Yeah, I decided this story needed a remake desperately. I felt there was several problems in the story that arose when I started writing it-say-a year and a half ago?
Either way I few of these was-I felt-that the first few chapters of the story seemed to star something that never went to anything, a bunch of new clones without much personalities but their names would appear-almost randomly-occasionally. There was one big plotline that never went anywhere and one minor plotline that disappeared just after appearing.
Also, the last name conversation over Ryloth was just awkward and bad.
This version way better organized then the prior story and I know exactly where I want it to go and what every chapter is going to bring forth and be about. Unlike one or two years ago, I actually organize my writing a lot better so I know what the heck is happened later on.
Chronicles of Talon Chapter 1 The new Apprentice
Follow Jedi Knight Talon T'racen through the war after her padawan dies at the hands of Count Dooku's newest Apprentice, a Zabrak female. Follow as Talon leads her Legion of clones and trusted friends down a road of death and blood to meet a rising star in the CIS.
2nd Interstellar Task Force, Star Destroyer Glacier
Hyperspace
The Venator class Star Destroyer cruised through hyperspace at lightspeed towards its destination. The commander of the Task Force headed by the Glacier was in her quarters meditating.
Actually, she had spent the majority of her time meditating since her padawan died. The red skinned Twi'lek suddenly shook her head violently. She couldn't shake the image of when she was holding Jade's dead and bloodied body in her arms out of her head.
She grunted and threw herself back against the floor, abruptly ending any attempt at meditation.
After trying to push the horrible events out of her mind, Talon got up and decided she was finished with her meditation for today. She blinked forcefully when she felt herself getting a bit misty eyed. Her feelings flared as they always did when her sweet and innocent padawan entered her mind. Her soft gentle voice and innocent outlook on the galaxy. So many times-and so badly-she wished she could've taken her place, or killed the bitch Sith that took her from her.
Managing to shake those thought-albeit momentarily-from her head she reminded herself that she was a jedi and jedi didn't seek revenge. But it didn't stop her from wanting revenge. As justified as she felt right now.
Her comm chimed suddenly. She looked down at it and keyed it.
"Yes?"
"General, we're arriving in orbit over Dekkarun shortly," her loyal clone Commander Abyss informed her.
"Thank you, I'm on my way to the bridge," she answered.
"Yes, general." He cancelled the transmission after that.
She was dressed in a long black skirt with a sleeveless black and red tunic to it. Lastly the red skinned Twi'lek had black robes that she wore over her shirt and skirt. Her violet eyes focused on the end of the corridor as she marched towards the bridge. Several clones greeted her with. "Sir," or "Ma'am," or "General," on her march. Entering the elevator she quickly made way for the right level and shortly, she walked through the doors into the command center and through it into the bridge.
She immediately spotted Abyss through the crowd of clone techies and naval officers.
He was wearing the new Phase II armor and held his helmet under his right arm. She actually thought he looked pretty good in it. A bit more badass then before. His armor had the violet markings that his old Phase I armor had. In the past it had been the Echo Company that wore the violet stripes but now they were wore both the majority of her clone troopers. Macro Binoculars was attached to his helmet and he wore a blaster proof black and violet skirt and shoulder armor, also it violet.
"General," he said when she approached.
"Abyss," she responded. She nodded to her fleet's admiral. "Cossack, how you been lately?"
The Admiral turned and looked at her, bemused by the casual phrasing. The elder man then nodded. "Good, General T'racen." He studied her in silence for a short moment. He hadn't seen her for the last week, apart from the strategy briefings. She spent her time in her quarters, alone. He knew that loosing Padawan Jade had been hard. But not only for her. The troopers mourned their jedi superior. After the girl died the troopers pretty much got so pissed they went out and won the battle just like that. From a losing position they had pushed the CIS back and scrapped the droids utterly.
Bentonite Cossack forced the thoughts from his mind. This wasn't the time. And so the blonde bearded admiral fiddled with his fingers gently behind his back.
"Sir, our pilots are already in the hangar and ready to deploy immediately once we drop out of lightspeed," he told her.
"Good," she said plainly. The Separatist fleet presence here shouldn't be anything to worry about. Assuming intelligence didn't drop the ball. Again."
"It wouldn't be the first time," Cossack concluded.
As the blue tunnel disappeared it was replaced by the blackness that was space. A planet was seen several million kilometers away and a handful of ships stood in their path.
"Identifying Four CIS Frigates and a Heavy Cruiser," a naval officer alerted them.
"Engage," Talon ordered.
Cossack nodded.
"All ships move in to engage," he commanded. "Full frontal assault."
The ten ships making up the 2nd Interstellar Task Force quickly closed the distance between them and the Separatist squadron. In usual fashion the-presumed-droid crews engaged and took to the offensive. Talon had her fighters out far ahead of the enemy since they launched the moment they reentered normal space. That little tactic gave them a slight advantage over the droids.
Talon looked at the planet for a while. Dekkarun.
It was a beautiful planet. The lush gorgeous green fauna could be seen from space as it stretched across the planet as green oceans. The biggest mountains was also visible by their massive height and size alone. It had a trio of moons, but none of them were habitable. A few decades ago they had established a colony under a dome with five thousand colonists. They all died when a stray meteor stuck the dome and smashed it. They had never tried again yet after that disaster.
Apart from being a beautiful planet, Dekkarun was ruled by the Sovereign Council, who were made up by seven people with supreme power over all state affairs. They had voted to join the Separatist Alliance at the beginning of the war a year ago. It was clear to the Council, Separatist Alliance and the Republic that the people greatly disapproved and a dozen revolts had already taken place. All failed.
Upon liberating the planet, Talon was hoping for local assistance. She knew this wasn't only about freeing an oppressed people, but Dekkarun had massive mines that produced a large surplus of Duranium, that was used in starship construction. The amounts of Duranium on Dekkarun made it a strategic objective to give the Republic a small advantage.
"One enemy Frigate disabled," a clone reported.
Talon saw how another Frigate was picked off.
The Praetor Class Battlecruiser Icarus pushed forward and directed it's fully fire upon the Heavy Cruiser. The Cruiser couldn't withstand the firepower and its shields quickly crumbled. Adding fire from two Star Destroyers, it left little for the droid crew to do. It was swiftly ripped apart.
Talon turned completely to Abyss and forced herself to look chipper and back to her old self.
"Let's get ready to go dirtside, shall we?"
"Gladly," Abyss agreed.
He had been itching for a fight since jade died two weeks ago. Talon took the lead and he followed suit behind her. He was truly worried about his Jedi General. A normal mourning period took months and up to a year, to his knowledge, but a jedi didn't get that. Actually she barely got a day before the Jedi High Council thrusted the 81st Legion back into it. A quick resupply, four ships added and then they set a course for Dekkarun and the Expansion Region. He sighed inwardly. He knew the chipper facade she showed him was that, a façade. Unfortunately he couldn't worry about the general now. If he worried too much, he'd get shot planetside. It was time to focus.
In the hangar he met up with the giant black and yellow armored man. Chief Spartacus. The black clad giant wielded a DC-15A in his grip. The giant of a man turned and looked at the Commander through his blue tinted visor.
"Abyss," he said curtly.
"Spartacus," Abyss replied, now with his own helmet on. His attention turned to the giant eight feet man. "How's the cybernetics?"
Granted he wasn't eight feet exactly, but more like seven feet. The armor gave him a boost. But seven feet was still bloody tall for a regular human. Although, nobody ever called Spartacus regular.
"Doing their job," Spartacus answered simply. He moved his right arm slightly. "I can still shoot, so I'm good. Not abandoning her to fight alone down there."
Abyss understood he referred to General T'racen. The Chief had been there when poor innocent Jedi died. The Sith that killed her had jabbed her saber through him and cut his right arm off at the elbow. She had cracked his visor and shattered his jaw. Spartacus was now using a cybernetic arm, six ribs and his jaw partially. Now the giant blamed himself for it. He hated himself for letting Jade die, even though it wasn't his fault. Abyss made yet another mental note of speaking to the general about it. He hadn't had time for it for what seemed like ages.
"General, the last enemy starship has been destroyed," Cossack's voice chipped through Talon's communicator. "We are in range to start the ground offensive."
"Do it," Talon ordered.
"Affirmative, Cossack out."
The gunship lifted off and left the hangar, just like the rest did. The first way of troops from the Glacier was on the way. They were joined by gunships from a few of the other ships in her Task Force. Not all ships were loaded up with troops. Out of the ten ships, four of them had been carrying clone troops for the ground offensive. Usually these could be carried on just two ships, but she had spread them out to ensure more men partook in the first landing operation.
The target was Fermark, the capital of Dekkarun. The city was built onto a massive mountain on the main continent. In fact, all Dekkarun cities was built on mountains, cut into the mountainsides. The idea was that if the capital fell and the Council arrested, it would cause a planet wide surrender by remaining Dekkarun Armed Forces.
Massive white and golden towers rose towards the sky and white stone clad roads and bridges connected the Fermark's districts. Add to that thousands of staircases from different levels. No room for AT-TEs but AT-RTs and ATAPs could move amongst the buildings. The fast moving All Terrain Recon Transports was one of the few ways Talon and her soldiers had to quickly maneuver. The slightly slower All Terrain Attack Pods could do a ton of damage up front to any armored vehicle with its artillery cannon.
"General T'racen!" A voice came through.
"What is it Captain Gecko?" The Jedi Knight responded.
"My men's gotta staying clear of the Council Pyramid!" He told her. "The anti-air blasted three of my gunships from the sky in moments!"
"Set your Battalion down elsewhere, Captain," Talon urged him. "Go in on foot."
"Copy!"
She heard artillery plasma shells outside. She quickly keyed her comm to a channel to all her forces heading groundside.
"Attention, this is General T'racen! Stay clear of fortified objectives and land as soon as possible. The anti-air barrage is too heavy!"
The gunship suddenly shook abruptly. If she hadn't held a handle in the ceiling she would be rolling on the floor right now.
"I'm setting you down in a plaza, sir!" The pilot shouted.
"Thanks pilot!" Talon shouted back over the growing plasma fire outside. "That will be fine!"
2nd Interstellar Task Force, Star Destroyer Glacier
On board Glacier's bridge Cossack directed the fighter and bomber squadrons on their strife for Fermark. Despite the calm that had laid in Dekkarun's space, the admiral knew that the groundside situation was far from as calm. People were dying by the minute, perhaps even second right now.
A naval officer then turned to him.
"Sir, a hyperspace window just opened."
"Hostile or friendly lieutenant?" Cossack asked calmly.
"Friendly, admiral. It's the Corvette Vicious."
Cossack thought back to the report of a Corvette joining the Task Force. It had been delayed since it would transport Generals T'racen's new padawan.
"Sir, they are requesting permission to send a shuttle over with Commander Sabre," the same officer told him.
Cossack nodded.
"Permission granted. "Have her escorted to the bridge once she arrives."
"Yes, sir."