L
Rain hammers heavily onto my tear streaked face as I stare upwards to the clouded sky. The icy water runs down my back and I shiver as my bare feet are turning blue. Watari will notice soon that im gone and start searching for me, I should go back inside… but my legs are stiff and won't let me move. My soft Black hair drapes lazily across my jawline as my past flashes before my eyes. I wish it would stop, it was painful enough the first time-the screams, my parents yelling my name and telling me to run as they were brutally murdered right in front of me.
Suddenly I can't feel my legs. I fall down to the cold, muddy ground and rest my forehead to it. Sobbing loudly, gut-wrenching sounds of my anguish fill the air, even over the battering rain it can be heard. Im aware im doing it again… my body feels as if it's being hurtled back in time. I see it all again. The chainsaw, my mother and father, and the cloaked man who's hacking them to pieces. I scream their names, and I can't stop screaming... They scream back.
"RUN L! RUN!" they cry out, but in reality it's only my voice ringing in the air. I do run, towards the killer to punch him, I hit his arm. Someone help me, im thinking, instead of thinking about the warm blood seeping out of the gaping wound on my arm….
Watari
Sitting in my small office, deep in thought, I can barely hear myself think over the rain. Im so exhausted as I recall the previous night. L had screamed all night, almost in agony at the terrors in his dreams. I sigh sympathetically, he's been through an awful lot for a 13 year old boy. The rain pummels the rooftop, making the sound of bullets against the slabs that can be heard even from down here. Deciding to check on the kid, I walk out into a long hallway, and address a child dawdling at one end of it.
"B, have you seen L?" I ask the boy urgently.
"He said he was going outside for a while, to get fresh air. He has a headache apparently."
Pulling on a long coat and some hardy boots I step out into the garden. It's so large that it has its own forest and a river somewhere within its grounds. It could take forever to find L. But I hear him before I can see soon as I leave the house I can hear a distant screaming from somewhere at the end of the garden. It sounds as if he is in physical pain. I hurry in the direction of the sound and finally I come into a clearing in the trees. A small white and blue figure is collapsed into the mud clutching his head and crying desperately for help. He's always been pale, but I notice his flesh is white as paper.
Im trying to stay calm and not get emotional as I kneel in the mud beside him and place my hand gently on his shaking shoulders. He looks at me with large, greyish-black eyes.
"L, what's wrong!" I say calmly. L doesn't answer, he just keeps crying, becoming rapidly weaker and paler. Pulling him carefully into my arms he rests his head on my shoulder.
"Im sorry…" L sulks quietly.
"Shh, don't be sorry. Why are you sorry?" I reply startled.
"I…I…I couldn't save them Watari. I hit him on the arm but he didn't stop...ahh…!" he stops and jolts in pain, he looks down to his arm. My eyes follow his, and I gasp, shocked as he is at the deep gash on his upper arm, oozing with dark red blood. At the sight of the blood, Ls eyes start to roll back into his head, and he loses consciousness. Without hesitation, I scoop the injured boy up in my arms (without difficulty, he is extremely underweight) and run back the way I came. If I don't get him help soon, he'll die of blood loss…
L
I wake with a sharp intake of breath, clutching my heart as I rapidly sit up, or at least I try to, but im handcuffed into my bed... Great... They think im mad. I prop myself up on the pillows and rub my eyes tiredly, with my one free hand, but I feel a stabbing pain in my arm as I raise it. My arm is bound in a bandage and underneath I have stiches. It's a good thing Watari is good at that sort of thing. I heard him and roger (the other guy who runs this place) talking. They said I wouldn't have made it to the hospital in time, it's too far away. But they stopped the bleeding. I can't remember how I even got the cut… wait. I do, I must have attacked myself while I was hallucinating, thinking I was hurting my parents killer, but my yells had been genuine pain escaping from me that I didn't even register as my own. I could have killed myself. But would that be so bad? It's not like my life actually has any meaning, and im haunted constantly. Im just a creep in the eyes of everyone else because I sit on my heels or hugging my knees, and im developing very dark under eye circles from the lack of sleep. In fact ive barely slept in the 2 months since my parents died. I'd say im officially an insomniac… death could help me sleep…
"Oh L, your awake" Watari remarks as he enters the room, carrying a glass of water which he sets on my bedside table, and takes a seat on the end of the bed.
"How are you feeling?" I sigh and glance to my hand in the handcuff. "Better. Just tired..." I lie. I feel no better, im just getting used to hiding it. If he does think im mad then it won't help my case to keep ranting on. But he doesn't look convinced.
"You don't have to lie to me L," his face is soft with sympathy, "don't worry, im not going to cart you off to an asylum or anything like that." He smiles, and I manage a small smile back.
"But you should know that you're not well at the moment and it's been decided you should be restrained for your own safety, until we are absolutely sure that you aren't going to injure yourself or one of the others." I can't help but chuckle a little at that. Pulling my knee up and draping my arm over it I look watari in the eyes and smile.
"It's not as if I could hurt the others, even if I wanted to. Most of them could kill me with one hand behind their back." And it's not as if you can stop me hurting myself with one hand cuff, I wanted to add, but thought against it. I laugh, im not sure why but the thought makes me. I drop my head down onto my knee and tilt my head to the side look at watari again. He's silent, and searching my eyes. He looks worried. "Even so, we should take the necessary precautions. After all Lawliett, you caused serious damage to yourself the second you were let out of sight. This can't happen again, we may not be able to help quickly enough next time." I lift up my head and smooth my hair down with my free hand. I sigh.
"I understand…" I mumble quietly. And watari gives me one last smile, but it seems a bit forced. He is obviously thinking about what would have happened if he'd found me any later, and he leaves the room, without another word, gently closing the door behind him.
3 weeks later Watari
"Watari, im fine, stop worrying so much. It's not like im going to kill everyone in their sleep. I not completely psychotic you know" L jokes as I unlock the handcuffs and they fall, dangling by the bars of the bed with a clang .
"I know, but you're not completely normal by any means" he rolls his eyes.
"Seriously, im feeling better now" he insists, but I know he is lying-I can almost sense his hidden depression when im near him. I don't think it's safe for him to be free yet but Roger insists that we can't keep him confined anymore, and I have to agree. He's very stubborn. "If you say so..." I shrug.
I look at him and take in his features. He's so pale, skinny and frail looking, as if he will break if anyone so much as bumps him in the hallway. Despite the sleeping tablets we've been giving him, he hasn't slept more than a couple of hours every two nights or so-now he has night black circles under his eyes that are becoming heavy with thought. He can feel me mentally scanning him. I break my gaze and leave the room. I can't understand it, but out of all the kids who've ever lived here, I've never had a connection to one as I do with L. It's as if I were his father, or godfather. The thought of anything happening to him makes me feel defensive and I know that I would do anything to help him, if he needed it. Which I know he does, even if he can't admit it. It's normal for a 13 year old boy to be hesitant to ask for help. But after what he went through? He will never have to be alone again…