01; Tell Me How To Feel

Henley leaned back against the windshield as she looked out over the lights of the town. It had been a few days since her world was turned upside down, and a couple more days since they buried her mother.

She honestly didn't remember much of the last few days though, they were basically a blur to her. She went through the motions, said the things she was supposed to say and did the things she was supposed to do when she was around people, but when she was alone, she refused to think and she made sure she was too numb to think.

She looked down at the half-empty liquor bottle in her hand, then raised it up to her lips, before taking a big swallow, her head feeling a bit light-headed. It was a good start, but she liked it better when everything was numb and her whole body was buzzing. If she could walk straight and speak coherently, then she hasn't had enough in her opinion.

She slid down off the hood of her car, then stumbled a little before standing up straight. With the bottle by her side, she walked over to the cliff edge, standing closer than she should be in the state she was in. She began to raise the bottle again, until she heard her cell phone ring, causing her to gasp in surprise and the bottle to slip from her hand and fall down over the cliff. She stumbled back as a curse slipped passed her lips.

With a sigh, she slipped her phone out of her pants pocket then rolled her eyes when she saw it was Stiles. She hit the ignore button and slipped the phone back into her back pocket. She walked back over toward the edge, a pout on her face as she realized her bottle was gone and had shattered at the bottom of the cliff.

She spun around and walked toward her car, hoping she had another bottle hidden in the trunk. She opened the trunk lid from inside the car, then went to the back of the car to look in the trunk. She shoved a bag of clothes aside, then lifted the cover where the spare tire was. Sometimes she would hide bottles there, unfortunately, this time there wasn't one.

When she heard her phone ring again, she snapped her head up and smashed it on the lid of the car. She let out a string of curse words before she jerked the phone out of her pocket again. She let out an angry groan when she saw Stiles' picture and number flashing on the screen. She ignored it like before, then slipped it into her pocket again.

"I'm not drunk enough to deal with this," she mumbled to herself. She slammed the trunk lid closed, then jumped in surprise when she saw Derek standing near the front of her car.

"What do you want?" Henley questioned him as she folded her arms across her chest.

"To talk," Derek answered.

"I don't want to talk," she stated. "And even if I did, I don't want to talk to you."

He didn't say anything, just shoved his hands into the pocket of his leather jacket and stared at her. She scoffed then began to walk toward the driver side door, close to where he was standing. She jerked the door open, but before she could slide inside the car, Derek stepped forward and slammed the door closed.

"Seriously, Derek?" Henley snapped as she shot him a look. "What the hell do you want?"

"I told you...to talk," he began to say. "I want to offer you a place in my pack."

She let out a snort, then began to laugh out loud. "You're joking, right?"

"I can't turn you, the bite won't take, but you can still be apart of my pack. I can help you," he said, ignoring her reaction.

She let out a bitter chuckle. "Oh, please, Derek. We both know you are not doing this out of the kindness of your heart." She shot him a look. "You only want me for the reason any other pack would want me, for the reason your uncle did. You want my extra energy to make yourself stronger, to heal betas if you ever get any and they need it. You just want to use me."

"That's not true-"

"Don't lie!" she called out. "It is the truth and we both know it, but why the hell would I even want to be a part of your pack? Be a part of that world?" Before he could say anything, she added, "Your world killed my mother! You killed my mother!"

"Henley-"

"They were connected! Your uncle and my mother were connected and you killed him!" she yelled out as tears filled her eyes. She took a step toward him and slammed her fists against his chest. "Why did you have to kill him? Why then? Why couldn't you have waited, why didn't you give me time to break the connection? She would still be alive!"

"I didn't know," Derek said, trying to get through to her. He didn't know much about fórsas, he just recently heard about them, there was a lot he still had to learn.

He wrapped his hands around her wrists to stop her and slightly shook her. "Henley, I didn't know!" he called out.

"You killed her," she stated before breaking down in a sob. Her knees went weak and she fell against his chest as the truth spilled out, the thought that had consumed her since her mother's death.

"I killed her," she added, her voice barely above a whisper.

Deep down she knew she was only blaming Derek because it was easy and convenient. But she knew whose fault it really was...it was hers. Because of her, her father lost the love of his life and her little brother lost his mother. This was her fault.

Derek stood frozen, unsure of what to do or say. He wasn't good at comforting people, frankly, it made him uncomfortable. He used to not be that way though, as one of the youngest in the family, he remembered all the times his mother comforted him and what that felt like, but after losing her and the rest of his family, it's been a while since he had felt a mother's touch. He knew how Henley felt though, she blamed herself for losing her mother just like he blamed himself for losing his whole family.

He felt a little guilty approaching her before, but he knew what was coming and he knew he needed a pack to be a stronger alpha. "This is why you need a pack. As a part of my pack, I'll look after you and protect you," he said, voicing his thought out loud.

Hearing him speak, she pushed away from him and quickly wiped at her face, feeling embarrassed for falling apart in front of him as she did, but that feeling didn't last long once she realized what he said.

She scoffed, an angry look appeared on her face. "I can not believe you are using a tragedy to try to sell me on the perks of pack life." She shook her head as she spat out, "You really are your uncle's nephew."

"I'm nothing like Peter," he argued.

"Are you sure?" She opened the car door. "'Cause he made me the same promise once too."

Without another word, she slid behind the wheel. She went to crank the car until she noticed the keys were missing from the ignition, where she had left them earlier when she arrived at the cliff.

She jerked her head up, seeing that Derek was gone, and realized it had to be him that took her keys. He had seen how wasted she was and had taken them from her car while she was busy looking in the trunk. He was serious about wanting her in his pack and protecting her, which meant he wasn't going to let her drink and drive.

"Damn it, Derek," she groaned and slapped the steering wheel. Now she was stranded; no booze, no car keys. Could things get worse?

As if on cue, her cell phone began to ring again. She let out a loud, frustrated groan as she grabbed the phone and saw it was Stiles once again. She finally hit to answer the call, putting it on speaker.

"Stop calling me!"

She heard Stiles call out her name, but she ignored it as she hung up on him mid-word. It wasn't even a second later that the phone began to ring again. She answered the call, planning to yell at him again, but the words he called out caused her to pause.

"Lydia's missing!"

"What? What do you mean she's missing?" Henley asked. "She's in the hospital."

"She was, but she just left," Stiles said. "And that's not the worst of it."

"What could be worse than Lydia's missing?" she questioned sarcastically.

"She's nak..." His voice went out as his mind went to a dirty place. No, Stiles, now was not the time to imagine Lydia naked. He cleared his throat. "She's-She's uh, she's clothesless. I mean, not a stitch of cloth on her, like, at all. And with it being so cold out-"

"Shit," she mumbled as she ran a hand through her hair.

They were pretty sure she wasn't a werewolf since her wound wasn't healing the way Scott's did, but could they be wrong? It's clear something is going on with her, why else would she walk out of a hospital naked. Was she looking for an alpha or something else?

"Scott is meeting me at the hospital. I took the gown she was wearing so he can track her scent," Stiles explained as he made his way down the hallway to head for the parking lot.

"You mean stole," Henley pointed out.

"I mean borrowed, I mean...yeah, okay, I stole it," he admitted. "Where are you? We'll come get you."

"No, it's okay. I'm on the other side of town anyway."

"So? I'll come get you and we can search-"

"I'll search on my own," she cut him off.

"Henley..." Stiles softly said as he paused at the door. He knew how it was to lose a mother, it was different circumstances, but the pain was the same. "You shouldn't be alone."

"Call me if you find anything," she said, ignoring his comment. "But only if you find anything," she added before she ended the call in the middle of him talking.

She reached to crank her car, remembering that the keys were missing and let out a swear, before pushing the door open and stepping out of the car.

Not really knowing where she was going, she just began to walk away from the cliff through the woods. She exited the woods and came out onto one of the back roads, then began to walk down the road, realizing she wasn't far from an abandoned park.

She and Isaac used to play at the park when they were younger, but through the years it became unused and neglected. Now, most of the playground equipment was rundown, and the grass and weeds had taken over. Sometimes the popular crowd used it for a party location, she didn't know why Lydia would go there on her own but figured it wouldn't hurt to check since she was so close.

Seeing the park ahead of her, she went to cross the road, until something made her stop. She turned around, lowing her eyebrows in thought as she began to feel drawn to something in the opposite direction. She didn't want to follow it, she didn't want to use her powers, she wanted nothing to do with being a fórsa anymore, but she couldn't help but wonder if it was Lydia she was being drawn to.

She began to jog down the road, following whatever she was feeling until she ended up at the cemetery. She paused at the entrance, a huge part of her didn't want to go in. She was just there the day before for her mother's funeral and she had no plans of going back anytime soon.

It was sad when she thought about how much time she used to spend in this cemetery, it used to be one of her favorite places, she had always felt safe there and now she wanted to be anywhere else but here.

She blew out a breath, then began to walk through a row of tombstones. On the bright side, at least she didn't see Isaac. She didn't think she could handle seeing him at the moment.

Since their break-up, he had tried to call her several times, but she always hit ignore, and any text messages he sent were quickly deleted.

She hated treating him this way, but it was hard talking to him. She missed him, every minute of every day, just like she missed her mother, and the last thing she wanted to do was have to bury him as she did her mom.

It wasn't what she wanted and she hated it, but she couldn't be with him. She had to protect him.

While lost in thought, she blindly followed, until she realized which row she was on and came to a quick stop in front of her mother's grave. She released a shaky breath, her eyes tearing up and blurring her vision, making it hard to read the tombstone, but she had stared at it so much the day of the funeral, she memorized what it said. Under her name and dates, her father had ordered them to add- 'She did more than exist, she lived. She did more than listen, she understood.'

She turned her head and squeezed her eyes closed, willing herself not to break down, she didn't have the right to cry. Her father and brother were the ones who could grieve, they were the ones who lost an amazing wife and mother, and she was the cause of it all. Even the day of the funeral she didn't cry, she had also stood off to the side alone because she knew that is what she deserved, she deserved to be all alone.

She remembered afterward, Isaac came over to her and stood beside her. He didn't say anything at first, just took her hand in his, then lightly ran his thumb over the back of her hand. He just wanted to let her know she wasn't alone, he wanted her to know he was still there for her, but she couldn't let him comfort her; instead, she pulled her hand away.

Off to the side, she heard her younger brother crying, his sobs making her feel even worse. It hurt her to know that he was hurting this badly and it was her fault. She told Isaac if he really wanted to comfort someone, he should go to Logan, he needs him.

Isaac shook his head, telling her he needs his big sister more. She scoffed at his comment and told him that was the last thing he needed. Then without another word, she turned away from him and began to walk away from the crowd. She opened the purse in her hand, pulling out a flat bottle of clear liquor. She twisted off the cap and took a big swallow, hoping to numb the pain.

Hearing footsteps behind her, she was pulled from her thoughts and spun around, seeing Isaac standing behind her. He didn't speak, he just stared at her and took in her appearances.

He could tell right away she hadn't been sleeping. He wouldn't be surprised if she was having nightmares of that night. He could also tell she had been drinking, and from the looks of it, she had been drinking a lot.

"I didn't think you would be here," Henley finally spoke, breaking the silence.

"I work here," Isaac pointed out, stating the obvious.

"I know, but I was hoping you wouldn't be here now."

"Sorry to disappoint."

She thought about apologizing for the way her comment sounded, then fall into his arms and tell him how much she missed him, but she did none of that. Instead, she blew out a breath and got to the point, "Have you noticed anything unusual?"

"You mean besides you talking to me?" he asked back with a sarcastic tone. This was the first time she went out of her way to speak to him since she dumped him at the hospital then walked away without a backward glance.

Henley rolled her eyes at his comment. "I mean, have you see anyone weird here." When she saw him open his mouth, she quickly cut him off, "Yes, Isaac, besides me."

Isaac smirked, letting her know she was right to assume he was going to be a smart-ass again. He kept his eyes on her for a moment, then turned his head to look around the empty graveyard, before looking back at her. "Well, to be honest, I just got here, but I don't see anything."

"Wait, what was that?" she questioned with a concerned look on her face when she saw something under his eye.

"What?" he asked, not realizing she had seen his latest bruise when he had turned his head.

Henley took a step toward him and grabbed his chin, tilting his head to the side to get a better look. She sucked in a breath, seeing the bruise under his eye, then turned his face back to her. "Your dad?"

"I need to get to work." Isaac pulled back from her and ignored her question. She dumped him and she ignored him, so why the hell should he tell her anything?

"Isaac-"

"What?" He jerked his arm away when she reached out for it to stop him. Throwing out his arms, he asked, "What, Henley? What do you want?"

When she didn't answer, mostly because she didn't know what to say, he added, "Should I have called you or texted you so you can keep ignoring me? Should I have come to your house and knock on your window, just to have you lock it or close the blinds in my face or something?"

"I wouldn't do that," she said. "Isaac, no matter what, we're still friends-"

"The ignored phone calls and texts say otherwise," he bitterly cut in.

"Don't be like that," she softly said with a shake of her head.

"Hey, you dumped me, Henley," he pointed out. "I'm allowed to be the pissed off ex."

"Fine." She sighed as she held up her hands in surrender. "Be a dick about it, but you can do it alone. I have enough crap to deal with."

He watched as she turned around and took a few steps, then called out, "For someone who claims they are done walking away, you sure have been walking away from me a lot lately."

"Do you think this is easy for me?" she snapped as she spun around to face him. "Do you think I wanted any of this to happen? My mother is dead-"

"I know!" he interrupted her. "I know she's gone and I'm sorry you lost her, but that is not your fault, no matter how many times you tell yourself otherwise." Taking a step closer to her, he added, "And I can guarantee you that she did not save you just so you could ignore everyone who loves you and turn into a miserable drunk."

"You don't know that!" she spat out.

"Yes, I do," he said, his face softened, he could see how much she was hurting and the last thing he wanted was to hurt her worse, but he just wanted to get through to her. He needed her to see that it was okay to grieve, that none of this was her fault and she wasn't alone. "I know how much your mother loved you, Meddy."

"Stop it!" she snapped as she turned to walk away. She couldn't hear this, not now.

He ignored her request and began to walk along behind her. "Don't forget, I was with her that last night. We drove all over looking for you, she was not going to give up finding you."

He saw her shoulders drop and knew his words were getting to her, causing him to continue, "She was strong and confident in her final moments, she knew she could find you and she knew she could save you-"

"Shut up!" Henley screamed as she came to a quick stop. She spun around to face him and placed her hands on his chest to shove him backward. "Just shut up!"

"She loved you, Henley."

"Isaac, I swear, if you don't shut up-"

"She loved you so much she never thought about the consequences, she didn't stop to think how her plan could go wrong, she just did it. She didn't even hesitate-"

"Stop it!" Without thinking, she raised her hand to hit him. If she was sober, she would have handled this situation better, but right now she just wanted him to stop. She didn't want to hear any more of this.

Before her hand could connect, he grabbed her wrist, then quickly spun her around. He folded his arms around her, holding her arms down as he tried to keep her still while she tried to wiggle out of his arms.

"Stop fighting me," he muttered as he held on to her tighter.

"Then let me go!"

"No!" he snapped. "Not until you listen to me."

"I don't want to hear this!" she screamed as she glanced at him from over her shoulder.

"Well you're going to!" he said back. "You're going to listen and you're going to feel it. You can't shut out the pain, Meddy."

"Isaac, don't do this...please, I can't..." She laid her head back against his shoulder, losing the fight in her.

He loosened his grip on her but keep his arms around her as he kissed the side of her head and kept his lips pressed against it.

"She loved you..." he repeated, then softly added, "And she's not the only one."

"Isaac, you have to let me go," she softly said, then felt him lower his arms. She blew out a breath, tears filling her eyes. "Just let me go."

"I did," he said, thinking she meant he needed to release her.

She turned around to look at him and shook her head. "No, I mean, you need to let me go. Just let me walk away, Isaac."

"You can walk away all you want..." He began to say as he caught her eyes. "But that doesn't mean I'm going to stop following you."

Henley swallowed hard, then turned her head to break eye contact. All she wanted was to stop walking away from him, for as long as she could remember he was all she had ever wanted, but she had to put her wants aside, she couldn't risk him being the next person to be hurt or worse.

"Next time you're looking in the bottom of a bottle for answers, just remember that," he said, getting her attention. When she cut her eyes back over to him, he added, "I'm not giving up on you, Meddy. You're just going to have to get used to seeing me as your shadow."

"Can't you just go back to being pissed at me?" she questioned. As much as she would hate it, she knew it would make everything easier if he just hated her.

"Oh, I am pissed at you," he stated. "But that doesn't stop me from loving you."

For a moment he thought he saw a ghost of a smile before her face fell, and she quietly said, "I should go."

As she turned around, he called out, "So if I do see something weird tonight, what should I do?"

She turned her head to look at him, then said the first thing that popped in her head. "Run like hell."

•••

A/N; I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of season two. I can't wait to write this season and share it with you all. If you haven't read the first story and you're confused, you can ask me questions or I'll suggest reading Mad Season to catch up.

Don't forget you can follow me on tumblr for story related things. I'll be posting the season two trailer and season two mix on there.

Happy reading!
xx