Thank you to all my many readers, reviewers, favouriters (pretty sure that's not a word but whatevs) and followers to my stories and one-shots. It's greatly appreciated and I love you all. You encourage me in so many ways and I'm really grateful to you all for helping me believe that my dreams are within reach as an author. Anyway, I got an idea and so, I decided it was one-shot time. So here we go...
Her eyes swelled with tears as she stared at the boy she believed she loved. His lips moved feverishly against the girl's and she couldn't bare to look at them. It wasn't even a full week since they'd broken up, but at the same time, it wasn't even a full week before he'd moved on. Every 'I love you', every kiss, every gentle caress and loving gaze felt worthless, like an act, and she supposed it was. Everything she'd thought was real and true, everything she'd loved about him because it made her feel loved, was empty, an empty promise, an empty kiss, an empty touch. Nothing was how it seemed. Nothing between them had been real. But everything she'd done was real. Because whether it was planned or not, whether he had any feelings for her or whether he faked them, she had still fallen for him. She still loved him. She could feel her best friend's brown eyes staring at her, compassionate gaze locked firmly at the side of her head, burning holes through it as she choked down her tears. She knew he didn't like it when she was sad. She didn't like it when he was sad either. She laughed a little, thinking of when they were six years old. They'd both promised not to be sad. Yet here they were, the promise beyond broken because of simple human nature. But they never gave up on what they promised. She always tried to make him happy, and he always succeeded in making her smile.
Three classes later and she was sprinting out of the building, unable to deal with it anymore. The pain was as raw as it was fresh, like an open wound that refused to close. She couldn't believe how familiar it felt, how familiar it felt to fall for someone and be broken because it was a lie. How familiar it felt to be used. Her mother had always told her that it was dangerous to be who she was, not because she was a black belt in karate, or because she was fierce, but because she was one of those girls. One of those girls that loved blindly, that fell without looking, that loved with their whole self, heart and soul. She'd never understood how that was a bad thing, but she guessed she was learning. Her heartbeat felt heavy as it thrummed violently in her chest, the same searing hot pain raining down her face as salty tears released their bitter venom, her armour melting as it slipped away. She couldn't protect her heart as well as she could protect herself in a fight. Physical assault was one thing, but emotional assault was another. It was overbearing and painful, it was bitter and burning, it was aching and destructive. It was all she could feel and more than she could take.
Rain began a trivial tirade of mirroring her pain as lightning split into the sky, the bolts making an eerie resemblance to the cracks on her heart. Thunder rumbled and shook like her sobs as she curled into herself on the ground. She didn't care if she got wet or if she got sick, she wanted to sit there, to prove that maybe it was okay to cry if the world was crying with her. Her head throbbed and her throat felt sore, but she couldn't stop the tears. She wondered if she'd fall silent, if she'd lose her voice from all her sobbing, if she'd lose the ability to scream out her pain. She thought she might, that it would happen if she cried long enough. Maybe when she lost her voice, the skies would lose theirs. She didn't know. She didn't know anything right now, she didn't know anything but the pain and it seemed the skies knew nothing but that too.
She wasn't sure how long she'd been there when the footsteps erupted, thudding heavily against the wet ground as the rain pelted down in a similar fashion. Heavy breaths were heard in between screams of her name and she let out a whimper as she recognised the voice. "Kim!" He yelled, running towards her as she let out a rather unimpressive whimper. Unimpressive in a means of her reflection in her armour, when she was strong and mighty, when she was able to face anything. But to the her she was now, to the weak Kim, the voiceless one only able to cry out in her own agony, the whimper was okay. It was better than the sobs that ached her raw throat, and it was better than the silence that longed to overtake her. It was quiet, but evidence enough that she was broken. That she needed help and that she was asking for it. He collapsed on his knees beside her, arms open as she threw herself into them, the hammering of her heart easing against her ribs, as if his mere appearance was healing the breaks. "Kimmy, what happened?" The answer was evident in her heartbroken expression and he quickly shook away the question as he hushed her, her tears staining his shirt as the layers upon endless layers of her walls and armour diminished into the damp fabric. She wasn't sure what to say, how to explain, so she whispered the only thing she knew. "I'm drowning."
He shook his head, dark brown wet locks clinging to his forehead and small water droplets shaking free as he caressed her back with a touch only described as loving. A touch that had long deceived and eluded her. "You're not drowning Kimmy, you're standing still. You're standing in the rain, and you're surviving." "It hurts." He nodded. He expected it would and it hurt him to know the truth that it did, but he expected it. She clung to him like a life line through her ocean, her ocean of hurt and treacherous waves that crashed heavily in the caves of her heart. The rain had soaked through her clothes, it had been absorbed into her bones to fill them and remind her of the weight, of the heaviness of her heart. Of the weightlessness that had deceived her and the crash she'd made when she fell back down to earth.
"How do I stop it?" Her words felt warm against his neck, tickled the skin as the cold rain continued, thunder settling slightly as her sobs diminished into slow words. "You love again. You let yourself fall again and you continue to love and it'll get better." Kim shook her head, burying her face further into the soaked collar of his shirt as she sniffled. How could she let herself fall again when she kept getting hurt? All that would happen was she would be broken again. They'd hurt her and she'd stray farther from fixable. He smiled at her slightly, brushing the rain drops from her face. They weren't rain drops though, no matter how well they disguised themselves he still knew they were tears. He placed a lingering kiss to her temple as he cradled her in his arms and for a second, she felt numb. She felt like the pain caused from giving was being numbed, being taken away as she received. She understood what he meant then. "You want me to fall for you."
It wasn't a question or a guess, it was a statement that he didn't refute even though her voice quivered and shook like the heaviest of dark clouds before the rain. He nodded slightly, his cheek brushing against hers as he mumbled a 'yes'. She didn't know why he wanted her to fall for him. They were friends, and sure, she liked him, but he'd refused her before. He'd told her they'd always stay friends. Nothing more but nothing less. He'd denied them a chance, yet here he was asking for one. Asking her to give him a chance just like so many boys had done before him. And just like all of those boys before him, Kim knew he'd hurt her. "I won't hurt you Kim," he whispered, though it did nothing to quell her fears. If she trusted him to love her, he would be like the others, wouldn't he? "I promise you, I won't hurt you. I'll hold your hand to remind you that you have an anchor out there should you ever feel like you're drifting away. I'll kiss you because I mean it, because I won't be able to tell you how much I love you or how beautiful you are, so I'll show you. I'll make you feel invaluable instead of worthless, because nothing as beautiful and real as you could be priced."
Kim shuddered slightly, a swarm of something warm fluttering in her stomach as something quirked her lips up into a light smile. She could hear the conviction in his voice, the promises he was making were real, they were real to him and he was going to make them real to her. She knew he would, not because he said so, but because his heart did. It thumped loudly under the hand that rested on his chest and Kim pressed a light kiss to his neck as she nodded. But he wasn't done. He helped her stand, interlacing their fingers as they stood in the pouring rain, drenched head to toe as he stared into her eyes, his chocolate orbs holding a mix of emotions that couldn't be named. She'd never seen them before, never felt such an intensity before, but that was how she knew what it was. It was what she'd never found. The emotion was love. He leaned into her, pressing his forehead against hers as his lips neared hers. They breathed the same air: every breath he exhaled being the breath she inhaled. Every thump of his heart was the missing beat of hers as they created their own music to their moment. He was barely a hair's breadth away, his lips brushing over hers as he whispered, "I'll hold your heart, not in my hands, but in my heart. So it won't get broken. And if it does, you'll know my heart's broken too."
As their lips fused together, a perfect mix of passion and love, fire and patience, slow and meaningful, Kim finally knew she was wrong. She wouldn't drown in her ocean because she had him. Even in the rain, even if she was being washed away, she had her anchor. She had Jack.