Warning: None, this is not a bomb, after all ;-)

Fiction rating: PG-13

Genre: Romance/Humour

Spelling, idiomatic expressions and vocabulary: British, what else did you expect?

Characters: Hisagi Shuuhei and Hisagi (Matsumoto) Rangiku

Summary: First trimester of Rangiku-san's pregnancy: her mood-swings seem to be a cause of the never-ending headache for Shuuhei (I would hit him on 'is heid if I could!)...

Background music: Always Look at the Bright Side of Life (by Eric Idle)

Disclaimer: "Bleach" is not my own creation and all the credit for it's existence goes to Kubo Tite.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A CRYING WOMAN

"Aaaaaaaaa-uaaaaaa-aaaaa!" Rangiku cried loudly, tears running down her cheeks like a waterfall. "I'm so tired, everything is wrong! I'm so sad I could cry my heart out! Hitsugaya taichou is a bloody bureaucrat, aaaauuuaaa!"

Shuuhei felt helpless. He spent last hour trying to solve a riddle entitled "The mysteries of psychology of a pregnant woman"... Unohana taichou told him that it had a lot to do with the level of hormones. Acknowledging that particular fact (it seemed so outrageously, so irritatingly undeniable) made Shuuhei willing to go to the nearest battle cruiser, order sixty pints and get pissed within ten minutes.

Some things in life are bad

They can really make you mad

Other things just make you swear and curse.

But his ambition was to prove being an understanding, supportive husband. Though he had absobloodylutely no idea what to say or what to do. Women! They had no sense of logic at all. In fact, they were the most surprising and cheeky monkey creatures in the entire universe (except for the bloody Kuchiki Byakuya, of course).

Hisagi Shuuhei had felt overwhelmingly happy and proud when he had been told that he was going to be a father. What made him ever more proud was the fact that the most cracking woman in the entire Soul Society was the one to carry his baby.

He loved her, he truly did. She was amusing, wiser than most people would have expected her to be, strong and had a right blinding pair of Bristols (to say nothing of her glittering, fascinating eyes)...

Shuuhei felt sudden urge to do something, or even worse, to say something. Oh no, no words, that would be the most reckless mistake ever made, Hisagi reprimanded himself.

Instead, he decided to sit near Rangiku, embrace her and give her the most tender and loving kiss he could come up with.

For life is quite absurd

And death's the final word

You must always face the curtain with a bow.

Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin

Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.