A Woman's Heart

One

She Who Loves With A Torn Heart

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Disclaimer: I don't, under any circumstances, own Rurouni Kenshin and its characters, in which, especially the women of ruroken.

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Otsu, Winter 1864

The first time he came to their futon, she was barely able to sleep.

They were laying together, under the thick blanket to ward off the chill of the late winter. His left arm was circling loosely around her waist, while his right was used as a pillow for her head. He had subconsciously turned his body protectively over hers, acting as a last blockade against any attack that'd come from their bedroom door; not that it was going to happen, anyways.

Tomoe smiled a little. Despite what everybody said about him—a demon, a murderer, a heartless being—and what she had believed him to be, he had a gentle and pure heart within him. He always watched her; part of it was his nature as a warrior to never trust any unknown being foolishly, and another part of it was his nature as a man, to protect a woman who'd lost the most precious thing in her life. He was both protective and suspicious of her, she could tell, yet she wasn't going to be bitter about it. He had a right to feel like that, as she also had a right to feel torn about her feelings for this slip of a man.

He had just come of age, still so young, yet his eyes were old with pain and suffering. He should not be there, in the war, at the first place especially when he was tasked with the most hateful assignment she'd ever thought: killing. Eliminating.

She despised it.

How could she not, when her beloved was killed for being an obstacle—another dreadful task for one hitokiri Battousai, the young man who'd merely wished to help the people for a better life with his sword skill?

How could she not, when she realized the emotional wounds that scarred her husband's kind heart by using his sword against the people he wanted to help?

How could she not, when she witnessed how his beautiful eyes darkened in haunting memories, screams of his victims, and blood in his calloused hands?

Akira was killed by the Battousai. Kenshin was slowly, slowly fading because of the Battousai within.

Tomoe sighed sadly, eyes flicking down upon his throat. Her gaze fixed on the pulse fluttering steadily against his skin as she recalled what she needed to do a long time ago, before she realized her feelings, how her heart told her, for this man: Himura Kenshin.

She didn't know when, and how, it happened. Perhaps when he had stared at her for the first time. Perhaps when he had ordered her to follow him even if his eyes were showing his distrust for her. Perhaps when she had woken up at night and glanced at his slumped form in the corner of their shared room, eyes staring blankly at his hands. Perhaps when they got married. Perhaps when—

She was brought to the present when Kenshin shifted, tightening his hold around her waist minutely. Tomoe tensed at first, then relaxed when she saw him still deep in his sleep. He might have been sensing the turmoil in her ki, thus he tried to reassure her that they were safe in this house. No one would stupidly come to the Battousai's lair while he was there.

Tomoe, however, knew otherwise.

Came morning, their fate would be changed. Their plan, that they'd made carefully for months, was coming to fruition. Tomoe had been tasked to find out about Battousai's weakness—but... all she could discover was, Kenshin had too much kindness in him. She was certain, if she ever told him about the true purpose of her being there at that fateful night, he would definitely not blame her for her deception albeit the hurt he felt in his heart; rather, he'd find a way to help her—protect her. He was a man like that, after all.

Nose nuzzling against his collarbone, Tomoe sighed softly, then dropped a light kiss on his skin. This was the first time they snuggled so closely, so intimately, and she wanted to savor the memory into her mind, when Kenshin decided—and even if he didn't, she'd forced the choice on him—to leave her after her ultimate betrayal. His scent, the tickling feeling on her cheek as the ends of his long hair brushing against her skin, his steady heartbeat near her ear, his warm body holding her, and his cold feet tangling with hers—

She felt the rumble coming from his chest even before he started to speak.

"...Tomoe?" he mumbled sleepily, eyes squinting down at her, "...you're—still awake?" he asked between his yawn.

She was unable to put her calm mask, and smiled at him in apology. "It's cold," she admitted, half-truth in her reply. The weather was cold, but the knowledge of what tomorrow would bring them made it impossibly colder; she half expected to be frozen in ice just to escape the reality.

He cleared his throat, but the husky tone in his voice was still there. "...something's wrong?" he inquired, his hold tightening as his left arm rubbed her back to warm her. "Should I—should I make tea for you?"

She shook her head curtly. "No." Her arms snaked around his hip, and settled on his strong back. She burrowed her face to his chest, listening idly to his heart beat. "Just—" she hesitated.

Everything, she wanted to say, everything is wrong: you, me, Akira—all of it is wrong. I wrong both of you with my actions. Instead, she bit the inside of her cheek to swallow the words, the confession—she selfishly wanted him to remember her as the Tomoe he used to know: always composed, calm, and reserved.

"Hmm? Wh—what is it, Tomoe?"

His question only managed to make her heart bleed for him. He was, despite of all his faults and his almost trust for her, still the same caring man she'd come to know. How wonderful it'd be, to live with him as his true wife in every sense; she'd be the luckiest woman in the world.

The rubbing on her skin halted as he pulled away slightly, and frowned down at her.

"Tomoe?"

She bit her lower lip, then glanced up at him. He was staring at her with concern filling his beautiful eyes—violet—as he resumed his touch on her back. The soothing motion, inevitably, made her feel safe, and for the first time that night, she wanted to just close her eyes and drift off to sleep.

"Stay here," Tomoe requested softly, squeezing him gently. "Stay with me."

He was silent for a moment. And then, a soft, "Very well" was murmured into her hair as he kissed the top of her head.

With the heat radiating off of his body, and his scent enveloping her in a warm cocoon, Tomoe shut her eyes close.

Tomorrow, she'd set everything straight. Tomorrow, she'd make her choice—no, she had made her choice tonight. For the betrayal to her deceased bethroted whom she'd loved first, and foremost, because she'd fallen in love with the enemy—and for her husband, whom she'd planned to end his life tomorrow...

She would—she would do anything to save them both. There should be a way to do it. She pursed her lips, and decided to wake up early to begin her plan.

Smiling slightly, she finally succumbed to sleep in Kenshin's arms.

However, if she had heard what her heart and mind had been telling her, she would have not missed the foreboding feeling since the very start when she planned to eliminate the Battousai...

There's nothing left for her to do—except die to pay for her sins.

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Prompt: Decision, for Women of Ruroken Week on Tumblr.

Originally Posted on: March 9th, 2015.

Characters: Himura Kenshin/Battousai, Himura (Yukishiro) Tomoe... ah, what a tragic fate you got there, Miss :(

Words: 1.292

Women of Ruroken Week is an annual (please correct me if I am mistaken) event created by the fans who adore and respect the female characters of Rurouni Kenshin. It lasts for seven days in the same week when Woman's International Day is celebrated all over the world, starting from March 8th to March 14th. One can submit gif, fanart, fanfic, meta-anything unless it is plagiarized.

This is the first time I join a special event and a challenge. I was worried that I couldn't go through it... but YAY I managed. So, for the rest of the week, I'm going to post the fics I've written :)