Sliding her hand through the crook of his arm, Annie joins Auggie for their normal walk out of work. They already have plans to stop by the bar afterwards too. Immediately, she starts asking him about the case, "So, the hacker- Natasha, right? She was your ex-girlfriend."
Auggie nods with a bit of a shrug. "We were together for a bit, during law school." He purposely alludes to Natasha being nothing more than a fling back in the day.
"For a bit? Joan made it out to be a lot longer than a bit," Annie prods. He hates that Joan let Annie know the extent of his relationship with Natasha. While he's off undercover on his own, Joan still works tediously to involve others in his case. Still, having Annie know doesn't innerve Auggie that much. He thinks that he might detect a bit of jealousy in her voice. Slowly, he presses the thought from his mind. Perhaps, his interpretation stems from some of his own wishful thinking. Of course, he is pretty good at analyzing people. If he were to analyze Annie right now, well, he would have to guess that she might just be the tiniest bit jealous even if she doesn't realize it herself.
"We dated all throughout law school. It was pretty serious at the time," he admits, letting her wonder exactly how long. His relationship with Natasha had been serious, even though he always knew they inevitably would split up. From the start, they wanted distinctly different futures.
"Why the split?" Annie asks, curiosity brimming at the edges of her words. If he hadn't convinced himself already, he feels almost certain about the tinge of jealousy now. He likes it all too much.
"Aren't you quite the Nancy Drew today?" Auggie grins, playing along. Honestly, he doesn't really like discussing his life before the accident. Natasha is a rather big chunk of that old life. Still, he owes Annie a truthful answer. She quickly is becoming his best friend, something he lacks greatly lately. These days, people generally act awkward towards him before they can get too close. He has plenty of friends, but best friends are a rarity. He likes that he & Annie can seemingly talk about almost anything. Holding out about Natasha wouldn't be worth the risk of ruining that openness. He proceeds to tell her the truth, "Tash and I wanted vastly different things."
"Elaborate?" Annie follows up, not letting go today. She obviously cares. Once again, Auggie wonders how much. He would very much like to find out just how much. Maybe soon.
"She didn't want to do the whole DC deal," Auggie begins to explain. Before continuing, he pauses, "At the time, I wanted to get married and have a family if I was going to continue to commit to someone through such a move anyways." He hopes the explanation will satisfy Annie without delving deeper into his past.
Unfortunately, Annie continues to want more. Auggie can see why she makes such a great agent. She picks up on all the subtle clues, just like the CIA must have taught her. "At the time…You're implying that your mindset has changed since then?" Annie astutely notes.
He smirks. She is pretty good. "More or less," he downplays.
Annie's voice gets quieter. "Is it because of the job?" He figures she must be relating herself to the job element. After all, he remembers her recent freak out about signing for the guardianship of her sisters' kids.
"Partially," Auggie answers truthfully. He gives a lot of credit to his coworkers who easily balance the secret CIA life with a family. He assumes it's quite a difficult web to weave on a day-by-day basis. As it is, he prides himself in creating cover-ups; still, he gets sick of dealing with the unending questions about work and life when he visits home. He deceives well, but after awhile, it gets a little less fun.
"At least you're not on the field. You're a lot safer," Annie casually adds. He can tell she still fails to realize how much he envies her on the field. Despite his talent in tech operations, he would give almost anything to be able to be out there again even for a couple of days.
"Burn," Auggie responds, trying to get the point through to her lightly.
He can hear her earrings dangle, a sign that he takes as her shaking her head. "You know I didn't mean it like that, Auggie," she half apologizes.
Of course, he realizes that she truly didn't mean anything by the comment. "I know," he replies. He pats her a little on the back.
"So why else?" Annie obliviously asks again.
Auggie doesn't respond. He looked towards her for a second, waiting for her to answer her own question.
For a moment, Annie stays silent. "Oh," she suddenly gasps a bit. Despite all of her skills, she often fails to acknowledge his blindness to surprising levels. Sometimes, it seems like she completely has forgotten. He never understands it, but usually appreciates the treatment. Far too often, people merely notice his lack of sight and nothing else. Times like these, however, he wishes she simply would understand. "Auggie," she mumbles, obviously reaching such a point.
He doesn't want pity. My god, he hates pity. As a relatively self reliant individual, he tries to escape the over the top sympathy as much as possible. He certainly doesn't want to start receiving any from Annie. "It's not a big deal, Annie. Perspectives change. That's life."
"Well, I think it would be a shame if you're never a father," she replies with that earnestness in her voice that he appreciates so much.
He laughs a little. "How do you know? I could repel kids left and right."
There. She laughs lightly back. He loves her laughter, especially when he coaxes it from her. "I guess I don't. I just see it in you. You're dependable and sweet, not to mention funny. You're all encouraging and make people feel so safe. . ." she trails off. "I know the opposite end of the spectrum all too well. I had a terrible father. He was greatly talented in many ways, including all that he did in the Army. He just completely sucked at parenting. You're absolutely nothing like him."
Something about Annie confessing dark parts of her past affects him. He hates imagining a little version of Annie feeling alone with an awful dad. "I appreciate your unending faith in me," he smiles, knowing making apologies for her childhood will do nothing for Annie. "I'll give you something. You're right- kids do love me." Again, he tells the truth. He has a whole bunch of nieces and nephews who adore him. It absolutely is mutual adoration.
"See, I knew it!" she boasts. She loves victory in any form.
With a nod, he decides to be completely honest with her. "I'm not against having the whole white picket fence life someday. I just don't want to be selfish. In my situation, having children would seem like supremely selfish decision anytime in the near future." Auggie reflects, trying to hide bitterness in his tone. His expression changes, "But like I said, perspectives change. Mine easily could again."
Finally, Annie seems satisfied. She squeezes his hand lightly. "You're awesome, Aug. Don't ever forget that, okay?"
"Oh I know I am," he answers without missing a beat. Annie's returning smile is practically palpable in the air. "So how about you? Kids?"
Annie stays quiet for a moment, apparently considering the question. "I'd like to have a family someday, but not for a long time. I'd need to be off the field in order to ever consider it. Not to mention, there would have to be a really great guy. Like I said, I know bad fathers all too well."
Auggie smiles at her, "Good. I'd say you'd make a pretty fantastic mother someday, Annie Walker."
"Don't jump too far ahead. I might have some years to find one but I've learned that great guys certainly don't grow on trees. Who knows if I'll ever find one? Or rather, if I'll find one who stays with me for more than a month," she adds, not even bothering to hide her sadness. She obviously is talking about Ben Mercer. Auggie could kill that guy for all the pain that he causes Annie.
Still, Auggie cannot hide another small smile or stop the accompanying thought that enters his mind. Maybe, someday, with someone like Annie, he could want such a life again. He can envision her running around after a couple of kids. Of course, he doesn't know exactly what Annie looks like, but he can imagine pretty well. He has this vision of her in his mind mixed with all the other senses that indicate Annie's presence. Somewhere in the fantasy, he can almost see himself right beside her.
Would being with someone like Annie be enough to make him feel comfortable with the potential job complications? Probably. Would it ever be enough to make him feel like he could be a great parent even when he wasn't willing to trust himself to babysit alone? Probably not.
But, with a girl like Annie, maybe he'd be willing to give it a shot someday.