Pure Insanity – Rob Van Dam
Disclaimer: I own myself, Felicia owns herself, and Sarah owns nothing (LMAO, sorry, I couldn't help in Mickey! –snickers..gets bopped in the head..falls over-). All the WWF stars are owned by Vince McMahon..yep.
A/N: This is what happens if me (TraceAce), Felicia (The Angel), and Sarah (Stone Cold Sarah) ever got to interview wrestlers..LMAO.
-The camera fades on and a big ol' face is really up close to it.-
Tracey: This thing on?
Sarah: Hey! Be careful with that! It cost 25 bucks!
Felicia: 25 bucks?
-The girl, Tracey, moves away from the camera to show a little room with chairs and all along with two other girls-
Sarah: Yeah. I mean, this is ghetto Clifton, afterall.
Felicia: Ooh. –nods-
Tracey: Are the interviewees ready?
Sarah: -nods- Of course!
Felicia: Does Clifton condone kidnapping people too?
Tracey: -grins- When they have to.
-Both Tracey and Sarah snicker at this, as Felicia rolls her eyes-
Felicia: FIRST PERSON!
-Suddenly the door bursts open and a man is thrown in, hog-tied. Upon closer inspection, it turns out this man is RVD, and he seems perfectly calm about being tied up. The door slams shut behind them-
Tracey: R-V-D!!!
-As Tracey says this, RVD tries to do his hand gesture, but finds himself unable to. He whimpers-
Sarah: Aw, you're torturing him!
Tracey: -giggles- RVD!
-Tracey continues to laugh as he wiggles to do his gesture. Sarah and Felicia both roll their eyes and untie him. He stands up, quickly doing the gesture twice.-
Felicia: There's got to be a medical word for that.
Sarah: Yeah. Drugs.
-RVD saunters to a chair, picks it up and puts it near another chair. He does a split in between them-
Tracey: Welcome to the interview, RVD!
-He does the gesture forcefully, forgetting he isn't tied up anymore, and ends up hitting himself in the sides of his head-
Tracey: -snicker-
RVD: ..Cool.
Felicia: What are these interviews again?
Sarah: For the school TV station.
Felicia: -confused- But neither of you have a show—
Tracey & Sarah: SO!
Tracey: You don't even go to our school, so hah!
Felicia: Good point. Oh well! Here we go.
RVD: -blank look-
-RVD continues to do his split between the chairs. However, again on the fact how ghetto Clifton is, one chair collapses and he falls off-
RVD: ….
Sarah: You all right?
RVD: I'm fine, 'cause I'm—
Felicia: ALL RIGHT! I think we had enough of the hand thing, thanks.
RVD: -Shrugs- Whatever.
-Sarah, Felicia, and Tracey sit down on three of the remaining chairs as RVD remains on the floor, stretching again-
Tracey: Uh..you can use the other chair, you know.
RVD: Naw, it's cool.
Felicia: -rolls eyes- Thanks for coming here today, RV—erm..Rob.
RVD: -shrugs-
Sarah: -whispers to Tracey- How'd you get them to sit here so willingly?
Tracey: -grins and whispers to Sarah- I told them all if they didn't cooperate, I'd make them all watch Barney for 3 days. But I think Rob's doesn't care either way.
Sarah: -nods, understanding- Chill pills.
RVD: -perks up- Chill pills?
Felicia: Ahem. No chill pills, Rob.
RVD: -visibly disappointed- Oh.
Felicia: Anyway, we're just going to ask you a few questions.
RVD: ..Whatever.
Sarah: -takes out notes- All right, first question—
Tracey: -pouts- I WANNA ASK HIM!
Sarah: -to Tracey- Hells no, bitch! –to RVD- First question..what's your favorite food?
RVD: Pizza.
Tracey: -blinks- Pizza?
RVD: -nods- Yep.
Tracey: -shakes head- Uh..oo! Second question! What's your sign?
RVD: -grins widely- R-V-D! –does the hand motions-
Tracey: No no..not your initial signs..I mean, like, your birthday sign.
RVD: -blank look-
Felicia: Maybe we should move on. Third question. If you were any animal in the world, what would you be?
RVD: A dragon.
Tracey: ..Any reason why?
RVD: -shrugs- No.
Felicia: -deadpan- No reason at all?
RVD: -shrugs- Nope.
Sarah: ..Anyway..next question! Does all the stretches and jumps and total beatings of your body day in and out get tiring?
RVD: ..It's cool.
Tracey: ..Right. Um—here's one! Can we have some chill pills?
-Tracey and Sarah look at him expectantly as Felicia shakes her head-
RVD: I don't have any.
Tracey: -looks disappointed- Oh. Uh..oh, wait, here's a real question. How does it feel to have so many fans?
RVD: -shrugs- It's—
Felicia: -finishing for him- Cool, right?
RVD: -nods- How'd you know? You psychic or something?
Felicia: -sarcastically, but upbeat- Just a guess.
RVD: -nods- ..Whatever.
Felicia: Anyway! If Vince McMahon made you kiss his ass, would you?
RVD: -makes a face- No way.
Sarah: -giggles and whispers to Tracey- He's never been that high.
-RVD looks blank as Tracey, Felicia (who overheard the whisper) and Sarah burst into giggles-
RVD: -shrugs and switches legs in his stretch-
Sarah: What's it like beating Austin?
RVD: -begins to open his mouth to speak-
Tracey: -interrupts him- It's cool, right?
RVD: -beams and nods-
Tracey: -to Felicia in a whisper- I think his answers are a bit repetitive.
Felicia: ..And you figured this out how late?
Tracey: -shrugs- Um—next—if you could have any girl in the business, who would it be?
RVD: -looks as if he's thinking- Molly!
-All three give him shocked looks. RVD shrugs-
RVD: ..She's the only girl I know.
Tracey: ..What about Stephanie?
RVD: ..She's a girl?
-All three interviews start to giggle as RVD remains blank-
Sarah: Word association time! All you have to do is tell the first thing that pops into your head.
RVD: ..Whatever.
Sarah: The Rock.
RVD: ..Cool.
Felicia: Stephanie McMahon-Hemsley.
RVD: ..Cool.
Tracey: -blinks- Uh..Austin?
RVD: What.
Tracey: I said Austin.
RVD: -annoyed- What.
Tracey: -annoyed too- AUSTIN!
RVD: ..What.
Tracey: -twitches-
Felicia: Uh..I think he means the first thing he thinks of when he hears Austin is 'what'.
Tracey: What?
RVD: -nods- What!
Tracey: ..What?
RVD: What.
Sarah: -jumps up- WE GET THE POINT!
RVD: -shrugs- ..Whatever.
Sarah: -sits down, calmed- Regal.
RVD: -grinning- Butt face.
-Sarah, Felicia, and Tracey give him blank looks. He shrugs-
RVD: ..What?
Felicia: Don't start that again—
RVD: -shrugs- Whatever.
Tracey: Last word association. Hardcore.
RVD: -does hand motions- Rob Van Dam!
Felicia: ..All right, that's the last of it. You can go now, Rob.
RVD: -stands and shrugs- ..Whatever.
Tracey: RVD!
RVD: -does his hand motions instinctively-
Tracey: -laughs-
Sarah and Felicia: ….
-RVD sways out, and Felicia closes the door behind him-
Felicia: Well that was fun! How many more to go?
Tracey: Enough! –beams-
Sarah: I hope we don't have to pay for that. –points to the broken chair-
Tracey: Think they'll believe us if we say a wrestler that does splits between chairs and takes chill pills broke it?
Sarah: In this school? Of course!
Felicia: -giggles-
-Tracey walks to the camera, looking into it-
Tracey: End interview one! –reaches over and seems to turn something.-
-The camera fades out-