"The Human Mind. Six hundred miles of synaptic fiber. Five and a half ounces of cranial fluid. Fifteen hundred grams of complex neural matter. A three pound pile of dreams." Coach Oleander of the Whispering Rock Psychic Camp said as he paced in front of sixteen year old cadets seated on wooden stumps. "But I'll tell you what it really is. It is the ultimate battlefield. And the ultimate weapon. The wars of this modern age – The Psychic Age – are all fought somewhere between these damp, curvaceous undulations. From this day forward you are all Psychic Soldiers. Paranormal Paratroopers. Mental Marines who are about to ship out on the adventure of their lives. This is our beachhead. And this is your landing craft. You will engage the enemy at his own mentality, you will chase his dreams, you will fight his demons, you will live his nightmares. Those of you who fight well will find themselves on the path to becoming international secret agents. In other words: PSYCHONAUTS. The rest… will die!"
The children all gasped, and one, in a red t-shirt and pants combo, screamed.
"Oh, Morry." A German man with dark hair and sunglasses came to the stage, followed by a Latina woman.
"You're not going to die, darlings."
"Well, if they aren't Psychonauts, they may as well be dead."
"Oh come on." The same boy from before whined. "They told me this was summer camp."
"Relax Dogen." A very pretty girl with dark hair strung up in two pig tails calmed the kid down. "Forget old Coach Oleander. I've been coming here for years and trust me, nothing interesting ever happens."
"Lili's right." A tall, blue-skinned male with ridiculously ugly teeth and strange orange hair said, making sure to flex his almost non-existent muscles at Lili, who rolled her eyes at him. "There's nothing to worry about, unless you don't count the horrific, scary and monstrous lake monster that lives in the watery lake of Lake Oblongata."
"Bobby Zilch! I told you to stop spreading those rumors. I don't want the kids to be scared traversing the safe paths of Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp all alone at night, when it's perfectly safe. And we don't want to scare are celebrity guests: Agents Sasha Nein and Milla Vodello." He pointed to the other two next to him. Suddenly a sound was heard from the woods.
"What was that?" One of the girls, named Kitty asked.
"It's the scary lake monster!" Dogen cried, trying to hide in a tinfoil hat he was wearing.
"Positions." Sasha said as he, Oleander and Milla prepared for the upcoming battle, one of their hands extended in front of them, pointed at the direction of the sound, the other on their foreheads.
Crack. "Ugh!" Bam. "Oi!" Splat.
A body fell from one of the trees surrounding the clearing. Oleander used his powers to lift it up and bring it to the fire.
"Gah, it's the lake monster!"
"Nope, it's a boy."
"What's your name, kid?" Sasha asked him.
"I'll find out." Oleander declared as he focused on the new kid. He grunted for a few moments, before he was sent on his back.
"My name?"
"Starts with an M." Oleander said, dazed.
"No, it's Naruto, actually." Naruto sweat dropped as the Coach glared at him.
Back at the others, who were just now starting to calm down, Lili looked at the new boy on the stage, blushing slightly as she took in his look.
He was tall for their age, with a lean, muscular build, far as she could tell under the clothes.
He was wearing black jeans and shoes, a black button up shirt with the top two buttons open and the sleeves rolled to his elbows. Underneath that, he wore a crimson long sleeve shirt. Around his neck was a long black scarf that went to the right, and on his hands black gloves with some kind of red tattoos on the back. Over all of that he was wearing a black coat with crimson flames on it.
He had shaggy, dark blond hair that fell to a little above his shoulders, a cocky smirk on his lips, showing off his elongated fangs. There was a black spot on the left side of his neck, just barely visible, pointed to resemble an arrow slightly.
He reached into his pocket and pulled out a lighter, frowning as he started playing with it.
"Anybody seen my smokes?" His voice was deep and smooth; sending shivers down the collective female's back.
"Here they are." Sasha levitated the pack to him. Naruto nodded his head in thanks as he lit one, taking a long drag.
"Oh my, you shouldn't be smoking, darling." The Latina woman admonished him. "It's bad for you." He just waved off her concern as he took another drag.
"What are you doing here, brat?" Oleander got back to his feet, still glaring daggers at the blond.
"Huh? This is that Psycho cam, right?"
"That PsychoNAUT!"
"You broke into a secret government training facility." Sasha pointed out with a slight smirk hidden in his voice and face.
"Secret?" Naruto raised an eyebrow. "You give out pamphlets for fuck's sake. There's a big ass sign above the gate that says 'Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp'. You call this secret?" He deadpanned.
"Such language for one so young." Milla frowned at him.
"I'm sixteen, lady. Where I come from, I'm already eligible for pension."
"All the same, you can't stay here." Sasha said.
"You'll have to stay here until we call your parents to come pick you up."
"Pft, good luck with that."
"What do you mean? Did they abandon you?" Milla gasped.
"Nope, croaked when I was a babe. Never even knew them."
"Oh, I'm sorry darling."
"What for? Did you kill 'em?"
"So soldier, did my inspirational speech I wrote on the front of the pamphlet inspire you to come here and fight for free thought and the like?"
"Nope, I skipped the speech." Oleander face vaulted while Sasha and Milla snickered at him. "I came here to train my powers before I accidentally kill someone. Or make him think he's a six year old girl, or something. That'd be fun." He added as an afterthought, making Sasha sweat drop and Milla giggle.
"So… We'll have to talk to Agent Cruller. If he gives the ok, you can stay."
"Fine with me." Naruto smirked, and moved to stand on the left of the group, near Lili.
"What makes you so sure that Agent Cruller will let you stay? Oh, I'm Dogen, by the way." He walked with Naruto to the cabin after Oleander dismissed them.
"He's the one that sent me the pamphlet." He leaned near the door of the cabin, watching the other two as the others walked inside.
"That's Bobby Zilch. He's a bully." Dogen started pointing out people as he sat on the stairs next to Naruto. "And that's Benny Something-Or-Another, I forget his name. He's Bobby's minion." Naruto raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as he watched his fellow cadets. "That's Chloe Barge. She always wears that helmet, talks to aliens and thinks she's from outer space." He pointed out a few others, when Naruto nodded to the girl with long, dark hair strung up in two pig tails, reminding him of Tsunade's.
"Who's that?"
"Oh, that's Lili Zanotto. She's nicer to me than the others, but she's a little darker than most. Bobby has a massive crush on her, and tries to scare off any other male that comes near, but she thinks he's irritating."
"She's beautiful." Dogen nodded, smiling.
"So, what power did you manifest?"
"I got mad at some bitch that was bothering me, and sent her through a wall."
"Cool. Will you be learning to blow up peoples' heads?"
"You can do that? Wicked."
"I kanda did, once or twice. That's why I wear this helmet." Dogen pointed to the tinfoil on his head as they picked out two bunks, one over the other. "Wanna try it on?"
"Maybe some other time."
"Grab a bunk, write your names and get to sleep. You're going through hell tomorrow." Oleander bellowed from the door.
Sorry about the new story, but I wanted to be the first to post a crossover with this game. You know, Psychonauts. I'm working now on all of my other stories, so when I finish expect a massive upload, one chapter each. I will also be making two new ones, one depending on the poll, and another my newest star of inspiration. After that, I'll edit the poll again.