Alrighty, so I got tired of hardly any comments on this over on Dev. Art so I finally gave in and I'm posting it over here too. Just a fair warning, Tabitha and pretty much any other person you don't recognise in this story is an alter-ego for a real person so please let me know if you plan on kidnapping us. We like to be able to pack the essentials first, you know? ;)
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It was a late night, and Tabitha was beat. Not only was she a Disney crazed student, she ran Magefire Industries also. For those who are behind on the times, her company kidnaps characters and puts them into uncompromising situations, cough cough. She had just walked into her dark room when a rather loud sniff set her on edge.
Most characters wanted revenge when she was done with them, and it wouldn't be the first time someone tried to abuse her in her own home.
"Who's there, and what do you want?" she growled, fingers shaped into rigid claws.
"Tabitha..." whined a familiar voice and a hand fell onto her shoulder.
Instinctively, Tabitha screamed and elbowed the owner of the hand in the ribs. The next thing she did was flip on the light switch, illuminating her small, cluttered room.
There, bent over from pain was none other then Draco Malfoy. With a sigh, Tabitha crossed her arms and growled, "What the hell do you want Malfoy?"
Draco lifted his tear-stained face and stared at Tabitha as if trying to impart his plight telepathically. It wasn't working and Tabitha was getting annoyed.
"That bitch," he finally said, "I thought you were bad but that bitch forced us apart forever!"
"You mean the author, J.K. Row..."
"Don't even say her name!" interjected Draco, "It gives that devil her power."
Tabitha nodded slowly, you know the one that basically says right...
"I'm guessing you're pissed about the epilogue," said Tabitha, arms still crossed. Draco nodded and Tabitha rolled her eyes.
"Can you fix this?" asked Draco meekly.
Tabitha raised one dark eyebrow. "Me? You want me to fix what she did?" Draco nodded again. "Sorry, can't be done."
Draco's face fell, and Tabitha swore she heard his hopes break. "But," she continued, "I'm willing to hear you out. I'll see what I can do, but I'm not promising anything."
Draco's face lit up and he staggered to his feet to hug Tabitha. "How can I ever repay you?" he asked after kissing her on the cheek.
"Okay, one, don't do that again if you value your life. And two, two words: breath mint."
Draco's face turned a deep red.
Tabitha scratched the back of her neck and said, "Well, I can't really do anything here... So, why don't we head to my office?"
Draco shrugged. "Okay," he said and began to walk out the door. Tabitha cleared her throat, making him pause.
"We're taking the express dude," she said, pointing to her closet. Draco looked confused and Tabitha flicked a bit of her magic at the door. The closet instantly turned into a fun slide. "After you," she said pushing Draco forward lightly.
Draco fell hard on his ass and slid quickly down into the belly of the slide with Tabitha following behind.
Five minutes later they were seated in Tabitha's sparse office and Draco was blubbering again. He was crying so hard that Tabitha couldn't hear every other word he said. So, instead of listening attentively, she let her mind wander only to nod or shake her head occasionally to what Draco was saying.
This went on until Tabitha's office phone rang at two in the morning.
"Hang on a sec, Draco. This is usually really important," she said as she picked up the red plastic phone. "Magefire Industries, this is Tabitha speaking. How can I help you?'
"Tabitha? Tabitha, is that you love?" said the voice on the other end.
Tabitha squealed happily into the receiver and said, "Jack? Oh is that you my salty sailor?"
There was a chuckle on the other end and the voice said, "Hey Babs. I knew you'd never forget me."
Tabitha giggled girlishly and Draco rolled his eyes.
"Listen love, I'm in town for tonight only and I was wondering if you wanted to have a little fun," said Jack.
Tabitha inhaled sharply to say yes but looked over at Draco and lost all momentum. She thought about it for a second before asking, "I'd like to go but you see I have a friend here with me."
"The more the merrier!" said Jack, an obvious smile on his lips.
"No, Jack. You see, my friend is a guy and he was just put into a bad situation by this one witch. Do you mind if he comes along?"
Jack was silent for a long time and Tabitha began to fear he had hung up. But, he said, "Only if you bring rum... really, really good rum."
"Deal," smiled Tabitha as she looked over at Draco and winked, "Tell me where to meet you..."
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Two hours later (because of traffic), both Draco and Tabitha were walking the scummier parts of the Port of L.A.
"Where did he say to meet him?" asked Draco, puling his jacket closer to his body.
"He didn't say where," replied Tabitha. Draco looked at her like one would a complete moron. "You'll see..."
"Yo ho, yo ho..." sang Tabitha
"...a pirate's life for me." called another voice that made Tabitha smile.
"We pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot..."
"Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho."
"We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot..."
"Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho."
This went on until Tabitha paused in front of a shadowy figure and said, "Hello there Jack Sparrow."
The figure laughed, "Never could hide from you, could I?"
Tabitha shook her head and said, "Jack, this is Draco Malfoy. You know, the one I told you about?"
Jack eyed Draco dubiously then asked, "And the rum?"
Tabitha patted her really big purse with a smile.
Jack smiled, "Well then, what are we waiting for?"
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Morning broke and Tabitha awoke snuggled next to someone. Both of them were nude.
With a sexy little sigh, she lifted her head and looked down upon, not Jack Sparrow, but Draco Malfoy. Tabitha screamed bloody murder, waking Draco with a start.
"What. The. HELL. Happened?" fumed Tabitha.
Draco looked at her helplessly and said, "I really don't know... too much rum..."
Tabitha looked at Draco for a while longer, making him squirm, then she looked at the table where they had left the rum bottle she had magicked into never going empty. Of course, the rum was gone but in its place was a note.
Tabitha slid out of bed, making sure to take the comforter with her and read, "Sorry Love, but an opportunity arose that I couldn't refuse. I know you understand. -Jack"
Tabitha stared at the paper and reread the note at least five times to make sure she hadn't missed anything before burning the paper with mage fire.
"What did it say?" asked Draco.
Tabitha turned, tears running down her face, and said, "That I'm the biggest retard in the planet for falling for a Casanova pirate. That's what."
Draco slid out of the bed, not caring to cover anything up and went to give Tabitha a hug. Tabitha stepped out of reach and said, "There is no way in hell you're coming near me!"
"Oh come on Tabitha. You've seen me at my worst... hell, I think we even slept together..."
Tabitha rounded on Draco so fast, all he had time to see was Tabitha's signature green mage energy before it was lights out.
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Draco woke up nice and cozy next to someone and immediately thought it was his awful, nameless wife so he turned over, away from the other person. But, the sound that the other person made wasn't what his wife usually made; it was the sound Harry made way back when. Draco turned back around and saw that it really was Harry lying naked in his bed. Draco smiled and silently thanked Tabitha for making it all right.
Too bad she was too busy punishing Jack Sparrow to actually care... but that's for later...