While I actually don't own a copy of PSASBR (or a PS3 for that matter...), I do have some characters that I want as DLC. I took that idea and had a bit of fun with it making the following rivals of Lara Croft vs Desmond (both are rooted heavily in archaeology/history); Cole Phelps vs. Agent 47 (classic cop and bad guy); and Coach vs. Isaac Clarke (both became impromptu warriors, using improvised weapons). I'm sorry that I rip on Spyro and Crash, I have nothing against them.
Coach slung his shotgun over his shoulder as he approached the entrance to the bar, 'The Pre-Production Bar...God, I'm gettin' sick and tired of showing up here every night, but at least the company's better than the drinks...' Pushing the door open with his fire axe, he found himself in a classic bar almost straight out Cheers, a classic wooden bar with stools all around it.
Sparring over in the corner, a woman in a baby blue muscle shirt and khaki short shorts was throwing kicks at a twenty-some year old in a white and red hoodie who was dodging each one. Seated at one of the tables, a LAPD cop in a suit and fedora was going through a small notebook as he sipped on a gin & tonic. Pulling himself up to the bar, he sat next to a bald man in a tuxedo who had a shot in one hand and a silver pistol within grasp of the other. Behind the bar, a man in a black leather-like outfit covered in bronze armor plates and helmet was shaking up a martini.
"Hey Isaac," Coach set his shotgun and axe down on the counter as he sat down, "I'll take my usual."
"Bad day?" Dead Space hero Isaac Clarke asked as he pulled out a bottle of gin from beneath the counter.
Coach gave a small chuckle, "What gave it away?"
For the last few months, he and five other characters had been vying for a position as DLC for Playstation All-Stars Battle Royale. They had missed the initial sign-up, but jumped at the chance to appear as DLC, but the six of them were jumping through some rather large hoops. Lara was on the edge because they didn't 'need' another treasure hunter, but her gender had kept her around due to female activists. Desmond was being overlooked for his ancestors, but was still around as the all-round Assassin's Creed rep.
Cole Phelps was stuck here at the bar going over case notes since his his weapons were considered to be 'outdated' in comparison to Col. Redac. Agent 47 possibly given the best excuse, due to his more brutal approach to fighting, the executives said that they couldn't afford the healthcare and insurance for the others.
Isaac was told that the weapons he had used to defend himself from the Xenomorphs were too 'unconventional' for battle. And as for himself, Coach had been told that he had fallen a bit short in the categories of physical fitness, battle skill, and social interaction.
Today had been another one of the 'Trial Meetings' where some of the big whigs got together and watched him fight from their fancy skybox seats. Today he had fought against master thief Sly Cooper. The big whigs thought that since he had no 'block' that it was fair, but overlooked his invisibility. That son of a bitch kept striking him when his back was turned. Luckily...the Common Infected didn't have that problem. He had saved up enough AP for his level three Super, The Green Flu, and summoned a swarm of the Infected. They found that thief fast and used this as a bit of leverage, turning the tables on him. He managed to KO him several more times before the time ran up.
The executives said that he had done 'well', but Coach got that answer every time, same when he fought Big Daddy, same when he fought Raiden. 'Well' just meant that he had bought himself a few more weeks at PSASBR Heights.
"So..." Desmond took a seat on his other side, grabbing his beer, "Who was it this time? Kratos? Kat? Toro?"
Lara came up behind him, "Or did they make you face one of the new guys that they just shipped in? I swear I saw Mercer, Alan Wake, Shepard and Alice in the commons today."
Coach shrugged as Isaac placed his usual drink, an unconventional twist of Corona, Gin, and lime juice, something he liked to call 'The Bile Bomb', "Nah, they made me fight Sly today. I swear, at this point I think they just marching our asses down there just to fight for their entertainment..."
Cole looked up from his notepad, "What makes you say that? They've said we all have the same chance to appear as DLC..."
'This coming from the guy whose own Vice Squad turned against him right under his own nose..' Coach though as he took a sip of his drink, "Think about Phelps, we ain't gettin' paid for our trials fights. They're making us fight until they get tired of seeing us, and then they'll just bring in a new batch of characters like Lara said and have them fight."
Lara cocked her head, "Slow down Coach, that's a wild accusation. They've given us compensation for leaving our games for the time being, I know that I'm thankful for it."
Coach glared at her, "That's because you have a new game comin' out soon, Me on the other hand has to deal with reality that I'm not coming back if Valve decides to make a third Left 4 Dead." He turned back to the counter as he took a long swig of his drink.
Demond shrugged as he put his beer down, "I wouldn't get so vengeful just yet Coach. I caught wind that the other day that Dante overheard the developers talking about a second wave of DLC coming in March...and that those 'six second-stringers' were all in line."
Isaac turned to Desmond a little confused, "You 'caught wind'? Admit it Des, you've been eavesdropping on the other fighters. I know for a fact that you've been listening at my keyhole for awhile now."
The assassin shrugged, "What? I don't want to lose my spot to Corvo...calls himself an assassin? Try anti-hero on for size..."
Coach laughed, "Last I checked Desmond, Ezio and Altair weren't exactly perfect little assassin angels..." smiles and laughs rolled around the room, lightening the mood a bit.
"Joking aside," Isaac said wiping the bar down, "You should consider yourself lucky Desmond, in fact all of us should."
Agent 47 glanced up from his gin for the first time since Coach waked in, "What do you mean Clarke?"
The miner slung the towel over his shoulder and sighed, "What I mean is that we should be considering ourselves lucky since if you've noticed, neither PS1 mascots Spyro or Crash have even been mentioned in the halls of PSASBR Heights."
Agent 47 sat up, "You have a point...you'd think that Playstation would want their original franchises to be represented..."
Cole closed his notepad and walked over to the opposite side of the hitman, "I can fill you in on the blanks there." Everyone at the bar turned to him as the police officer took a drink, "I may be from the 40s, but I can still pull up some facts. Whenever anyone has asked, the answer always given was that they now are owned by Activision, and it's up to them not Sony."
Lara crossed her arms, "But I'm guessing that you didn't believe it..."
Cole nodded his head and pulled out a casebook, "I did some digging with the help of some outside contacts and it turns out that in reality, Sony's disowned the two of them. Spyro's been branded a traitor by the head executives since his Skylander's Series stretches over into the realm of Nintendo."
"Pity," Coach said as he finished off his drink, "I was looking forward to a pair of dragon-hide boots..." Lara glared at him, "What? I was kidding!"
Cole rolled his eyes, "Anyway, while Spyros's a traitor, Crash is much more tragic. The last few games he's done have been small, cheap mobile games, none of which have really been big hits. The bandicoot was last seen a year ago at a halfway home in Seattle struggling with an opium addiction."
Silence embraced the room as Coach put down his glass, he couldn't quite believe that Sony would be so quick to cut ties with two of their most beloved mascots...really made him think about his own chances of staying around...
"Fill me up Clarke," Coach said turning around in his seat, "I want to make toast to us second-stringers...and our hopeful future"