we should have made them kiss again", Jesse said as Rachel switched off the light of the auditorium.

"Why? Do you think they are hotter than me?"

"No, they aren't hot at all. But for chemistry test matters."

"Oh, yeah." Rachel nodded. Made sense. They, too, separated ways because Jesse had come over from his own school and his antagonistic Glee club Vocal Adrenaline and his house was even at the other side of Lima and all that jazz.

Rachel went to her two Dads and asked them how they had become gay. She needed to know how it worked so that if Jesse started a process like that she could stop it before everything would fall apart.

That's how Rachel and Sam both knew everything about being and becoming gay the next morning they entered the school. Because of the power of this knowledge they arrived at the same time at the doors, Sam only a millisecond faster. He was about to enter but Rachel shot him a diva glare so he held the door open and let her go first, mumbling "Miss Berry".

"I forgive you", Rachel said.

"For what?"

"Oh my God, did you already forget what you did to me yesterday?!"

Sam scratched his head. What had he done except being awesome? Today he was awesome again and wore a green hoodie because Justin Bieber never would wear the same hoodie two days in a row.

Rachel seemed to expect an answer from him so he said: "I am so sorry!"

She nodded, said "But don't think we're friends now just because we work together" and strutted away. Sam was proud that his ability to treat girls that thought they were better than everybody else still existed and went to class. Since he didn't have Quinn for lunch company anymore he then chose Blaine as his new best buddy. Or rather first best buddy since Quinn had not exactly been a buddy but more of a… boss. If you thought about it she wasn't that different from Miss Berry. Hopefully Sam wouldn't fall for Rachel.

"Sam, can I do something for you?"

"Oh, so nice that you ask that! No one has ever asked me that, no one!" Sam's eyes watered up but Blaine frowned.

"I mean because you keep following me like a lost puppy", Blaine said. He put his tray on the table and sat down. Sam did the same.

"Not a puppy. A big, strong and protective Labrador. Aren't we friends now? I thought we were friends now!"

Kurt, who somehow was here too although he was unimportant, snorted.

"You are a typical co-dependent personality."

"What's that?"

"Kurt, don't be mean", Blaine said. He patted Sam's arm. "You're just lonely and in constant need of attention, right? Plus you need someone to guide you because you'd be lost on your own. That's why you sometimes imagine you have a twin brother, isn't that right, Sam?"

"Evan really exists!" Sam said. How did Blaine know about his twin brother? He had never told anyone about Evan, not even his parents.

"I'm sure he does", Blaine said in a tone as if he was talking to a five year old. Sam didn't answer because he wasn't sure if he was being made fun of. But Kurt and Blaine then talked about stuff and let Sam sit with them so he also didn't complain.

Blaine was wondering why Jesse didn't go to McKinley. He missed him a little bit. His smile had been adorable. Granted, he seemed straight, being with Rachel and all, but you never knew.

"Kurt, do you think Jesse could be or anytime soon become bisexual?" Blaine asked.

"Why? I thought you were crushing on Jeremiah. Let me have some, too!"

"You didn't think of Jesse like that ever, just now to bug me. Jeremiah is out of the picture because I sang to him in the mall and outed him when he wasn't ready to and he wasn't amused about that. Also he said it's illegal because I'm underage and he's like super old. Twenty-four or so."

"Ugh! Disgusting."

"I know, right? I don't know what I was thinking", Blaine said.

"Well, I have never seen Jeremiah but I've got a feeling he's the same type as Jesse. Why do you always go after a type? Wait until you get to know a boy who wants to be friends with you and if you two work well together maybe something more will develop from it", Kurt said wisely.

Blaine nodded. "You really want Jesse for yourself, right?"

"How about Sam?" Kurt suggested. Sam didn't look up from the Manga he was reading but Blaine and Kurt studied him.

"Well, he's hot but no boyfriend material", Blaine said. "I can do better. I need a strong, dominant man."

"Did you already have to kiss him?"

Blaine waggled his eyebrows. "Oh yeah. He tasted like candy."

"He looks like that, too." Kurt sighed with one last glance at Sam and continued his meal.

"Didn't you want Finn?" Blaine asked his friend. Kurt waved it off.

"He will never turn gay for me. Also we're step brothers now and I don't know if that would qualify as incest. To be clear I had a crush on him before he became my brother!"

"I know, Kurt. I know." Blaine used his teacher-voice again and patted Kurt's shoulder.

Rachel was in the cafeteria, too. Without Jesse present she was the unquestioned leader around (actually, with him around, too). Sadly, she also had no one to talk to. Maybe she shouldn't have groused at Sam this morning. But then again it was bad for her reputation if she spent time with her staff!

She spontaneously decided to throw a party at Friday. With lots of alcohol in their systems her peers would like her, right?