Summary: Delia admits her feelings... In Welsh.
Disclaimer: Call The Midwife belongs to the BBC and others - I am simply borrowing their beautiful characters.
Author's note: This was done as a result of a prompt fic tlpursuit gave me after talking about Call the Midwife Head Canon. She is quite convinced that it is Delia who says 'I love you' first, but she hides behind using Welsh, leaving Patsy trying to find out what it means. I offered to do a fic covering her thoughts, and this is the result.
Unbeta'd - sorry for any mistakes.
This is pure fluff. (I need to work on Convergence!)
Enjoy...
Patsy and Delia paused as they stood outside the door to Patsy's room. The tall nurse was reluctant to end her evening with Delia. They had gone to the pictures, originally in a large group of nurses, but Delia had already seen the film the others wanted to see.
After some mild bickering, Patsy offered to accompany Delia to watch the film being shown on the B Screen. She teased Delia that she would have to sit through a film with subtitles, but Delia simply grinned back and told her that she would treat her to a bag of bullseyes as compensation.
Patsy managed to renegotiate the deal so she could have Parma Violets instead, and was amused at Delia's vehement dislike of them; along with the continual grumbling that the Welsh woman would now be unable to pinch a few for herself.
They had ended up walking home on their own as their film was much longer than the feature the others had seen. Patsy had relished every second with the brunette nurse. Delia was vibrant and funny, and had an incredibly keen insight on many of their colleagues. The two always seemed to drift together whenever they went out as a group and frequently spent evenings in each other's rooms, putting the world to rights, or at least getting merry on smuggled in booze and giggling about the latest antics on the ward.
Patsy knew she was besotted with the younger nurse. Delia called to her as surely as any Siren attracted a ship's captain. In the moments when she was most honest with herself, Patsy could admit that she had fallen in love with her colleague. She knew it was dangerous to feel that way, but she could no more stop the feelings than stop the Earth spinning. So she worked hard to hide her emotions.
However, hiding her feelings did not stop her from seeking the Welsh woman out and neither did she take her own advice and try to keep their contact to a minimum.
"Did you want to come in for a nightcap?" Patsy offered. Inviting Delia in for a late night drink had become the norm, with Delia reciprocating whenever they ended up at at her door.
"Go on then, I'm not back in till one o'clock tomorrow so I'm in no rush," Delia answered easily, grinning as she stepped past Patsy to enter. She immediately crossed to sit at the bottom of the bed.
"I can do you one better than that. I have tomorrow off," Patsy declared with a lop-sided grin. She located two tumblers.
"Show off," Delia teased as she accepted her drink. She took a sip and sighed contentedly. "Would it be terribly uncharitable if I were to admit that I was pleased not to be with the others tonight?"
"You'd simply be voicing what I've been thinking all evening," Patsy revealed, feeling her heart accelerate when her comment provoked an unguarded smile from the brunette. She moved to the top of the bed and sat down, elegantly crossing one leg over her knee. "It was nice just to relax and enjoy the film, without having to worry about the endless dissection afterwards."
Delia laughed. "There goes my next question."
Patsy shook her head. "No one can hold a candle to your in-depth analysis and reviews, Deels," she teased.
Delia's grin widened. "Thank you, I think," she replied before taking another sip. The brunette toed her shoes off and twisted around to sit cross-legged on the bed, although she took care to arrange her dress modestly over her lap. She looked shyly at the older nurse. "Honestly, though Pats - I did appreciate you coming with me. I didn't mean to ruin your evening."
Patsy shook her head, a lop-sided smile on her face. "Delia, when have you known me do something that I didn't want to do?"
"Well I can recall more than one grumble about cleaning out the Sluice Room," the brunette pointed out, an impish look on her face.
Patsy canted her head and narrowed her eyes. "You know what I mean." She shook her head as Delia laughed. "Seriously, Deels. Given the choice between spending time with a large group of girls or just you, I'd pick you every time."
Delia raised her eyebrows. "How flattering. Thank you."
Patsy blushed as she realised what she had said and tried to qualify the comment. "Well you know how much of an introvert I am. I don't like large crowds." She shrugged noncommittally as she tried to deflect away from her previous revelation. "I'm just more comfortable around you." Internally Patsy was berating herself. She had just made the whole thing even more obvious and she desperately tried not to roll her eyes at her own inability to hold a normal, safe conversation with Delia.
Delia smiled. It was such a delight to see the normally composed nurse so flustered. "Well that makes it easier for me to admit that I hadn't actually seen the main feature. I didn't fancy being part of the crowd either," she revealed, shrugging her shoulders slightly in acknowledgement of Patsy's shock.
"I shall have to watch you, Nurse Busby," Patsy declared after taking another healthy gulp of her drink. "You're devious."
"Not devious," the shorter nurse demurred. "I just know what I want." It was Delia's turn to blush as she realised her statement could be interpreted a number of ways.
Patsy grinned. "Does that mean that you'll be picking out another film for me to watch?" She asked, rather daringly in her own opinion.
"Are you prepared to risk my judgement?" Delia answered with a question of her own.
Patsy's eyes darkened slightly. She was sure the young Welsh nurse was flirting with her, but it was dangerous territory. To reveal such deviant proclivities was to risk her career and reputation. Patsy wasn't sure she could do that, but oh how she wanted to with Delia. "You haven't let me down so far," the tall nurse responded. It was the most neutral sentence she could manage right now.
Delia grinned. "Alright. But to save all the brouhaha, let's just go out by ourselves next time. If that's alright with you?" The brunette looked suddenly hesitant.
"That sounds like a perfectly logical plan to me," Patsy concurred, smiling back broadly.
Delia nodded before finishing her drink. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand. "I'd better go or I'll bump into the night matron trying to catch anyone still out after curfew."
Both women stood up and Patsy took Delia's glass from her and placed it on the side. "I enjoyed tonight. Thank you."
"It's me that has to thank you," Delia corrected. "I'll take a look at the rota and plan our next trip out." She smiled impishly as Patsy nodded.
Patsy stood by the door. "Goodnight Deels."
Delia grabbed the door handle but hesitated slightly before turning back towards the taller woman. She leaned up on tiptoe and kissed Patsy on the cheek. "Rwy'n dy garu di," she whispered quickly before turning and opening the door.
Patsy frowned and caught Delia's arm before she disappeared. "What does that mean?"
Delia blushed as she shrugged. "It doesn't really translate well," she hedged before shrugging slightly. "It's a term of endearment I suppose," she continued.
"Goodness me, it's hard to believe that Wales is part of the United Kingdom, given the utter lack of commonality in language."
"Treat us as a mystery that has to be solved," Delia smiled, waggling her eyebrows. "I must go. Goodnight." She turned quickly and headed down the hall.
Patsy watched the short nurse head down the corridor to her own room, knowing that she was actually taking a very good look at Delia's backside and admiring the swing of her hips. "I'd love to solve your mystery," she muttered. Patsy shook her head before smiling wistfully and going back inside her room. She might never act on her feelings, but it didn't stop her looking and hoping.
Delia shook her head as she hurried back to her room. "Shit, shit, shit, shit," she repeated like a mantra. How could she have been so stupid? Delia roundly berated herself.
The young Welsh woman had always known she was different. She had never had any interest in boys, other than as companions in mischief. When the girls at school started talking about boyfriends and marriage, Delia just couldn't see why they were so obsessed with it all. She certainly couldn't sit and admire the boys the way the girls did.
It was a bit of a shock when she realised that she could admire other girls that way though. She appreciated soft curves and and an elegant gait as well as a sharp mind and a quick wit. And that, she realised, was that.
Once she knew, Delia concluded that she would need to leave her village. She would never be allowed to be different where everyone knew each other's business. More to the point, her parents would be mortified and upset if she did not follow the traditional route of settling down and starting a family. Delia couldn't think of anything she'd rather do less. Instead, she made trips to the library and researched her options. Nursing seemed a most natural solution. She had always wanted to help people, and it was something she could train to do in London. Away from home, Delia could escape the pressures and expectation of village life and do things her own way. Hopefully, going to such a cosmopolitan area might just work out to Delia's advantage. Her research at the library suggested that she was not alone in her inclination. With a bit of luck, she might just be able to find others like her, and she certainly had more of a chance in London than she did in Pembroke.
After a considerable amount of persuasion, leading to outright arguments with her parents, Delia found herself starting training at the London Hospital, one of the prestigious Teaching hospitals in London.
The Welsh woman had been overwhelmed by the change in pace of London, and by the amount of people. Instead of it opening up a myriad opportunities, Delia went into self-preservation mode and concentrated purely on study and nursing. She eased through exams and the Ward placements, excelling in patient care as well and heading the table for examination marks. She was viewed as non-threatening by the other nurses because of her permanently sunny disposition which was combined with a general disinterest in any of the junior doctors that were forever flirting with the nurses.
Delia would happily go out with a big group of nurses, but showed no desire to make things more intimate with anyone, instead keeping all relationships on a strictly platonic basis. It was easy enough to deflect. Delia simply stated that she intended to return to Wales at some point and therefore didn't want to start anything on a temporary basis. By the time she accepted a full time job as a qualified nurse, her friends and acquaintances were so used to her general disinterest in men, that no one thought any more about it.
Delia was quite content with her happy-go-lucky exterior. She wore it like a protective mask, and the staff and patients took it all at face value. It was the perfect cover as it gave the impression of openness and no-one bothered to delve deeper into what really made her tick.
Delia continued with this charade until she was given a permanent position on the Male Surgical Ward. A tall, red-haired nurse with a cool exterior and cut-glass accent caught her attention immediately. Delia berated herself, of course. It was useless to have a crush on another woman. It was downright dangerous to have a crush on a nurse. Any sort of improper behaviour would jeopardise her career if not halt it altogether.
However, as they got to know each other on the ward, Delia realised that Patsy's personality, though often hidden behind an air of brusque efficiency, was just as attractive as her physical attributes, and the Welsh woman quickly became infatuated.
As the nurses from the ward socialised at various functions, Delia's infatuation grew into something much deeper. Delia couldn't help but gravitate towards the older woman, and Patsy seemed to be more than happy to keep company with her.
For Delia, the best nights were the ones when they managed to spend some time together after the others had retired for the night. There was nothing more appealing than setting the world to rights with a couple of glasses of whiskey. Actually, Delia admitted to herself, that wasn't accurate. She could think of something infinitely more desirable than talking, but Patsy was so hard to read, and Delia valued her friendship too much to risk acting on her desires.
There were times when Delia was certain Patsy had similar feelings of attraction, but the red-head was so guarded, it was difficult to be sure. Delia noticed that their conversation never steered towards the subject of men, unless it was to deride their misogyny or rail against the traditional expectations of marrying and then having to give up a career to have children. Patsy never asked her if she was courting, and never indicated if she was interested in them.
Instead, Patsy devoted her attention on Delia when they were together. It was intoxicating and hypnotic for the younger woman. Delia could listen to her cultured accent for hours when she spoke passionately about a variety of subjects. Sometimes she would allow her mind to drift and wonder how it would sound to hear Patsy being passionate in an entirely more intimate way. It was frustrating in more ways than one, and Delia would feel a mixture of guilt and pleasure as she took care of that frustration late at night in her room.
Tonight, Patsy had instantly offered to accompany Delia to see the other film. Delia had been confident that she would do that. If she was honest, it was exactly what she wanted to happen. Delia couldn't help but pretend that they were on a date, and she had stolen looks at the other woman, admiring her profile illuminated by the big screen projection. Delia knew beyond doubt that she loved her. The walk back to the Nurses Home and subsequent nightcap had simply rounded off a perfect night, and Delia had impulsively kissed the titian-haired woman on the cheek as she left.
What she hadn't planned to do, however was to admit her feelings. Delia had lied to Patsy when she told her that there wasn't really an easy translation. The words she said were unequivocal in their meaning. Fortunately, Welsh wasn't the easiest language to master. Not only did it have a rather unique way of spelling words, the pronunciation of said words also meant that it was difficult to pick up. Delia was certain that Patsy wouldn't be able to find out what she said, although she rather wistfully hoped that she did.
Delia leaned back against the door of her room and closed her eyes. She couldn't keep on like this. Her heart ached. She needed to find out how Patsy really felt and if there was any chance at all that she might reciprocate her feelings. The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating at the same time.
Despite Delia's initial fear regarding her admission to Patsy, nothing seemed to have changed. If anything, they sought out each other's company more frequently than ever, often not even bothering with the pretence of going out in a group.
Delia analysed every word and interaction she had with Patsy. She adored it when the red-haired nurse smiled unguardedly. She was quite convinced that Patsy gave no one else those smiles; in fact she purposely looked for them when they were out in a group. So far, she had only ever seen Patsy smile like that in front of her.
Their late night conversations continued. Often they would lie on the bed together, staring at the ceiling as they talked. Delia's heart would race if she turned her head to look at Patsy. To be so close, and yet so far, played havoc with her hormones as well as her emotions. It was an exquisite torture for her, but it was something she was not prepared to give up and she would often leave it dangerously close to curfew before slinking back to her room.
Every now and again, Delia would risk another kiss on Patsy's cheek as she left. Sometimes, when she was feeling particularly daring, or she had imbibed more alcohol than she ought to, she would leave Patsy with the words she had used before, certain that although Patsy might find them familiar, she would be unable to translate.
Tonight had been one of the nurses' birthday and a whole group had descended on the local pub to celebrate. Emily was one of the more extrovert members of the team and insisted on liberal amounts of alcohol in order to commiserate her reaching the grand old age of 22. The pub landlord had been more than happy to keep the drinks flowing.
It was a happy band of young women who staggered back to their quarters, many with their arms looped through each other's. Delia leapt on the opportunity to throw an arm around Patsy's waist and couldn't keep the grin off her face when Patsy shot her a lop-sided grin before making the most of their height difference and laying her arm across Delia's shoulders, and pulling her in close.
The nurses broke into a spontaneous sing-a-long as they strolled home, all singing remarkably off key until they were unceremoniously hushed by the Bursar who was frankly appalled by their inebriated state. The harsh words did little to burst the mood though, and they fought hard to stop their sniggers becoming full on laughs as they traipsed upstairs to their respective rooms, saying goodnight to each other in loud whispers as they gradually split up.
Somehow, Patsy and Delia found themselves alone outside Delia's door.
"Can you manage a nightcap or are you done in?" Delia asked tentatively.
Patsy smiled, absolutely not wanting the night to end. "I think I can manage one more, if it's not an inconvenience for you," she replied softly, stepping into Delia's room as the shorter woman opened the door.
Patsy sat on the bed and kicked her shoes off, sighing with relief as she wiggled her toes before swinging her legs up onto the bed. She leaned back against the headboard and closed her eyes briefly. "Sometimes I think I should just stick to wearing my heavy duty nursing shoes. They are far more comfortable than those torture instruments," she mused ruefully.
Delia chuckled as she poured generous measures of whiskey into small tumblers before joining Patsy on the bed. She handed one of the glasses over. "Ah, the things we do for fashion," she teased lightly as she shuffled next to her. She looked down at her own stockinged feet before grinning at the taller woman. "I have to be honest, I'm all about the comfort. You won't catch me in a pair of heels."
Patsy took a sip of her whiskey before smiling devilishly. "I thought you'd just given up trying to add any height as it wouldn't really make any difference."
"Hey!" Delia batted at Patsy's arm indignantly. "I might be small but I'm perfectly formed."
"That you are," Patsy concurred without thinking. She blushed as she realised how that might sound and looked at Delia in consternation.
Delia grinned cheekily. "I'll take that as a compliment," she decided, tipping her glass towards the taller woman before taking another sip.
Patsy stared at Delia, her mind racing. It might be the excessive amount of alcohol roaring through her body, but she couldn't help but think that Delia truly was perfect. Her eyes were drawn to Delia's lips, moistened by the whiskey she was sipping. When she looked back up she realised Delia had caught her. There was a look of pure longing reflected in the brunette's clear blue eyes and something else that Patsy didn't dare believe might be real.
Patsy prided herself on how logical and careful she was. She thought about all her decisions, and weighed up her options carefully. But that did not mean she didn't take risks. She had embarked on a number of trysts with other girls while she was at boarding school. Most had been about the thrill of the chase along with the illicitness of their actions, and nothing had lasted very long.
Delia was something totally different however. She was intoxicating and mesmerising yes, but she stirred something fundamentally deeper, Patsy realised. For the first time, the tall nurse wondered about something more substantial and hitherto unthinkable to her. She imagined a future shared with Delia. Patsy realised it was harder to recall how she stumbled through life before she knew Delia. She came to the conclusion that she wanted her life to be forever entwined with the other nurse's, and that anything else now was unthinkable.
The alcohol in her system might give her courage, but it did not make her reckless. Patsy stared at Delia steadily, noting the flush of her cheeks, and the fact that the other woman's eyes had also flickered towards her lips. The red-head paused, almost masochistically revelling in the tension that had suddenly formed around them.
Patsy shifted her weight slightly, and raised a hand to caress Delia's cheek. "Deels," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
Delia closed her eyes at the touch and leaned into Patsy's hand.
It was the confirmation Patsy needed and she closed the distance slowly before gently pressing her lips against Delia's, her heart pounding with both desire and trepidation. The fear evaporated as she felt Delia respond to her touch, although her heart hammered no less furiously. She slowly deepened the kiss and immersed herself in the sensation of doing something she had yearned to do for so long.
Somehow, Delia had the presence of mind to reach back and put her glass of whiskey on the nightstand without breaking the embrace. The second her hand was free she wrapped it round Patsy and pulled her closer, refusing to allow it to end. She groaned as she felt Patsy's tongue and with no real conscious effort, pulled Patsy on top of her as they continued to kiss, her body arching into the other woman's every caress and touch.
Eventually they broke apart, panting heavily as Patsy rested her forehead against Delia's. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to break the spell even as she revelled in just how tightly Delia was clinging to her. "I've wanted to do that for so long," she admitted, her words barely audible.
Delia traced random patterns across Patsy's shoulder blade with her fingers. "I've wanted you to do that for so long too," she replied, equally breathless.
Patsy's eyes flashed open and she gazed down at Delia, clearly seeing a devilish smile in addition to eyes darkened with desire. Automatically, she grinned back and suddenly, they were both laughing quietly, breaking the tension in the room, but also underscoring the relief they were both feeling.
With just a little adjustment, the women managed to lie wrapped in each others' arms together, lying face-to-face. Neither woman could stop grinning, basking in the realisation that they felt the same way about each other, and the relief that revealing those feelings hadn't horrifically backfired.
Patsy gently pushed a stray strand of hair back over Delia's ear. She gave a lop-sided smile and sighed softly. "What happens now?"
Delia smiled back. "We take things as they come. We go out with the others, and find time for ourselves. We talk honestly to each other."
Patsy frowned. "We have to be so careful. No one should suspect."
Delia nodded. "Which is why we continue to behave as we've done. All the girls know we're best friends. We just need to make sure we don't suddenly change what we do."
"I think I can do that," Patsy agreed. "I think I might need to prepare for my public persona though," she continued.
Delia frowned. "Prepare? Pats, you have mastered the art of hiding behind your work persona."
"Oh, I don't mean that. I am very good at facades," the red-haired nurse agreed.
Delia's frown deepened. "Then what preparation do you need?"
"I need to stock up," Patsy told her, her grin widening.
"Stock up on what?" Delia was baffled.
"These," Patsy murmured as she closed the distance between them and softly kissed Delia once again.
It took more adjustment than they realised to cope with the change to their relationship. Delia was a naturally tactile person, and discovered that Patsy was now extremely guarded when it came to any signs of physical affection. There were many pointed looks and withdrawn hands when they were out with others, before they both found a more comfortable mutual ground.
Patsy was also averse to any terms of endearment. Now that she had admitted her feelings to Delia and had been almost overwhelmed by the fact that Delia reciprocated them, Patsy was determined to do nothing that might put their relationship at risk. Delia found herself relying on using the term 'Pats' to indicate any number of feelings. Fortunately, Patsy seemed to pick up on whatever sentiment Delia was trying to convey, which was varied to say the least.
They continued to go out within their group of friends and colleagues. They also ensured that they socialised with other nurses separately as well as together in order to keep up the facade. However, the pair now studied the rota meticulously and planned their time off in a way that was not obvious but afforded them precious time together when they were unlikely to be disturbed by others.
Fortunately, both Delia and Patsy realised the necessity of secrecy and the importance of being honest and trusting each other. They spent long evenings discussing their interactions; sometimes explaining, and sometimes apologising. It helped defuse the frustration that their public deception sometimes caused. Kissing and cuddling also went a long way to heal any hurt by any perceived cold shoulder.
Even though they worked odd shifts, there was an element of routine in their relationship that they took comfort in. The time Patsy cherished most was when they simply lay entwined, sometimes talking - more often enjoying the silence. It was when she felt most secure. Most at peace.
One evening as she cradled Delia in her arms, she looked down at the younger woman and smiled softly. It was Delia that had quelled her insecurity. It was Delia who validated her feelings. It was Delia...
"I love you," she murmured assuredly. There was no fear that it was too soon to say, or that Delia might not say it back. It didn't matter. Patsy knew. She had no doubt of her feelings at all.
Delia looked up, her eyes glimmering. "Rwy'n dy garu di hefyd," she replied.
Patsy's smile widened and she leaned down to kiss Delia on the lips softly. When she pulled back, she frowned slightly. "Say that again," she asked.
"Rwy'n dy garu di hefyd," Delia duly repeated. "It means 'I love you too'," she translated.
Patsy's eyes lost their focus slightly as she tried to recall something. "You've said that before," she stated, recalling the night when Delia kissed her on her cheek.
Delia blushed slightly and nodded. "Not quite, but close enough. It was just 'I love you' then."
"But you told me it was just a term of affection," Patsy pointed out, almost indignantly.
Delia shrugged nonchalantly. "It is," she pointed out needlessly.
"That's not what I meant." Patsy shook her head for a moment before chuckling slightly. "I spent hours in various bookshops looking for a Welsh dictionary," she admitted.
"You didn't believe me?" Delia teased.
"I had a feeling it was something more." Patsy laughed again. "It was all a bit pointless really. When I finally tracked down a dictionary, I could only flick through and hope for inspiration. I had no idea what words to look up."
Delia laughed with her. "Sorry, Pats. I didn't really mean to blurt it out that night but I knew how I felt. I cursed myself for hours after that slip."
Patsy narrowed her eyes slightly. "Why?"
Delia rolled her eyes. "You're not the easiest person to read. At the time, I wasn't one hundred percent certain that you felt the same way." She paused. "It's funny though. Once I did say it, I realised I truly meant it. After that, I knew that whatever happened, I needed you in my life, in whatever way you were prepared to share with me. So I couldn't help but repeat it every now and again."
Patsy blushed. "I know what you mean. I know it didn't really need saying. But it felt lovely to say." She leaned forward and pecked the younger woman on the lips again. "I love you," she repeated.
"I love you too, you fool."
The pair giggled before settling back down on the bed.
After a few moments of comfortable silence, Patsy huffed slightly. "I must confess, I'm a little disappointed that I didn't get to say 'I love you' first," she stated. "I thought I was being very brave, and there you were, months ahead of me."
Delia shook her head. "Well, you can claim that you were the first to say an understandable 'I love you'," she offered.
Patsy wrinkled her nose. "That feels like a hollow victory," she stated. "I'll just have to settle for being the one who initiated the first kiss," she decided, nodding as she spoke.
Delia did look up then, grinning again. "Now that was brave," she commended. "And, so, so perfect."
"Thank you." Patsy couldn't help but smile widely.
"So how about you stop reminiscing about the first kiss, and instead concentrate on the present?" Delia waggled her eyebrows impishly.
"Oh well, if you insist," Patsy agreed, closing the distance between them once again.
~finis~