Disclaimer: I own nothing. Title taken from the song, "If Only" from The Little Mermaid Broadway musical.

Sonny closed the door to the apartment, realization hitting him. The familiar sights and scents reminded him of his family, Will and Ari.

'I haven't seen them in so long,' Sonny thought. He tossed his keys on Will's desk. 'Why did they have to go to LA? Why didn't Will see how much I didn't want him to go?'

Sonny threw himself onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. His body felt sore, exhausted to his core. Exhausted in a way he hadn't felt since Will left.

Sonny inhaled and exhaled slowly, settling his nerves. Being inside the apartment made reality that much harder to deal with.

'The last time I was in this apartment I was a decent person,' Sonny's eyes watered. 'And now I'm a monster. How could I do that to Will? To my husband?'

Sonny turned his head and saw a framed picture of Will and Ari. Sonny reached over to pick it up.

With his fingers brushing over Will's face, Sonny remembered the first time he ever saw Will. How suspicious Will was of him, suspecting him of messing around with Chad's girlfriend. Sonny recalled the first time he caught sight of Will's eyes. They were so blue and clear. Sonny had seen something in Will's eyes he had never seen in any other person's.

From that first moment Will stole a part of Sonny and had yet to give it back.

Sonny pushed off from the couch and stumbled towards his bedroom.

'The bedroom I share with Will,' Sonny hurried to the bathroom.

Everything reminded Sonny of Will. Will's mark was everywhere, haunting him.

Once inside the bathroom, Sonny stripped his clothes off. He turned the shower dial as hot as he could stand it. He needed to be clean. If he scrubbed hard enough maybe his mistakes would simply wash away.

As Sonny lathered himself in soap, the bruises and bite marks didn't disappear. The evidence of his weekend away mocked him.

'This is Will's body wash,' Sonny realized. 'And I'm using it to clean off another man's hickeys.'

The understanding brought up the meager breakfast Sonny ate hours before. Nauseous, Sonny finished showering quickly.

Sonny dried off as fast as possible. He pulled on the first outfit he saw. He didn't care at all what it looked like.

Collapsing on the bed, Sonny hid his face in Will's pillow. Sonny hadn't changed the pillowcase since Will left. He couldn't. Smelling it late at night brought him a certain level of comfort. It eased the loneliness.

Sonny had missed Will so much. He didn't know what to do without seeing Will or Ari every day. Sonny knew LA was a great opportunity for Will.

'But I didn't want him to go,' Sonny thought. 'I can't stand them being away.'

Without Will's presence, Sonny was lonely.

'If Will was here this weekend never would have happened,' Sonny promised. 'I never would have gone to the hotel if I had Will.'

'Who does he think he is, leaving me here? I'm his husband. He can't just leave me behind.'

'He never calls me either. Whenever I do get to talk it's for only a few minutes at a time. He won't even let me talk. How can he expect me to wait forever?'

'No,' Sonny scolded. 'Stop it. It's not Will's fault. He's busy.'

'Will didn't make you cheat,' Sonny's face crumpled. 'You did that all by yourself.'

The tears Sonny had been holding back since he walked out of that hotel room fell. Great sobs bubbled in his chest, erupting loudly.

Sonny cried for what he had done the pain he knew this would bring his family. Most of all, Sonny cried because he knew the truth now.

'I cheated on my husband for nothing,' Sonny cried into Will's pillow.

After an entire weekend in Paul's bed, Sonny knew he no longer had any feelings for Paul.

The next morning, Sonny woke up with a headache. He hoped the entire thing was just some horrible nightmare but he wasn't that lucky.

Sonny checked his phone out of habit, not expecting there to be anything interesting. Instead, he found a simple text from Will.

-Do you not use your Salem U email anymore?

Sonny furrowed his brows, thrown off by the question.

-I graduated. Why would I still use it?

-Oh, you should check it.

-Why?

-Just check it, please. Gtg love you 3

Seeing the phrase, even in a text, made Sonny feel awful. Before he had a chance to respond, another text message came in.

Sonny swallowed. It was from Paul.

-Can you meet me today?

'I can't see Paul anymore,' Sonny decided. 'I love Will. I need to make things work. I can't see him ever again.'

'But he's persistent,' Sonny knew. 'I'll have to tell him in person we can't ever see each other again.'

-Meet me at TBD in an hour

'There,' Sonny thought. 'Nice and public. He won't be able to make a scene.'

Sonny sat in a corner booth at TBD. It was out of the way so Paul wouldn't feel on display.

Sonny was attempting to remember the password to his Salem University email account. It had been a few months since he logged in.

'Why does Will want me to look at this?' Sonny wondered. Giving up, Sonny requested a change of password.

Sonny waited a few minutes for the email instructing him on a new password. Shortly after, Sonny was ready to sign into his old email account.

"Hey," Paul said. He slunk into the seat opposite Sonny. A baseball cap pulled low over Paul's face.

Sonny glanced at Paul. He examined his face.

'Paul's always been handsome,' Sonny knew. 'But I don't feel anything.'

Leaving Paul behind in San Francisco devastated Sonny. Left him lost and drifting.

Sonny drifted right towards Will.

Seeing Paul again swept Sonny back up into his thrall. It reminded Sonny of the secret nights in hotel rooms, the excitement and the romance.

But Sonny isn't the same person he was in San Francisco. He grew, matured. Sonny was young and carefree when he loved Paul. Now, Sonny is a husband, a father.

Sonny forgot that this weekend. He let himself get pulled into Paul's orbit again. Forgot his responsibilities, forgot himself.

'Forgot Will,' Sonny's heart clenched painfully.

Shaking his head, clearing his thoughts, Sonny looked into Paul's eyes. The eyes he once loved so much. The eyes that paled in comparison to Will's.

"Paul," Sonny firmly stated. "I know this weekend meant a lot to you but it can't ever happen again. I can't see you again."

Paul blinked a few times before exhaling and chuckling. Leaning his head on the back of the booth, Paul grinned.

"Why are you happy about this?" Sonny questioned. He didn't want to be with Paul but a little bit of devastation would have been nice.

"I actually came here to tell you the same thing," Paul confessed.

"What?" Sonny asked, taken aback.

"Yeah," Paul nodded. Voice hitched low, Paul added. "As soon as you left it kind of hit me. This weekend was nice but that's it."

"That's what I was going to say," Sonny smiled. "When it came down to it, I can't see us getting back what we once had."

"I had built you up so high in my mind," Paul agreed. "Then when I saw you in the hospital everything rushed back. But," Paul admitted. "I focused on all the good times we had. I didn't remember all the bad."

"You're absolutely right," Sonny laughed.

'This is going so much better than I thought,' Sonny realized.

"What we had was great but it's in the past," Sonny commented.

"I think this weekend was what we needed though," Paul considered. "Everything ended so abruptly and we both clearly still carried it around with us."

"Closure," Sonny whispered.

'I can finally put Paul to rest in my mind,' Sonny understood.

"I'm still going to be around Salem for a while," Paul reminded Sonny. "I just didn't want things to be awkward between us. Or for you to think I was using you or anything like that."

"Right," Sonny nodded. "You still need to recover. But it won't be awkward or anything. Now that we're on the same page."

'I hope it won't be awkward. I just, I have to make sure Paul never gets near Will,' Sonny thought. For the first time possibly ever Sonny was glad Will was in Los Angeles.

Sonny's phone buzzed across the table.

Paul glanced at the screen. He saw two blonde figures set as Sonny's wallpaper.

Sonny, seeing Paul's attention on the phone, snapped it up. His notifications were going haywire for his old email account. The password change had clearly worked.

'These are all from Will,' Sonny bit his lip. 'Oh my god. He sent me an email every day he's been gone.'

Paul stood up from the table.

"I've got an appointment I need to get to," Paul explained. "I hope things work out for you Sonny."

"You too," Sonny whispered, eyes on his phone.

Sitting inside his office, Sonny counted how many emails Will sent. One for each day Will was gone including several others with pictures of Arianna.

With a shaky inhale, Sonny finally opened the first email from Will.

Sonny,

It's only been a few hours but I miss you. I don't know how to get through my days without you here. Every time Ari does something, I turn to tell you but you aren't there. I don't know how I'm going to get through this time without you.

You don't know how much it means to me that you're supporting me with this. I never thought my writing would go anywhere. I thought it would only be something you would like. That because you love me you have to say you like it.

I want to make you proud. I want to write something that you won't have to apologize for later.

Just, promise me you'll still love me when I get back. Please don't forget about me.

Your,

Will

Sonny set his phone down. He needed a moment.

Sonny read through the first week of emails. They all entailed the same subject—how much Will missed him.

The tone of the emails changed as time went by.

Sonny,

You don't know how hard it is doing this. I try my hardest but I don't think it's enough. Nothing I write is good enough. I feel like I'm not good enough.

The only time I've ever felt deserving is with you. I know I haven't been there for you lately but I'm trying. I try to be a good father and a good writer. I should be a better husband. The type of husband you deserve.

Please don't forget about me.

-Will

Sonny,

I'm trying. I'm trying so hard and it's not enough. It's not enough for the studio. It's not enough for you. Why is everyone calling me, hounding me? Why is everyone telling me how horrible of a husband I am? You told me to go. Why does everyone forget that?

I love you. I've always loved you. I almost gave up my rights as a father to make you happy. I almost went to jail for you. I'm trying my best.

I wish I was better for you.

-Will

Sonny,

I just want you. Please tell me you love me.

-Will

Sonny pushed his phone away, feeling sick.

'When Will finds out I cheated on him it'll kill him. He might never forgive me,' Sonny knew. 'Even worse, he'll blame himself. Everyone will blame him.'

'I can't let that happen,' Sonny vowed. 'I won't let that happen. Will is never going to find out about Paul, ever.'

Author's note:

As you can see, I'm changing several things. My goal for this is to make each character, Will, Sonny, and Paul, equals. No single character is going to blameless or "perfect" like on the show. Everyone is going to make mistakes and everyone is going to be held accountable, eventually.

The first few chapters are going to introduce the story and the beginning of the changes I'm making. Also, this the extent of the Sonny/Paul for the story. The rest will be a combination of Will/Sonny and Will/Paul.

Please let me know what you thought. I appreciate the feedback.

Thank you for reading!