Heart Shape
Let me paint you a picture. Construct for you a building, if you like.
So this building; it's huge, the biggest retreat you'll ever come across. Apparently a little on the strange side appearance-wise, but that doesn't matter. Girl stands in front of framework, guarding it. Girl has always done so. Building is impenetrable. Indestructible.
Girl keeps herself to herself. Girl one day finds boy who didn't matter much beforehand in a vulnerable state. Boy is actually quite good looking, now girl thinks on it. Girl is intrigued. Boy makes girl laugh. Girl begins to trust boy, without realising the slightly-more-than-just-a-crush-like feelings she harbours for him. Without realising the alarming rate said feelings are developing into something entirely foreign. Girl is overwhelmed. Girl decides to get it all out in the open.
Girl loves boy, boy smiles and nods.
Me, I watch. And occasionally rewarded with a damp shoulder and a watery smile, listen every single time, too flippin' gutless to close my brain, open my mouth and do anything else about it.
And then... she says with a sigh. Well you've watched films before, I'm sure you know how it goes. She becomes silent long enough not to notice me watch her eyes glaze over. I'm sure she doesn't realise herself that she keeps snapping one of the bands on her right wrist. Every couple of seconds it makes a gentle thwak sound. Eventually my eyes travel down to it, and I notice a tiny pink mark forming on the smooth skin. Unable to control myself I reach out my own arm longingly, but the sudden motion catches her attention. After the most blunt of brain freezes, my hand lowers and its long fingers wrap themselves around her left wrist, pulling it gently away. She looks down at her adorned arm, and smiles a little embarrassedly. Those eyes find their way to my own. My fingers straighten and I bring back my arm in one swift motion. I half-heartedly smile back.
Girl opens chained door to her stronghold without even waiting for boy to knock. Boy, bewildered but not ungrateful, steps right in with a grin. After all, what harm could a little change do? Girl cannot believe how refreshing it feels to have someone with her in this near-derelict 'castle'. Girl has unlocked every room for him. Girl reveals she's never experienced anything quite like this. Boy's eyebrow quirks upward at the confession. Boy smiles, somewhat. Or grimaces. Girl doesn't notice because she is becoming lost inside her own retreat fast. Too fast. Boy half-tries to hide his sniggers.
Building is crumbly. Breakable.
"But that's... don't hit me, but that's... so unlike you."
Mm, she proffers. Her eyes suddenly blink away moisture, magnifying for a moment the deep chocolate that never fails to catch me. Once again my well-trained canines come down sharp on my tongue to remind myself of where I am and that I'm not allowed to just drift off. Her voice sounds softly.
No, I completely agree. She seems to have returned to the present from her little reverie. That was my own little fort, you know, my own sanctuary. Always had been. Locked, bolted... I dunno, passworded, even, and now... she laughs lightly. It's wrecked. It's all over the place. It's here. It's nowhere.
Once more I lock away my own feelings, safe from the world and be to her the kind of person fate destined me to be. "Hey," I say pointlessly. I almost smile ruefully at fate's brutal, subtle nature. She looks up at me, and this time I do smile, encouragingly, seeing my reflection in her eyes. We stay like that for a moment or two, maybe. Then with her own feeble smile, she reaches out and ruffles my already messy hair. I blink out the red for a good few seconds and, vision no longer obstructed, look up to see her still looking at me, grinning sheepishly.
... You don't know how much of a good friend you are.
... Ah. Not gonna lie, it has a nice ring to it. It's not as if she has any other feelings towards me anyway, or that she might - well of course not, she has him. He who barely makes the effort to see past the strands of hair and glasses to her eyes, let alone the incredible spirit hiding inside. He who will never see through the smile to the sorrow. Because behind every great ache there is a greater heart, and he has never known, and will never realise.
Yeah, she has him. Or he has her, whichever one suits you.
But whatever. Good friend. I'll get used to it.
Guess all that's left is to kick him out once and for all. Must have, erm, 'let my guard down', or something. Julia hangs her head as if in defeat. My expressionless face watches as she laughs bitterly, fringe covering her eyes.
I could see through her flimsy metaphors though, always could. So bloody intelligent, she was, but come a bit of bother and defences up! she'd let her imaginative little ramblings get the better of her. Some defence mechanism.
That castle type thing I was talking about, she tells me, the... strangely shaped one he got into and trashed. That castle she mentioned, that fortress he wrecked, it was her heart, surprisingly enough.
And I never should have let him in, Hwoarang, says she.
I should never have let him in.