About the difficulty of falling in love, a high school musical fanfic

About the difficulties of falling in love
Chapter 1: The Girl Playing The Piano

Introduction:

This is a little, fluffy FanFiction about a very special High School Musical composer and an equally special choreographer, who reflect separately on their (not) relationship...
I just had to write it, there are just far too few Ryelsi-FanFictions existing out here! Hope you enjoy it, it is my first ever High School Musical FanFiction.
Oh, and sorry about my bad English or possibly occurring mistakes, please tell me if you see one; I am from Austria and my English is only on school English level.
And... I really appreciate comments, you know? ;)

Scene:

She had been so hurt that time, being too young and way too sensitive at those days to sense that he didn't really mean what he said and how he acted. Later, they laughed together about it and Ryan had apologized for it various times by now, but then, she had done the worst thing she could possibly have done – she had taken his words too seriously. And although she had hardly known him at that time his words still had nearly broken her heart, having hoped and wished for some recognition, warmth and friendliness.

Credits:

I want to thank:

* A very special YouTube playlist full of amazing songs which inspired me!

* The producer of HSM and the actors of Kelsi and Ryan!

* A good friend of mine who is always having an eye on my written work, Michaela Kalcher

...and...

* My very own – unfortunately unreachable – love, who doesn't know I have fallen for him and who is my very best friend indeed...

Author's note:

So, enjoy. I love the pairing and I am not completely sure how I want the story to unfold yet, but I have kind of a plan.
And once again: Please excuse my – probably – bad grammar, spelling and writing style, as I come from Austria where German is spoken, and therefore English is not my first language.
So now, enjoy... oh, and I love reviews... 3

Kelsi Nielsen lay in her warm, comfortable bed and stared at the ceiling. She had her brown eyes wide open, and although she was tired and had an exhausting day in front of her, her body didn't even dream of falling asleep. Her mind was too busy to rest – too occupied with thoughts. With thoughts of him of course... of course! It wasn't too long ago that Kelsi had discovered that she had fallen for him. Him, Ryan Evans. Her "quasi-brother", best friend, person of trust, work-partner in the future. She was like a little sister to him, she knew that. And she had fallen for him. Of course such a thing had to happen to her. She was just such a person who is likely to fall for her best friend. It was just so typical!

When she had realized that she was in love with him in the beginning of her last year at Juilliard – which was about to end soon now – she had also figured out that these feelings must have been existing for quite some time by then, she just hadn't noticed them before. It was hard being in love with one's very best friend. But Kelsi had accepted her own bad luck a long time before, so she didn't pity herself. She had just resigned and taken it. She couldn't do anything about it, anyway. So she simply lived on.

Naturally, she couldn't tell him. It would bring an unbearable uneasiness to their deep friendship and trust, and Kelsi would rather be unhappily in love ever after than taking the risk of destroying or damaging her friendship to Ryan... "and of him breaking your heart" said a little voice inside her head. She didn't even put an effort in trying to shut that voice up, because of course she knew that it was right. However much she was afraid of breaking their friendship – it was nothing against her being afraid of being rejected, heartbroken. Especially when she knew it would cause so much pain to Ryan as well, having to reject her and knowing it would break his best friend's heart in two pieces never to be reunited again!

Kelsi could remember very well the first time they had actually held a conversation (if that little piece of Small-talk could be called that), and although it wasn't an exactly happy memory it was still the first time ever that he had really noticed her...

***
It was the second day after Winter Break during Junior Year. Kelsi had been member of the Drama Club for a while by then, but as she was only always playing the piano, nobody ever noticed her, not to speak of someone realizing that the pieces she played and they sung were actually written by her. Not that she minded, though. She had always hated attention, and just the thought of everyone being around her was disgusting for her. What she DID mind however, was that nobody gave her credit for her compositions. She was completely aware of the fact of course, that they were nothing special, but nobody even knew that she had composed those songs...
It was just lunchtime now. Kelsi was still a bit insecure where to sit. She used to sit somewhere alone at a table, but lately she had been wondering if she shouldn't join the Drama Club's table, due to being a member now. They didn't even know her, though...
But if she never made any sort of a move they would never know her. Pushing away the feeling of shyness she went over to the Drama Club's table and sat down on the only free chair left. At first, as she had expected, she wasn't noticed at all. It wasn't until Ryan Evans – twin brother of THE Sharpay Evans – who sat next to her, had finished reading his newspaper and looked up that anyone noticed her.
"Hey" he said, smiling at her. "New to the school, aren't you?"
Something inside her died with that sentence. Of course she and Ryan had never really got in touch, but being in the same class as him since almost six years now she at least knew who he was.
Her cheeks turned pink in cause of her shame. She wasn't even recognized by a class mate!
Shyly, she replied: "Actually I've been in your class since we both started in East High, you know?"
His smile froze at her response and he turned scarlet red. "Oh... umm... oh I know!" he exclaimed. "I know! You are Cassandra, right?".
"My name is Kelsi". Her shyness had turned into coldness all of a sudden.
"Oh, ummm...". He blushed a little deeper. "But... your last name is Nielser, isn't it?"
Her cold stare grew immediately soft and shy again, and she blushed, responding. "Oh, well yes, you are close. NielSEN actually."
"Sooo, Kelsi, you must be the girl playing the piano. So, are you doing anything apart from this in the Drama Department?" he asked, without really paying attention.
She looked down at the table. It was rude of him not showing any interest in her – but whom was she trying to fool? Why should she be interesting for him? At least he knew that she was playing the piano.
"N – no... Just... just playing the piano...nothing else... I don't like the spotlight that much." she told him, not wanting to boast around. It would have sounded terribly arrogant if she had told him she was composing everything. He would find out anyway, someday.
Then she looked up again, wanting to see if he was even listening to her. But he had already left the table.
***

*** change of PoV ***

Ryan Evans sat at his desk, a few Choreography-Books in front of him. For the hundredths time he tried to read this one particularly important chapter, but he was unable to concentrate. The things he read didn't get through to his head. Of course not. His brain was filled with her. How was he to understand this text, when every fibre of his brain consisted of her? Sighing, he put his chin into his hands and shut his blue-gray eyes. He could see her clearly in front of him...
The way her fingers slid across the keys, her grace when she was leaning over her music sheets, the dreamy look in her brown eyes when she got herself completely lost in her wonderful music...

He knew it since almost five years now. This was the forth – and last – year they would spend in Juilliard. This was the fifth year since he had discovered having fallen for Kelsi Nielsen. And it was not having fallen as in a crush. It was having fallen in the sense of true and ever remaining love. He knew that that sounded kitschy, but that was how things were.

He had befriended her during – and mostly after – the work on the... no, scratch that; her musical "Twinkle Town", and then in the summer holidays at Lava Spring, when his sister had let him down, he had noticed his feelings for the girl, although they had just become friends shortly before. He had eventually befriended her better and better during the holidays and then in order of working on their Senior Year Musical, and by the time the both of them had left for Juilliard, they had already been best friends, a deep friendship that only got stronger and stronger with every day and year they spent in Juilliard. Meanwhile however, he had always been in love with the petite young woman.

He couldn't tell her of course. This confession could destroy the deep trust within their friendship, or even the whole friendship itself. He didn't want that. He would rather end up never marrying and endure without any romantic relationship his whole life than risking that. Additionally, he didn't want to feel the pain of being rejected. It would be just too much for him. It was hard even now as it was currently, having to be around Kelsi and not being able to tell her how he felt. Having to be around her when she had broken his heart was something he just couldn't stand.
"Well, it is my fault" he thought to himself. "If I only hadn't been that rude to her the first time we actually spoke, perhaps everything would have come differently... I don't even deserve her!"
No, he did truly not, he thought, remembering their very first talk...

***
It was the second day after Winter Break during Junior Year. He and Sharpay had gone to the theatre, together with Mrs. Darbus in order to practice a few new songs, one of which they were to sing for the auditions of this year's Winter Musical "Twinkle Town". It was a song called "What I've been looking for". They were just singing, working out the best choreography possible, when suddenly he noticed that they were accompanied by the piano. Not that this was unusual, no, not at all, but this was the first time in all the year that Ryan really realized it. He looked at the person playing piano. It was dark and she had her back turned at him, but he was able to make out some details. He or she was tiny and fragile-looking. Whether boy or girl – this person had definitely no sense for fashion, although it pleased him to be able to make out a hat on the person's head. He loved hats...
But before he could continue with his analyzing the song ended and he watched as the person quickly stood up from the piano and hurried out of the room, two times nearly falling on the floor. By the way the person went he decided it was a girl. But it didn't matter, anyway...
As usual, Ryan spent his lunch time reading the newspaper. When he looked up, he found himself sitting next to a shy looking girl. Quickly making out the girl was wearing a hat, he smiled. This had to be the girl playing the piano.
"Hey" he said. "New to the school, aren't you?"
He could see her cheeks turn pink as she responded: "Actually I've been in your class since we both started in East High, you know?"
DAMN IT! Now this was really idiotic. He felt his head turning scarlet red with embarrassment.
"Oh... umm..." he stammered. Then a memory of Mrs. Darbus reading out the names of all students crossed his mind. And he remembered all of a sudden being introduced to this girl... oh what was her name again? Then it hit him.
"Oh I know!". He almost shrieked this sentence. "I know! You are Cassandra, right?"
Her shy glance turned into a cold glare. "My name is Kelsi" she said, and her voice sounded hurt.
He felt himself blush a little more. This was the most embarrassing situation he had ever been in.
"Oh, ummm... But... your last name is Nielser, isn't it?" he asked insecurely.
She was immediately shy again, replying: "Oh, well yes, you are close. NielSEN actually."
So her name was Kelsi Nielsen. Interesting. While his thoughts were already moving to something else – something more thrilling like dancing – again, he could hear himself ask: "Sooo, Kelsi, you must be the girl playing the piano. So, are you doing anything apart from this in the Drama Department?"
He didn't listen to her answer, although he got the "N – no..." at the beginning. He stood up and went to his next class without saying another word to her. She didn't matter to him, and why should she?
***

He had of course known that it wasn't too nice of him, just walking away and not showing any interest in what she had to say (although he did figure out she didn't like the spotlight even without listening to her answer). But at the time he had just meant to be polite, asking her a question. When they had become friends, they had talked about this at some point, and he had apologized and she had laughed. But sometimes – just sometimes – he asked himself if she would have fallen for him as well if only he had been a bit nicer in the very beginning...

Hopefully you have enjoyed it... Now, I know that it's not great, but having read until here it won't kill you to leave a review, now will it? I'd just really appreciate comments about my mistakes (again: English is NOT my first language) and I really want to improve my command of English and my writing style, so PLEASE! Whether you liked it or not, just tell me what you think.