Turtle Power

One day in the sewer, Raphael, Michaelangelo, Leonardo, and Donatello were sitting around doing some ninja shit.

"Boy, this sure is fun," said Leonardo the prissy suck-up. "Fuckfuckshitgrumble Imma rebel," Raph replied, being his moody badass (lol nope) self. Meanwhile Donatello was off jerking off to loli porn because he's a perverted geek with no life and Michaelangelo was off 420 blazing it but nobody gives a shit about those two because they're useless.

Suddenly Splinter ran out and boomed, "LET'S BUTTFUCK MAH SONNS!1!"

So they all had sex and then April ran in and asked, "Can I join?"

"Ewwwww no way girls have cooties," and they went back to having their way with each other. Then all of a sudden, the Shredder appeared! "Lets fight shddr" Mikey said stonededly.

They all charged after him, Shredder did some weird karate shit and killed Donatello, and then he skipped off for a tea party. "Holy baby-nipples!" Leo said. At first they were silent. Then they all cheered, "Hoo-ray, the fucking nerd is dead at last!" they laughed at Donatello's mutilated corpse, pissed on it, and went off to do something else.

So then the remaining three went off to find some stuff to do. "Let's go train," Said Leo, while looking at his rat daddy with obvious arousal, because he's a kissup who loves his daddy the way a southerner loves his sister.

Raph then bellowed, "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo."

Then Leo got in his face and shriveled, "Congratulations, you got a reaction from users. That's what you wanted, right? Well, i've decided I don't like people like you. You've messed with the community of the wrong psychopath. Before you get excited, you haven't even made me angry. I am a hard person to make angry. However, I despise people like you. Your pitiful hacking skills are hilarious. Hacking accounts and putting up proxies are level 1. Can you hack into encrypted files? Can you tear through firewalls without leaving a mark? Your silly little proxy won't protect you. I have hacked into many computers and spied on the users. I've hacked into games. I've been hacking since I had a computer. It's what I was raised to do. You have no idea to the extent of fear which you should be feeling. All you are is just a community of internet creeps. Have you ever murdered anyone? I have no empathy and I will probably feel joy peeling your skin off your face. You think i'm giving you an empty threat? Believe that. I have contacts in dark places that you don't want to know about. If you live even close to me you better fear for your life. Track my IP if you want to, but I am smart enough to use a library computer. Hack into my account if you want, but it'll just make it easier to track you. With love, A psychopath P.S. I would fear for your life while you still have it."

Then they fought and had hate sex. Leo had a retard moment and used his swords as dildoes and cut Raphel's ass open and he bled out. Mikey then emoed about something and cut his wrists because that's apparantly what comic relief characters who nobody gives a rat's shit about do nowadays I guess. He then cut them so deep he died and nobody cared.

Master Splinter was about to lecture them, but then Shredder ninja'd out of nowhere and killed him. Then Leo started crying and making out with the rat's corpse, "Daddy why don't you love me," he wailed with mascara running down his cheeks. Then Shredder cut him up and had turtle soup. It was the best turtle soup he ever had..

And his last, because he got ebola the following day and died.

The end!