OKAY. THIS IS JUST SOMETHING THAT I HAVE BEEN WORKING ON FOR A WHILE. IT WAS ONLY EVER SUPPOSE TO BE A ONE-SHOT AND I THINK THAT I'VE GONE ABOUT AS FAR AS I CAN WITH IT.
I WANT TO THINK EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN SO SUPPORTATIVE WITH MY OTHER STORIES. THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY THAT I WILL STOP UPDATING ALTOGETHER. AS LONG AS I GET ONE PERSON SAYING THAT THEY LIKE MY IDEAS, I DON'T CARE IF I GET A HUNDRED SAYING THEY DON'T!
DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!
-NCIS-
'It had been close.' Ziva thought as she cast a covert glance at the desk that was across the room and to the left of hers. 'Too close.' She cast another glance at Tim. She could have lost him today.
It had been a routine thing, nothing really out of the ordinary. A trip to pick up a suspect gone horribly wrong. She hadn't see the shooter until Tim had pushed her out of the way, the bullet grazing his temple. She hadn't known, then, that it was only a graze. When he had slumped over her and the blood had poured, a loss that she had never felt had filled her. In that moment, all Ziva could think was that Tim was gone and he hadn't known. In that moment, the only thought in her mind was that he had died not knowing she loved him. She loved him so much, that, at times it hurt. Sometimes, when she looked at him, there was a deep ache in her chest. She had never loved anyone the way she loved Tim.
Passionately. Hopelessly. Endlessly.
The same way that he loved her.
The intensity of his love for her scared Ziva at times. The way he loved her to the exclusion of everything else, really and truly terrified her. She, the woman who had never been afraid of anything before, was afraid of being loved by Timothy McGee. Because she was not the kind of woman for the dreams he dreamed. She knew the life he wanted and she could not give it to him. She could not give him the wife he wanted. She could not give him the children he wanted. That possibility had ceased to exist for her a long time before she had even heard of Timothy McGee.
Tim had claimed it didn't matter to him. He claimed that they could adopt. He claimed that it wouldn't matter to him if it could only be the two of them, as long as he had her.
But, again, Ziva had been afraid. Afraid that one day it would matter. And that one day he would come to resent her for everything he had given up for her. So she had backed off of their relationship, pulled away from him gradually. Eventually she had told him that their time had passed and they were better off as friends. Ziva knew that she had hurt Tim. Even now, almost a year after their romance had ended, she could see the pain lingering in his eyes.
Ziva sighed and sat back in her chair. Yet, even now, she knew he still held out hope for them. Tim would take her back in a second with the least little bit of encouragement from her. Ziva glanced at Tim again. In that moment she promised herself that tonight after they had put the case to rest, she would take him back to her apartment and she would tell him the truth. Ziva would tell him that she did love him. Very much. But he deserved so much more than anything she could ever give him. Ziva would tell Tim that he deserved a woman that would tell him how much she loved him every single day. A woman that would tell him what she loved about him—like the way his eyes crinkled at the corners when he laughed or the smile that he only smiled for her. Ziva would tell him that he deserved a woman that would tell him that it was his honesty, his goodness, that first attracted her but it was his silent strength that she fell in love with. She would tell Tim that he deserved a woman who would hold his hand as they walked and show affection to him without reservation. A woman who would show her feelings to him—and everyone else—and not stop to worry about who was watching. She would tell him that he deserved a woman that would wear his ring like a badge of honor. A woman who would dedicate herself to him, and only him, for the rest of their lives. A woman that would be his perfect wife. She would tell him that he deserved a woman so much better than her.
And, finally, she would tell him that if he still wanted her she would try to be the woman he deserved. That if he settled for her them she would make it her mission for the rest of her life to make sure he never regretted it.
Tim McGee was not as oblivious as Ziva thought he was. He had noticed the looks she kept throwing his way. What he didn't know was why. Their relationship had ended a long time ago—by her own choice. He didn't blame her really. Tim had always known that he wasn't what Ziva wanted. That it had lasted the two years it had was what surprised him, not her ending it. He had always expected it to end and while it had hurt him when it did, life wasn't any worse now then it had been before. Tim had started to let his guard down right before she had started to pull away from him. He had become complacent. Tim had forgot what he should have remembered—Tim McGee was not the type of man to hold the interest of a woman like Ziva David. He wasn't handsome enough, he wasn't 'hot' enough, he wasn't exciting enough. Tim just wasn't enough. He wouldn't forget that again. While he did still love her and always would, Tim would never get complacent again. They could be partners, friends, and, if she wanted —and judging by the looks she was throwing him, she did—occasionally lovers, but nothing more. He shook his head. No, never again, anything more. Tim pushed these dark thoughts aside and concentrated on his paperwork.
Jethro Gibbs watched his two agents with concerned amusement. He had known when their romance had started and he had known when it had ended. He also knew why Tim and Ziva had not told their NCIS family. Rule twelve. Gibbs had never told his people that his rules were more a guideline then they were etched in stone. They were meant to be an example. He didn't want these kids—his kids—to make the same mistakes he had. That did not mean he didn't expect them to make their own mistakes. But after everything was said and done, he wanted them, all of them to be happy. And he knew that Tim and Ziva were happy together. Or they had been. Gibbs didn't know what had gone wrong between them. To him, they were suited to each other. Ziva needed the kind of steadying influence that Tim was and Tim needed the spontaneity from his well-ordered routine that Ziva could provide. Gibbs saw Ziva cast another glance at Tim. He could guess what those glances were about and he knew by the way Tim responded to them that it wouldn't be as easy as she thought it would be. Gibbs watched as Tim gave her a hard look. He shook his head. No. It wouldn't be easy. Gibbs felt his heart lighten. But he had faith that it would happen. And it would be worth it. And this time he would make sure that his kids didn't have to hide their happiness. This time their happiness would not be hidden away like a dirty little secret but be where everyone could see it. Where everyone could share it.