2DADS: The Owner's Guide and Maintenance Manual
CONGRATULATIONS!
You are now the proud owner of a 2DADS unit!
Follow the guidelines in this manual and your 2DADS will give you decades of quality performance.
INSTALLATION
When you receive your 2DADS unit, for optimal performance, be sure to tell him that he will have access to the Hammersley's Electronic's Systems any time he wants. It is not necessary to remove any clothes at this time.
Your 2DADS should arrive fully assembled and charged. Please check that you have all his accessories (see below)
2DADS (copyright McElroy/Nikolaeff, 2009)
TECHNICAL SPECIFICATIONS
Name: Leo Kosov-Meyer
Nickname: 2Dads
Rank: Leading Seaman, Electronics Technician
Warship: HMAS Hammersley
Country: Australia
Parents: Mr. and Mrs. Kosov-Meyer
Height: insufficient data
Weight: insufficient data
Hair Color: Black
Eyes: Brown
OPERATING PROCEDURE
Your 2DADS unit has been designed to be user-friendly and proficient. His controls are voice activated. Please state your commands clearly in English
Remember that your 2DADS is not just aesthetically pleasing; he has multiple functions.
Combat:
Your 2DADS unit is programmed with multiple defense techniques, as all Navy officers are trained in hand-to-hand combat. He will blow you away with his ass-kicking skills!
Poker:
Your 2DADS unit is the best at bluffing and cheating in poker. He can teach you how to cheat in poker, just don't blame him when some guys want to come and beat you up after playing poker.
COMPATIBILITY WITH OTHER MODELS
You will find that your 2DADS is compatible with most other humans, especially the RO model. However caution should be exercised with respect to using your 2DADS in conjunction with female models.
The maintenance of a 2DADS unit as an attachment to a RO unit is generally not problematic after the first few hours. The 2DADS unit has the following modes:
(a) Romantic
(b) Friendly
(c) Hostile
ACCESSORIES
The items with which your 2DADS comes with:
2DADS: Standard Navy DPNU's. Comes with optional poker set.
CLEANING
Depending on the uses to which you put your 2DADS, you may have to clean him on a regular basis. Use a shower to clean him.
LUBRICATION
To ensure that your 2DADS remains in good working order, moving parts should be lubricated regularly.
RECHARGING
After long periods of use, your 2DADS's energy levels may become depleted. Use the following procedures to recharge your electronic technician:
Food:
Your 2DADS will eat pretty much anything. He also really loves hamburgers, grilled chicken, and Meat Pies.
Drink:
If your 2DADS's energy is almost spent, give him plenty of water to drink. Working on Electrical Systems can be stressful at times, give him good ol' H2O, just tell him not to have the water around the electrical systems. If he has a long night duty shift, give him some coffee. He also enjoys Coke and alcohol.
Sleep:
You may be surprised by the minute amount of sleep your 2DADS needs to function. However, he needs five hours to function, and seven hours to function well.
REPROGRAMMING
The 2DADS unit can be issued with a revised electronics program from NAVCOM. Be sure to update his knowledge regularly, as technology is always changing.
SECURITY
Thanks to the popularity of the 2DADS unit it essential that you observe the following security procedures for the safekeeping of your pilot.
* Have your 2DADS micro-chipped. Choose a doctor who is experienced in the handling of stubborn pilots to carry out this procedure. (Any nearby SWAIN unit would gladly volunteer.)
* Do not leave your 2DADS unattended in public.
* Do not lend your 2DADS to anyone.
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS
Q: My 2DADS is feeling insecure about his position as electronics technician on the Hammersley. He says he was only the replacement for the other guy, who died. I've tried to tell him he is more than qualified, but he won't believe me. What can I do?
A: Remind him that the FLYNN unit only wanted the best of the best for his crew. He's not too concerned with age – the 2DADS unit has proved that he can more than handle the job.
TROUBLE SHOOTING
Problem: My 2DADS unit was sent on a landing party and returned with a bad case of frostbite. He was treated in the Wardroom and discharged by the SWAIN unit, but he is still complaining of being cold. What do I do?
Solution: Send for the BOMBER unit to give him warmth and if that doesn't work give the man a blanket and a hot cup of cocoa.
Problem: Your 2DADS has been neglecting his duties because he is spending too much time giving the crew poker lessons
Solution: Tell him if he doesn't get back to work, you'll send BUFFER unit after him to confiscate his poker set. He won't risk it.
ADDITIONAL INFO
For questions or concerns not addressed in this guide, please feel free to contact us at mailing address:
NAVCOM
PO BOX 1701
CAIRNS, QLD
THE END