Firsts
Story 1: First Time for Everything
It was a strange thing for someone who had always been independent and had never relied upon another person for anything in her short life to accept the fact that she actually needed someone. And not just someone, but him. You know those kinds of guys who come across as annoying at first but then start to grow on you like a fungus, and before you realize it they're so much a part of you that you can't find where you stop and they begin anymore? Yeah, Jesse Swanson is one of those guys. And Beca Mitchell was completely infected with him.
After deciding that she had been a complete idiot for not realizing that he was exactly the right guy for her, and then losing him because of her previous stupidity and the way she'd been treating him by pushing him away, she realized that she had to do something big if there was any chance of getting him back. She had no clue what that was until Aubrey, of all people, presented her with the perfect opportunity. She used it to her advantage while still creating the set and put in something she hoped would help put her back in his good graces.
Seeing him backstage before he went onstage to perform, she nearly lost her nerve. His face held no emotion as he looked at her and she felt her heart break in her chest as she realized that she had lost him. "Good luck," she'd said and she meant it. She realized then that she just wanted him to be happy, to see that smile that used to be present on his face no matter what, even if that was only possible with her out of his life for good. She'd do it so he could be happy again. But she really hoped that he could be happy with her, because she wanted to be with him.
When the Trebles finished, they left the stage and she was happy that they had finally let Benji in even if it did mean there was even hotter competition from their rivals now. Benji deserved it and it was the right thing to have done, especially given what Bumper had done to the rest of the guys. She was certain it was Jesse's doing. And it made her love him even more. Wait. Love? As she watched him take his seat while the announcer was introducing the Bellas, she realized that it was. He'd taken up residence in her heart the way no one else, including her family, ever had. She had to get him back.
Wearing her heart on her sleeve completely uncharacteristically because she had never put it all on the line for anyone before, she walked out on the stage with her Bellas and gave the performance of a lifetime. She saw him smile and raise his fist in the air when she sang to him and her heart skipped a beat. She began to hope that she hadn't lost him. By the end of the performance, she saw he was one of the first people who stood up to clap for them, his smile took her breath away and she was impatient to get to him. Once they had all taken their bow and left the stage, she made a bee line for her seat, even forgetting to give the stage hand her microphone.
Her eyes were locked on one person and she had a one-track mind, nothing was going to stop her now. She dropped the mic in the seat as she walked up to him, his smile and warm voice welcoming her with, "I told you endings are the best part."
"You're such a weirdo," she said with an answering smile as she pulled him close and pressed her lips to his for the first time. The explosion in her chest and the feeling that radiated down her limbs when she felt his hand on her waist holding her close to him as he kissed her back made her realize that she was completely head over heels in love with him which both thrilled and terrified her at the same time. The intensity of such an emotion after never truly having felt it before was almost too much. Almost. And if it had been anyone other than Jesse to whom these foreign feelings were directed, she might have run, but she was done running from him.
After hearing that the Bellas had won the ICCAs for the first time in history, Jesse was the first one to congratulate her. He looked like he wanted to kiss her again but he wasn't sure of himself and she found that rather adorable since she really wanted him to kiss her again, but then the opportunity for a kiss really didn't present itself for a while. He stood next to her, his hand holding hers as she intertwined their fingers, while both of their families congratulated them since she'd won and he'd come in a close second per the announcers. Once the families had left and the Bellas and Trebles had all gathered in the lobby of the hotel to decide what to do with the rest of their evening in New York, Beca was quick to get Jesse alone in a hallway.
She wrapped her arms around his waist and crushed herself to him, rejoicing inside as his arms wrapped tightly around her back. "I'm sorry," she said into his shirt before he had the chance to say anything. Then she mustered her courage and pulled away to look up into his eyes.
He looked befuddled, "For what?"
She smiled at him, her heart pounding in her chest as she spoke around the lump in her throat, "For the way I treated you. For pushing you away. For not realizing sooner that you were right…and that I…"
He silenced her with a kiss, the one he'd wanted to give her for over an hour, since just after they had stopped kissing earlier. She parted her lips and let him deepen their kiss as her hands fisted in his shirt. His tongue touched hers for the first time and he felt himself fall over the edge of the precipice he'd jumped from, climbed up and jumped from over and over again for the last several months. He knew he loved Beca, he just hadn't let himself acknowledge that he'd fallen in love with her because to put it into words would have made it hurt it all the more. Until now. Now that she was his, he let himself fall over the edge willingly with no plans of ever climbing back out. He was completely in love with her and he felt like he couldn't possibly contain the amount of happiness he felt.
She pulled away only far enough to be sure she caught his eyes before she started talking again. "Please let me finish. I need you to know this before we go any further."
He looked back down the hallway toward the direction of their friends milling about as they all decided what kind of mischief they wanted to get into in celebration of the Bellas' victory. He was certain that someone was going to come looking for one or the both of them soon, so he had to do something because he did not want to be interrupted if she was finally going to let down her walls and talk to him. Then he turned his attention back to her, "This sounds important and I don't want you to be interrupted, so come with me." He took her hand in his and led her to the elevator. She followed silently behind and stayed quiet for the entire ride up the elevator to the Treble floor, which was apparently the same as the Bellas' floor as she noticed when the doors opened and he pulled her along behind him.
Her room was down the left hallway and Jesse led her down the right. "Benji will be enjoying his time with the Trebles so we shouldn't be interrupted up here. At least for a little while." When she didn't say anything, he began to over-think it and slowed his pace as he said, "I mean, if you are okay with being alone in a hotel room with me."
She giggled at him and then tried to suppress her smile, unsuccessfully. "Lead the way, please." She gestured with her free hand down the hallway to emphasize her request.
He just smiled, a little relieved, and pulled her along quickly behind him down to his room. He put the key in the card slot and waited for the green light before opening the door. He led her inside and put the Do Not Disturb sign on the door, hoping Benji would take a hint if he did decide to come up there for anything. He also put the slide-lock on the door before walking into the room, discarding his jacket on the dresser and sitting on Benji's bed, which was the one opposite where she was seated, his bed. There was only one tiny light on in the room and no light coming in from the windows, but they could see each other well enough with only three or so feet between them.
He put one leg up under the other one and looked at her earnestly, "You have my undivided attention."
The sparse light in the room caught his features just right and made his eyes sparkle; it leant a rather magical quality to everything and made both of them feel like anything was possible tonight. She smiled as she looked up at him through her eyelashes. "I want you to know that I know I don't deserve you." He looked like he was going to interrupt and she held up her hand with her long index finger extended, silencing him, "I know it was you that got my music on air; Luke is too much of a pompous ass to give me a shot on his own. I know you were the only one who waited for me to get out of jail and I was such a bitch and I didn't deserve your friendship then. I yelled at you when you only called my dad because that's what you would have done with your family. And you didn't know the relationship between me and my dad wasn't like yours is with your dad."
She took a breath and he looked like he was going to burst if he didn't get to talk soon. She grinned at his nervousness and then finished what she wanted to tell him, "I'm sorry I was so ungrateful for all of the times you had my back and I acted like you didn't matter. I had no idea how much you really do matter to me until you shut the door in my face." He stood up and took a step toward her before she put her hand out and continued what she wanted to say, "I know I don't deserve for you to forgive me, I don't deserve another shot with you, but I hope you can think about it because I've missed you."
He had stayed quiet for the entirety of her confession-slash-apology even though he wanted to object to so many of the things she'd said as he towered over her with her small hand on his chest while she still sat on his bed. When she stopped talking, he waited several seconds before he opened his mouth. He put his hand over hers and his voice caught under the lump in his throat that had formed after hearing how lowly she thought of herself so he whispered, "I never wanted there to be problems between us, Beca. I cared about you too much to not have missed you every single day we were not speaking," she winced when he said 'cared,' in the past tense and again at the reminder of the last several weeks. Of course, he noticed and reconsidered his words because they mattered now more than ever, "Because I care about you. God, Beca, I do, so, so much." The way he said it made it sound like he'd just declared his love for her and to tell the truth that's just about how he felt, but he would never say it so soon because he knew she would run.
"I care about you, too, Jesse," she said as she looked at the floor. "So much that it scares me."
His hand caressed her cheek and he moved her head so she was looking at him again. "Please don't be afraid, I have no intention of ever letting you go. I just want you to want to be with me, it's all I've wanted since day one."
And she knew he wanted to say more, she felt it radiating off of him from across the small gap that existed between them, but she stopped him when she stood and stepped toward him, wrapping her arm around his neck and pulling him down so her lips met his again. After a few moments, she pulled away and crushed herself to him in the tightest hug she'd ever given, pressing her cheek into his chest as her arms went around his waist. His arms wrapped around her back and she felt him press a kiss to the top of her head before he rested his cheek against her head.
She inhaled, filling her nostrils with the scent that was uniquely Jesse, warmly spicy with a hint of popcorn. Into his shirt, she admitted in a quiet voice, "I want to be with you, Jesse. I've never wanted anything more in my life." Even L.A., and when that thought had hit her, she had been the most surprised of anyone, but fortunately the realization had occurred days ago, so she could focus her full attention on the desired object of her heart and every other part of her body.
Jesse pushed her away and then leaned down to capture her lips again. One of his hands found its way up into her hair as he kissed her while the other which was on her waist held her close to him. When she started to push him back toward the bed, he stopped and she pulled away asking breathily, "What?"
"Nothing," he said with a smirk, "I just don't want to do this on Benji's bed."
She pulled away with shock on her face, feigned of course, "Don't want to do what?"
He stood up from the bed they were occupying, displaying strength she didn't realize he possessed as he carried her effortlessly over to the other bed a few feet away. He crawled onto the bed and lowered her back onto the sheets as he settled his weight on top of her. She felt her heart rate increase at his bold move. "Whatever it is that you want to do now."
Her legs wrapped around his waist so that he was stretched out over her and their torsos were touching completely. And his pelvis rested exactly on top of hers, so she could feel that he was ready for more, at least physically. She hoped he wanted this as much as she did, and although she was a little wary of rejection, she kissed him breathless to gain some courage and then boldly told him, "I want you to take my virginity now."
"Your…?"
She blushed and looked away, "Yeah well, I never really had an opportunity after prom night didn't happen for so many reasons." She heard him exhale and then chuckle; she felt the vibration in all of the parts of his body that were touching hers.
Then he realized what she said and looked down at her with concern on his face. "What happened at prom?"
She frowned slightly and looked away. "I'll tell you some other time. Right now, I don't want to ruin the mood."
Then she felt his hand on her cheek as he gently turned her face back to his, catching her gaze in his own. "I don't want the mood ruined either." He lowered his face to hers and captured her lips in a deep lazy kiss, savoring every second of contact between their lips and tongues. He especially liked it when he felt her fingers in his hair, holding his face closer to hers. Her hips started to move against him as they kissed and he felt his jeans becoming an increasingly distressing problem. His lips began to wander down her face, her jaw and onto her neck and the exposed part of her chest. He knew if he started removing clothing that would be it, he wouldn't be able to stop himself since he'd fantasized and dreamed about her for nearly an entire year. So he had to know because he wasn't going to be able to hold out for much longer. "Are you sure you want to do this?" his voice was muffled in her neck.
When she didn't answer right away, he pulled away from her and looked down at her with nothing but concerned love in his eyes. In fact, she saw so much love in his eyes that it almost scared her, but the response she had was not the one she was expecting. Instead of running scared like she usually did, she looked at him and tried to put all of the love she felt for him into her gaze as she admitted quietly, "I want you to be my first."
He smiled that genuine smile that she'd fallen for that first day in the radio station, "Good because I want you to be mine."
She didn't care really if he had been with another woman before her, but the fact that he was just as much a virgin as she was made this even more special, and made her want him even more, if that was even possible. She began to fiddle with the buttons on his shirt after removing his tie and tossing it onto the floor. But she was moving too slowly because after she'd gotten the first few undone, he reached down and pulled his own shirt up over his head and tossed it to the ground, leaving him in only his jeans and boxers since he kicked his shoes off as well. Beca ran her fingers over the defined planes of his chest and stomach. They were not rock solid like Luke appeared to be, but they were still very toned and oh so sexy. He was so incredibly sexy. She was too distracted by what she saw so she didn't even notice he was undoing the buttons of her shirt.
He pulled it up out of her pants and opened it up, exposing her lacy black bra before he continued kissing her chest and nibbling along the lacy edges of her bra cups. He wasted little time moving his nimble fingers to the button that held her pants closed. He looked up to her as if to ask for permission – she smiled and nodded – and then eagerly unbuttoned and then unzipped the offending garment. He pulled at the tight fabric to get it down her legs and got stuck. Then he climbed off of her and Beca protested. "C'mere," he said with a laugh at her frustration. She complied and he pulled her to her feet, and then quickly removed her shirt. He pushed her pants down her legs until he reached her knees, and then he gently pushed her down so she was sitting on the edge of the bed. He pulled each of her shoes off, tickling her feet a little when he did and then yanked her black jeans the rest of the way off her body, depositing them in the small pile on the floor next to his tie and their shirts. She took the same opportunity to divest him of his pants when he stood back up, letting them fall so they pooled around his ankles. She moved back on the bed as he stepped out of the jeans on the ground and crawled on his hands and knees up the mattress toward her as she scooted back slowly until her hand hit the pillow. She settled down and reached for him as he finished crawling toward her. Jesse settled his weight on top of Beca again because she quite enjoyed the feeling of his weight on her as they lay in his bed both clad in nothing but their underwear.
Although they both understood the mechanics of what they were about to do, neither of them had experienced it and so they had no idea what to expect. They took a little more time to remove each other's last pieces of clothing, kissing and caressing each other lovingly all along; Beca became completely naked before Jesse did. Jesse preferred it that way because he absolutely wanted to worship the goddess who lay beneath him. In fact, as he was taking his time kissing her breasts, she had to take matters into her own hands, or feet. Using the only limbs she had available, she hooked each of her big toes on the waistband of his boxers and pushed them down his legs with her feet. "Impatient, are we?" he grinned up at her.
"Jesse," she said, and that's all she said, but he heard her desire for him in that one word – his name – rolling off of her tongue like a purr. He claimed her lips so quickly that he almost carelessly entered her before he was ready. He did not want to hurt her since it was her first time too, but he lost control when she said his name like that. It took everything he had inside himself to stop kissing her. When he did pull away, she whimpered and looked up at him pleadingly. He looked down into her eyes and made sure to maintain their eye contact as he slowly sunk himself into her depths until their hips met, watching how her eyes rolled back into her head as she let herself be very much penetrated by a Treblemaker.
Beca's fingernails dug into his shoulders and she let out a guttural moan; she had never felt such an indescribable sensation as having a part of the man she loved inside her body. Jesse was having a similar heart swelling reaction to being a part of the woman he loved. His lips descended on hers and Jesse forgot that he needed to do more than just lay there kissing her until Beca started to rub herself against him in an effort to create the friction that felt so good. He grunted and buried his face in her neck as he pulled out and pushed back in slowly, his lips sucking on the sensitive skin under her ear, which he somehow magically knew made sensations bloom in the pit of her stomach that felt like molten lava spilling out of the sides of a volcano.
She writhed and bucked her hips against his as he rammed himself inside her, addicted to the tingles running across every inch of her skin. Her hands explored the hot smooth skin of his chest and back that had heretofore been unseen by her. She dragged her nails down his back as she kissed along his neck to his shoulder. She bit down when he changed position and she felt a sharp pain, tensing a little and gasping.
He stilled his movement, feeling like he was about to blow anyway, and pulled away so he could look down in her eyes, "Are you okay?"
"Yes…don't stop, please," she said hurriedly as she moved herself so he went in and out and rubbed against her even though he was still not moving. "You know what?" She pushed on his chest and his brow furrowed for a moment until she grinned at him and pushed him over on his back before climbing over him and straddling his legs so his erection was pointing up at her between her legs. She found it with her hand and he gasped as she lightly touched his tip, which was slightly sticky from being inside of her, and then moaned as his eyes rolled into the back of his head when she ran her hand up and down the length a few times. She gripped it tightly at the base for a moment and then stood up on her knees positioning herself over top of him. She lowered herself until the tip was just inside her and then put both hands on his chest as she hovered above him.
His hands found hers and she suddenly dropped down onto him, impaling herself. She let out a puff of air when she settled atop his lean body, wiggling her hips and eliciting a particularly throaty moan from him before she pushed on his chest as she drew herself up so she could do it again and again. His hands moved to her legs and his dexterous fingers kneaded their way up the tight muscles to her waist as she bounced on him. He grabbed her butt and pulled her closer to him so he could pull her down at the right angle as he pushed up into her to get as far into her as he could. He gripped her hips with an iron grasp that was sure to leave a mark as he felt himself approaching the point of no return. "Beca…" he rasped out in between pants.
Her pace increased as she felt something building inside the pit of her stomach and deep within her chest at the same time. As her body began to shake with the waves of her first ever induced-by-someone-else orgasm, she could no longer find the concentration to form cohesive words let alone sentences so her satisfaction at what he'd done to her came out in a string of incomprehensible nonsense as she collapsed against his chest. Lost as she was in the sensations, she hardly noticed Jesse's own mind-blowing finale.
As her pace had increased, Jesse had quickly lost the ability to control himself and just let himself go. His orgasm spilled out of him in waves and he shuddered and grunted with each release, his fingers gripping Beca's hips even tighter so she didn't pull away. When she collapsed against him, he dragged his hands up her back and held her close until both of their breathing had settled back down to a more reasonable pace. Neither spoke during the several minutes of afterglow they reveled in after being with each other for the first time. Life absolutely could not get any better than being with the woman of your dreams.
It was not until he fell out of her and she sat back up on his waist that he realized what they had forgotten. As she settled on the bed next to him, the length of her naked body pressed against him and her leg draped over his, he knew he needed to tell her and there was no other way than to just do it. His heart dropped into his stomach, but he hoped against hope that she wouldn't be angry with him. "Beca, I didn't…I don't…"
She knew what he was freaking out about, she wasn't stupid, but she had it mostly covered and she didn't want him thinking otherwise. Besides, she had actually been prepared because come hell or high water, she was getting him back in New York, dammit. But she had her reasons for not insisting, at least the first time. She leaned up on her elbow and put her finger on his lips, looking into his eyes in the low-level light. "Jesse, stop. It's fine."
"But…" he said around her finger.
"No, no buts. I said it's fine. I've been on birth control since I was thirteen for medical reasons. We can be more careful from here on out, but I wanted…I, I needed to really feel your body as part of mine this first time without anything in between us. I'm tired of there being things in the way of you and me."
Jesse rolled on his side, still cradling her body, so they lay facing each other. His thumb moved along her cheekbone as his hand came to rest on her face, gently cradling it. "Beca, I want to tell you something and I don't expect anything at all in return right now except I hope that you don't run away because you have to know by now that I am in love with you." He watched her reaction closely and when all she did was smile at him, he grinned and nodded in his adorably dorky way as he got carried away with himself and said, "So yeah, I said it. I want to shout it. I love you, Beca."
She was silent as she looked into his eyes for several long moments, the only sound in the room being the two of them breathing, and the deafening echo in her ears from what he'd said to her. She'd known that he liked her a great deal and that he cared for her more than any other guy ever had before, but love? Then her heart took control, because it was sure of what it felt, and her rational mind be damned, it was not going to let this opportunity go, so when she did finally respond to him, she couldn't stop the words that came out of her mouth, "This is difficult for me to say because the concept used to be so foreign to me. But that is the only reason because I know that I've never felt anything more acutely in my life. I fell in love with you months ago; I just was too stupid to realize it until you didn't want me anymore after I pushed you away one too many times."
He felt his heart constrict in his chest, "Beca, there was never a time when I didn't want you, when you didn't have my heart in the palm of your hand. Even when you threw it back at me, I know I just picked it up and handed it right back to you. But you hurt me when you push me away and wall up your heart like Fort Knox, so please just promise me you won't do that anymore and I won't ever shut the door in your face again, okay?"
She didn't want to lie to him and she knew she couldn't promise that, but she could promise to try her best. She put her hand on his face and caressed his cheek as she looked deep into his eyes. "I can't promise it won't happen anymore because I am more damaged than I think you realize and there could be times when I will hide behind my walls because it's my natural reaction to emotional things. What I can do, though, my love," she added in just for him, which earned her a lazy grin from the object of her affection, "is promise that I will try to resist as much as I can. And if I do put up my walls, then I promise to work on taking them back down as quickly as possible. And I promise that I will run to you as much as I can. Because I don't want you to ever think that I don't love you or that I don't need you. I do. I love you, Jesse, and I need you to be part of my life."
He hugged her closer and pressed his lips to hers. "You know what I think?"
"What's that?"
"I think we need to get back downstairs before they wonder where we are and come looking for us."
"I don't think anyone has any doubts about where we are after our performance tonight," she said with a lazy smile. "We can explore New York tomorrow; the bus doesn't leave for the airport until Monday morning." She snuggled closer to him, wrapping her arm around his waist tightly as she pressed her naked body against his. "Right now, I don't want to get out of this bed." He was happy to oblige, only moving to drape the blanket over the two of them to protect her privacy for whenever Benji finally did come back.
a/n: My first contribution to the Pitch Perfect fandom, this is the first in a series of inter-related one shots that I'm writing. Please let me know what you thought.