Author's Note: A massive thank you to my lovely beta kshiying who made this story possible by pushing me on character timing and changing the format from just letters to a journal with a few scattered letters. She is seriously amazing and managed to help me despite the weird timing and my lack of writing until July.

I also have to thank voicelikehelvetica for encouraging me to keep writing, and more importantly for not once telling to shut up when I would spend days whining to her about character headspace and the timeline and any and pretty much my incessant rambling about all the annoying and painful bits and pieces of season 4. (Seriously though the timeline.) Also thank you lots for stepping in at the last minute to do a last beta of everything.

Monday September 3rd, 2012

Kurt left for New York today. I know I pushed him to do that, because he deserves to live out his dreams and he just wasn't happy staying here when he should have been in New York, but I miss him. It's been two hours since he texted me that he'd landed and I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. I'm trying to be strong, though, and not call him a million times while he's busy catching up with Rachel and getting settled. He'll call me when he gets a free moment.

I should be doing homework right now, both to distract myself from him not being here, and because, well, I need to do my homework, but I kind of want to just lay here instead listening to Hey There Delilah repeatedly. Maybe I should sing that in Glee one of these days. Instead I'm apparently starting a diary. Wonderful. At least I don't have any pesky siblings to come find it and discover my deepest darkest secrets, and my parents don't poke around my room anymore (sorry about that booby trap three years ago mom). Whatever. I think I'm going to give this journaling thing a shot. I'm going to need some sort of outlet now that I won't be seeing Kurt on a daily (or even weekly) basis.

...And there's mom calling me for dinner. I guess I'll try to brainstorm a name for you while I'm gone.

-Blaine

Tuesday September 4th, 2012

Okay, hi diary. I still don't have a name for you. You can't respond to me though so I think it'll be okay. Anyways, my boyfriend is living in New York City right now?! I can't tell if that makes me feel immature being stuck back in high school while he's attempting to live the dream, or if it makes me feel really mature dating a guy who's no longer living with his parents and is off in the real world hunting for jobs.

This dichotomy describes my general feelings about Kurt being gone. I'm happy that he's on his way to showing the world how amazing he is, but at the same time I'm more than a little nervous that I'll lose him. I know he loves me and it's only been two days so I'm probably getting a bit ahead of myself here but, well, we never discussed how to maintain a long distance relationship before graduation, and then, when he didn't get into NYADA, we had no need to discuss it. We did sort of do the long distance thing back when I was at Dalton and he transferred back to McKinley, and that worked out alright. I missed him, sure, but we made it through without hitting any speed bumps. The high school – college difference and being in different states seems like a much bigger challenge though. Maybe we can do this and I'm getting nervous for nothing. We're KurtandBlaine. Even Santana agreed that we'd probably end up married with stupidly cute children.

And Kurt's skyping me! Time to go talk... and maybe possibly try to persuade Kurt that we should engage in non-talking activities...

-Blaine

Wednesday September 5th, 2012

This week has been really weird and it's not even Friday yet. First I ran into Brittany in the hallway talking to herself, and not in the normal I'm-thinking-out-loud way. She was narrating her plans to run for student council, and then when I asked her about it, she said she thought she was doing a voiceover. I know Brittany misses Santana what with her going off to college and having cheerleading taking up a lot of her time, but she is seriously going off the deep end. Artie and I tried to sing to her in glee club to cheer her up but I'm fairly certain that it didn't do any good. We did a mash up of Boys and Boyfriend, which was an awesome arrangement by the way, but she seemed fairly indifferent to it. I think we're going to have to stage an actual intervention soon if nothing changes. I'm worried about her; she's acting and dressing differently, she got kicked off the Cheerio's, and she keeps coming into class with these huge cups of coffee that she must have special ordered because they do not sell those at the Lima Bean (I asked Kurt about it last night and he told me that if they did he would have been the first to start bringing them into school).

I honestly don't know what to do to help her and I'm slightly scared about what will happen tomorrow at school because she seems to just be descending deeper and deeper into craziness. I would ask Kurt for some advice but he's painting the apartment with Rachel (the two of them settled on a huge, wall-less place extremely fast) so... I'll probably just spend the night dreaming about how awesome it would be if I were there with them living in New York and getting an apartment with my boyfriend (and Rachel) and just living in a place that doesn't write you off based on your sexual orientation.

I have to stop thinking about how much I wish I were there too. It's not going to get me anywhere. Next week I think I'll start signing up for clubs to help me keep my mind off the absence of Kurt.

-Blaine

Friday September 7th, 2012

We staged an intervention yesterday for Brittany and insisted that she be our lead performer at the assembly that happened today. It turned out to be a big, big mistake though. Granted, any of us could have told you that it would be, but we just wanted to help her and thought she knew best. Apparently, she didn't though because we ended up performing (Britney Spears!) for the school. The only problem? We lip-synched to a recording of us that we made and the crowd figured it out because Brittany was not at all trying to make it look convincing. She was eating during the performance for crying out loud. Obviously we did not end up finishing that performance, and, even worse, Mr. Schue got mad at us for it. I'm not entirely sure if he really realizes how much of a mess Brittany is because he didn't seem to think our trying to help her was a reasonable excuse for what we did. I guess it's not the most solid of excuses because we could apparently be in a world of trouble if the national glee club panel or whatever hears about it but… I don't think that should be more important to him than the fact that one of us is falling apart all over the place? I've never quite understood that guy and his priorities. One day, before I graduate, I hope to at least understand him a little bit.

In other news, I survived my first week of school without Kurt. In some ways it was more difficult than I thought it would be, my memories of almost every spot in the school are tied to him. The choir room, the auditorium, and the stairwell by the courtyard have the strongest memories of him and it's just strange knowing that it will be a while before I see him in these hallways again and that when I do it will always just be him visiting briefly before he leaves again. In other ways though, this week has been easier than I expected. As much as Brittany was worrying me all week, it provided a distraction. I wasn't thinking about Kurt as much when I was busy trying to come up with ways to make her feel better.

Here's hoping that next week is easier.

-Blaine