You're here for a story, aren't you? Of course you are; who isn't? You're ready for me to read you one of those cliché fairy tales (that Disney loves to animate), but I'm done telling those stories! People just don't think about me... If you want one of those dull stories go somewhere else for it; no one cares about my needs so I don't care about yours. Well, since you're still here, I guess you care. Welcome to: my version of Hansel and Gretel. Enjoy or don't, whatever.
There once was a pianist named Roderich. He married a maiden named Elizabeta and together they lived a happy life filled with wealth. A few years passed and Elizabeta bore two boys. The eldest, Lovino, was a rude child that did nothing, while the youngest, Feliciano, was cheerful and charitable. A few years passed and the country fell into poverty and famine. Tired, hungry, and now poor Roderich had enough of Lovino's lazy ways.
"Elizabeta, if we were to send Lovino and Feliciano into the woods it would be two less mouths to feed," Roderich offered. Lovino heard Roderich and began eavesdropping.
"Roderich, they're your kids!" Elizabeta shouted.
"You raise a good point, but we can barely feed ourselves. We don't need Lovino, but he shouldn't die alone. It works out perfect."
"I won't argue but I hope you'll do the right thing," Elizabeta sighed and left to retire.
After hearing the conversation Lovino started to find his stash of tomatoes.
Tomatoes for Lovino are his go-to snack when he's stressed. Don't ask me why it's something healthy though; I know it'sstupid. I usually have cake if I'm stressed...
While searching, Lovino woke Feliciano. Sleepy and disorientated Feliciano asked, "Brother, what are you doing up so late?"
"Stress-eating," Lovino muttered.
"Lovi, what's bugging you?" Feliciano slowly got out of his bed and sat next to Lovino. "You don't stress-eat unless something's wrong."
"Really? Maybe that's why it's called, 'stress-eating'," Lovino sarcastically replied.
"You're avoiding the question!"
"Fine. Father wants to send us to the woods and leave us there! I haven't done anything!"
Feliciano sighed. "Lovino, you don't do anything. But we'll figure this out together."
With Feliciano's reassuring words they both fell asleep. Morning came and Roderich and Elizabeta took Lovino and Feliciano to the woods.
"Lovino, use your bag of tomatoes to make a trail home," Feliciano whispered to Lovino.
"How did you know I had them? Nevermind that, these are my last tomatoes! You're so stupid!" Lovino grumbled but did whatFeliciano wanted him to do.
Roderich had told the boys to stay put while he and Elizabeta chopped wood. However, Feliciano and Lovino knew what was about to happen. Roderich handed Lovino and Feliciano a piece of bread and made a fire for them.
Elizabeta quietly whimpered, "Goodnight my babies" and left before they saw her cry.
Feliciano and Lovino gathered by the fire and soon fell asleep. In the morning they tried to find the trail Lovino made to get home.
"My trail of tomatoes are gone! I could've ate those!" whined Lovino.
The two brothers roamed around the woods for an hour before finding a house made entirely out of sweets. The boys were hungry so they started to eat the house.
"My house!" a wizard screeched. Feliciano and Lovino turned to see the wizard that emerged from the half-eaten house.
"You shouldn't have made your house out of edible things," Lovino scolded.
"How dare you, no one insults the great Arthur!" the wizard declared.
Realizing Lovino wasn't impressed he said, "I'm a wizard you know... Oh, your phone is more exciting than me, right?"
Wrong century buddy, phones don't exist. But you raise a good point...
Knowing that Lovino was a lost cause, Arthur sighed and led the kids into his house. He sat them down and gave them a cupcake to eat. After eating the cupcakes Lovino and Feliciano realized they were tainted. They soon fell asleep but woke up a few hours later. When Lovino and Feliciano woke they found themselves in a cage.
"Lovino, we have to escape!" Feliciano exclaimed.
"Really, I didn't know that! Well, how do we escape?" Lovino asked.
"Arthur left the door open," Feliciano said and opened the door.
Everyone makes mistakes it's okay Arthur; you just have to try harder next time.
The brothers left the kitchen to try to escape but Arthur was blocking the front door.
"I have a plan, stay in the cage and pretend you're sleeping," Lovino whispered.
Feliciano left to go back into the kitchen, leaving Lovino to face Arthur. Lovino strolled into the living room acting as if he didn't have a care in the world.
Arthur, confused and startled, said, "What are you doing out of the cage? Well, you can cook for me since you're out."
Lovino rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen. There, Lovino preheated the oven.
"Arthur, I don't think the oven is working," Lovino shouted.
"What? It's new!" Arthur exclaimed. He opened the oven door and poked his head inside.
"See ya!" Lovino yelled and pushed Arthur into the oven. He quickly got a chair to keep Arthur from opening the oven.
Feliciano and Lovino dashed out of the house. The boys hurried to their house before it became dark.
Conveniently, they knew exactly where the house was when before they didn't. Don't get mad at me for doing this though! I'mnot the only person who had the characters conveniently do things to save time.
The boys found their house, went inside, and found Roderich and Elizabeta grieving because of their (mostly Roderich's) actions. The brothers ran into their parents arms and let all be forgiven. And they lived happily ever after...
Except for Lovino. He didn't change so he would be sent into the woods again. However this time Lovino would live out his life with another wizard. As for Arthur, he sadly escaped the oven. (He's a wizard; he just used his magic to escape. Though, I don't know why the witch in the original story didn't do this.) Moral of the story here: don't be lazy or else bad things will come your way and don't talk to strangers or else you'll be kidnapped. Interpret the story however you want, just don't be one of those people that goes overboard with the theories. This one guy was telling me how the story symbolizes the Illuminati. People these days can't enjoy a simple story, jeez. Before I go, don't read fairy tales ever again because they suck.
THE END