Author's Note: The One Night Stand Brought to you by the best people ever, Gothalie and Nights in a City.
Johnny was drunk. REALLY drunk. Snape was desperate. REALLY desperate. We don't really want to go into detail of what happened between them. It would probably end up in us being banned from writing ever, EVER again. And we enjoy writing, so we'd like to keep our slate clean for the time being. Well, maybe there's a few scratches on it, but we're working on it.
"Hey, Johnny, why don't you come with me? I'll show you a nice quiet place for you to relax…" skeevy fucking potions master said.
"Erm…okay…why not?" the homicidal, suicidal, apple cidal, American Idol maniac replied.
"Follow me…" skeevy man beckoned with his icky skeevy grin.
"Will do," Mr. Homicide responded.
Snape thrust Johnny into a darkened room and onto a bed.
(Fireworks…KABOOM! Shweeee…)
The next morning, Johnny found himself oddly out of place. This was not his dormitory, nor was this his bed. These were not his clothes; in fact, there were no clothes to be seen on him. His hair was even messier than usual, and upon looking in the mirror, he discovered smudged lipstick on his face…and other various parts of his body…(hem hem. OMG Umbridge is back! Just kidding.)
Johnny strode over to a nearby sink (at least he thought it was a sink, he wasn't quite sure), and washed off most of the lipstick, although some of it just wouldn't come off. It was pink too. EW. Besides the lipstick, Johnny was generally unscathed and wasn't harmed in any way. Further examination of the room led him to discover a three quarter empty bottle of cognac, a set of lipsticks and other types of makeup, a croquet mallet, a cactus, a bottle of Eau de Peeves, and a rubber chicken (Snape is quite interesting when you get to know him, if you get my drift).
Snape himself was present in the room; he was lying facedown on the floor hugging a piggy. He wore a thin green sheet, and the nearby floor was completely soaked (with what, the world may never know and will NEVER EVER want to know). Johnny, sickened by this sight, proceeded to don his clothes, which were spread far apart in the bed sheets, and his shoes, located on the ceiling, and his knife collection, all of which were mysteriously greasy, but not with blood. After this, he ATE A CHICKEN! Not really. All he did was run away fast.
Snape, on the other hand, was used to these things. Kinda.
"Johnny, darling, where are you?" Only silence answered his calls. After he called out for his 'love' a few more times, he quickly showered and dressed. (5:37 AM OH EM EFFING GEE!!!)
THE EEEAAANNNDDD
Author's Note: We are going to leave you with this. Please. Please, Don't. Drink. Snape's. Magic. Cognac. PLEEEAAASSSSEEE. Also, read Mysterious Owls of Johnny and Snape. That is the sequel. Also, read Johnny's mystical time at Hogwarts for even MORE elightenment.