Had this written for a while but wasn't sure if I was going to make a whole story out of it or not. I've got too many unfinished things so I decided to toss it out and see what it does. Let me know what you think. Hope you like it. " ) Bensler

Run

by Bensler

The piercing blue of his eyes hardened like steel as he stared at her, unable to understand why she was like this. Why she insisted on throwing it all away. Why, every single time things were going well between them she did something to sabotage it. But, deep in his heart he knew why – at least he thought he did. She didn't think she was worthy of having someone truly love her.

"So, just like that you're gonna walk out? Again?" he asked, trying desperately to keep the anger, the hurt from his voice. His churning stomach and pounding heart were making him nauseous.

"I don't remember anyone saying this…this…whatever it is was exclusive," she retorted, as she waved her hands between them, her brown eyes darkening to black from her own anger. An anger that seemed to have no reasonable source.

"Don't run from me, Liv. Please," he begged quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

He could not lose her. He could not live without her.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeo ~ ~ ~

The call Cragen paired Elliot and Fin on early that morning filled their entire day and well into the evening and when they had done all they could do they decided to go for a quick beer before heading home. Elliot just wanted to take the edge off the day, go home, shower and head to Olivia's. They had been dating for nearly two months…this time. For the last year, they had been on again, off again, but no matter how it hurt he would be with her any way, anytime for as long as she allowed.

As he sipped on the ice-cold beverage, all he could think of was he had not been partnered with her today and he could not wait to see her, to talk to her. He missed her so much whenever they were separated during the day. And then as he and Fin worked on their second bottles of beer, Elliot heard the familiar laughter. He'd know that sound anywhere. Fin recognized it, too, and shot him a questioning look.

Elliot strained his neck to look around the room and it only took seconds to spot her. Still dressed in the low cut red tee shirt and black pants she had on this morning, she leaned against the bar, her left elbow propped on the wooden surface, a drink in her hand. Her right hand rested easily on the right forearm of her drinking partner while his left hand partially circled her waist. Olivia's head was cocked to one side and turned slightly downward so she had to look up through her thick lashes at the tall, dark haired man standing close to her. Too close, Elliot decided as he started to stand.

"Hey, man. Take it easy," Fin said as he quickly leaned over and placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder. Fin glanced back at Olivia and wondered what the heck she was doing. He turned in time to see Elliot swallow hard as his hands balled into fists and Fin knew he wouldn't be able to hold him back very long.

"Take it easy?" Elliot growled in a low voice. "That sleazebag is all over her!"

He tried to push past Fin but the black man pushed back. "Ain't no need to go startin' nothin' in here that's gonna get back to Cragen. 'Livia can hold her own. Chill out."

Elliot managed to listen to Fin for exactly forty-nine seconds before he stomped over and confronted Olivia and her friend.

"Hey, pal. I think it's time for you to move on," he smirked as he draped his arm loosely around Olivia's shoulder and looked at the man.

Olivia's mouth fell open in surprise as her brows lifted in disbelief at Elliot's declaration.

"'Scuse me?" The man straightened, glanced questioningly at Olivia as his hand fell from her waist as he backed up a step.

"No excuses necessary. Just make yourself scarce," Elliot retorted, his eyes narrowed in loosely controlled anger.

Olivia shrugged Elliot's arm from around her and still managed a smile for the other man. "Please excuse my colleague. He tends to be overprotective."

Colleague? Overprotective? Elliot seethed at her remarks.

There was no doubt Elliot was staking a claim on his 'territory' and the man was not dumb. He backed up further and said, "Look, I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries. Just here to unwind a bit after work. I don't want any trouble."

"Find someone else to unwind with and there won't be any trouble," Elliot smiled even though his eyes were filled with fire.

"Elliot! Who do you think you are…" Olivia started.

The man looked over at her and interrupted, "What is this? You said you were single."

"I am," she snapped as she broke her glare at Elliot to glance at the man.

"Yeah, well, you need to clue in Mr. Jealous here." He threw a twenty dollar bill on the counter and walked off.

Elliot's anger kicked up a notch. "You told him you were single?" he rumbled in disbelief.

"How dare you embarrass me like this?" she hissed in a low whisper.

"You didn't answer my question. Did you tell him you were single?" Elliot's face was nearly purple with fury.

"I'm not one of your daughters, Elliot and you had no right to do this!" In her fury, she did not care who heard them fighting.

He grabbed her right arm and roughly pulled her to him. "Olivia! You told him you were single?"

"I am single!" She was livid and she jerked her arm but his grip was firm.

"No. You aren't." His nostrils flared as he gritted his teeth.

She held her left hand up in front of him. "You see a ring on my finger, huh?" She turned her hand back and forth. "No ring. No husband. Not married equals single."

She jerked her arm again but still couldn't break the hold he had on her.

"Let go of me!" She tried again to snatch her arm away.

Elliot pulled her closer and his voice was low and full of emotion, "You are not single, Olivia. You and I are…"

She was beyond angry. "You and I are over! You hear me? Over! Now, get off me!" This time she loudly demanded him to release her.

Elliot felt as if she had physically hit him and it showed on his crumpled face. "Over?"

She knows her words hurt him, sliced him to the core, but she was so mad she did not care. "Yeah! You need more clarification, go read Dating for Dummies and check out the chapter on being dumped!"

Their antics had now garnered the attention of everyone in the bar.

The bartender came around to diffuse the situation. "Okay, buddy, you heard the lady. Let her go."

"Stay out of this," Elliot warned him, his eyes never leaving Olivia's.

Fin, used to seeing the two of them go at it, had patiently let the situation play out but now realized this was different. He quickly made his way over and got between the two. "I got this," he told the barkeeper. "Elliot," he pleaded quietly, trying to push him away from Olivia.

"This is none of your business," Elliot told him.

"Cragen gets wind of this, it's gonna affect the whole squad. So, yeah, it is my business." He pulled at Elliot's arm. When he finally released Olivia, Fin turned to her. "You okay?"

She nods once, her hardened gaze never leaving Elliot.

"Need a ride?" Fin asked her.

She shook her head. "No. I'm not ready to go home…yet." She lifted her chin a bit in defiance, to let Elliot know he was not her boss; she would do whatever she wanted to do. "And when I am, it probably won't be alone!" She just had to throw that in for an added kick.

Elliot started toward her again, rage flooding every fiber of his being, but Fin held him back and pushed him toward the door. "Okay, see you in the morning."

Surprisingly, the fight had gone out of Elliot and he quietly went with Fin though he watched Olivia over his shoulder until they were out of the bar.

She knew he was watching her but she refused to give him the satisfaction of knowing that she knew it. She smiled at the bartender and motioned for another drink.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeo ~ ~ ~

Elliot was shaking. He felt the rumble in his stomach, the crashing of his heart against his chest, the weakness in his knees. Adrenaline raced through him. Or was it fear. Whatever it was, it was making him sick. God - he was going to lose her. Again. He couldn't keep doing this. It wasn't healthy. Each time they made up, he just knew it would be forever. But then something would happen. He never knew what. Was it something he said? Didn't say? Something he did? Or didn't do?

If he knew, he could stop it from happening. Stop her from leaving him. But he never knew and she always left him and each time it was like she carved his heart out of his body with a jagged, rusty knife leaving yet another scar. The pain was devastating. And each injury left him a little weaker. A little closer to being unable to recover from the wounds she inflicted. This emotional roller coaster she kept him on was slowly killing him.

"Olivia, please. Don't run away from this, from me," he repeated his previous sentiments.

She was silent and stubborn. Suddenly, as they stood in her apartment while he stared at her as she glared at him like she didn't even know him, he realized whether she ran or not, he really could not do this anymore. But because he loved her, was so in love with her, so entwined with her, he gave her one more second chance.

"So, are we okay?" Knowing they were not, he still had to ask because he had to know her answer; had to give her the chance to heal their relationship or make the decision to end it.

"Are we okay? You're kidding me, right? You came up to a stranger in a bar and pulled your alpha-male routine because I was talking to him. Seriously, Elliot, are you that insecure?" Olivia knew she was being unreasonable and had the situation been reversed she would have been livid, but she couldn't stop. She did not deserve Elliot Stabler. He was too good to her. He deserved someone who wasn't damaged.

"Insecure?" Elliot snorted then yelled. "If I'm insecure it's because you've made me that way! I-I-I've done everything I know to do to make us work, Olivia! For the first time in my life, I'm learning to share my feelings, my innermost thoughts! I've-I've bared my…my soul and held out my heart to you and time after time you've stomped on it and…and thrown it back at me like I mean nothing to you." He was blinking back tears while trying to control the rage and pain he felt from her words. "Is that it? I don't mean anything to you?"

Her jaws tightened and she determined not to release the tears burning her eyelids. He was right and she knew it. She had treated him like dirt; like nothing. He had done all he could; he even talked with Huang to get pointers on changing his ways to make sure he didn't make the same mistakes with her that he had with Kathy. And Olivia had done all she could to damage it because it was all she knew – damaged relationships – people who were never there to start with or who ran when she couldn't measure up to their expectations. So, she finally learned to be the one to run.

Standing with his feet spread wide, his hands clenching and unclenching at his side, he waited for an eternity, but she never answered.

Finally, he spoke again, "Well?" He swallowed hard and took a deep breath unsure he wanted to hear what she would say.

Shifting her stare from the wall to him, she glared at him for a long moment. He tried to see something, anything in them. But they were hard, cold, angry pools of black and he had the sudden feeling that maybe he didn't know her.

Inhaling deeply, she finally asked, "Well, what?"

He stared at her in disbelief. This was nothing but a game to her, Elliot thought. A game. With a slight shake of his head, he sighed, smiled sadly, and looked at her with something in his eyes she had never seen before.

Something that sent icy shivers straight to her soul.

Resignation.

Acquiescence.

In all their time together, through all their fights, through all the crap that made them who they were, he had been her rock in the storms of life, her tether in chaos, her stability when everything around her was falling apart.

But now?

Now she realized he was only human. She had pushed him too far; expected too much; taken until he had nothing left; given too little in return.

And mistakenly thought he would always put up with her crap. Would always be there.

The look in his eyes told her he wouldn't.

He was giving up. On her. On them.

Elliot continued staring at her. He could not believe she was being so flippant about this; about them. That she was so dismissive of their relationship could only mean one thing, he thought. She really did not care. He really did not mean to her what she meant him. And he really could not do this anymore.

For his own well being.

He could not continue to subject his mind and heart to the whims of Olivia Benson.

He was done.

This was over.

Chewing on his bottom lip, he took another moment to sort out his response.

Elliot exhaled. "Well, what?" he repeated quietly. "I'll tell you what, Olivia - you're right. You and I are over." He turned and opened the door. Looking over his shoulder, he said one last thing. "Have a good run, Benson."

With those words ringing in her ears, Elliot let himself out, the door closing softly behind him.

Olivia heard the click of the latch and the sound of his retreating footsteps. He was leaving. He was really leaving. She stared at the gray door, unaware of the tears coursing down her cheeks, but very aware her heart was breaking.

Shock.

She was in shock.

It all came crashing down on her. In an instant she realized she was the one with the problem. She was the one who needed to change - had to change. She was the one who should be talking to Dr. George Huang. Or, pride be damned, even Dr. Rebecca Hendrix.

How could she just let Elliot go like that?

Her best friend.

The love of her life.

How?

The answer was she couldn't.

And she wouldn't.

She would have a good run.

But first she would talk to someone to help her figure things out.

To become a better person.

A worthy, deserving person.

Worthy of him.

Deserving of his love.

And soon…soon she would run.

To where she belonged.

The only place she has ever belonged.

Straight back into the arms of Elliot Stabler.

~ ~ ~ eoeoeoeoeo ~ ~ ~