Warnings - razorblade-fluffyness and spoilers for book six, some retelling. All C&C greatly appreciated!
Loyalty
Katan closed the lid on the coffin, his coffin, which now held Dubiel, the failed assassin who had been sent to kill Rociel-sama. Right now he was in the process of being reborn as a golem, one of Rociel-sama's "freaks" as the inorganic angel himself had once put it. Apparently, then, Rociel-sama didn't think of Katan that way, although he himself was no longer sure. Hadn't he been saved by ingesting the inorganic angel's DNA, saved at the cost of his free will? To test it would be to try to go against Rociel-sama and he wasn't about to try that anyway. He already knew this kind of enforced loyalty was worthless, so what mattered anymore?
Katan though not long returned to his master was already thinking about who might have wanted to harm Rociel-sama. Dubiel was allied closely to the Prime Minister, Sevotharte, in fact, he had let slip that it was he who he was working for. Apparently, Sevotharte-sama considered Rociel-sama a "monster" or at was least telling others that he was. Either way he had designated himself Rociel-sama's enemy. Was he insane? To go against the inorganic angel? No, he was just desperate and scared. Taking Dubiel for himself like this, Rociel was sending a clear message back that he was willing to participate in whatever power struggle the Prime Minister was initiating.
Since the young Katan began working his way up the ranks in heaven, the internal power-struggles and wars being fought within the angelic hierarchy had been getting out of hand. The Creator was absent and offering no guidance. It was, Katan reflected practically blasphemous of the angels not to observe the hierarchy He had created. Whatever side of Rociel he saw that worried him, he felt that perhaps with Rociel offering strong leadership in heaven, there would at least be some improvement. Rociel was still on the side of the Father, on the side of the good, right?
He was about to leave, when he noticed the drying puddle of blood on the stones where Tiara had died. They had been going to leave together, to find some way to repent and redeem themselves, to make it to the light. He knew, though, remembering how he had stood here, half formed and monstrous listening to her last words, that the child had nothing to seek forgiveness for. Whatever she had been led to believe, she was free from sin already. Now her small body had been removed, awaiting burial. That suggestion to infect her with his DNA had been Rociel-sama's subtle, misjudged peace offering to Katan, as it happened; he had even acquiesced and agreed to give her death's release and a burial in heaven. Because she had meant something to Katan, had shared with him something Rociel-sama couldn't, Rociel-sama had waved his own wishes regarding her in favour of Katan's. It was a small, gratuitous gesture, a hint that he was still willing to take into account Katan's autonomy. To Katan, though, this seemed a cruel lack of consistency.
Pushing these thoughts from his mind he returned once more to matters more pressing. It obviously wasn't entirely safe for Rociel-sama at the moment, and he knew he had to go back to his master. For, regardless of the pact he had made with the deceased girl, he still loved the inorganic angel unconditionally, regardless of the huge debt to him for saving him from the grigori's fate all that time ago. True, he may have chosen to take the path toward the light, but since that choice had been taken away from him he felt no hesitation in going back to Rociel-sama. Whatever hope he had had for his own salvation was balanced equally by his love for Rociel-sama and from that love came blind loyalty.
Katan had told Rociel-sama, when he was waiting to die, that Rociel-sama was pitiful, which was true. The most beautiful, third most powerful and noble being in all creation was, he could now see, insane and suffering. Yes, he had to be at Rociel-sama's side still, during this and future battles. That was his will and choice made one.
Back in his bedchamber, the Inorganic Angel, Rociel-sama, sat on the four-poster bed, fingers curled absently in the luxurious drapes, waiting for Katan's return. He had believed that the majority of angels were his loyal supporters. Now, however, he wondered just how many had been behind the Prime Minister, that white spectre. Few, he suspected. And he would deal with them. Besides which his followers all loved him, Sevotharte ruled by fear, he had felt it in the residual cellular memories of those two hired fallen angels killed by Katan.
Katan.
However indifferently he had acted, he was rejoicing internally at Katan's return, and recovery. As much as he had been devastated by the loss of him. In such a short space of time he had first had to suffer the shock of hearing Katan's true opinion of him - that he were pitiful. (Of course, it was nothing he didn't himself know, but to finally hear it from Katan, to him at once the fair haired, innocent child and the adult he now was. The most beautiful thing he had ever created. The idea that even Katan no longer admired him so totally was a sad development). Secondly there had been the agonizing time when he wasn't sure whether Katan would survive as his own will battled with Rociel's DNA within his body. To have died would have been a final act of disobedience. And there had been that strange child, who had spoken to him so impudently and tried to steal Katan away. She had tried to tell him that Katan didn't want to serve at his side any longer. He chose not to remember that Katan himself had expressed those feelings when he was dying at the site of the messiah's awakening.
Yet, now, finally, he had Katan back.
Alright, it was sad that he seemed to have lost the one man in heaven who was truly loyal to him, but better that he still had Katan in any form. He had Katan, and once Sevotharte had been appropriately punished he would have heaven again, too. After that, of course, he would take Alexiel back.
"Rociel-sama?"
Katan had returned, he had his clothes on, and despite his longer hair, was looking more like himself. He stepped forward into the spacious, dimly lit space and waited.
"Katan, come here."
The cherubim moved toward the bed, where Rociel-sama now sprawled iridescent, crystalline hair snaking around him, waving over his milky shoulders a more refined echo of the lethal wires that had sprouted from Katan's coffin. Amber eyes glittered as their gaze rose to meet Katan's. "Katan, stay with me tonight."
Obediently, Katan sat down on the bed. Delicate fingers slid over his shoulders and chest, pulling him back. He lay down. As he had done so many times in the past he pulled the small, exquisite body of the inorganic angel into his arms. brThey lay together in empty silence for a while, then Rociel-sama spoke, his voice muffled into Katan's chest.
"I didn't believe her, what she said about you wanting to leave me. I never would, not if I didnt't hear it from your own lips." Hadnt the cherubim said before, when he lay damaged and dying, that he couldnt die because Rociel needed him?
There was another pause.
"But, Rociel-sama, at that time I could not speak." Katan said, gently.
"...What?"
"It was true that I was going to leave you and head for the light. That choice was taken away from me." The time for honesty was now or not at all, he decided. "You have saved no one. You killed /that/ Katan, the child you created, your only truly loyal follower when you tried to hold him. We should both mourn that Katan-"
"Get out!"
"-Instead you have me, another one of your obedient dolls. I hope you're happy with the trade, Rociel-sama." His voice was impassive and controlled.
"Get out. Get. Out. Get away from me." Rociel recoiled from Katan's meaningless embrace, his eyes now wide and wild. "I hate you! Why do you always hurt me?" Rociel cried loudly and tried ineffectually to push Katan way, even as the cherubim pulled him into a tight, restraining hug and rocked him gently. The paradox that was Rociel in the middle of a tantrum. The more Katan rocked him and comforted him, the harder he cried. Whispering between gasping sobs with weak venom how much he hated his progeny, even as he clung to him.
Eventually, he cried himself out. Drowsing against Katan's silent warmth, in the darkness, Rociel smiled to himself. He /had/ managed to hold onto his beautiful creation. None of his pet freaks, his automaton servants would have had the will or the mind to express such feelings to him. And Katan might yet realise this, and they could go back to the way they were. Katan would admire and worship him again, and... The inorganic angel's perfect cheeks became wet with fresh tears. And he would feel the way he did before, filthy and corrupt next to Katan's sublime innocence.
Loyalty
Katan closed the lid on the coffin, his coffin, which now held Dubiel, the failed assassin who had been sent to kill Rociel-sama. Right now he was in the process of being reborn as a golem, one of Rociel-sama's "freaks" as the inorganic angel himself had once put it. Apparently, then, Rociel-sama didn't think of Katan that way, although he himself was no longer sure. Hadn't he been saved by ingesting the inorganic angel's DNA, saved at the cost of his free will? To test it would be to try to go against Rociel-sama and he wasn't about to try that anyway. He already knew this kind of enforced loyalty was worthless, so what mattered anymore?
Katan though not long returned to his master was already thinking about who might have wanted to harm Rociel-sama. Dubiel was allied closely to the Prime Minister, Sevotharte, in fact, he had let slip that it was he who he was working for. Apparently, Sevotharte-sama considered Rociel-sama a "monster" or at was least telling others that he was. Either way he had designated himself Rociel-sama's enemy. Was he insane? To go against the inorganic angel? No, he was just desperate and scared. Taking Dubiel for himself like this, Rociel was sending a clear message back that he was willing to participate in whatever power struggle the Prime Minister was initiating.
Since the young Katan began working his way up the ranks in heaven, the internal power-struggles and wars being fought within the angelic hierarchy had been getting out of hand. The Creator was absent and offering no guidance. It was, Katan reflected practically blasphemous of the angels not to observe the hierarchy He had created. Whatever side of Rociel he saw that worried him, he felt that perhaps with Rociel offering strong leadership in heaven, there would at least be some improvement. Rociel was still on the side of the Father, on the side of the good, right?
He was about to leave, when he noticed the drying puddle of blood on the stones where Tiara had died. They had been going to leave together, to find some way to repent and redeem themselves, to make it to the light. He knew, though, remembering how he had stood here, half formed and monstrous listening to her last words, that the child had nothing to seek forgiveness for. Whatever she had been led to believe, she was free from sin already. Now her small body had been removed, awaiting burial. That suggestion to infect her with his DNA had been Rociel-sama's subtle, misjudged peace offering to Katan, as it happened; he had even acquiesced and agreed to give her death's release and a burial in heaven. Because she had meant something to Katan, had shared with him something Rociel-sama couldn't, Rociel-sama had waved his own wishes regarding her in favour of Katan's. It was a small, gratuitous gesture, a hint that he was still willing to take into account Katan's autonomy. To Katan, though, this seemed a cruel lack of consistency.
Pushing these thoughts from his mind he returned once more to matters more pressing. It obviously wasn't entirely safe for Rociel-sama at the moment, and he knew he had to go back to his master. For, regardless of the pact he had made with the deceased girl, he still loved the inorganic angel unconditionally, regardless of the huge debt to him for saving him from the grigori's fate all that time ago. True, he may have chosen to take the path toward the light, but since that choice had been taken away from him he felt no hesitation in going back to Rociel-sama. Whatever hope he had had for his own salvation was balanced equally by his love for Rociel-sama and from that love came blind loyalty.
Katan had told Rociel-sama, when he was waiting to die, that Rociel-sama was pitiful, which was true. The most beautiful, third most powerful and noble being in all creation was, he could now see, insane and suffering. Yes, he had to be at Rociel-sama's side still, during this and future battles. That was his will and choice made one.
Back in his bedchamber, the Inorganic Angel, Rociel-sama, sat on the four-poster bed, fingers curled absently in the luxurious drapes, waiting for Katan's return. He had believed that the majority of angels were his loyal supporters. Now, however, he wondered just how many had been behind the Prime Minister, that white spectre. Few, he suspected. And he would deal with them. Besides which his followers all loved him, Sevotharte ruled by fear, he had felt it in the residual cellular memories of those two hired fallen angels killed by Katan.
Katan.
However indifferently he had acted, he was rejoicing internally at Katan's return, and recovery. As much as he had been devastated by the loss of him. In such a short space of time he had first had to suffer the shock of hearing Katan's true opinion of him - that he were pitiful. (Of course, it was nothing he didn't himself know, but to finally hear it from Katan, to him at once the fair haired, innocent child and the adult he now was. The most beautiful thing he had ever created. The idea that even Katan no longer admired him so totally was a sad development). Secondly there had been the agonizing time when he wasn't sure whether Katan would survive as his own will battled with Rociel's DNA within his body. To have died would have been a final act of disobedience. And there had been that strange child, who had spoken to him so impudently and tried to steal Katan away. She had tried to tell him that Katan didn't want to serve at his side any longer. He chose not to remember that Katan himself had expressed those feelings when he was dying at the site of the messiah's awakening.
Yet, now, finally, he had Katan back.
Alright, it was sad that he seemed to have lost the one man in heaven who was truly loyal to him, but better that he still had Katan in any form. He had Katan, and once Sevotharte had been appropriately punished he would have heaven again, too. After that, of course, he would take Alexiel back.
"Rociel-sama?"
Katan had returned, he had his clothes on, and despite his longer hair, was looking more like himself. He stepped forward into the spacious, dimly lit space and waited.
"Katan, come here."
The cherubim moved toward the bed, where Rociel-sama now sprawled iridescent, crystalline hair snaking around him, waving over his milky shoulders a more refined echo of the lethal wires that had sprouted from Katan's coffin. Amber eyes glittered as their gaze rose to meet Katan's. "Katan, stay with me tonight."
Obediently, Katan sat down on the bed. Delicate fingers slid over his shoulders and chest, pulling him back. He lay down. As he had done so many times in the past he pulled the small, exquisite body of the inorganic angel into his arms. brThey lay together in empty silence for a while, then Rociel-sama spoke, his voice muffled into Katan's chest.
"I didn't believe her, what she said about you wanting to leave me. I never would, not if I didnt't hear it from your own lips." Hadnt the cherubim said before, when he lay damaged and dying, that he couldnt die because Rociel needed him?
There was another pause.
"But, Rociel-sama, at that time I could not speak." Katan said, gently.
"...What?"
"It was true that I was going to leave you and head for the light. That choice was taken away from me." The time for honesty was now or not at all, he decided. "You have saved no one. You killed /that/ Katan, the child you created, your only truly loyal follower when you tried to hold him. We should both mourn that Katan-"
"Get out!"
"-Instead you have me, another one of your obedient dolls. I hope you're happy with the trade, Rociel-sama." His voice was impassive and controlled.
"Get out. Get. Out. Get away from me." Rociel recoiled from Katan's meaningless embrace, his eyes now wide and wild. "I hate you! Why do you always hurt me?" Rociel cried loudly and tried ineffectually to push Katan way, even as the cherubim pulled him into a tight, restraining hug and rocked him gently. The paradox that was Rociel in the middle of a tantrum. The more Katan rocked him and comforted him, the harder he cried. Whispering between gasping sobs with weak venom how much he hated his progeny, even as he clung to him.
Eventually, he cried himself out. Drowsing against Katan's silent warmth, in the darkness, Rociel smiled to himself. He /had/ managed to hold onto his beautiful creation. None of his pet freaks, his automaton servants would have had the will or the mind to express such feelings to him. And Katan might yet realise this, and they could go back to the way they were. Katan would admire and worship him again, and... The inorganic angel's perfect cheeks became wet with fresh tears. And he would feel the way he did before, filthy and corrupt next to Katan's sublime innocence.