DISCLAIMER: Alfred Alfer is owned by The Notorious B.I.G. (that's why Alfred's fur is brown.) Naruto is just a manslut Viacom threw away after one episode of Scooby Doo. EVERYONE IN THIS STORY SUCKS COCK!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!-!

Naruto was walking around in downtown Vancouver, Canada, or wherever his chicken liver ass lives, pretending that he's cool.

"Golly fuck I need a galpal!" he screamed at some random white bitch. Said bitch pissed herself, her not-so secret sexual childhood fantasy, Naruto, has issued forth a mating call! Sure, there was no Sasuke, Rock Lee, or even goddamned Cory and Trevor for him to make out with to make the empty horror of her life seem . . . well, empty, horrible and pointless, except for all the emo gay boys, but Noodleturd alone will have to do. She rubbed her double-masectomied chest like a greedy jew nigger faced with kosher KFC chicken-flavoured froot loops for a buck o' five.

"Purrrhaps I can help?" she spoke seductively while waddling her fat ass towards Naruto. The Cold War has done horrible things to her brain chemistry, which is why she thinks this is sexy.

Naruto, however, was as easy as they cum. Well, come, but he just creamed his pants and therefore cannot suck cock for a whole year, as per international ninja law. "Wow, a real GIRL!-!-! They never let me have one back home!-!-!"

"Oh, is this your first time, baby?" she said as she started rubbing her ass on Naruto's balls. Naruto was about to tell her the time that Sasuke "accidentally" wiped Naruto's cock off with his "coincidentally" lubed up flaring anus while "unintentionally" pushing his lips against Naruto's and shoving his tongue down his throat for ten minute straight after Sakura peed on it like a wild animal. Which is what usually happens whenever Naruto tries to shove his amazing, two inch greasy bird in her hair. It's what Lil' Wayne would've done.

Instead, he just shouted "Believe it!" because it wasn't true, and his life was a lie. Unlike his balls being vigorously humped by a smelly fat woman's ass. It wasn't like the Canadians were going to do anything about this public indecency, for they are complete pussies and disturbing the peace of a special-needs adult baby from an anime is equivalent to murder. Baby murder. Fuck, you know they'd just kill everything if it were legal. But it's not, so that's why the United States of America gets to live another day.

This time.

"Even better," the fat woman moaned; she really fucking needed Narutocock badly! She ass-pulled him by the nuts to her pontiac (poor old niggers think it's a cadillac) and shoved him in the passenger's seat. "Let's go to someplace more comfortable." She said with her asshole while farting at the same damn time. Naruto thought it smelled like doritos. She then got in her ride with the foxy FUCKBOY! It's a wonder how this cunt drives, she already ran over five people and they were all fat. Naruto started getting a stiffy after the second time, in conflict with his inner self.

"Why am I allowing her to kill all the fats? Why all the fats gotta die? Why is my ass getting so hot while I'm getting so hard!? Woah, I'm loving this shit!?" he thought to himself, blankly watching the mystery woman drive like a maniac out to fuck the shit out of him. They were heading out of the mean streets of Vancouver and headed for the wilderness, the home of exiled wiggers and moose. Even though he wanted cheap, raw ass sex at any cost, Naruto was starting to feel pensive about the encounter. Rather, his bunghole was.

He shifted in his seat in an attempt to stave off the fury that was brewing inside his intestines. Still keeping his thoughts to himself. "Fuuuuuuuuuuucccccccccck, what did I eat today? Feels like cat shit is trying to spew out, and being on this date quest makes me NOT want to unleash the fucking fury! Not in front of a GIRL . . ."

The woman, who's been eying Naruto's crotch and not the road the whole time turned on the radio all of a sudden. Ace of Base started playing, making her feel sluttier than a Dancer in a Daydream. She was almost at her lair, and she would finally have a real boyfriend! She had one question on her mind, a strong one. "Naruto, do you wuv me?" she said in a babying voice that she does whenever she comes on to young teenage boys. Her obese face cheeks scrunched together in delight when she saw her answer: what must've been three inches, a new record for the ninja! "I guess you do! CUM and give me a kiss!" she said, letting the wheel go and crawling towards the erotic dumbass. She pulled Naruto's head towards her face with one hand and snagged his Jimmy Lahey with the other. Naruto yelped like a dopey breed of dog or something, being literally jerked out of his inner thoughts, dingus first. Then she made her move, cramming her nasty teeth against his, chipping his tooth as she started to shove her clam-cheese-milk-pubic-hair flavoured tongue inside, just like Sasuke had "mistakenly" done.

While this was going on, the pontiac kept moving, not being controlled anymore. Luckily, it managed to peel out towards her Ninja Love Shack at 45 mph, avoiding all the trees but one, which the car grazed on the right side where Naruto's door is. The sudden scrape brought the two back to their sick, sad world. Just about to crash into the woman's house.

"What in the FUCK!" Naruto screamed, having lost two more teeth to the fat woman's horrifying attempt to make out with him, combined with the scrape. She screeched something unintelligible as she slammed the brakes at the last second, hoping to not crash or at least soften the impact. Neither were buckled in or braced for this moment. The car then crashed into the somewhat spacious living room inside the house, the momentum of the crash threw them forwards. The woman kept her foot on the brake as she was slammed against the steering wheel, which triggered the airbag to activate, preventing her from taking much whiplash after the initial shock. Naruto wasn't so lucky, however. He ended up smashing into the windshield, face first. The impact finally caused him to shit his pants.

For a couple of minutes, the two were unconscious inside the car, inhaling Naruto's Ultimate Ninja Power. The car mercifully came to a complete stop after pushing and tearing the spacious loveseat up. The fat woman was the first to come to, just realizing all that had happened. After a moment, she turns her head towards her love slave, taken aback by what she saw. Naruto was out of his seat, laying face down to his left, next to her. She raised his head towards hers, and saw the damage. His chin was cracked nearly in half, and blood was pouring out of it, the right side of his face and right eye were busted and was filled with glass shards, the left side of his face less damaged in comparison. His mouth was mangled and looked like bloodcurdling pepperoni, and even more of his teeth were smashed out from his gums. He nodded faintly for a second before going limp like a turkey wringed by its neck. Shocked by what happened to her boy toy of indeterminate age, she picked his body up birdal-style and carried him out of the car. She nested his mangled face against her surgically removed bosoms as she got her bearings. Her living room was unusually drab for a pervert's wilderness resort, with mostly dry walls and few pieces of furniture, and only one nude pinup of John Kricfalusi (Canadian provincial law dictates that there must be at least three of his nudes displayed at all times, under penalty of forced marginalization.) Her pontiac was all but totaled from repeated collisions with obese people, scraping against a tree, and busting through the wall of her own home. She decided that Naruto needed medical attention, and brought the unconscious wigger to her bedroom, laying him down gently on her bed.

She gazed at his broken, unconscious form for a moment, her desire for the battered, helpless wigger ninja once again was making forced entry in her uterus. "He looks so peaceful, surely he wouldn't mind getting an early start . . ." She thought out loud as she started to slide her hand down his leg, towards his crotch, but she stopped at the last second. She waddled as fast as she could to find some toilet paper and rubbing alcohol to treat Naruto with, but then she suddenly experiences a horrendous shit pain in her ass, one that could melt a closed asshole through in less than five seconds. Fortunately, she was right outside her bathroom door, and rushed inside. Already working her way too small denim shorts around her tree trunk thighs down, she reaches the commode and unleashes the FUCKING FURY! Waves upon waves of pent up anal vomit shoots out from her bunghole, making all sorts of farty-assed plops and poops, arousing Naruto to come back to the world of the living.

To his hormonal horror, in more ways than one. He tried to open his eyes, and found that the vision in his right eye has transformed into searing pain, which was matched only by the trauma felt in his whole body, especially in his upper body, shoulders, spine, and head. He thought of calling for help, and instantly regretted it when he opened his mouth. That was when he realized he had lost most of his teeth, and that his mouth is a gaping hole of gore and injured, bleeding gums.

Which also happened to be when he realized he wasn't in the car anymore. He was on top of a bed, inside of a really dirty looking bedroom. I'm talking real dirty, not just a few odd smudges of dust here and there, or a couple unsightly crumbs in a neat freak's abode, or even an innuendo that could be taken both ways inside a subway. I'm talking what looks like a combination of rotten, yellow mayonnaise and red clay smeared all over what was once a vibrant, hot pink carpet. Walls slathered in deep red, dried splotches that vaguely resemble the various ninjitsu techniques that he was taught in the past. Black garbage bags were hung up around the ceiling, some of which had holes in them. Some of which happened to be leaking.

A single, big drop fell into his mouth.

Shit. It was shit, coated with various juices, each more stagnant and and horrible than the last. He didn't even want to guess what any of them were supposed to be. He tried to spit out the fecal matter, but quickly found it to be far too painful to accomplish.

Another big drop fell into his mouth.

There was a garbage bag right above him that he hadn't noticed at first.

It was then, that he realized that he has no feeling from the neck down, and he must move.

But he can't.

TO BE CONTINUED