AN: IM BACK!!!!!!! I'm not dead quite yet, although there have been many attempts on my life recently. Like the one with a rusted spork and a cross-dressing, make-up wearing monkey…but that's another story. So this is my first real Harry Potter story. Tell me how you like or I will send my pet slizard after you! REVIEW!!!!!!
AN2: This story takes place in the mind of a character, you'll find out who as you read. This is meant to be a one-shot but I can be conned into writing more of it if I get enough reviews for this.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!! PITY ME!!!!!!
Why in the world did Mother Nature create strawberries? I think that she did it just to be evil. I think she's being evil because she can't eat them so she made strawberries to laugh at the plight of men everywhere. Its not like its our fault that she cant get a man!
Oh, I'm sorry for being so rube, talking and whatnot, (not that you should be listening anyway), without introducing myself. My name is Severus Snape, Potions Master and professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Now back to my mental rant on all things strawberry. Merlin, I must be going insaner…That can't be a good sign.
FUNERAL MARCH PLAYS
WILL YOU STOP THAT INFERAL RACKET!!!!! (Music cuts off abruptly)
Thank you. Now, where was I? Hmmm…Oh, yes, now I remember. Strawberries, evil little buggers that they are.
Why? You dare ask me, the resident 9well not counting the DADA professors) evil scarer type person?! Oh, fine. I hate strawberries because my love can't get enough of the little buggers! Now, don't get me wrong, I do…feel something…for him. Yes, I said him you stupid biased muggles! I hate said berry because of the way said lover loves to eat them.
Dear Merlin! He takes one in his mouth, bites down, closes his eyes and moans, rather loudly too. I always have to take them or …well…use your imaginations…
BELL RINGS
Oh, fine. Well, I have to go murder..I mean teach some monsters…err…pupils now. If you don't leave now I will cut you up and put you in one of my…
DRAMTIC MUSIC
DARK POTIONS!!! Mwhahahahahaha! Why are you still here? Leave now!
End Note: So how did you guys like that? The whole internal ranting of Severus Snape. If you want more review me with ideas for more rants. I one Snapes inner voice of insanity. That's all that I own though…PITY ME AND REVIEW!