/Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real/

Taut robes cut in my skin. Strands of my chestnut hair fall out my braid and stick on the little gloves of blood on my face.

My opened eyes are heavy and my whole body feels empty and weak.

I'm almost sure I look so vulnerable right now.

/There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling/

How could they catch me in the first place? I did everything right. Just like we arranged, I placed the bombs.

They just… no. They would never do that! They're my friends and partners. They would never betray me.

But what if… they just needed someone to place the bombs?

/I can't seem
To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure/

No. No. No! They wouldn't do that! They wouldn't. They wouldn't…

I close my eyes tightly as memories of the other Gundam Pilots.

I see a picture of the five of us, sitting in the living room of one of the many safe houses we've been. We're playing a game of cards and even Heero is laughing a bit.

/Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real/ 

But those were different times. Back then we hadn't planned an attack on OZ's headquarters. Now I know that in a fight you truly get to know your friends.

And now  I know I can't trust my friends. For so far I can call them friends.

/Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem.../

Then suddenly my eyes shot open as I feel something wet sliding over my cheeks.

What the….

I'm crying. Why? They betrayed me. If they didn't they would've already came for me here. I don't want to cry for them! I don't want to cry for those that betray me!

/To find myself again
My walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
So insecure/

Then I start to think feverish.

My life isn't worth a thing! Why do I live anyway? The people  care fore are gone already!

I… no! I sigh, this inner battle is becoming to much. And the pain, raising through my body, taking away my adrenalin, it's just too much pressure to take for me right now.

I… want… to… die! I think then to myself. Then I close my eyes softly as tears find their way to run freely over my cheeks.

/Crawling in my skin
These wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real/

"Father, please forgive all my sins. Sister Helen, please forgive me for all my sins. That I may go to Heaven's portals and see my beloved one's there. That I go to Hell, for the sins I did my whole life long. That YOU, mighty Lord, will decide with my faith with what I deserve."

I whisper the words with pain and tears. And then I give up the battle to live. I let all my adrenalin slip out my body and I feel my body temperature sink until nothing is left.

I lived my life on the wrong way, and now is my time to pay for it.

  
/There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
This lack of self control I fear is never ending
Controlling/

OMG! This is so…. So sad! I can't believe I wrote this! Man, it's really depressing! Please Review, and hehe, can you guess which pilot it was?