Keys, Assistants and the Urban Dictionary

Summary: Lenny is shocked when he finds someone has stolen his keys. His assistant, Kasey, shows hate towards Roxanne, Sally and Deane. Higgins looks up names on the urban dictionary.

Lenny tossed his keys on the table, before falling face first on the couch. Higgins and Eric looked at him. "What happened this time?"

"My new assistant slapped me in the face." Lenny revealed a big slap mark on the side of his face.

"Oh, can you get me her number? She sounds hot." Higgins's eyes gleamed. Lenny threw him a picture of his assistant slapping him. Higgins whistled, then laughed. "That guy she's slapping looks like an idiot. Oh wait. That's you." Lenny threw his arms up and rolled his eyes. The assistant had flippy brown hair and wore skimpy clothes.

"Nice body." Eric nodded.

"She's hot. What's her name?"

"Kasey, she's new in the office. In fact, she's coming over later."

"I'm staying'." Higgins said, then typed something on his iPhone. "Kasey..." He said. Eric peeked at what he was doing.

"Hey, what website are you on over there?" Lenny asked.

"He's on the...Urban Dictionary." Eric said.

"Yeah, I'm looking up everyone's names. Lenny, here's your's: a fine, sexy ass, tall guy. A well-rounded individual. Intelligent, ladies love him." (If you look up Lenny in the Urban dictionary, this is actually one of the meanings) Eric chuckled. "What's mine?"

"Hmm, lets see." Higgins typed in Eric's name. "Here it is." He showed Eric the meanings and cracked up laughing at some of them. "I know, it's funny, this thing. It said mine was like, fly and sexy or something like that."

"Mine's true." Lenny said. All three of them laughed. There was a knock at the door. "Who is it?"

"Lenny, it's Kasey!" A feminine voice told. Lenny opened the door as Marcus dusted his clothes off and sat up. Kasey entered and waved at Eric and Marcus.

"Hi, this is Eric and Marcus. We call him Higgins."

"Hi. So Lenny, what is with Roxanne? I walk past her, and for no reason what so ever, she puts the finger up at me."

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"That's appalling!" Higgins piped up. Kasey looked at him flirtily and winked. She reached into her purse and dropped something inside.

"Anyways, she's been giving me dirty looks all the time!"

"Eric, maybe you should introduce Sally to Kasey."

"That's a good idea. You come with me later, I'll introduce you to her." Eric smiled.

At the Lamensoff household Donna and Sally are baking some cookies with Charlotte Mackenzie and Deane.

"See, now isn't this fun?" Sally asked placing the first cookies in the oven.

"I can't wait to taste them!" Donna laughed.

Eric entered with Kasey and Sally and Deane cocked their heads.

"Who's this?" Sally asked with a smile.

"Uh, Sally, Deane, this is Kasey, Lenny's assistant." Kasey waved. Then gave them a quick dirty look. Their smiles dropped. "Nice to meet you." Deane said. Charlotte and Donna walked away and upstairs to Donna's bedroom.

Lenny got to his feet and flicked Higgins on the shoulder, awaking him. "What?"

"Hey, where are my keys?"

"Your what?" Higgins asked sleepily.

"My keys, I can't find my keys!"

"Why'd you wake me then?" Higgins asked settling back down.

"Can you help me look for them please?!" Lenny asked, on his hands and knees looking under the table he'd thrown them on. Higgins groaned, practically throwing himself on the ground. He looked under the couch from his current position. "Found em." He said reaching his hand under the couch.

"You did?"

"Oh wait...that's your nose." Lenny popped up from his position behind the couch and Higgins sat on his knees.

"Who could've taken them, I don't get it?"

"Did Eric take them?"

"Eric wouldn't take my keys."

"Could one of your kids have taken them?"

"I don't think they've been in here."

"Kids come out of nowhere. Trust me."

"Since when do you have any experience with kids?"

"Since...you remember Julia?"

"Julia. Not really."

"You know, the teacher I dated that turned out to be married?"

"Oh, Julia!" Lenny realised who Higgins was talking about and remembered when the kids had pulled his pants down. "That was awkward."

"I'm never dating a teacher again." Higgins then grabbed his phone. "Julia..." Lenny rolled his eyes.

"So Deane, tell us about yourself."

"Well, I'm married to Kurt Mackenzie and I have three kids and we live with my mother." Kasey scribbled on a note.

"Very interesting." She said rolling her eyes. She threw the piece of paper in Deane's empty glass.

"Do you know Katy Perry's dating John Mayer and he helped inspire her with PRISM? They make such a cute couple." Sally blabbed. Deane grabbed the note and read the slightly smudged message. It read:

$&! You

Deane showed Sally and her smile disappeared. Sally jumped up to check on the cookies and Kasey followed her. They leaned in to see the cookies and Kasey whispered,

"Your mother must've been a bitch. You're following in her footsteps." To which Sally replied, "Get out of my house." As Kasey left, Roxanne entered.

"Was that Kasey?" She asked.

"Yep." Sally and Deane snarled.

"Did she insult you guys too?"

"Yep." They snarled again.

"Me too, she put the finger up at me because I waved to her on the street this morning."

"She called me a bitch and gave Deane a note saying $& ! You on it." Sally said.

"We've gotta tell Lenny." Roxanne concluded.

Lenny sat flicking through the channels while Higgins slept again. Becky and Keithie sat watching him. "Why is Higgins sleeping?"

"Gave him the wrong aspirin, wouldn't shut up."

"He looks funny." Becky giggled, flinging Higgins's arm around. The door opened and Kasey entered, tossing in Lenny's keys.

"You took my keys?"

"As a joke!" She scoffed. "Sally called me a bitch and Deane said $& ! You to me!"

"I don't believe that. I think your turning it around on them and telling me what you did to them. You're fired." Kasey stomped a foot.

"You're so mean!" She then strutted out and slammed the door. A minute later, Roxanne, Deane and Sally entered.

"You have to fire your assistant." They chanted at the same time.

"I already did, she stole my keys." Sally noticed Higgins crashed out on the couch and pulled his phone from his limp hands. She saw he was still on the Urban Dictionary and that he'd half typed in her name.

"Higgins." The girls all say at the same time.

(Applause lol)

This is my first story in forever, cause my family's computer broke so I figured out how to write through my iPod! Hope you liked it, next chapter is Beds, Dreams and Fear.