Fellowship of the.Hogwarts?
Chapter 1-Reunions and Flying Gandalfs
(The Fellowship is in Rivendell for a reunion. It is after the War of the Ring.)
Aragorn found Boromir sneaking around the coffee and bagel table. (Please note that the sign above the table read: "Free Bagels") Boromir can be seen "cleverly" sneaking a cinnamon raisin bagel into his tunic. "Boromir, what are you doing?" asked Aragorn. (Yes, I know Boromir's dead, but he came back to life somehow.) "I, um, uh, wanna bagel?" he replied. "Um, no thanks. I think I'll pass." The fellowship had decided that it was time for a reunion, and they were having it in Rivendell. Boromir and Aragorn walked into a large, spacious hall with only six other people present. There were four hobbits, one of which was spinning around uncontrollably. "Hello Pippin." Said Aragorn to the spinning hobbit. Pippin replies by throwing up on Aragorn's new, brown boots. (Like Dad's.) When he has finished vomiting, he turns to another hobbit with a yellow vest. (Dang! He has a lot of yellow vests!) "How many turns was that, Merry?" asked Pip. "900, a new record!" said Merry. Another hobbit, which was rather fat, was crawling under the table, much to the surprise of the others. "Um, Sam, what are you doing?" asked Boromir. "My contact fell out, and I can't find it!" said Sam, as he continued to crawl around. Aragorn turns to the last hobbit with big, bright blue eyes. "Why are you so sad, Fro?" he asked. "I'm not sad." Frodo said. "But you're frowning." "Well, yes, but since Mordor, the frown has become a permanent part of my face. This is actually me happy!" "Oh." Said Boromir and Aragorn together. The men turned to the other two figures, one elf and one dwarf, who were arguing. "Na, na, na, na, na! You can't get it!" the elf said to the dwarf holding his ax high in the air. "Legolas, you stupid elf, give me my ax!" "Now, Gimli. The last time we let you have your ax, you almost destroyed the Orthanc." Legolas took Gimli's ax and put it high on a shelf. Suddenly, Sam stood up, hitting his head on the table. "OW! Where's Gand-" But was interrupted by a loud crash through the window. A tall figure in white was riding on a broomstick. He ran into a couple of walls before landing on the ground. He stood up and brushed himself off. "I think I'm getting the hang of it." Gandalf said. (Duh it was Gandalf! Who else would make such an entrance?) "Hey that's my line!" exclaimed Sam. "Shut up you fool of a.a. Gamgee!" Gandalf said. "Now I have something to ask all of you." "What's that, Gandalf?" asked Aragorn. "Well, you see, the headmaster of this wizarding school died." "How?" asked Pip. "Fool of a Took! How am I supposed to know! He died of old age! Now, where was I? Oh yes, so they asked me to take his place. But some of the teachers were so sad the old headmaster had died that they committed suicide. So you all are going to have to fill in." "Oh, I don't think I can." started Merry. "Fool of a Brandybuck! You're going and you're going to like it as well, or I'll turn you into a." Gandalf thought for a moment. "A lady?" Gimli piped up. "Snowhite, maybe?" "Ok, ok, I'll go!" said Merry. "Good! We'll leave tomorrow morning." Said Gandalf brightly.
Chapter 2-Floo Powder & Fire-Stealing Aliens
The next morning, the fellowship was packed and ready to go, and waiting in front of a fireplace. Soon, Gandalf walked in with a small box. "Now, what you do is take a pinch of this powder stuff, throw it into the fire, step into the fire, say "Hogwarts", and voila! You're there! Kapeesh?" Gandalf said. "Uh, yes?" Merry replied. "Goody, ok, Lego, you go first." Gandalf said to the elf. "It's Legolas, not Lego! I thought we established that!" said Legolas. "Whatever Legs, now be gone!" Legolas took some of the green powder and threw it into the fire. The flames turned emerald green. All of a sudden, Pippin screamed. "Oh no! Aliens are taking over our fires!" he shouted and jumped into Boromir's arms. Boromir promptly dropped him and took a step back. "Ten feet, man, ten feet!" he said. Pippin quickly recovered and Legolas tentatively stepped into the green fire. "Hey! I'm not burning!" he exclaimed. "No duh, Einstein!" said Gandalf. "Now get going!" "Hogwarts!" said Legolas, and he disappeared. "Omg! He disappeared! AHHHHHHH!" Aragorn screamed and started hyperventilating. Gandalf hit Aragorn on his head with his staff. "Oh shut up you fool of a Ranger! Sorry, I don't know your last name." "Oh, I don't have one." Aragron replied. "Anyway." continued Gandalf. "That was supposed to happen! You go next." The rest of the fellowship was able to get through without an incident, which was quite surprising. After they went throught the fire, they found themselves in a large, strange office.
Chapter 3-Hogwarts In One Month
"Well," said Frodo. "This must be Gandalf's office." "Of course it is! Now we need to decide who will teach what class, okay?" he said. "Okay." They all said. "Lego, you're going to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts." "What do I do?" Legolas asked. "Read these and you'll find out." He handed him the four Harry Potter books. "Now, Aragorn, you'll do Potions, Gimli, you're the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, Frodo will do Divination, Boromir does Quidditch, Sam has Herbology, Merry will teach Charms, and Pip is left with Transfiguration." Each person received the Harry Potter books. "Ok, the students arrive in a month." The next four weeks went pretty smoothly, all things considered. Pippin got his head stuck in the banister six times, fell down the stairs (that he claimed moved) twelve times, fell off some cliff twenty times (which was quite low considering his usual record was ninety-seven times a month), and raided the kitchen at least twice a day. Sam nearly drowned in the lake three times, but actually had a knack for the Herbology thing. The fact that he was almost eaten by a man-eating plant is beside the point. Frodo would randomly have seizures whenever anyone mentioned "Precious" or "Ring". But that was considered normal. Merry would raid the kitchens with Pip, and kept blowing up things trying to get a levitating spell right. In the end, the only thing he could levitate was carrots. (How ironic.) Gimli got a hold of his ax, and re-designed the Quidditch field before Aragorn could take it and hide it. A day didn't go by without Gimli complaining about not having his ax. Aragorn had no problems except for his occasional falling asleep at the dinner table and waking up screaming, "Elendil!" and chopping the table to pieces with his sword. Legolas had a huge temper tantrum when he met the house elves, loudly complaining that "it was impossible to be related to those hairless goblins!" He got even madder when Aragorn pointed out that goblins had no hair. Boromir was actually great at Quidditch aside from the fact that Gandalf had sprinkled him with fairy dust so that he could fly the broom. And although he was graceful in the air, Boromir was a klutz on the ground. Tripping was a fact of life and he had already broken a number of irreplaceable antiques. Gandalf stayed in his office most of the time and when he was interrupted, he would lecture for hours about interrupting wizards. (Of course, we know his office is password protected, but thanks to Sam, everyone knew the password.) All too soon, it was September 1st.
Chapter 4-Row, Row, Row Your Boat & The Sorting Hat
"Now, first years! Come over here and get in the boats!" Gimli called over the crowd of kids. The eleven-year-olds followed the short dwarf into the awaiting boats, Gimli at the head. Some of the older students wondered where Hagrid was. As soon as they were on the lake, Gimli began to sing. "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream! Come on now everyone!" No one sang. "All right, if you don't sing, I'll chop you to pieces with my ax!" (Which he had found under some loose floorboards.) Everyone sang. They eventually got across the lake, and lined up in the Great Hall for the Sorting. Gandalf set a three-legged stool in front of them and placed a worn black hat on top of it. At the staff table, Pippin leaned over to Merry and whispered. "What's going on?" Merry could just shrug. Just then, the brim of the hat opened wide and the hat started singing. All of the fellowship jumped. "Well. He didn't warn us about a singing hat." Legolas whispered to Aragorn. Aragorn nodded "Merry! The hat is singing!" Pip exclaimed. "I know, this is worse than Treebeard so this time I won't encourage it!" he replied. Gandalf called all the first years up and they were sorted. When they were done, Gandalf stood up. "Now we eat! I will say some spiffy magic words and nice tasty food will appear. Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, "Well, that's encouraging!" said Boromir to Aragorn.
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie." All of a sudden, Frodo stood up. "Run! Sauron's coming! He's going to take the ring and destroy us all!" he began running around in circles, totally freaking out, until Gandalf hit him on the head with his staff. "Fool of a Baggins!" he clapped his hands and food appeared. "Now we eat."
Chapter 6-Of Potions and "Elendil!"
Aragorn's first Potions class was with the Slytherins and the Gryffindors. The students filed in the dungeon classroom and waited for Aragorn to tell them what to do.
"Hey kids! I'm Professor, uh, uh, yeah, well anyway, I'm a professor! Of Potions in fact! So-" A pale, blonde boy suddenly interrupted him. "What? You don't have a name?" he said nastily. "Of course I have a name! Quite a few in fact. Let's see, there's Strider, the Dunedain, Aragorn, Elessar, Your Highness, Boo-Boo, oh wait, that's by my wife. Never mind that one. Well, the point is, I just don't have a last name." "Then what should we call you? Boo-Boo?" "Absolutely not! You may call me, (pause for dramatic affect) Aragorn." (Wow! So original!) "Okay, Aragorn, what are we going to do?" "Well, if you don't shut up, I'm going to slice your head off!" Aragorn said pleasantly. The students all began laughing at this (thinking, of course, that Aragorn was joking). The blonde boy turned bright red. They began the lesson. Aragorn found it pretty easy, all he had to do was assign then the book page to read and let them on their own. He sat down at his desk and fell asleep. (Bad idea.) All of a sudden, a loud shout rang through the dungeons. "Elendil!" (Yes, once again Aragorn was doing his Elendil thing) Aragorn was flying all over the place, waving Anduril around, and slicing through a countless number of tables. Suddenly Gandalf appeared in a poof of smoke. "Fool of a Ranger!" he shouted and smacked Aragorn in the head with his staff. "You're supposed to be teaching! Not falling asleep and destroying tables!" Then he disappeared again. "Class dismissed." Aragorn said, and then fainted.
Chapter 7-Of Gimli's Ax & Scar The Unicorn
The students walked down the lawn to the Care of Magical Creatures class. Gimli was there on the grass. His legs were crossed (How he managed that, well, no one knows.) in the "Rafiki" position and was humming. Candles and incense were burning around him. The students stood a few feet back, unsure of what to do. The same blonde boy from Potions spoke up. "Um, hello? What are we supposed to be doing?" he said. Gimli opened one eye and then the other. "Do not meddle in the meditating of dwarves, for they are quick to anger and will chop off your head with their ax." Gimli replied. He reached for his ax, but when he found it wasn't there, he began to bawl. "Oh ma ax! Ma wee ax! Where are you?" he cried. "Is that your ax?" a girl asked. She was pointing to something on the roof of Gimli's hut (Which had been Hagrid's). "Ma ax! You found it!" Gimli found a ladder, climbed up, and retrieved his "wee" ax. He cried tears of joy and began to pet the ax. "Oh shut up, you big oaf!" the blonde kid said. Gimli abruptly stopped and stared at him. "What's your name, boy!" he said. (Like Dad.) "Draco Malfoy." "Draco Malfoy? What kinda name is that! Were your parents drunk when they named you? Or perhaps your parents are Elves? Ha, ha, ha! (DL)" Gimli snorted. "Well, Draco, let's start the lesson. Today, I have a unicorn to show ya. Oh, Scar!. Scar?. Scar, get your sorry bottom out here!" Nothing happened. "Excuse me, youngins." Gimli told the class. He walked around the corner to the back of the hut and soon, the students heard loud shouting. "Listen, Scar! When I say come, it means come!. Don't give me that look!. Answer me when I speak to you!. I said answer me!. Fine. HIYA!" A sickening crunch could be heard and Gimli soon walked back to the kids, wiping some silvery junk off his ax. "Well, I took care of that!" he said pleasantly. "Now, for the rest of the hour, we will discuss Snowhite. Don't you think she's hot?"
Chapter 8-Of Super Sam & Nazgul Plants
When the students walked into the greenhouses, they weren't sure what to expect. Sam noticed their nervousness and wondered what happened. "Hello class! Have you enjoyed your day so far?" he asked, happily munching on a donut. There were a few mumbled "yes's, but that was all. "Our first class should be fun! I have this spiffy plant here that can talk!" Sam enthused. The students stared at the large, green and red plant (Those same plants from Super Mario 64.). It was twitching somewhat, but that's it. "Come on Fluffy! Talk!" Sam pleaded. The plant "Fluffy" suddenly gave a shrill hiss. Frodo jumped out from behind a pot and screamed. "The Nazgul are coming! They're going to kill me!" he cried. He pulled Sting from its sheath and began to hack at the plant. When the plant was in nearly five zillion pieces, he paused. "Fluffy" let out one last hiss. Frodo screamed and ran out on the lawn. Through the windows, the class could see Gandalf appear, yell "Fool of a Baggins!", hit Frodo with his staff, and disappear. Frodo swayed for a minute or two, then fainted. "Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried and hurried towards the door. He opened it, and was about to step out, but paused. "Oh forget it." He mumbled, and closed the door.
Chapter 9-Of Plastic Surgery & More Gandalf "Hiya, everyone! I'm Professor Baggins. Welcome to.uh.well, anyways, welcome to my class! We get read our fortunes in tea leaves!" he said with a big smile on his (obviously clueless) face. (The smile was compliments of Frodo's new plastic surgeon.) Everyone grabbed a teacup and readied their tealeaves. (And having done this before, needed no instruction.) "Alright! Use your book and tealeaves to discover your future! Woooooo!" Frodo said, and began to do the "long-fingernails-of-Saruman-over- the-palantir-thing" to his teacup. He had long, fake nails glued to each of his fingers. "Um, Professor Baggins?" a red-haired boy asked. "Could you help me out? I can't tell what this is." Frodo walked over and peered into the cup. He stared at it cluelessly for a minute. (He really had no idea what he was doing.Heck! He didn't even know what Divination was!) "It looks like a big eye." Another boy said looking over his shoulder. Frodo gasped. "The eye!" He jumped up, ran around in circles, then fell to the ground, and he began having spasmistic convulsions. Poof! Gandalf appeared. (The students were no longer surprised by his sudden appearances.) "Fool of a Baggins! That's twice in two hours!" he said, and then hit Frodo on the head.
Chapter 10-Of Eye Problems & Rabid Fan-Girls
By now, the students were dreading their classes and all of them were late for Defense Against the Dark Arts. But the apprehension disappeared when they met the teacher, well, for the girls at least. (Yes! This is the chapter for my pink bunny boy!) Legolas was sitting at his desk frowning. He had thrown a fit when he found out he had to wear black robes. However, after Gandalf had shouted "Fool of a Greenleaf!" and struck him on the head with his staff, Legolas kept his complaints to himself. (Although he could still be heard muttering something like "My father will." and "Force a prince..." and "Blah, blah, blah.".) And, of course, even though he was frowning, he was still absolutely gorgeous, and (Duh!) the girls were hypnotized. Especially Hermione Granger. "Now class, I'm Legolas. Prince Legolas actually, and no calling me Lego, Legs, or Professor! Ok, let's see-" he was interrupted by Hermione raising her hand. "Yes, Miss.?" he asked "It's Hermione, but you can call me whatever you want!" she said, fluttering her eyes. "Ok Miss Hermione, uh." he was distracted by her blinking eyes. "Is there something wrong with your eyes?" "Oh.no." Hermione mumbled, embarrassed. "Now, what was your question?" "Oh, yes, um, do you have a girlfriend?" she asked. "Well-" but he was never able to finish because at that moment, a crowd of girls came rushing in screaming "We love you, Legolas!", and they were joined by the girls that were already in the class. He spent the rest of the day hiding from his brand new crowd of Hogwarts fan-girls, which was quickly growing larger. He was finally able to take refuge in Frodo's classroom, which everyone was avoiding for some reason.
Chapter 1-Reunions and Flying Gandalfs
(The Fellowship is in Rivendell for a reunion. It is after the War of the Ring.)
Aragorn found Boromir sneaking around the coffee and bagel table. (Please note that the sign above the table read: "Free Bagels") Boromir can be seen "cleverly" sneaking a cinnamon raisin bagel into his tunic. "Boromir, what are you doing?" asked Aragorn. (Yes, I know Boromir's dead, but he came back to life somehow.) "I, um, uh, wanna bagel?" he replied. "Um, no thanks. I think I'll pass." The fellowship had decided that it was time for a reunion, and they were having it in Rivendell. Boromir and Aragorn walked into a large, spacious hall with only six other people present. There were four hobbits, one of which was spinning around uncontrollably. "Hello Pippin." Said Aragorn to the spinning hobbit. Pippin replies by throwing up on Aragorn's new, brown boots. (Like Dad's.) When he has finished vomiting, he turns to another hobbit with a yellow vest. (Dang! He has a lot of yellow vests!) "How many turns was that, Merry?" asked Pip. "900, a new record!" said Merry. Another hobbit, which was rather fat, was crawling under the table, much to the surprise of the others. "Um, Sam, what are you doing?" asked Boromir. "My contact fell out, and I can't find it!" said Sam, as he continued to crawl around. Aragorn turns to the last hobbit with big, bright blue eyes. "Why are you so sad, Fro?" he asked. "I'm not sad." Frodo said. "But you're frowning." "Well, yes, but since Mordor, the frown has become a permanent part of my face. This is actually me happy!" "Oh." Said Boromir and Aragorn together. The men turned to the other two figures, one elf and one dwarf, who were arguing. "Na, na, na, na, na! You can't get it!" the elf said to the dwarf holding his ax high in the air. "Legolas, you stupid elf, give me my ax!" "Now, Gimli. The last time we let you have your ax, you almost destroyed the Orthanc." Legolas took Gimli's ax and put it high on a shelf. Suddenly, Sam stood up, hitting his head on the table. "OW! Where's Gand-" But was interrupted by a loud crash through the window. A tall figure in white was riding on a broomstick. He ran into a couple of walls before landing on the ground. He stood up and brushed himself off. "I think I'm getting the hang of it." Gandalf said. (Duh it was Gandalf! Who else would make such an entrance?) "Hey that's my line!" exclaimed Sam. "Shut up you fool of a.a. Gamgee!" Gandalf said. "Now I have something to ask all of you." "What's that, Gandalf?" asked Aragorn. "Well, you see, the headmaster of this wizarding school died." "How?" asked Pip. "Fool of a Took! How am I supposed to know! He died of old age! Now, where was I? Oh yes, so they asked me to take his place. But some of the teachers were so sad the old headmaster had died that they committed suicide. So you all are going to have to fill in." "Oh, I don't think I can." started Merry. "Fool of a Brandybuck! You're going and you're going to like it as well, or I'll turn you into a." Gandalf thought for a moment. "A lady?" Gimli piped up. "Snowhite, maybe?" "Ok, ok, I'll go!" said Merry. "Good! We'll leave tomorrow morning." Said Gandalf brightly.
Chapter 2-Floo Powder & Fire-Stealing Aliens
The next morning, the fellowship was packed and ready to go, and waiting in front of a fireplace. Soon, Gandalf walked in with a small box. "Now, what you do is take a pinch of this powder stuff, throw it into the fire, step into the fire, say "Hogwarts", and voila! You're there! Kapeesh?" Gandalf said. "Uh, yes?" Merry replied. "Goody, ok, Lego, you go first." Gandalf said to the elf. "It's Legolas, not Lego! I thought we established that!" said Legolas. "Whatever Legs, now be gone!" Legolas took some of the green powder and threw it into the fire. The flames turned emerald green. All of a sudden, Pippin screamed. "Oh no! Aliens are taking over our fires!" he shouted and jumped into Boromir's arms. Boromir promptly dropped him and took a step back. "Ten feet, man, ten feet!" he said. Pippin quickly recovered and Legolas tentatively stepped into the green fire. "Hey! I'm not burning!" he exclaimed. "No duh, Einstein!" said Gandalf. "Now get going!" "Hogwarts!" said Legolas, and he disappeared. "Omg! He disappeared! AHHHHHHH!" Aragorn screamed and started hyperventilating. Gandalf hit Aragorn on his head with his staff. "Oh shut up you fool of a Ranger! Sorry, I don't know your last name." "Oh, I don't have one." Aragron replied. "Anyway." continued Gandalf. "That was supposed to happen! You go next." The rest of the fellowship was able to get through without an incident, which was quite surprising. After they went throught the fire, they found themselves in a large, strange office.
Chapter 3-Hogwarts In One Month
"Well," said Frodo. "This must be Gandalf's office." "Of course it is! Now we need to decide who will teach what class, okay?" he said. "Okay." They all said. "Lego, you're going to teach Defense Against the Dark Arts." "What do I do?" Legolas asked. "Read these and you'll find out." He handed him the four Harry Potter books. "Now, Aragorn, you'll do Potions, Gimli, you're the Care of Magical Creatures teacher, Frodo will do Divination, Boromir does Quidditch, Sam has Herbology, Merry will teach Charms, and Pip is left with Transfiguration." Each person received the Harry Potter books. "Ok, the students arrive in a month." The next four weeks went pretty smoothly, all things considered. Pippin got his head stuck in the banister six times, fell down the stairs (that he claimed moved) twelve times, fell off some cliff twenty times (which was quite low considering his usual record was ninety-seven times a month), and raided the kitchen at least twice a day. Sam nearly drowned in the lake three times, but actually had a knack for the Herbology thing. The fact that he was almost eaten by a man-eating plant is beside the point. Frodo would randomly have seizures whenever anyone mentioned "Precious" or "Ring". But that was considered normal. Merry would raid the kitchens with Pip, and kept blowing up things trying to get a levitating spell right. In the end, the only thing he could levitate was carrots. (How ironic.) Gimli got a hold of his ax, and re-designed the Quidditch field before Aragorn could take it and hide it. A day didn't go by without Gimli complaining about not having his ax. Aragorn had no problems except for his occasional falling asleep at the dinner table and waking up screaming, "Elendil!" and chopping the table to pieces with his sword. Legolas had a huge temper tantrum when he met the house elves, loudly complaining that "it was impossible to be related to those hairless goblins!" He got even madder when Aragorn pointed out that goblins had no hair. Boromir was actually great at Quidditch aside from the fact that Gandalf had sprinkled him with fairy dust so that he could fly the broom. And although he was graceful in the air, Boromir was a klutz on the ground. Tripping was a fact of life and he had already broken a number of irreplaceable antiques. Gandalf stayed in his office most of the time and when he was interrupted, he would lecture for hours about interrupting wizards. (Of course, we know his office is password protected, but thanks to Sam, everyone knew the password.) All too soon, it was September 1st.
Chapter 4-Row, Row, Row Your Boat & The Sorting Hat
"Now, first years! Come over here and get in the boats!" Gimli called over the crowd of kids. The eleven-year-olds followed the short dwarf into the awaiting boats, Gimli at the head. Some of the older students wondered where Hagrid was. As soon as they were on the lake, Gimli began to sing. "Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream! Come on now everyone!" No one sang. "All right, if you don't sing, I'll chop you to pieces with my ax!" (Which he had found under some loose floorboards.) Everyone sang. They eventually got across the lake, and lined up in the Great Hall for the Sorting. Gandalf set a three-legged stool in front of them and placed a worn black hat on top of it. At the staff table, Pippin leaned over to Merry and whispered. "What's going on?" Merry could just shrug. Just then, the brim of the hat opened wide and the hat started singing. All of the fellowship jumped. "Well. He didn't warn us about a singing hat." Legolas whispered to Aragorn. Aragorn nodded "Merry! The hat is singing!" Pip exclaimed. "I know, this is worse than Treebeard so this time I won't encourage it!" he replied. Gandalf called all the first years up and they were sorted. When they were done, Gandalf stood up. "Now we eat! I will say some spiffy magic words and nice tasty food will appear. Three Rings for the Elven-kings under the sky, Seven for the Dwarf-lords in their halls of stone, Nine for Mortal Men doomed to die, "Well, that's encouraging!" said Boromir to Aragorn.
One for the Dark Lord on his dark throne
In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie." All of a sudden, Frodo stood up. "Run! Sauron's coming! He's going to take the ring and destroy us all!" he began running around in circles, totally freaking out, until Gandalf hit him on the head with his staff. "Fool of a Baggins!" he clapped his hands and food appeared. "Now we eat."
Chapter 6-Of Potions and "Elendil!"
Aragorn's first Potions class was with the Slytherins and the Gryffindors. The students filed in the dungeon classroom and waited for Aragorn to tell them what to do.
"Hey kids! I'm Professor, uh, uh, yeah, well anyway, I'm a professor! Of Potions in fact! So-" A pale, blonde boy suddenly interrupted him. "What? You don't have a name?" he said nastily. "Of course I have a name! Quite a few in fact. Let's see, there's Strider, the Dunedain, Aragorn, Elessar, Your Highness, Boo-Boo, oh wait, that's by my wife. Never mind that one. Well, the point is, I just don't have a last name." "Then what should we call you? Boo-Boo?" "Absolutely not! You may call me, (pause for dramatic affect) Aragorn." (Wow! So original!) "Okay, Aragorn, what are we going to do?" "Well, if you don't shut up, I'm going to slice your head off!" Aragorn said pleasantly. The students all began laughing at this (thinking, of course, that Aragorn was joking). The blonde boy turned bright red. They began the lesson. Aragorn found it pretty easy, all he had to do was assign then the book page to read and let them on their own. He sat down at his desk and fell asleep. (Bad idea.) All of a sudden, a loud shout rang through the dungeons. "Elendil!" (Yes, once again Aragorn was doing his Elendil thing) Aragorn was flying all over the place, waving Anduril around, and slicing through a countless number of tables. Suddenly Gandalf appeared in a poof of smoke. "Fool of a Ranger!" he shouted and smacked Aragorn in the head with his staff. "You're supposed to be teaching! Not falling asleep and destroying tables!" Then he disappeared again. "Class dismissed." Aragorn said, and then fainted.
Chapter 7-Of Gimli's Ax & Scar The Unicorn
The students walked down the lawn to the Care of Magical Creatures class. Gimli was there on the grass. His legs were crossed (How he managed that, well, no one knows.) in the "Rafiki" position and was humming. Candles and incense were burning around him. The students stood a few feet back, unsure of what to do. The same blonde boy from Potions spoke up. "Um, hello? What are we supposed to be doing?" he said. Gimli opened one eye and then the other. "Do not meddle in the meditating of dwarves, for they are quick to anger and will chop off your head with their ax." Gimli replied. He reached for his ax, but when he found it wasn't there, he began to bawl. "Oh ma ax! Ma wee ax! Where are you?" he cried. "Is that your ax?" a girl asked. She was pointing to something on the roof of Gimli's hut (Which had been Hagrid's). "Ma ax! You found it!" Gimli found a ladder, climbed up, and retrieved his "wee" ax. He cried tears of joy and began to pet the ax. "Oh shut up, you big oaf!" the blonde kid said. Gimli abruptly stopped and stared at him. "What's your name, boy!" he said. (Like Dad.) "Draco Malfoy." "Draco Malfoy? What kinda name is that! Were your parents drunk when they named you? Or perhaps your parents are Elves? Ha, ha, ha! (DL)" Gimli snorted. "Well, Draco, let's start the lesson. Today, I have a unicorn to show ya. Oh, Scar!. Scar?. Scar, get your sorry bottom out here!" Nothing happened. "Excuse me, youngins." Gimli told the class. He walked around the corner to the back of the hut and soon, the students heard loud shouting. "Listen, Scar! When I say come, it means come!. Don't give me that look!. Answer me when I speak to you!. I said answer me!. Fine. HIYA!" A sickening crunch could be heard and Gimli soon walked back to the kids, wiping some silvery junk off his ax. "Well, I took care of that!" he said pleasantly. "Now, for the rest of the hour, we will discuss Snowhite. Don't you think she's hot?"
Chapter 8-Of Super Sam & Nazgul Plants
When the students walked into the greenhouses, they weren't sure what to expect. Sam noticed their nervousness and wondered what happened. "Hello class! Have you enjoyed your day so far?" he asked, happily munching on a donut. There were a few mumbled "yes's, but that was all. "Our first class should be fun! I have this spiffy plant here that can talk!" Sam enthused. The students stared at the large, green and red plant (Those same plants from Super Mario 64.). It was twitching somewhat, but that's it. "Come on Fluffy! Talk!" Sam pleaded. The plant "Fluffy" suddenly gave a shrill hiss. Frodo jumped out from behind a pot and screamed. "The Nazgul are coming! They're going to kill me!" he cried. He pulled Sting from its sheath and began to hack at the plant. When the plant was in nearly five zillion pieces, he paused. "Fluffy" let out one last hiss. Frodo screamed and ran out on the lawn. Through the windows, the class could see Gandalf appear, yell "Fool of a Baggins!", hit Frodo with his staff, and disappear. Frodo swayed for a minute or two, then fainted. "Mr. Frodo! Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried and hurried towards the door. He opened it, and was about to step out, but paused. "Oh forget it." He mumbled, and closed the door.
Chapter 9-Of Plastic Surgery & More Gandalf "Hiya, everyone! I'm Professor Baggins. Welcome to.uh.well, anyways, welcome to my class! We get read our fortunes in tea leaves!" he said with a big smile on his (obviously clueless) face. (The smile was compliments of Frodo's new plastic surgeon.) Everyone grabbed a teacup and readied their tealeaves. (And having done this before, needed no instruction.) "Alright! Use your book and tealeaves to discover your future! Woooooo!" Frodo said, and began to do the "long-fingernails-of-Saruman-over- the-palantir-thing" to his teacup. He had long, fake nails glued to each of his fingers. "Um, Professor Baggins?" a red-haired boy asked. "Could you help me out? I can't tell what this is." Frodo walked over and peered into the cup. He stared at it cluelessly for a minute. (He really had no idea what he was doing.Heck! He didn't even know what Divination was!) "It looks like a big eye." Another boy said looking over his shoulder. Frodo gasped. "The eye!" He jumped up, ran around in circles, then fell to the ground, and he began having spasmistic convulsions. Poof! Gandalf appeared. (The students were no longer surprised by his sudden appearances.) "Fool of a Baggins! That's twice in two hours!" he said, and then hit Frodo on the head.
Chapter 10-Of Eye Problems & Rabid Fan-Girls
By now, the students were dreading their classes and all of them were late for Defense Against the Dark Arts. But the apprehension disappeared when they met the teacher, well, for the girls at least. (Yes! This is the chapter for my pink bunny boy!) Legolas was sitting at his desk frowning. He had thrown a fit when he found out he had to wear black robes. However, after Gandalf had shouted "Fool of a Greenleaf!" and struck him on the head with his staff, Legolas kept his complaints to himself. (Although he could still be heard muttering something like "My father will." and "Force a prince..." and "Blah, blah, blah.".) And, of course, even though he was frowning, he was still absolutely gorgeous, and (Duh!) the girls were hypnotized. Especially Hermione Granger. "Now class, I'm Legolas. Prince Legolas actually, and no calling me Lego, Legs, or Professor! Ok, let's see-" he was interrupted by Hermione raising her hand. "Yes, Miss.?" he asked "It's Hermione, but you can call me whatever you want!" she said, fluttering her eyes. "Ok Miss Hermione, uh." he was distracted by her blinking eyes. "Is there something wrong with your eyes?" "Oh.no." Hermione mumbled, embarrassed. "Now, what was your question?" "Oh, yes, um, do you have a girlfriend?" she asked. "Well-" but he was never able to finish because at that moment, a crowd of girls came rushing in screaming "We love you, Legolas!", and they were joined by the girls that were already in the class. He spent the rest of the day hiding from his brand new crowd of Hogwarts fan-girls, which was quickly growing larger. He was finally able to take refuge in Frodo's classroom, which everyone was avoiding for some reason.