Morning at last: there in the snow
Your small footprints come and go.
-Phillip Larkin
Morning
Jayfeather was hurting.
Of course, nobody saw it, because what Jayfeather felt was not a physical pain, something that could be healed with herbs. Only the people who knew him well could see the hurt in his eyes, masked with annoyance and cold indifference, as usual. At best, they would guess that someone had said something cruel to the grey-furred tom, but this was not the case.
The thing Jayfeather suffered from was heartbreak, and he knew that it would never heal.
Medicine cats are not supposed to love, and Jayfeather knows this very well. He knew that this was impossible, loving a she-cat from another life, a she-cat long dead. He would still be with her if it wasn't for the prophecy. Somehow he wished he could go back, and stay with her forever.
Instead, he was here, waiting.
Always waiting.
That was what she had said, wasn't it? I'll wait for you forever, Jay's Wing! Jayfeather was sick of waiting. He wanted to see her again. He longed to feel her fur against his, stare into her deep green eyes. To hear her voice one last time.
Half Moon.
He savored the name. Whether in his thoughts or on his tongue, it meant something special to him. The name of the she-cat he loved with all his heart. The name of the she-cat he longed for every day and night. The name of the she-cat whom he could never have.
It was early, Jayfeather knew that much as he wandered through the forest aimlessly. Where was he going? Why had he left? He didn't know anymore. The other cats thought he had bees in his brain, and he was inclined to agree. It had been seasons since his apprentice, Birdflight, had awoken the Clan with her screams. They had rushed to find a terrified Birdflight and an unconscious Jayfeather, with the she-cat claiming her mentor had gone mad.
He acted up more and more since that day. Half the time he didn't know what he was doing. Some cats thought the stress had gotten to him. Others thought he's bashed his head somewhere along the way. Nobody quite knew. His brother swore that he was upset about something, and had lost his mind about it. Jayfeather had never told anybody the truth. They wouldn't understand.
He reached the lake, and knew from the heat on his pelt that the sun was rising over the waters. He sat there for a moment, heaving a sigh.
Then he stood up, and walked into the lake. Even when he could not reach the lake bottom he carried on walking, breathing in the water. His body protested the liquid but he ignored it, waiting for his blindness to vanish, and for him to see stars. All he ever saw, though, was blackness.
Cody would never forget the day she found him. He was lying, half-drenched, in the stream. She had no idea how he was still alive, but he was. And so she had cared for him, nursing him back to health.
It was during this time the young she-cat realized that he was not right in the head. He said strange things, and he seemed so sad all of the time.
One morning, she had caught him on the ridge, looking down at the shimmering lake in the far distance. For some reason, that day, he didn't seem so sad, or so distant. His blind eyes were sharp and clear, rather then clouded as they so normally were.
"I've been stupid," he told her. "I tried to listen to my head and my heart at the same time and everything got so messed up."
Cody hadn't known what to say, so she remained quiet.
"I hope they don't grieve for me too much. I never meant to hurt them, you know." He heaved a sigh. "I hope she will forgive me. She said she would wait for me. Do you think she still does?"
"I don't know," Cody mewed, not knowing what to say to this. He nodded.
"I think she will. Thank you, Cody, for all you've done for me." He laughed. "Look at the sunrise. Isn't it beautiful? Such a brilliant dawn."
"I suppose so," Cody agreed. "Are you coming back to the barn?"
"Maybe later," he told her. "Right now, I just want to enjoy the morning."
She had never seen him again.
Fin
Disclaimer: I don't own Warriors.