This will probably be the longest (and maybe only) A/N you'll see in the story, so bear with me a little.
The whole plotline for this is mainly exploratory rather than romance/fluff, but there will be UsuixMisaki parts. Just not Usumi-centric. The plot is meant to run roughly parallel with canon. Additionally, i'm sorry if the backstory seems a bit over-dramatic. I just felt that if this incident changed Misaki so much, there has to be a pretty deep reason. Then again, it's simply my take, so i'm sure not everyone will feel the same. Just take everything with a pinch of salt, and note that i'm using this story to explore the developments within the characters.
Uh, with regards to the formatting, the lines without spaces felt cluttered to me, so i used the "."s to mark the passing of time. As this is probably the only chapter with so many time skips, please bear with it for now as it is essential to the flow of the story. Thanks!
As with all my stories, concrit is encouraged and accepted, but flames simply show one's immaturity.
Hope you'll enjoy the fic. (:
Disclaimer: Standard procedure applies - i don't own any of these characters.
"Misaki," a gentle voice called out to the little girl who was sprawled on the floor, furiously adding colour to a sheet of white paper. "What are you drawing?"
The three year old paused in her work, turning to see her father leaning against the doorframe, a tender look in his eyes as he watched her. Misaki's features burst into a huge grin as she jumped up excitedly, pulling the man into the room to appraise her masterpiece.
"Tou-san! Come see, I drew us!"
He scanned the child's drawing, his mouth curving into a thoughtful grin. Scraggly stick figures were etched carefully onto the paper with a thick black crayon whilst pink, blue, red and yellow patches were scribbled messily across the white background. This was no work of art, but to him, it was beautiful regardless.
Later on, this picture would be stuck onto the fridge, displayed for all to see his fatherly pride. And much later on, across time which none of them even dared to dream about, it would be stored into a box under a bed in memory of happier days, not taken out until another distant sunny day.
"This is you, tou-san! An' then that's kaa-san an' me!" his eyes followed her dictation, led by her chubby finger pointing out the various oblong shapes on her picture.
"It's really beautiful, Misaki," he tousled her hair enthusiastically, causing her to squirm away indignantly. "But what are you holding in there?" An indistinct oval that at best could be described as a blue egg across the arms of stick figure-Misa had caught his eyes, and no matter how far he stretched his imagination, he could not figure out what it was.
"Dat's da baby!" Misaki grinned proudly. "I'm carryin' her cos she's my lil sista' an' I'll protect her!"
"Ohh?" he raised an eyebrow, not in disbelief but in amusement; his little girl was a strong one, she'd definitely grow up to be a fighter. "Your sister is a lucky one. She's going to have the best elder sister ever, isn't she?"
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Misaki wasn't stupid. At thirteen, she was already a precocious child who understood more about the world than most of her peers usually did. She was also a very perceptive and observant young miss with a great attention for details. Sometimes she hated being like that. It made her more aware of the pain and trouble going on in the house. She didn't think that Suzuna realized anything yet. She hoped that Suzuna was still blissfully unaware. Her little sister should not have to suffer the internal turmoil that Misaki herself felt. Sometimes she was a little jealous of how her sister was so sheltered, but most of the time she felt strongly protective about the younger girl. She was the only one who could do so with their current situation.
It had been going on for months already. Her mother's hushed sobs behind the bedroom door; her father's gentle but frazzled voice trying to calm her down, promising feverishly that "everything would be alright".
Yet nothing was.
No one told her anything. In the day, her parents insisted on pretending that everything was fine, not realizing that she could see the anxiety laced behind their overly bright smiles. She had pieced everything together already, putting evidence against evidence until she was sure of her conclusion.
For several years now, Ayuzawa Hiroki had been running a small but booming business selling stocks and shares. Unfortunately, with the recession, the company had never quite been able to recover its losses despite having taken up huge loans. And now, it was spiraling into bankruptcy with a truckload of debts to pay off.
That night, long after the heated discussion in her parents' room had finally ceased, Misaki was still trying to fall asleep. When sleep finally claimed her, it was a fitful one, riddled with vivid images of her family's house, assets and everything being taken away, and then finally, her family slowly starving on the streets. The sight of Suzuna's small form trembling and coughing on the ground was too much for her, and she woke screaming, perspiration beaded across her forehead.
"Misaki?" the silhouette of her father in his pajamas appeared at her door as light flooded the room. "Did you have a nightmare?"
"Tou-san…" Misaki gritted her teeth, trying to steady her breaths. She was really too old to be waking up the household because of nightmares. Too old to have her father come and tuck her in. Too old to believe that with a word, all her problems and monsters would fly away.
"Don't worry, Tou-san's here now, all your troubles will disappear, okay?" he walked over to smooth her hair down. Yes definitely too old for that now…
"I know," Misaki blurted out suddenly, her face red hot with emotion.
Hiroki simply gave her a puzzled look, unsure about what exactly Misaki 'knew'.
"I know about your company, tou-san. I know how it's not been doing well for some time now…I know that you and kaa-san have been worried about it for ages. I know about all the debt that we owe people. Tou-san, what's going to happen to us?" by now, Misaki was gripping on to her blanket tightly, eyes downcast. She would not cry. No, she would not. She was strong, she had to be strong. Otherwise, how else would her family be able to trust her? How else would she be able to help them?
Her father shifted in his seat at the edge of her bed, eyes wide in shock and fumbling to say something that seemed right. Grasping at the few straws in his head, he pulled out his one trump card.
"Don't worry about it, Misaki, tou-san will do his best to solve everything. Just trust me, everything will turn out fine!" he plastered on a grin that radiated more confidence than he felt, his only intention to quell the fears of his precious daughter.
"Really?" she hated how weak she sounded right now, but truth be told, she really wanted to believe what her father said. Believe once more that everything would be okay just because he said so. Like when she was a child and a simple promise that he would solve her problems would clear her doubts like sunshine after rain.
"Pinky promise!" Hiroki said hurriedly, sticking out his little finger.
"Geez, I'm not a kid anymore," Misaki protested, her face hot and flustered. But she still hooked her smaller finger around his bigger, sturdier one, choosing once more to believe his bright smile and cheerful brown eyes. After all, he was her father: The hero of her childhood who was still able to do anything. (…right?)
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It was a new school year. Winter had given way to spring, but there was still little change in Misaki's family situation. If anything, everything seemed to be going downhill. More letters from banks came, more mysterious appearances from men in formal attire whose visits more often than not ended in her parents bowing desperately and apologetically.
"Misaki-chan, are you sure you're fine? Ever since the new year started, you've been looking so tired. You're barely eating anything for lunch as well!"
It was true. Misaki had been scrimping and saving, cutting as much corners as she could. She didn't need lunch, she told herself. Three meals a day was just a waste of money. Two nourishing meals were good enough…
"Oh no! Azuyawa-san, could it be? Are you suffering from some terminal disease that sucks your energy from you as the days go by? Ayuzawa-san! Why? Although we've only just met this year, I really wanted to be friends…Don't die, Ayuzawa-san! Don't die!"
Misaki could only laugh faintly along as her other friends chided the commenter for her melodrama.
Yet it was true as well. Misaki was now gaunt and haggard, a pale shadow in comparison to her former vibrant self. Her nights were now spent calculating costs and expenses; spent eavesdropping outside her parents' door to find out more about their current situation. All the cumulated stress and responsibilities she took upon herself was not good for her health. But still, she held on because she believed that her father would pull through eventually. All she was doing was helping to ease her parent's burden.
"Anyway, Misaki, have you heard about the cute new café by the train station? Do you want to visit it together after school today?"
Misaki felt her eyes light up at the prospect of sweets and leisure time spent with her friends. Everything a normal girl would want. And then she felt her eyes dim once more, as she wilted a little more inside. It was not possible for her to waste time and money on such frivolous activities anymore.
"Sorry…I've got something on later…" she could only mumble, barely able to keep the disappointment from seeping into her tone.
Misaki was thinking of getting a job, even if it was forbidden in her school's regulation. The extra income would definitely help with the family finances. Maybe she should even quit schooling after graduating this year. At least she would be able to save the money from school fees, and propel Suzuna to a good education.
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.
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The whispers and stares around her were a constant nagging frustration that gave Misaki a migraine.
Word had got out that her family was in heavy debt. This just added to the already backbreaking burden Misaki carried. Now, she had to deal with spiteful teasing from the meaner students and even worse – the sympathetic looks and comments from teachers and classmates. She was too prideful to even think of accepting help from anyone, and every look of pity she caught simply caused her to lay another brick in the fast growing wall around her heart.
"Hey, Misaki, Mom packed an extra big bento for me today, want to share?"
"Misaki-chan! Let's go to that pastry store! My treat!"
"Ayuzawa-san, if you need help with anything, let us know, alright?"
Sympathy. The most painful trial she had to go through. There was no way to rightfully defend herself from these 'attacks'. After all, they were supposedly a sign of others' kindness. In cases like this, she was expected to graciously accept, be grateful, and maybe even eternally indebted to them.
At least with personal attacks, she could strike back – very much like a porcupine when touched. She could be as aggressive as she wished to without being called names like "ingrate" and "snob". She could protect herself that way.
"Look, look, it's the beggar Ayuzawa! I heard that her father's so useless he got the whole family into debt! Since they're from the same bloodline, I'm sure she's as useless! Hahaha –ugh!"
What was a cruel whisper in tones not hushed enough turned into screams of pain as the boy was hefted up by his collar by a girl two thirds his size. He crashed heavily into the lockers, eyes widened in surprise.
"Don't you dare say anything about my father, bastard. Shut the hell up and get out of my sight!"
Her speech had become rough and unladylike. Yet, this was the most effective way of making herself look tough. Preventing those bullies from getting to her. It got her nicknames like "demon" and "sheman". It gave her a reputation. She used it to her full advantage.
It was not enough.
There were still many out there who were physically stronger than a young girl with a petite frame and hunger-wrecked body. She found out one hot summer's day that having an acid tongue and crass vocabulary as a protective shell was not enough to defend herself against bullies – especially the boys who had taken offence in her accusatory glare and sharp words. Despite having raw strength and determination, it got her nowhere when she was faced up with thugs who actually knew what they were doing with their fists.
She had been left sporting a magnificent bruise on her left cheek and a bleeding nose – things she worked hard to cover up from her family.
After that experience, she snuck into the backyard of an akido training school in her neighbourhood every night, watching and learning defensive maneuvers through the glass windows. She made sure she practiced the counter attacks so she could be strong when she had to.
Ayuzawa Misaki was no weakling to be pushed over easily. This was the lesson she burned into the minds of anyone who had come for her after that.
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He'd left.
Just like that, Ayuzawa Hiroki disappeared from their lives.
All that was left behind was a note saying: "It'd be better for you guys if I weren't around. Sorry, I'm a useless man."
Her mother had collapsed that day, and was bedridden for a week.
It was then that Misaki realized how frail her mother was, and how it was definitely up to her to keep the family alive. While new burdens seemed to have been placed upon her already loaded shoulders, she felt new determination arising. The chains that had bound and suffocated her old self now fell away with the final molting of her young and naïve past. No longer would she believe in others or rely on someone else's weak promise of strength. She would only believe in her own strength and determination.