I'm still alive, guys (incase you're wondering). This isn't going to be a 'serious' fic. I'll basically update this whenever I feel like it, or as a sort of 'warm-up' before I start writing for my main stories.

In any case. Just started typing this to relieve some stress from school. The main idea is inspired by Cassandra Claire's VSD (Very Secret Diaries) which is a LOTR humor fic (which has been discontinued for quite some time now).

Warnings: Swearing, and some yaoi hints (nothing too graphic) in the later chapters.

Will probably revise this a bit tom to fic typos and such.

----------------------

Chapter 1:

Atemu: Ancient Egypt

---------

1st Day as Pharaoh

Such an exciting day. Been waiting all my life to become pharaoh. Now can receive much-deserved praise and worship for sizzling hot personage. Will hopefully be better than father, who looks nothing like self, and therefore, isn't sizzling hot at all.

Am planning to have slaves build 100 feet monument of self as very first royal order. And probably have Seto lick my shoes whilst I bless my subjects with my godly presence. Will never get tired of rubbing into that petty High Priest's face that I'm the pharaoh, and he's not. Ha-ha.

If all goes well, will probably be recognized as hottest pharaoh in all of history. Is fortunate that high priests and priestess are no match for striking looks (but note to self; Keep an eye on Seto).

Later…

Damn it! Not even one day to enjoy being fucking pharaoh and already have white-haired thief as mortal enemy. Don't really give a damn whether his village's been sacrificed for making pretty Millennium Items; ugly village folks look better as golden jewelry than their original ugly selves anyway.

Though am wondering why white-haired thief not that bad-looking.

Note: Ask thief how he works out. Use torture if necessary. Must make sure self is prettiest(and most built) in the kingdom after all.

Day 2

Fucking thief fucking ruined my fucking pharaoh dream.

Now have to run around to try and take back damn Millennium items fucking high priests have been stupid enough to get stolen.

Am considering killing them after all this ruckus with white-haired thief over. I most certainly need more attractive people in council. Almost all priests have weird hair (or is bald), and old.

Definitely inferior to my standards.

Day 3

Learned thief's name to be Bakura. Am glad to know this since saying 'Fuck Bakura' is more specific and pointy than 'Fucking thief'.

Am sad to say that will not be writing in diary for a while, unless I will find a way to write through blasted Millennium Puzzle which self has to be trapped in for the next few millennia or so.

Seto seems awfully glad and have been strangely nice. Bastard must be plotting to be pharaoh all this time. Will try to remember to make his future life hell despite having to sacrifice memories for ritual thingie.

Will probably carve it on hand as so will not forget.

Will also remember to punish thief for ruining pharaonic dreams of self-grandeur (as well as learning other's secret for having gorgeous abs that is).

Fuck Seto and Bakura. May they fucking rot in hell. Bastards.

--------------------

I know it's short. But this is only written for enjoyment, so if this is how much I was able to write, then that's that. And yes, more chapters will be coming, but they'll be irregular updates (unlike JP), maybe I'll update this in a day, a week or next month, who knows?.

Hope you like.

The next update will be Just Pretend, most likely the day after tomorrow.