I know it's been a while but I've been feeling bleh about my writting. I looked at this chapter and just needed to do it over. It's basically the same I just made some tweaks with symbols and continuity but I like it and I hope you guys like it cause that's what really matters.
Disclaimer! I do not own CSI and it's characters. I make this solely out of pleasure. It is in no way used for profit. And with that out of the way...
Wish me luck!
Shutting down
Chapter 1
1It was another cold, dreary December afternoon in Las Vegas. The sun dipping in and out from behind the dark, long, grey clouds that seemed endless in her mind, but it made no difference. All she saw and all she knew at this moment, when she silently opened her eyes from the restless slumber, was the same with every time she awoke.
It was a frequent feeling of desperation that came and went as it pleased not understanding or caring why it was unwanted. Desperation that could only be quenched with short blissful moments before coming back full and ravishing, like a drug you use to forget and drown in but you never got enough of it to die, so you always need more.
Not that she wanted to die but some days all she wanted was the sleep that only came with eternal slumber. Straining her eyes she tried to adjust herself to the new surrounding.
It was hard to wake up but then again harder to sleep. When your dreams contain that which you try to escape all you yearn is peace.
Warm rays of the day's sunlight were strong, spilling in through the blinds of the window, giving the room an enchanted look to it, pitifully wasted if you asked me, on the scene in the bedroom. Everything was washed in sepia tones. The walls, the floor, the beautiful oak dresser with her black bra hanging off at a weird angle, her khakis pants, her dark blue blouse, his green boxers that she had been so eager to take off him, his feet peeking out of the covers, his biceps connected to his arms which were gently holding her fragile body to his and the comforter that hid the unspeakable sin she had committed.
The fingers on his hands wrapped gently and firmly around her breasts with his head placed awkwardly in the back of her neck.
There she was, what more can I say, lying in a disarray of covers and body parts. Well aware of what had happened yet totally disheveled. She cursed under her breath when the warmth behind her breathed lightly on her neck, sending shivers down to the deepest part of her body.
The thought of this again was about to bring her to tears. The man in the bed shifted his weight and tightened his grip on her small body. The smile was evident on his face as well as the look of sadness in her eyes.
What was supposed to be a night trying to forget her troubles had ended up causing another big one.
As mean as that sounds it's true. She felt sick, all she wanted to do was leave, forget this incident. But then again, maybe she had wanted this, hell; anything was better then wallowing in self pity, but what had seemed to be the solution to her problems now seemed stupid and idiotic.
She was beginning to believe that that was life, just one big mistake.
She just couldn't face him or even look at him. Even his touch she couldn't stand. She slipped out of the warm yet meaningless embrace and like a coward took off toward the door, the smell of sex lingering in her nostrils all the way to her car. Even the cold breezes weren't strong enough to take that awful smell away.
Sara drove avoiding her minds questioning but she knew it was only a matter of time before she would have to answer for her actions.
The light of the now evening sun had been sparing until now, hiding behind an ominous black cloud. It sidestepped the cloud and singed her eyes painfully but did it matter?
No. Pain was something she was used to whether it was physical or all in her head as people had told her. A mind, her mind, is a very dangerous place. If you're not careful it can turn into an enemy that kicks you when you're down, playing dirty tricks when you least expect it.
Ha, that's when you know you're fucked up, she thought as she turned into her apartment parking lot, the car sliding gently into place in one of the spaces. She parked but, her hands still gripped the wheel for dear life.
Focused on her slender fingers she tried to let the shape and intensity of her hands engulf her thoughts. She was running away from what was coming.
The lot was, apparently, gaining more popularity and she had to beg herself to restrain from any emotional let go until she had the courage to stop looking at her hands and actually make it to her dark and lonely room.
The tears culminated but like the professional that she was she kept her composure, smiling when necessary while her "friends" and neighbors decided to chat away their wonderful days to her.
She began to think that she just might have a chance in Hollywood if she ever decided to give up and actually leave sin city.
Her hands trembled violently trying to get the door open; it was the only sign of the storm that she knew was inevitable. The door finally, with a push, opened revealing a hushed, dark sanctuary.
On entering she slammed the door waiting. Her eyes watered but she didn't cry, her body ached but she didn't tremble and her heart pounded loudly in her head but she made no move to silence it as if she had shut down.
Standing, her back on the door, her head looking toward the sky she didn't move. That had to be it, her mind had literally shut down and it was a peace she had forgotten she could feel. Days of overtime, cases, people and talking, NO, not talking, chirping and gaggling it was enough to send anyone over the edge and I guess it finally did her in.
Time passed by without notice and her phone rang constantly but the silence and darkness engulfed her mind. She was resting although to a passerby she might have looked like she was meditating. No, don't be fooled people if she were in a bed she would have been sleeping but unfortunately she hadn't gotten that far.
Well, not really sleeping, she had simply turned off. Whatever you want to call it she was fulfilling one of life's necessities, sex, sleeping and eating and it filled her to actually be resting for a change.
The room dimmed drastically as the sun reached it's final stretch before laying down to sleep but she didn't move, she barely breathed she just was.
Finally something snapped her out it. Vibrations, deep vibration, that carried through her whole body.
At first she thought it could have been her head pounding agitatedly but it turned out that it was the door she was using to lie on. Yes, the door was pounding violently and calling her name.
What? Her mind had snapped back to investigator mode. Why would the door be calling my name? Her name was called again this time louder and with feeling she hadn't noticed before now. Someone on the other side of the door seemed to want her. She could feel it in his voice and the way her name laid aggressively on his tongue. She could feel the quiver of the door being bombarded by her name and she wanted to sink into the vibration but a chain of thoughts blinked into her mind.
Grissom, work, I'm late! So much for peace, she scrambled to turn around but her limbs were sore and rigid. The legs that supported her for more than three hours felt like jelly and weren't stable enough for walking. She noticed this as she tried to turn around to open the door and ended up on the floor.
"Sara?" The voice came again, "Are you in there?" The door pounded fiercely at the sound of her body hitting the floor but she didn't answer. Her voice was lost while she concentrated on at least getting the door open.
"Sara, please open the door!" on her knees her arms flailed until she held the knob firmly in her hands.
"Open. This. Door!" Sara yanked on the door and it swung open the, force sending her to her back with a thunk. She sat there on her floor emitting grunts that were both loud and startling.
"Sara!?" yelled a very astounded Grissom. The sight of this woman he barely recognized created a million and one question he needed answered now.